Monday, June 18, 2018

Space Force assemble! (Let us mess up that sci-fi novel you are working on)

Coming soon to a reality near you: Space Force!

Do you worry about the Chinese putting military assets in space? Do you worry about aliens showing up from outer space and requesting asylum? Are you worried that you might be replaced by a species with more arms than you have? Are you worried that you might not be able to collect taxes in space?

Never fear--Space Force is here!

Or as I like to call it--a fucking organization that totally messes up the outline of the science fiction series that I am writing. Damn you Mister President.

But let's be honest, shall we?

The American tax payer has no stomach to pay the massive cost of equipping a Space Force. The odds of us having a sixth branch of the military is nil next to none. If America had the will to deal with the massive cost of space exploration and exploitation, we would already have both a Lunar and Mars colony. There is a reason why private businesses are taking over space--and it is because you can't get the elected government of the United States to touch it with a ten foot pole. Maybe if it was a totalitarian government, or we had a smoking gun that China had military assets in space, we would get there--but with our current government? Highly unlikely.

If you don't believe me, consider NASA budget. Does it look like we care about outer space?

Unfortunately, as a science fiction writer, I have to give it some mental bandwidth. What if Trump could actually make it happen? Uh, yes...that would totally destroy the setup for Icarus.

(Basically Icarus is a world with a thousand people and limited resources in space--and no open military presence--there is a military presence, but it is secret and hidden and extremely small. There is no large military presence in the Icarus universe to save the day...which is why my characters are faced with such a big problem when the shit hits the fan.)

Fortunately for me, Space Force looks like it is in the same probability box as building that big beautiful war. Costs will trump the idea that winning space wars is easy. I could be wrong, but I am betting against it happening.

Coming soon to a reality where the Space Force did not happen.

Thursday, June 7, 2018

Are all sex workers liars? (And should they be barred from GD?)

The totally awesome truth that everyone needs to know today is that sex workers, especially porn actresses, have no credibility and should totally be viewed as complete and utter liars. And we know that this is true because the greatest Trump supporters tell us that it is true.

And who are we to question this wisdom?

Oh yeah, I am a sex worker—I am not allowed to question this wisdom, nor am I allowed to defend sex workers. So just ignore everything that I am about to say, and go on with your very honored and time proven double standard of conduct.

Are you still here? What is wrong with you?

For those who somehow missed it, Trump’s uber lawyer, Rudolph Giulani, has come out and said that Stormy Daniels have no credibility because she has worked in the sex industry.

“I’m sorry. I don’t respect a porn star the way I respect a career woman, or a woman of substance, or a woman who has great respect for herself as a woman and as a person and isn’t going to sell her body for sexual exploitation.”

(I wonder how he feels about women who marry for money…)

In other words, Daniels is a porn star, and therefore, is totally a liar, which means that the President did not touch her, has never meet her, and would never grab her by the pussy, and we can totally believe this because the President is the greatest American ever!

You know who else has credibility issues? Hint—you can tell when they are lying by the fact that their lips are moving. Yes, that is right—politicians and lawyers.

During the Great Golden Dawn Trademark War, the last great war for the freedom of occult students to pay ungodly sums to leaders who are totally honest, and who have turned out to be uber Trump fans, we learned that sex workers are evil and should not be a part of the Golden Dawn tradition. And we knew this to be true because they had lawyers backing them up. No one with a lawyer ever lies. Well, not if they are conservatives and patriots. If you are a liberal, and therefore automatically a traitor who needs to be hung by the neck until you are dead, you are a liar, especially if you have hired a lawyer. And doubly so, if you are a sex worker.

Exactly who is a sex worker? Is it just street walkers, escorts, and porn stars? Or am I a sex worker? Did writing dubious erotica mean that I was a sex worker? My mom would say yes, and claim that I was in jail because it was less shameful. And all I was doing was making up sexy stories. This is totally grounds to bar me from the society of super spiritual seekers of the occult.

(Oh don’t pretend that it wasn't said about me—I know that it was and who was saying it.)

So let’s bar all sex workers from the occult. Never mind the leaders, and their big dollar donating supporters, who have used their occult groups as a place to pick up sexual partners. Never mind those leaders who brag about sex magic teachings which seem to be the exclusive property of those who will say to you, “Hey baby! How about a little personal tutoring in the mystical arts? Meet me behind the barn, if you want to learn more.” Teaching sex magic does not make you a sex worker…even if I think otherwise.

Yes, let’s continue our double standard, shall we? While we are at it, let’s ignore the fact that our President not only ran a beauty contest, not only gave women number values based on their appearances, bragged that he could grab any pussy he wanted without consequences, and even appeared in three Playboy videos. No, he was not a sex worker. Therefore, we can totally believe him…even if he looked a little pimpy. He was just selling the sex, which it totally fine because he is a man.

Double standard much, you practice.

