Tenth annual Smashwords July ebook sale

It is once again time for Smashwords annual July ebook sale (July 1st to 31st).

(Some of these books are scheduled to be expanded and updated--if it has an asterisk [*], it is scheduled to be expanded and revised--in other words, if you want to get it cheap before the expansion, do it now because the price will be going up on these ebooks when I update them later.)


Discounted to $1.50 USD

Five Reasons Why Magic Fails

Golden Dawn Rituals--Three Officer Neophyte Script*

Rite of the Magical Images of the Wiccan Sabbats*

Witchy Rants (the Collected MDE Heaarthstone Community Church Newsletter articles)*

Denver Witch Quarterly: To Curse, Or Not To Curse--The Big Cursing Issue (Samhain/Yule 2016)

Denver Witch Quarterly: Wealth and the Lucky Witch (Imbolc/Ostara 2017)

Denver Witch Quarterly: Evil Witches Bind President Trump and His Administration--also Occult Writers and Payment (Beltane and Lithna 2017)

Gaius Corbin: Light Out of Darkness--Lux E Tenebris (Thelema and the Necronomicon)



Free ebooks on Smashwords

Denver Witch Quarterly: A Modest Magazine Proposal

MDE Hearthstone: Pizza Boxes on the Floor (2010)

MDE Hearthstone: Bad Monkey (2011)

MDE Hearthstone: Lunatic With a Soapbox (2012)

MDE Hearthstone: Biggest Witch on the Block (2013)

MDE Hearthstone: Thirteen Signs That Your Occult Teacher is Rotten (2014-2015)

MDE Hearthstone: Hex the Vote--Mad Uncle Morgan Talks About American Politics (2016)

Shakespeare's Monkey (a fiction and poetry collection)*

Esoteric Comedy Show: Assault With a Deadly Taco (Mad Uncle Morgan, I am--Your Face is Going to Freeze Like That)

Esoteric Comedy Show: Free Guns For Everyone--Lap Cats Are Good Too (A Big Gun Control Show)

This is one of my favorite book covers.

And you posted that video--are you nuts? (Why you should not follow me on YouTube)

The other day, I was posting a video project to YouTube and noticed that I am far more animated than I thought I was.

Personally, I don't watch my own videos...because I am too busy working on the next project.

No, that is not true.

No, I don't watch my own videos because I spent twelve years in speech therapy when I was in school as a kid. One of the techniques used was to record what I was saying, and then play it back to me. In theory, it is supposed to help one understand the problems that the system is trying to fix.

In my case, all it did was to insure that I never watch or listen to myself unless absolutely necessary.

But still, there are those moments when I wonder what I actually filmed. 

I have no clue what I was saying, but I might have to watch to find out.

Such as some moments in the latest video project...

What could I possibly be saying that would require these faces? No one will ever know. Not even me.

Nevertheless, I am quite sure that I will get many negative reviews simply because it is one of my videos.

By the way, the most common complaint about my videos...my voice!

ECS Free Guns For Everyone (Lap Cats Are Good Too) sales links

“Marge, have you read this?”

“Sue Ann, read what?”

“There is a pecker wood in Colorado, who thinks he knows more about the dangers of guns and gun control laws than us super-smart New Jerseyians.”

“Really? Who?”

“Mad Uncle Morgan.”

“Who’s he?”

“He is that comedian bloke that the Great Gherkin says is a paid hater and troll, and who is being controlled by the time traveling octopods from outer space.”

“Sue Ann, who is the Great Gherkin?”

“Oh Marge, you know, the Great Gherkin is just some guy, an unpopular Big Name Occultist with a patented success system.”

“Patented success system?”

“Yeah, pick a popular cause, trademark it, and charge bigly fees for people to ride on the same parade float as he does.”

“Are you sure that the Great Gherkin is not actually the President of the United States?”

“D’oh!”

It is Mad Uncle Morgan, everyone’s favorite witchy comedian, versus the Great Gherkin, the most famous occultist of all time. Which one of them is right about the Constitution and gun control? Which one of them owns a catapult? Which one is the greatest American patriot ever? And which one is just a pot smoking liberal traitor of a hippy? Learn the answers to these important and life-changing questions in this Esoteric Comedy Show special, as well learning why gay wedding cakes are so dangerous.

Now available for your reading pleasure.

Amazon

Amazon UK

Barnes and Noble

Kobo

Smashwords

And iBooks/Apple iTunes store (sorry, I am having a devil of a time trying to locate the sales page link)

ECS Assault With a Deadly Taco sales links

Excerpt:  Of course, now that I am being treated for mental illness...I am no longer eligible to obtain the heights of spiritual development. That is right, I can no longer become the Pope, a President, or a highly advanced “Will live on in a glorious solar body after death—no longer having to come back to Earth” magical guru.

And it is a darn shame. For I really wanted to do one of those jobs. “And I am at least as qualified as they are.”

That is right.

You cannot be Pope and be treated for mental illness at the same time. What is the occasional witch hunt and heresy burning marshmallow night, as long as your spirituality is not being dulled by drugs.

You cannot be President and be treated for mental illness at the same time. What is the occasional witch hunt and heresy burning cocktail sausage night, as long as your nuclear button finger is not being dulled by drugs.

And you cannot be a world-renowned spiritual and magical master and be treated for mental illness at the same time. After all, what is the occasional witch hunt and heresy burning fried chicken and watermelon hexing party, as long as your supreme esoteric wisdom and understanding is not being dulled by drugs.

 And we all know this...

Now available on Amazon. Coming soon to other retailers...

Want me to write more of this stuff?

