Pre-release sale Denver Witch Quarterly Samhain-Yule 2016 issue

Denver Witch Quarterly Samhain/Yule 2016 issue

Denver Witch Quarterly is a magazine devoted to paganism, Wicca, witchcraft, magick, and the occult.

Get it now at the pre-release price.

In this issue, we explore the techniques and ethics of cursing and hexing. From the mass hexing of convicted rapist, swimmer Brock Turner, to the global bindings of ISIL, to revenge spells, cursing, hexing, and binding is part of the toolbox of magicians and witches worldwide.

Are public hexings merely exercising one's First Amendment rights? Or are curses effective enough to limit the actions of individuals and organizations?

Plus Samhain and Yule stuff!!!

DWQ Samhain/Yule 2016 issue includes:

Editorials about whether or not, it is ethical to hex a rapist; Black Lives Matter (BHC); gun violence and gun control.

Fiction: Short stories by A. J. Hallows (The Nightlight) and B. H. Crowley (Basil Unsealed). Plus a poem, Living Art by B. H. Crowley.

Rituals: A fairy ritual in poetic form (MDE); An Anubis Samhain ritual and Honoring Horus on the Winter Solstice (Moongazer).

Instructional article: Heavenly Watchers—Using the Four Royal Stars (Aldebaran, Regulus, Antares, Fomahault) and Sirius in astrology and magic (MDE).

Interview with Gaius Corbin—The Voice of the Necronomicon Translation Project.

Also included: Profit and Occult Writers—is it ethical for occult writers to make money? (Morgan Drake Eckstein)

And remember that the Denver Witch Quarterly is always seeking submissions for upcoming issues: editorials and non-fiction articles on paganism, occultism, magic, witchcraft, and Wicca; fiction and poetry; humor and cartoons; artwork and photographs.

The holidays for next issue are Imbolc and Ostara, and the special focus of the issue is on wealth, luck, and prosperity.

Amazon link: https://www.amazon.com/Curse-Not-Big-Cursing-Issue-ebook/dp/B01LXM5MX0/

Barnes & Noble: http://www.barnesandnoble.com/w/to-curse-or-not-to-curse-the-big-cursing-issue-denver-witch-quarterly/1124094878

Apple: https://itunes.apple.com/us/book/to-curse-or-not-to-curse-big/id1133780448

Kobo: https://store.kobobooks.com/en-us/ebook/to-curse-or-not-to-curse-the-big-cursing-issue-samhain-yule-2016

DWQ Samhain/Yule 2016

Should we pick the lesser of two evils for President? (August OFM column)

 [The following was written for the August Hearthstone Community Church newsletter...and for some reason, I didn't share it on the blog here...but given that I am pissing people off today:]

[A month] from now, the American people will elect the worst President ever. This will continue a trend that has been going on for the entirety of American history. And it does not matter who you vote for, half of the country will think that you wasted your vote on a meat popsicle without a brain or ethics. But on a bright note, the longest election cycle ever will finally come to a close. 

Our current election cycle started nine years ago when one political party nominated and then elected the worst person for the job. The only proper response to this was for the other political party to do everything that they could to prevent the President from doing anything while in office. And that is the plan for this election too. 

(Pardon the lack of proper names in this article; I plan on recycling this article eight years from now because history is going to repeat itself. And I don’t want to go to the effort to having to Mad-Lib the names out.)

After all, we have Lex Luthor running against the Joker…though I am little confused about which one is which. Somehow, the two main political parties in this country have managed to find the two biggest villains in America, deciding that the greater evil is somehow the solution, and we are going to be stuck with one of these villains. Both are brain dead; both are crooks; and both are completely wrong for America. 

Or so, I have been told numerous times. 

Exactly whose fault this is, depends upon who you ask. But it is someone’s fault, just not yours. And just remember that we could be living at the dawn of a new golden age, if only people would be sensible, and vote for the right person…except that half the country already believes that the right person is the biggest disaster to happen to the United States in its entire history. 

I must admit that it worries me that half the country already believes that whoever gets elected is a bigger menace to the United States than anyone who has served before them. “They are not my President” will be uttered by half the population while encouraging their chosen political party to do everything in their power to stop the President from accomplishing anything. 

And so the slow descent into madness will continue in this country. And there is really nothing that we can do about it because enough people have accepted this reality to make it true. 

