Zombies welcome shutdown (31-HP Day 2)

Attention incoming message
Memo all lurches
From Zom One
Pay attention now

Government now broke
More so normal
Time ripe uprising
Arise from grave

Finest political minds
Gathered in Washington
All parties represented
No nutritional value

Cannot add money
Cannot subtract guilt
No math powers
Except pity rich

Health care forbidden
Insurance too much
Infections welcome here
We bite much

Their own idea
Rejected and despised
Because they lost
The highest office

Empty brains destroy
Close all doors
Bolt all windows
No care public

Essential employees guns
Must stand guard
Warned against looters
Only riches matter

Non-essential no guns
At home crying
No answer email
No answer phone

Ripe public eatable
No federal aid
No big crisis
Enough to save

So rise forth
Out of grave
Eat all brains
Infect all encountered

Today our victory
Thanks empty brains
No government aid
Our victory ensured

Now is uprising
Zombies move forth
We perfectly safe
Eat all brains

Government now broke
No more bullets
No more head-shots
Defense not affordable

Go forth zombies
Eat all brains
Zom One out
Message now ends

Raccoon Apocalypse

Some people worry about the upcoming zombie apocalypse. I don't. That is because I am too busy fighting off the raccoon apocalypse.

When I moved to my current neighborhood eight years ago, I realized immediately that I had squirrels (the black walnut trees inplied that there were squirrels). For many years, I have feared the upcoming squirrel apocalypse, the demonic squirrels (my neighbor pointed out that they are demonic) keep chewing through the phone lines. Once a year, the phone company has to come out and repair the lines.

There was also the small feral cat colony that came with the house. That one surprised me---Sherlock Holmes, I am not. It probably shouldn't have, considering that two of the feral cats checked my wife and I out when we were originally looking at the house.

But honestly, I have never feared the kitty apocalypse that much. After all, I am on good speaking terms with Bast and Sekhmet. Years of loyal service should count for something.

(Yeah, I know---the cats have obviously eaten my brains already.)

Last night, I discovered a new fear---the raccoon apocalypse.

I have known about the raccoons in the neighborhood for some time. Yes, I am living just a few miles from downtown Denver (just north of the Denver Zoo and Golf Course). And I have raccoons visiting my porch late at night.

Last night, the raccoons were busy trying to enter the cat house that Mortimer sleeps in on the porch. (Mortimer refuses to be an indoor cat.) I am not sure if they were upset that there was no cat food in the bowl, or if they were looking for shelter. Either way, Mortimer did not like it. I ended up going outside twice to drive them off the porch.

I am sure that the raccoons thought about eating me. And my neighbor calls the squirrels demonic. I vote that the raccoons are the demonic hoarde of the upcoming apocalypse.