Buy a copy of Assault With a Deadly Taco, three "twenty minute shows," at your favorite ebook retailer...

Because buying ebooks is how you encourage writers.

Amazon USA

Amazon UK

(also all the other Amazon sub-sites)

Smashwords

Kobo

Barnes and Noble

Coming soon to iBooks (Apple bookstore).

Everyone loves a parade (Esoteric Comedy Show)

[At an occult convention, a comedian paces back and forth on stage, talking to an audience.]

"Danger Will Seeker! Danger! Trump joke ahead!"

Yes, that is right--it is time to talk about Trump.

Our glorious President, Donald J. Trump...

The world's biggest kid...

Last year, he went to France for a state visit, and he came back home with just one take-away...

He wants a military parade, right down Pennsylvania avenue, in the middle of Washington DC...

Because he was impressed by the Bastille Day parade he saw.

And why shouldn't he be? After all, everyone loves a good parade.

Especially kids.

And President Trump is just a big kid at heart.

I say we give him a military parade.

[Crowd reacts.]

Hear me out. It doesn't matter if you like Trump or not. [Taps side of head.] You might be able to get something out of this.

First off, be grateful that he only wants a parade. He could have wanted things like the ability to guillotine his enemies...

[Mixed reaction from the crowd.]

[Waves hands.] Yes, yes, I know...

"Evil failed journalist liberal comedian bringing shame to the occult convention circuit get their heads chopped off first."

Just remember, we know the history of the French Revolution. The people manning the guillotine, feeding the criminal politic class into the guillotine, ended up getting guillotined themselves. You may think it is a good idea now...

"But not so much when it is your own head coming off!"

Or he could  have insisted that we all learn French because they are good immigrants who would never chop anyone's head off.

I don't know about you. But after a year of high school French, and another year of college French, I still can't say, "Don't you think executing all journalists, comedians, and your political enemies is a bad idea?!?" I presume that I somehow missed that day when that important statement was covered.

Or worse, he could have decided that American national dish is now Barbecued Frogger.

"Mmmm...tasty flat frog, perfectly tenderized by fifteen ton tank, flame broiled with a flame thrower, just perfect for your Fourth of July barbecue. Nom, nom--eat it up."

So he wants a parade...

A parade that is going to cost millions...

For the life of me, I could not find a reasonable estimate on how much it would cost...

But one thing was sure...

Most of the cost would be chewed up by road repairs.

"Who would have guessed that tanks driving down the street would tear up the streets that badly."

And if you got to schedule some money, and the Army Corp of Engineers to fix the street anyways "after the most attended military parade ever," how about we choose a street that already needs repairs?

[Does his Car Model Girl mime as he talks.] "Yes, we are going to have the military parade here...on Pothole Avenue, which is famous for having the most potholes per square mile. Just last week, that pothole over there ate an entire VW van, painted with cheerful flowers and rainbows, and completely packed to the brim with pot smoking hippies. Now that the hippies have fallen into the bottomless trap that we set for them, it is time to Make This Road Great Again! Yes, for the mere cost of a few tanks, some missile trucks, maybe a few planes flying overhead, and a lot of infrastructure money--which we have been promised--we can finally have a really great road. Call it urban renewal. Plus after the tanks finish tearing up the road, we will have no more excuse not to dig up the lead water pipes and replace with gold water pipes, just in time for the many rich people who are going to move to this neighborhood after it becomes the greatest neighborhood in the country. Hail King Trump!"

What?!? Your street doesn't need repairs? Your street is pothole free? Your neighborhood can't use some infrastructure money? How nice it must be to live in a Trump branded neighborhood.

"In the meantime, those poor hippies, they were my friends. Who am I going to smoke pot with now?"

And if we do it right, we could have a military parade every week, in a different neighborhood. "Call it urban renewal."

And Trump will be very happy. For after all, he holds one of the most important jobs in the world--all of which are required to love parades.

[Counts on fingers.] Pope. Required to love parades. Has special car with a bubble top, so that he can wave at the crowds at parades.

President. Required to love parades. And we have a really fine parade lover here. Maybe the most parade loving President ever. I assume that he has a special car to ride in parades. If not, the local car dealership can provide one. They provided one for the homecoming queen to ride in, why not the President?

And Superior Guru of All Things Magical and Occult Worth Knowing. Required to love parades. Has a special SegWay to ride, so they can lead the parade, and be upfront...

Because without them, how would we know what political enemies to hate? They have to lead because...

"The rest of us are idiots who would not know evil from a hole in the ground." [Pauses and makes a puzzled face.] "Why is there a tank parked in that pothole full of hippies?"

Parade loving is right in the job description of the three most important jobs in the world. Otherwise, how do you explain the typical day of someone holding these jobs?

[Does his mime of pounding on a computer keyboard, beating a dead horse, and waving at a crowd while riding a SegWay and leading a parade.]

Now, I will admit that we have to invoke some safety rules for these military parades...

Simply because we can't have the series finale of the Trump Show come too soon.

[Mimes pressing a button, rocket launch, and big mushroom explosion.]

Remember if we don't give him enough attention, he will surprise us with the ultimate surprise.

"And I don't look good in glow-in-the-dark radiation."

First safety rule...

Don't load the guns.

This is important rule for big kids like to press buttons.

[Mimes pressing a button, rocket launch, and big mushroom explosion.]

Second safety rule...

Do not seat him next to my mother.

Let us learn from last year's Fourth of July rodeo parade and barbeque...

For if we sit him next to my mother, we will have an executive order issued the next day, that requires every occultist and witch to be burned at the stake before having our ashes deported to whatever soccer hooligan land we came from.