Among the ideas that are always trotted out at this point is the idea of not voting. Sorry, just because you did not vote, it does not make you innocent in the fact that American politics are a complete mess. You want to know how politicians treat those who do not vote? They ignore non-voters—your concerns do not matter. Yes, it gives you the moral high ground, but at the price of not mattering at all. 

Another idea is to vote for a third party. I will admit that part of the problem with this country is that we have fallen into a two party system that exists more to serve the needs of politicians and special interests than it does to serve the American people. But having more than two political parties is not a magical bullet—just look at some of the nonsense that happens in countries that have more than two political parties—it looks much the same, except that it is harder to put all the blame on a single political party for screwing everything up. Yes, we need more options, but is this really the time to try creating a viable third option?

Yes, that is right—I don’t consider any of the existing third party options to be viable. In fact, I would actually argue that at least one of the existing third parties is a vanity party; it is nice for stroking one’s ego while saying that you are not part of the problem—but let’s be honest, if the third party candidate is not on the ballot in all fifty states, then that political party is not actually serious about challenging the status quo. 

The only real solution is a hard ugly one—years and years of people voting in every election, so that we have better politicians in play. That means we have to pay attention to politics in every election, not just every four years. That means voting for people running for dog catcher and whatnot. And that includes those who want to see a viable third party. A viable third party needs to have voters that turn out for it in every election, year in, year out. 

And yes, I know that sounds like a lot of hard work. But the alternative is having to pick between the lesser of two evils. Remember that correcting the political system is a marathon, not a sprint. We should not have to choose between Lex Luthor and the Joker….but seriously, it will probably remain that way forever because too few voters want to do the work (aka knowing the issues and voting every election) to fix the system. So please welcome the arrival of the worst President in history—at least until we nominate and elect someone even worse which is sure to happen in the next Presidential election cycle.

Rich people are good (apologies to rich people for saying otherwise)

Earlier today, I shared a political cartoon of Trump standing on a pillar and pissing on a person of the middle class. And I said, that...

Having worked for people with money, and having seen first-hand how they treat their employees, I can firmly state that giving the rich more money does not create jobs for anyone else.

To which, someone pointed out that this is an unfair generalization, and that I should be ashamed of myself for implying that rich people make bad employers and that giving more money to the rich will not create any more wealth, or jobs, or happiness for the middle class.

So in the way of an apology, here is a long-ass philosophical argument that proves that you should not listen to me, and should always assume that the rich are great and wonderful people who are much better than you are because they have more money than you do---and that is the only sign that you need to gauge someone's goodness is plain simple money stacked up to the ceiling.

Let's begin...

So basically, we should assume that only the best rich people are getting the tax breaks, and continue doing as we have been doing because any evidence to the contrary is an insult to the occasional good rich person. We should also assume that the only bad rich people are the ones that I have personally encountered, and that none of the rest of them are bad at all, despite any mathematical based economic data that indicates that there has to be far more bad ones than just the ones that I can personally account for, and which seems to indicate that on the average, rich people must be a bunch of greedy bastards, because well, we don't want to create an unfair socialist law that will hurt the good rich people who are less able to survive the additional financial burden than the poor people that the few bad rich people do abuse, all of which are accounted for by my own personal experience. And with this much better generalization, one that says that the only bad rich people are the ones that come in contract with me and me alone, we can safely vote for SOMERICHGUYORLADY 2016 who will wisely have me shot at dawn because it will remove the bad rich person curse from the world, and everyone, other than me, who should be dead because I keep encountering bad rich people, will be much better off and live happily ever after using the economic principle that only rich people create jobs.


And that is why I hate economic philosophy and Republican Jesus---because the equations and assumptions that people are generally good, and all the bad ones somehow the result of my presence in the universe, always end up with me having to die to make the universe an economically fair place.

 Of course, I am one of those evil people who believe that the health of our economy actually requires average (not rich) people having more money to spend, which creates a demand for new jobs to fill the need to make products and provide services, which in turn...well, let's just say that my theory says that it is better for your average person to have more money than a rich person being able to afford a bigger yacht.
But then again, we do know for a fact, because we have been told by good rich people, that the only reason that poor people are poor is that they are simply just too damn lazy and are not willing to work for less money. Of course, I am making the assumption here that Trump is actually a good rich person and that the slim economic data that we have on him is completely misleading. But given that I am poor and he is rich, we know that I must be wrong about him, and therefore, he is completely right in saying that the minimum wage is too high already, and that it needs to be dialed back in order for the true job creators, the filthy rich, can create more jobs.