"United States? No...what if I don't know where my ancestors came from? Oh, launched into space. Nice. Always wanted to visit Mars."

Third safety rule...

Don't let him grope the homecoming queen. Just because she is a beaver with big teeth does not mean that she deserves to be groped. In fact, maybe we should give her a taser. Just to be on the safe side.

[Mimes groping and electric shock therapy.]

Fourth safety rule...

Make sure that he is entertained.

"Otherwise, we might get bombed."

I suggest putting some of his enemies, journalists, hippies, those damned Democrats, in a clown car.

[Mimes smoking pot.] After all, I am quite sure that is where he thinks they come from.

Fifth safety rule...

Do not tell him that the sword wielding Jedi knights are not part of his military. Instead, tell him that we are preparing to fight off an invasion of time traveling octopods from the demonic suns.

"Totally believable man."

Sixth safety rule...

And the most important...

Do not let him examine the tanks too carefully.

After all, we do not want him to realize that we used hippie vans, covered with Styrofoam, chicken wire, cardboard and tissue paper, painted a nice military green, to create some realistic looking tanks, so that we could actually get some of the infrastructure funds promised to my neighborhood.

Now available on Amazon. Coming soon to other retailers...

Want me to write more of this stuff?

Buy a copy of Assault With a Deadly Taco, a show sampler, three "twenty minute shows," at your favorite ebook retailer... {This post was a "ten minute" bit.}

Because buying ebooks is how you encourage writers. And comedians.

Amazon USA

Amazon UK

(also all the other Amazon sub-sites)

Smashwords

Coming soon to Kobo, iBooks, & Barnes and Noble.

You keep telling lies and tall tales (dont you worry about losing readers)

Every once in awhile, I will be asked the question, "Ain't you afraid that you are going to lose readers (followers, friends, fans, etc.), if you continue to write things that offend?"

Or one of it many variations, such as "If you don't quit telling lies about the Great Gherkin, I am never going to read another word that you write," and the ever famous, "Sister Seuss is on our Order's banned reading list."

[For those who are curious, why I list fictional characters that have yet to get a full novel to themselves, just bear in mind that November is NaNoWriMo {National Novel Writing Month}, so someone is sure to complain by the end of the month that I have accidentally based characters on themselves, or someone that they worship as a Master Incarnate, or someone who should die a fiery death by being burned at the stake for disrespecting the most powerful wizard in the land...in other words, some people don't think that you can tell the difference between fiction and non-fiction.]

Honest answer is that I used to have some concern over losing readers; but a couple decades worth of writing and social media experience tell me that such concerns, if paid attention to, merely shackles oneself and serves no useful purpose.

This is especially true in the current political and magical environment. At the moment, if one expresses the wrong opinion about someone's favorite politician, one loses "friends" and followers on all social media platforms. Plus one gets labelled as a member of the enemy party even if one has no idea what they are (I kid you not--I had to look up Antifa). There is not a day that goes by that the slow tickle of defriending and defollowing does not drop my friend count down another notch.

Please note that this slow drain will eventually bottom out, simply because there are people who are my friends and followers because they agree with my opinions, value my writing, and enjoy the many cat pictures that I share. It is these people that my core audience comes from, not the many people who disagree with me so much that they put me on banned writer lists.

I have a vivid memory of the first time that someone decided to quit reading my stuff. The reason that they loudly declared that they were no longer going to read my stuff? Oh, because I decided to put ads up on this blog...because a real occultist never advertises, nor needs to pay bills, nor desires to make a living doing anything other than flipping burgers.

Quite honestly, that incident led me to the conclusion that the pro-bloggers were right, and that there was no way to make everyone happy--and therefore, I don't bother to try. Either you are one of my readers or you are not. My job as a writer is to get people to respond to my writing, and sometimes that response is getting someone to hit the defollow button.

Controversial Cat is controversial.

Fundraiser follow-up (Kitties thank you for the support)

A couple of weeks ago, as many of my readers and friends know, I had to set up a fundraiser to get my cats over a rough patch in our finances. Basically, due to the death of my mother-in-law, my wife's job hunt was interrupted and we found ourselves having to wait on a check to come to get us though until she takes care of her mother's affairs and finds a full time teaching job.

(Technically, we are still waiting, but paperwork has been received and sent, and verified, and made into fire-lighters, so we should be ok...I think.)

And naturally, I worried about my cats not having enough food and cat litter...because I have my issues regarding money, and I like my cats better than I like most human beings. 

I  would like to thank S.O.D., A.S., N.H.B., A.W., L.H.T. (J.B.) and T.F. for their donations. (If you want me to spell out your name in full, message me).

I would also like to thank David Griffin for donating.

Yes, I said David Griffin.

I am as shocked as you are. Honestly, this is one of those times when he has surprised me. After all, there is no one on the planet that would ever think that we are friends--or capable of being friends--or even being nice to one another, for that matter. (After all, I am a satiric political and esoteric blogger, and he has done a few things that made him a....well, let's just say that many of my readers know that he is one of the stock characters in my commentaries.)

Honestly, I am still looking for the hidden insult to the donation. But that as my readers know, may just be because I had such a wonderful childhood, and have serious trust issues. It could be that simply that he was being nice...in which case, I have no idea what to think because it is not the David Griffin I know.

So anyways, thanks to everyone who donated to the cause of keeping my cats happy. I would offer to let you pet them, but you know how cats are--they decide who gets to pet them, and if you are not on their list, too bad. 

(The black cat in this picture is Anubis, one half of last year's addition to the pride; and other cat is Ripley, my mother-in-law's cat, who is now letting me pet him.)

I am so proud of Anubis and Ripley getting along with one another.

Fundraiser for Morgan's cats (because they like to eat and poop)

While I hate to ask for help...because of the Rules of Being Poor that my mom beat into my head...I have set up a fundraiser on Facebook to raise some money to overcome a small and temporary budget problem.

(I could spend the entire month of September, blogging about the joys of the Rules of Being Poor...)

[Fundraiser on Facebook is now over, though you can still send donations though Paypal and buy my cats stuff (see later in this entry)...because my cats have no problem with accepting stuff from others.]

Exactly how many squirming cats can Morgan hold?

Basically, what has happened is that my wife is between jobs, due to leaving the job from hell, and having her job search be interrupted by her mother's death. While there will be money coming in the near future, it depends upon the timely processing of paperwork (something that is complicated by the fact that my mother-in-law choose to end her own life).

(My wife will start substitute teaching until she finds a full time teaching job, but that too creates some budget concerns in my head as you can very well imagine.) 

Naturally, this has set off the voices in my head--you know the ones that say that the cats are going to starve, as well as bringing up all my own issues surrounding the subject of suicide.

So when Facebook noted that it was approaching my birthday, and asked me if I wanted to set up a fundraiser, I clicked Yes.  

I am just trying to raise enough money to ensure that the cats have enough food and cat litter to get though until the first of the monies show up.

Ripley, my mother-in-law's cat...now my wife's.

One of the changes brought by my mother-in-law's death is that my wife inherited her cat, Ripley, who needs a grain-free diet. He has allergies! So there is that.

And my cats insist on using scent-free clumping cat litter...because they are picky like that.

We have also put out a call among the volunteers and care takers of feral colonies, so don't worry if you can't help---we completely understand being poor.

If you would like to help, my fundraiser runs though September 4th (my goal is a low two hundred dollars) on Facebook. 

[Fundraiser on Facebook is now over--thanks to everyone who donated--but as I noted, my cats have no problems accepting additional aid.]

Or if you would rather not give Facebook your bank information, and want to use Paypal instead, my Paypal address is morgandrake [at] msn [dot] com

Or if you would rather go to Amazon, and buy and send the cat supplies directly, our postage address is: Morgan Eckstein (and his many cats), 2727 N. Cook St., Denver, CO 80205.

And if you want to sponsor me on a monthly basis (aka sponsor me to rant, so I have a regular supply of cat food and cat litter for my furkids), there is always my Patreon page.  

I thank you. My cats thank you.

You cannot protect President Donald Trump (is binging on cake antifa? how about a pie in his face?)

First the bad news: You cannot protect President Donald Trump from his worst enemy... (We will get back to this.)

Now, the good news: After the events of this week, you can summon anyone you like to protect him from the evil witches of America, including the mighty Neo-Nazi "death to all Jews" Super-Mega Confederate Prayer Warrior Squad, and you still cannot protect Trump from his worst enemy. You can label all of his enemies Antifa (as Super Enlightenment Solar Magician did last month), and it will not do a bit of good. You can line up all the Trump supporters in the country, give them Super Solar Eclipse Enlightenment powers, and Trump's worst enemy will still be doing damage to your fearless leader.

When you are a witch, they just let you do it. [The President Show--Steve Bannon, Donald Trump, and Mike Pence as the real witches of 'Merica!]

More bad news: The monthly binding ritual to bind Trump and all that abet him is kinda weak-powered compared to Trump's worst enemy. 

More good news: Trump's worst enemy keeps doing damage to President Donald Trump and his administration--and not just when the moon is in final crescent.

But before we talk about Trump's worst enemy, it is time for a "Is Morgan an evil violent Antifa?" update.

As many of my regular readers know, as well as a whole bunch of fans of Super Enlightenment Solar Magician (who I once called "racist"), last month someone decided to reveal a shocking secret: That I  was secretly an Antifa.

It was such a deep dark secret that I had to Google what the f*** an Antifa was.

So as far as I can tell, the basic motivation behind the Antifa is to punch Nazis in the face. I could be wrong about that--some have told me that they are the worst threat to humanity since reptiles flying UFOs invaded Earth (Super Evil Reptilian Extraterrestrial Enslaver Mythos Magicians)--others believe that they are evil sock puppets of the lovechild of Obama and Clinton. But whatever and whoever they are, they seem to really like punching Nazis in the face.

Based on that (the Nazi punching, that is), I can safely say that I am not an Anitfa.

I just simply don't have the ambition to physically punch a Nazi. It seems like a lot of work and horrific traveling to accomplish this goal. And I hate traveling. Like I really, really hate traveling. (Moving vehicles setting off one's migraines has that effect on your eagerness to travel.)

Now, if they delivered Nazis to one's front door, then I would consider punching them. But even then, I would probably just call the cops. Then blog about the strange day I was having.

Quite simply, I am more of a comedian and blogger than a Nazi puncher. And searching my blog, my past newsletter columns, and my social media posts, I can't find a single instance of me saying, "Damn, I want to punch some Nazis."

I will admit that there is one person (only one person) that I have wanted to punch in the face, and according to my math--he is 93.3% likely to be a Neo-Nazi; but that because the man irks me, not because he is a Nazi--he could be a Democrat, and I would still want to punch him in the face. It is not just his politics that make me want to punch him; it is his whole personality--I suspect that he might be a Vogon in disguise. But I have gone out of my way to avoid encountering him, so I don't think that should be held against me.

So what am I really? I am guessing that I am a Liberal, and not a very good one at that. I am basing this on how I binged on cookies all week. Read some news--eat a cookie. Read some more news--eat another cookie. Watch President Trump's worst enemy in action--finish off the package.