One should also ignore any evidence that seems to indicate that rich people like to hoard money and hide it offshore because in truth, it is unfair to expect rich people to pay their fair share of taxes, leaving the entire tax burden on those who are not wholesome enough to move their money out of the United States. After all, poor people are used to being poor, and if they were better at working harder than they too would have the money, and the moral obligation to hide their money offshore. We should not punish good rich people, just because the evidence says that the average rich person has less morals than Scrooge McDuck.



And reading this, I realize that it is really sad that I chose to be a literary critic and historian, with only a minor interest in protecting rich people, because based on what I just wrote, I would be brilliant at proving that rich people are good, and that all the evil people in the world are poor.

 Hell, I would have made a great spokesperson for Trump.

So dear rich people, I am so sorry that I have accused you of being evil, just because I have had the misfortune in running into the only evil/bad rich people in America. But I am still going to do my best to avoid the righteous firing squad because I am an evil poor person who does not care about how unfortunate it is for you to be rich, and the fact that I keep creating anomalies that indicate that rich people are selfish bastards.

Seeking Submissions (DWQ 2017 Issue 01)

Seeking editorials and non-fiction articles on paganism, occultism, magic, witchcraft, and Wicca; fiction and poetry; humor and cartoons; artwork and photographs.

The holidays for next issue are Imbolc and Ostara, and the special focus of the issue is on wealth, luck, and prosperity.

Deadline: December 22nd.
Email submissions to basttemple at msn dot com

Wealth and the Lucky Witch---Denver Witch Quarterly (Imbolc/Ostara 2017)--coming January 15, 2017 (pre-orders available soon)

Hot dog surprise (Tarot Blog Hop)

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The theme of this Tarot Blog Hop is the foodie Tarot! Therefore, it is time to regale you with a tale from my childhood, known as Hot Dog Surprise!

(It was with some horror that one night I was cooking dinner, and thinking about this blog post, and suddenly found myself wondering...)

What Tarot card would Hot Dog Surprise be associated with?

Now, my regular readers, if I have any at all, know that I am the oldest of eight kids, and that my father lost everything when his produce business went under (the house, all of our savings [including money set aside for my college], all of his assets outside a junker of a car), landing us in a house that was the worst I have ever lived in, forcing me to go to high school in a small town (losing all my friends that I had before this point in time) where being slightly odd was almost a criminal offense.

No, I am not bitter at all. And either was my mother who took the misfortune out on all of us.

Now, there are good things to say about my mother....but when it comes to her cooking, I can't think of anything polite to say (she hated to cook--the proof of which is that my sisters were stuck with the job as soon as they were old enough to do so--I only escaped that fate because I was a boy). Basically, one just scrapped the worst of the blackness off whatever dish it was, and wolfed it down (and we were so poor that sometimes we never tasted what we were eating...which probably helped us to survive).

[Ok, there were the home-made jams and jellies...but I am not sure that it offsets the Hot Dog Surprise.]

As an adult, I have also been poor....but never poor enough to make Hot Dog Surprise.

(In my household, I actually do all the cooking because my wife hates cooking, and well, I work from home--mainly I stare at the ceiling while trying to create the perfect sentence--and I don't mind cooking. In fact, I actually like to cook...which is a sin because I am a boy--or so, my mother would say.)

Now, my wife is a picky eater with a gluten problem and a dislike of vegetables and things you can't identify--to say that she was horrified when she heard about Hot Dog Surprise is a slight understatement--she forbid me from ever making the dish, no matter how tight the food budget gets.

So what the hell is Hot Dog Surprise? And where can you get some?

Hot Dog Surprise is hot dogs and sliced bell peppers done in a savory sauce and poured over noodles.

And the secret ingredient? Well, it is not the hotdogs. It is actually Catalina salad dressing. That's right--the secret savory sauce was a bottle of salad dressing.

This is one of those times where you might think that I am making stuff up, but no, like all good comedy, it is the god-honest truth. It was hot dogs and bell peppers cooked in salad dressing and poured over noodles. One can understand my wife's "You are never going to make that ever--I will file for divorce before eating that--I will murder you in your sleep before eating that--pigs will fly before I eat that--the sun will consume the earth before I would eat that." (You know, I think that she might have a problem handling Hot Dog Surprise.)