I am totally in tune with the Sheet Caking Grassroots Movement.

Of course, I could be wrong--after all, I am basing that conclusion on a Tina Fey SNL skit.

Now, what do I fantasy about? How do I dream of punishing those who I disagree with?

Boston Creme Pie...to the face! And YouTube the event!

Seriously, I would like to slam a Boston Creme Pie into the face of a Nazi. And Trump, of course. And some Democrats, and a few Republicans, and there are some occult leaders, and that nasty book critic, and...well, let's just say I have a list.

Some have accused me of plotting assassinations...but it actually is all about the humiliation of a creme pie to the face. You just can't get the proper level of humiliation, if your target dies during the pie-ing (because half the fun is watching them lose their mind over the video). 

And now to answer the question: Who is President Donald J. Trump's worst enemy?

Drum-roll please...

What is the German for "There are some fine people who are Neo-Nazis; and I fear that if I badmouth them, I might not get re-elected"?

The worst enemy of President Donald J. Trump...

...is...

...quite simply...

...the Crazy God Emperor...

Donald J. Trump, himself.

And there is nothing that you can do to protect Trump from himself.

Nada. Zilch. Absence of possibility.

This week, there was one correct answer. Only one correct answer.

"Nazis are bad. It was wrong to run over a counter-protester. Or anyone else for that matter. Especially if you are a Nazi." 

That is all he needed to say within the first round of the news cycle.

Not only did he not say it quickly enough, he didn't say it even when he did speak up days later. Then he got upset because people were asking "WTF?!?" Finally, one of his advisors forced him on stage to say that Nazis, Neo-Nazis, and the Alt-Right might be bad. Then he got more upset because people noticed that he wasn't doing it willingly. And then he rebelled and said that some Neo-Nazis are fine people.

At which point, I had to eat a whole bag of medicated cookies.

Nothing that us evil witches are doing with our monthly spell is as bad as what he is doing to himself.

And there is nothing that you can do to protect him from himself.

On his way out of the White House, Steve Bannon said, "His natural tendency--and I think you saw it this week on Charlottesville--his default position is the position of his base, the position that got him elected."

For those who have slept though basic logic, Steve Bannon believes that Trump is a Neo-Nazi...and I am also starting to believe it.

I am also starting to wonder what else Trump could do to hurt himself--but I won't have to wait too long to find out. Because he has the self-control of a third grader high on meth. Hell, he might decide to slam a creme pie into his own face while on national TV. And there is absolutely nothing you can do to prevent him from slamming a Boston Creme Pie into his own face, if he decides to. 

Nada. Zilch. Absence of possibility.

Smashwords July ebook sale (50% off select books)

It is time for Smashwords biannual ebook sale.

The following of my books are available on Smashwords for a discount during the sale (July 1 to July 31).

Rite of the Magical Images of the Wiccan Wheel of the Year--A Golden Dawn Inspired Ritual (50% off--$1.50 USD): A ritual that was originally presented as an Open Full Moon ritual in Denver for the Hearthstone Community Church community, which was the first public showing of a set of eight magical images for the Wiccan sabbats.

Witchy Rants (50% off--$1.50 USD): An omnibus collection of the first four years of articles that I wrote for the Hearthstone Community Church newsletter. Highlights include insights on how occult and pagan leaders should act, how much astrology a witch should know, and why Golden Dawn studies matter to Wiccans.

Golden Dawn Rituals Volume One: Neophyte Ritual--Three Officer Version (75% off--$1.50 USD): A modified version of the Golden Dawn Neophyte (0=0) ritual for lodges who have a difficult time assembling the full set of eleven officers that traditional Golden Dawn ritual requires. This version divides the speeches and actions of the traditional officers among only three officers (Hegemon, Hiereus, and Hierophant), allowing a lodge that has an officer shortage to still accomplish the most important job of a Golden Dawn lodge--performing the actual lodge rituals to initiate members into the tradition.

Shakespeare's Monkey (50% off--$0.99 USD): A collection of short stories and poems written during my time at the Community College of Denver. My favorite of the collection is Eye of the Storm, a story about how a stolen laptop leads to madness, and threatens to unleash a long forgotten eldritch force upon the world.

Five Reasons Why Magic Fails (50% off--$1.50 USD): An extended essay talking about some of the reasons that magic spells fail to manifest results in the physical world, and how the inaction of the magician can result in a spell fizzling out.

In addition, back issues of the Denver Witch Quarterly are on sale (50% off--$1.50 each):

DWQ (Beltane/Lithna 2017)--Occult Writers and Payment & Witches Bind Trump: In this issue, we discuss whether occult writers should be allowed to make a profit from their writing, or if they should be required to give all their occult writing away for free to benefit the occult community. We also take a look at the global binding spell of President Donald J. Trump, and whether it is ethical. Contributors include myself (Morgan Drake Eckstein), Shea Herlihy-Abba, Scott Michael Stenwick, Jame Bull, Jonathan Barlow Gee, Lee Anderson, moon Gazer, A. J. Hallows, and Misha Sparks.

DWQ (Imbolc/Ostara 2017)--Wealth and the Lucky Witch: In this issue, we explore money, wealth, luck, and prosperity, and the magic necessary to obtain such. Plus editorials, poetry and fiction by A. J. Hallows, Broom Hill Crow, Erin Lale, and Shea Herlihy-Abba.

DWQ (Samhain/Yule 2016)--To Curse, Or Not to Curse (The Big Cursing Issue): In this issue, we explored the techniques and ethics of cursing and hexing. From the mass hexing of convicted rapist, swimmer Brock Turner, to the global bindings of ISIL, to revenge spells--cursing, hexing, and bindings are part of the toolbox of magicians and witches worldwide. Are public hexings merely exercising one's First Amendment rights? Or are curses actually effective enough to restrict the actions of individuals and organizations? Also included in this issue: Heavenly Watchers--using the Four Royal Stars (Aldebaran, Regulus, Antares, and Fomahault) and Sirius in astrology and magic.

Also available: Denver Witch Quarterly (Prospectus)--A Modest Magical Magazine Proposal (100% off--FREE!): In this first issue of the DWQ, I talked about my involvement with the small press Wiccan and pagan magazines of the 1990s, which inspired the creation of the Quarterly. I also provided information about the business practices, editing and payment policies of the Denver Witch Quarterly for potential contributors.

Besides these fine books, there is also a satiric piece on the Necronomicon: Light Out of Darkness--Lux E Tenebris (Thelema and the Necronomicon) at a 75% discount ($1.25 USD) by Gaius Corbin published by Salt Mine Publications (my own "publishing house"). Building upon the Simon (Avon) Necronomicon, this book claims that Aleister Crowley and the Golden Dawn had access to a more complete set of the fifty names of Marduk (actually fifty-one names) than the famed Lovecraftian authority, Simon Knight, did. If it was true, it would cast the early days of the famed esoteric Order, the Hermetic Order of the Golden Dawn, in a completely different light. Fortunately, we know that the Necronomicon is not a real book, and that all who believe in it are just fools and lunatics--and that no one in the Golden Dawn tradition has ever worked with the Cthulhu Mythos--and any evidence to the contrary should be burned at the next lodge BBQ's book-burning party and orgy. 

DWQ Beltane/Lithna 2017 pre-release sale

Get the latest issue of Denver Witch Quarterly (Beltane/Litha 2017) Witches Bind Trump & Occult Writers and Payment at the pre-release price of 99 cents USD. (Price will increase to $2.99 USD after the April 15th release.)

Contents include the ritual script for the global binding ritual of President Donald J. Trump, dates of said ritual for all eight years of the Trump's presidency (the compiler of the dates offered to figure them out for Trump's third term, but the consulting editor took him outside and beat him to death for making that suggestion), and a commentary debating whether or not it is actually evil to bind the President of the United States of America.

Fiction (two short stories): Water and Dreams— Shea Herlihy-Abba & A Fey Encounter— Misha Sparks

And a debate over whether occult writers should be allowed to charge people for their books--at least three writers weighed in (maybe a fourth, we have not read their submission yet). 

Does this cover make Trump's butt look big?

Amazon (US) 

Barnes and Noble

Kobo

iBooks

Read an ebook week 2017 (Smashwords sale ends March 11)

It is Read an Ebook week.

Because ebooks are also books.

And in celebration, Smashwords is having their eighth annual Read an Ebook promotion (March 5 to March 11) where Smashwords authors are discounting some of their ebooks.

In my case, I am offering a discount on the following ebooks.

Witchy Rants--the first four year collection of the columns that I wrote for the monthly Hearthstone Community Church ("the Open Full Moon ritual people") monthly newsletter. Normally $2.99 USD--50% off (RAE50) $1.50 USD.

Five Reasons Magic Fails--an extended essay on five common reasons that spells fail to work. Normally $2.99 USD--50% off $1.50 USD.

Rite of the Wiccan Wheel of the Year (A Golden Dawn inspired Wiccan ritual)--a Wiccan ritual in which I combined the idea of astrological magical images with the eight Wiccan Sabbats. Normally $2.99 USD--50% (RAE50) $1.50 USD.

Golden Dawn Neophyte Ritual (Three Officer version)--an adaption of the traditional Golden Dawn Neophyte (0=0) lodge initiation ritual rewritten to be performed by only three officers (rather than the six to eleven officers that tradition usually calls for). Normally $5.99 USD--75% off (RAE75) $1.50 USD.

Shakespeare's Monkey--a collection of poems and short fiction that I wrote for a creative writing class at the Community College of Denver over a decade ago. Normally $1.99 USD--50% off (RAE50) $0.99 USD.

Also discounted are back issues of the Denver Witch Quarterly (a magazine devoted to paganism, Wicca, witchcraft, magick, and the occult). [Yes, we are accepting submissions!!!]

A Modest Magazine Proposal (DWQ Prospectus)--in which I talk about my plans for the Quarterly and my background in Denver's amateur pagan/Wiccan/magical magazine scene of the 90s. Includes important information for those who consider submitting material to the ezine. Normally $0.99 USD--FREE 100% off (SFREE).

Want to submit to the Quarterly? Email submissions to basttemple [at] msn [dot] com.

Denver Witch Quarterly most frequently asked contributor questions and answers.

To Curse, Or Not To Curse--The Big Cursing Issue (DWQ Samhain/Yule 2016)--in my primary editorial I ponder the ethics and technique of cursing a convicted rapist (who received an extremely light sentence) as a form of justice. Plus commentaries on Black Lives Matter (BHC); gun violence and gun control (MDE); Fiction: Short stories by A. J. Hallows (The Nightlight) and B. H. Crowley (Basil Unsealed). Plus a poem, Living Art by B. H. Crowley; Rituals: A fairy ritual in poetic form (MDE); An Anubis Samhain ritual and Honoring Horus on the Winter Solstice (Moongazer); Instructional article: Heavenly Watchers—Using the Four Royal Stars (Aldebaran, Regulus, Antares, Fomahault) and Sirius in astrology and magic (MDE); Interview with Gaius Corbin—The Voice of the Necronomicon Translation Project. Also included: Profit and Occult Writers—is it ethical for occult writers to make money? (MDE). Normally $2.99 USD--50% off (RAE50) $1.50 USD.