So what Tarot card would Hot Dog Surprise be? The Death card comes to mind, but that promises some form of change in one's taste buds, food budget, or earthly existence. One could argue the Hanged Man because your world view would have to be upside down to think that Hot Dog Surprise was a good idea. (Except for one of my sisters that still makes it...because if you eat it often enough as a kid, you think that it is normal--I swear I love you sis, but I can't wrap my mind around anyone willing making this if they are not trying to poison people.) The Fool card is a good candidate...because (drumroll please) only a fool would eat this (or a straving dog...but then again, maybe the dog is trying to push the fool off the cliff because of Hot Dog Surprise).

In the end, I decided that Hot Dog Surprise is the Ten of Swords, not so much because my wife will stab me with ten swords if I make it, but rather because of the life circumstances that lead to Hot Dog Surprise being a good food budget option (and yes, the business loss was that bad).

I would have drawn a picture of it (because I am forbidden to actually cook it), but I think that you can imagine a plate of noodles covered in a reddish salad dressing with bits of bell pepper and hotdogs in it...though you might not want to imagine it (the only thing worse than imagining Hot Dog Surprise is actually eating it).

Ain't you glad that you came by to read my blog post this Tarot Blog Hop? I imagine that this post turned out to be a wonderful weight loss plan after reading about all the yummy foods that the other bloggers wrote about. (One assumes that the rest of the bloggers wrote about yummy food...but considering that I am writing this before I read any of the other blog posts, it might be possible that everyone [all fourteen, I think, of us] wrote about Hot Dog Surprise--in which case, welcome to the Drop Two Stone in a Week Because You Read About Hot Dog Surprise More Than Once Diet Plan!)

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Happy 50th Star Trek!

 Oh my god---Star Trek turned fifty today. Fifty years ago, on September 8, 1966, the first episode, "The Man Trap" aired. It would air new episodes until 1969, then be cancelled. Its three seasons (say what you will about the third season, it got the numbers of episodes up to number necessary for reruns to happen) would be in constant reruns until its cult status lead to Star Trek movies, and later incarnations of the universe (some of which "predate" the original series).

And in celebration of the fifty anniversary of Star Trek, we proudly present the uncensored version of the Vulcan "Live long and prosper" blessing commonly recited by Spook, first officer of the starship, Enterprise.

Gene rejected this super enlightened version of the blessing.

The full initiated version is "Live long, eat your vegetables, and wipe your butt real good."

Whats scheduled for the upcoming year

And once again it is time to kick around what I want to accomplish during the upcoming year (other than to stay healthy and to generally annoy people).

Well, I am hoping to get the first installment of my little Necronomicon satire finished---hopefully by the time that the mercury retrograde is done later this month.

Then I have to work on the October issue of Denver Witch Quarterly. (We are always looking for submissions--email them to basttemple at msn dot com.) This involves writing up a couple of news reports, a ritual, and possibly doing a book review or two. And formatting and uploading. And some minor bookkeeping (with this second issue, I have to start tracking numbers....because we might sell enough copies for some of the contributors to get paid--or not).

And then we have four other issues of DWQ over the next year. (Did I mention that we are always looking for submissions?)

I have a few other satire bits that I would like to work on. And perhaps some coloring pages.

Remember that satire is fatal to some people.

And there are a few series that I need to write the first novels for. (I am not sure which one will be done first...and November is a little ways away, so I do have time to decide.) And one of the series include something involving tentacles....because tentacles!!!

And like always there will be a certain amount of copy and art done for the Tarot Blog Hop, and a couple of articles for the Hermetic Tablet, and I might work on the astrology dictionary that I have planned. Plus there might be some other pieces done for projects being done by other people.

And of course, I am going to start writing erotica again under one of my many other secret pen-names. (The rule is if Mom would be upset for the church to find out about it, then it is under a pen-name....because Mom's reputation is more important than mine--and this is despite the fact that she is dead.)

And I am going to do some more YouTube videos...probably.

And if you want to encourage me to do all this, consider sponsoring me on Patreon. Remember for just a dollar a month, you can encourage me to continue to annoy the numpties.

Oh, and finally, I am going to use the word "and" a lot in the upcoming year.