Wealth and the Lucky Witch (DWQ Imbolc/Ostara 2017)--Editorials: Don't tell me how to vote: Cause I never vote (BHC), Not a big enough safety pin (MDE); Fiction: All Sales Are Final (A. J. Hallows); Poetry: "A Kiss of Bliss, or Misery?" (The Broom Hill Crow),Body of a Goddess (Erin Lale), Blame It on the Wine. Or Kali. Or Both (Shea Herlihy-Abba), My Parents Don’t Like Kali ‘Cause She Drives a Mustang (Shea Herlihy-Abba); Instructional :Luck (Moon Gazer), Some money and luck spell tips and an ethical musing (MDE); Rituals: Shining the light on this year’s plantings at Imbolc (Moon Gazer), Ostara’s Plantings (Moon Gazer). Normally $2.99 USD--50% off (RAE50) $1.50 USD. 

Also discounted is a satire of the Simon Necronomicon--Gaius Corbin's Light Out of Darkness--Lux E Tenebris (Thelema and the Necronomicon): an humorous look at the claims of dark fluff occult books, their advertising and reviewing, and the occult world in general. Focusing on the fifty names of Marduk, this book lists the powers of the fifty-one names (yes, fifty-one), associating each name to verses from the Thelemic Holy Books, while making jokes about some of the odd things that has happened in the occult community. Normally $4.99 USD--50% off (RAE50) $2.99 USD.

My favorite Marduk name description--someone obviously has discovered how smart the dead really are.

How many occult personalities can you recognize?

Xmas sale (99 cents Thelema and the Necronomicon)

The author of Light Out of Darkness -- Lux E Tenebris --Thelema and the Necronomicon (Gaius Corbin) is having a 99 cent USD xmas sale on Amazon. Warning: This book, while written by a real ceremonial magician (and containing some actual information), is a satire that pokes fun at the occult book market.

(And yes, I am getting a percentage for sharing this information...because I refuse to use my powers for good.)

Amazon link: https://www.amazon.com/dp/B01LWYN70X  (Always check price before buying.)

Thelema and the Necronomicon (Gaius Corbin)

Obviously, someone is trying hard to make this go viral. 

Just chuckful of jokes, isn't it?

And they make fun of a lot of magicians, including myself. 

Pre-release sale Denver Witch Quarterly Samhain-Yule 2016 issue

Denver Witch Quarterly Samhain/Yule 2016 issue

Denver Witch Quarterly is a magazine devoted to paganism, Wicca, witchcraft, magick, and the occult.

Get it now at the pre-release price.

In this issue, we explore the techniques and ethics of cursing and hexing. From the mass hexing of convicted rapist, swimmer Brock Turner, to the global bindings of ISIL, to revenge spells, cursing, hexing, and binding is part of the toolbox of magicians and witches worldwide.

Are public hexings merely exercising one's First Amendment rights? Or are curses effective enough to limit the actions of individuals and organizations?

Plus Samhain and Yule stuff!!!

DWQ Samhain/Yule 2016 issue includes:

Editorials about whether or not, it is ethical to hex a rapist; Black Lives Matter (BHC); gun violence and gun control.

Fiction: Short stories by A. J. Hallows (The Nightlight) and B. H. Crowley (Basil Unsealed). Plus a poem, Living Art by B. H. Crowley.

Rituals: A fairy ritual in poetic form (MDE); An Anubis Samhain ritual and Honoring Horus on the Winter Solstice (Moongazer).

Instructional article: Heavenly Watchers—Using the Four Royal Stars (Aldebaran, Regulus, Antares, Fomahault) and Sirius in astrology and magic (MDE).

Interview with Gaius Corbin—The Voice of the Necronomicon Translation Project.

Also included: Profit and Occult Writers—is it ethical for occult writers to make money? (Morgan Drake Eckstein)

And remember that the Denver Witch Quarterly is always seeking submissions for upcoming issues: editorials and non-fiction articles on paganism, occultism, magic, witchcraft, and Wicca; fiction and poetry; humor and cartoons; artwork and photographs.

The holidays for next issue are Imbolc and Ostara, and the special focus of the issue is on wealth, luck, and prosperity.

Amazon link: https://www.amazon.com/Curse-Not-Big-Cursing-Issue-ebook/dp/B01LXM5MX0/

Barnes & Noble: http://www.barnesandnoble.com/w/to-curse-or-not-to-curse-the-big-cursing-issue-denver-witch-quarterly/1124094878

Apple: https://itunes.apple.com/us/book/to-curse-or-not-to-curse-big/id1133780448

Kobo: https://store.kobobooks.com/en-us/ebook/to-curse-or-not-to-curse-the-big-cursing-issue-samhain-yule-2016

DWQ Samhain/Yule 2016

Smashwords summer sale

It is time for the annual Smashwords summer sale!

My discounted and free ebooks this year are:

Free (normally 99 cents): A Modest Magazine Proposal--Denver Witch Quarterly (Issue .01) [use coupon code SFREE]

Free (normally 99 cents): Thirteen Signs That Your Occult Teacher Is Rotten--A Mad Uncle Morgan essay collection [use coupon code SFree]

$1.50 (50% off, normally $2.99): Rite of the Magical Images of the Wiccan Wheel of the Year--A Golden Dawn Inspired Ritual [use coupon code SSW50]

$1.50 (50% off, normally $2.99): Witchy Rants--Omnibus Edition Collecting the First Four Years of Hearthstone Community Church essays by Morgan Drake Ecksetin [use coupon code SSW50]

$1.50 (75% off, normally $5.99): Golden Dawn Rituals Volume One--Neophyte Ritual: Three Officer Version [use coupon code SSW75]

The Smashwords summer sale ends on July 31st.

Contributors wanted for Denver Witch Quarterly.

And a reminder that Denver Witch Quarterly is accepting submissions.

House of Bast Art Studio Open House Event (July 2 & 3, 2016)

Come join us at the Open House event.

House of Bast Art Studio--Celtic Soul Jewelry and Pottery, and Khari's Wiccan Treasures—July 2016 Open House

July 2nd & 3rd
House of Bast—2727 Cook St., Denver, Colorado USA
Studio is located on the south side next to the alley.

At the Open House & Studio Tour, we will have pottery for sale, pottery throwing demos, pottery lessons, Kid's Clay Korner, and refreshments.

The hours will be 11 am to 6 pm on Saturday, July 2nd, and 12 pm to 6pm on Sunday.

Pottery lessons will be from 1 to 5 pm each day. Come see our studio!

Some of the pottery available for purchase. 

Some more pottery available for purchase. 

Call 303-815-8211 for information if you get lost. 

[In the afternoons, after 2 pm, Mad Uncle Morgan will be around if anyone needs to talk Denver Witch Quarterly business. He will also have some fresh garden herbs (not that type of herb!) and some random fairy fortunes for sale.]

Contributors wanted (Denver Witch Quarterly)

A Modest Magical Magazine Proposal (Volume 1, Issue .1 Prospectus)--Denver Witch Quarterly

A few years ago, back in the Stone Age of Xerox and mimeograph machines, small press occult magazines were locally produced in people's basements and kitchens. I did some of my first writing as "MDE" for some of the ones being produced in Denver. And I thought about publishing my own. But I never did get around to attempting it...

...until now. Behold the Prospectus for Denver Witch Quarterly, a magazine devoted to paganism, Wicca, witchcraft, magick, and the occult.

I am looking for submissions. If you would like to submit something (editorials, non-fiction, rituals, poetry, fiction, artwork, photographs), you can email your submission to basttemple@msn.com

(This may or may not be a paid opportunity--it will all depend on whether or not, anyone actually buys small press magazines anymore.)

The Prospectus is available for purchase from your favorite ebook retailers.

Amazon

Barnes & Noble

Scribd

Kobo

Smashwords

Witchy Rants 99 cent special on Smashwords

Witchy Rants available on Smashwords and many other fine ebook retailers.

It is shameless self-promotion time.

Get the first four years worth of my Hearthstone Community Church newsletter columns for just 99 cents on Smashwords.

Promotional price: $0.99

Coupon Code: YK87H

Expires: June 13, 2016

Witchy Rants--Hearthstone Omnibus #1

My current writing itinerary (my boring life as a writer)

In case you wonder, my current writing projects include (in no particular order of priority):

A Necronomicon satire (which I am having way too much fun writing, and I figure will sell just a single copy if I ever am bothered enough to publish it)

A short horror story about a man who summoned a demon as a muse

Harmic Barrows--an urban fantasy series (think "orc" taxi driver forced to become a detective)

A series of random fairy poems

At least one Tarot deck (which is unlikely to ever be finished)

A Mad Uncle Morgan commentary about the "laws" of magic (magic as a science)

(As you can see, nothing terribly exciting or profitable.)

Ritual Magic Manual super cheap price! (Griffin has a fire sale!)

[As many of you know, I am currently writing on a small Necronomicon satire. The other day, I wrote a section that is going to end up on the editing room floor where I had my super-Adept selling his masterpiece of an occult book for the low, low price of $666. And then this happens in real life...]

[From the desk of David Griffin...]

Dear Magician,

 

Since I released the Ritual Magic Manual eBook last week, I've been swamped with people looking for a hardbound copy of the RMM

 

All the buzz of the past week reminded me I still have a couple of copies laid away.

 

Guess what. It turns out I have precisely 7 brand new copies of the RMM for sale...

[Yadda, yadda, super magical number, super secret talisman aspect of his masterpiece...]

...Thus we see that the number of pages in my Ritual Magick Manual, 666, corresponds directly to the Planetary Seal of the Sun, the first of the Seven Seals of Golden Dawn Planetary Magick.

 

So you see, the Ritual Magic Manual is not just a book. The book itself a talisman, consecrated by me to both Venus and the Sun, which is why the numbers 7 and 666 are important to the magic of the book.

 

Are you surprised that this book has been offered to collectors in Amazon for $1,000 for over a decade now?

 

Remember, you no longer have to pay such an outrageous price to learn the Golden Dawn magic of the RMM. The ebook remains available for $49 on the Magick 101 website.

 

But for a select few collectors, I have seven copies of the deluxe hardbound first edition, available only directly from me.

[So how much are you asking for them?]

These seven unique collectors’ items are numbered 1 of 7, 2 of 7, etc. and signed by me, together with the price of this unique offer at $666 per copy.

 

Whether you are a beginner ready for the Ritual Magic Manual eBook ($49) or a collector who wants to be one of the owners of the 7 final collector’s copies of the Deluxe first edition ($666) of the RMM, you will find what you want on the Magick 101 website HERE.

 

In abundance, power, and truth,

David Griffin

[And this is the person who declared that I only advertise my wife's pottery because we need to pay the power bill. Hmmm, I wonder what bill collector he is trying to pay off.]

Shut up and take my money!