Double standard much, you practice. 

Wednesday, May 30, 2018

Think before you tweet (Didnt like that career anyways edition)

[Warning--the following was written by a dirty rotten hippie--if you believe that you need a White History month, you may not think that this entry is funny.]

As human beings, we have created rules to survive. 

Rules like: Do not stick pennies into electrical outlets, and Poking a lion with a stick cleans out the gene pool. We need to be told things like this because we are all just biological computers running amok. And in light of changes in society and technology, new rules are rolling off the assembly line everyday. 

For instance, there are now rules to survive on social media without waking up to discover that someone has written "Die witch die!" on your lawn with industrial strength weed killer. So what are the rules?

Rule number one of surviving in Twitter America: If you ain't Trump of the Great Gherkin, think before you tweet.

Why? Because a single tweet in our social media enriched environment can cause you to lose your entire career--past, present, and future--causing you to lose your entire source of income in an instant. 

Case in point: Roseanne Barr.

For those who have missed it, Roseanne Barr decided to tweet "Muslim brotherhood & planet of the apes had a baby=y." ["y" being former Barrack Obama adviser Valerie Jarrett.] 

Now, I am fairly sure that it does not take a degree in rocket science to see how this joke in today's America, with all our rich and varied social media outrage possibilities, could backfire and blow up the entire launch facility, along with oneself in the process. 

Surely, Roseanne knew that there would be a line of outrage; at the very least, some SJWs (social justice warriors) lined up around the block to talk about White Privilege and how jokes about monkeys are not funny. And we all know that is only the lowest setting on the bar, the mere floor of the possible outrage, with the ceiling ranging up into the outer reaches of the atmosphere. Oh, the outrage that this tweet could cause...

Social media is the thunder dome of our civilization--if you are dumb enough to walk into the dome, there is a good chance that you are going to get mangled by lions--people have been known to die at the hands of social media outrage. 

Or at least, people have lost careers to social media outrage.

For instance, take Bill Cosby, America's Dad, seller of frozen pudding, bigly successful, making tons of TV syndication money; his fellow actors on his show also making some good cash from reruns of the show--and with one attack of social media outrage, it was all gone in an instant. The court of public opinion crucified the man, and every television show he was ever in got yanked from reruns. Even if he was never found guilty of being that bastard in a court of law, in the court of public opinion, he was sentenced to never making another dime from his former acting career. Cosby, along with all those who worked with the man in the past, were fined with a penalty of a significant loss of income. 

In an earlier time, Cosby could have survived; but we live in a time when the dog faced demons have taken to the internet to shape public opinion. 

Don't believe me? Let me prove it by making a prediction: At three in the morning, some dog faced demon is going to go online and tweet that ABC made a great big mistake for canceling Roseanne's TV show and that all of the Trump supporters, over fifty percent of the population, or so we have been told, all of them are going to quit watching ABC. It was a bigly mistake, and it is so sad that ABC has joined the deep state liberal media conspiracy factory to censor what real Americans think and believe. If we had real justice in this country, Roseanne would get a Nobel Peace Prize for her willingness to tell you exactly what she thinks--especially considering it is all true. But no, liberals are shutting the conservatives down and totally ruining the best part of free speech which is being able to say whatever you want, as long as you are a good conservative, and not suffer any consequences. The only people that need to be censored are those dirty hippies who believe in a progressive government and that all men are born equal, who have forgotten the greatest truth of them all--white conservatives are the greatest thing since sliced bread, and poor people are why we can't balance the federal budget.

"Because our military is only spending a dollar a day to fight a godzillion wars. Poor people spend far more than that, using welfare that white people are paying for--far, far more, they spend everyday at Starbucks. Where is your outrage about welfare cheats who belong to the Democratic Party?!?"

The only real question is: Will the dog faced demon post this before our most honored, and bestest ever President does? And can the President tweet this out before the Great Gherkin does? The betting window is now open--please place your bets. 

This whole situation is a good example of how much power social media outrage has. 

The revival of Roseanne Barr's sit-com premiered to an audience, somewhere northward of eighteen million viewers. The revival was a shoe-in for instant renewal, and looked good for a long and happy run of new episodes. 

Let me remind you that this was only thirteen days ago. Yes, just thirteen days ago. Before the revival, Roseanne said that she was going to cut down on the political posts. But Roseanne Barr could not help herself, and decided to see if her career was now fire-proof. 

It wasn't.

Her career went up in a fireball. Whoosh!

There are only two people in the world who are immune to social media outrage--Donald Trump and the Great Gherkin. Both have long term contracts clearly saying that they cannot be fired, and that their followers are obligated to believe whatever they say, even when there is evidence that clearly proves that they are wrong. Furthermore, their followers are required by the Constitution itself--go on, read it, and you will see that this is right--their followers have to instantly circle the wagons and defend them from any and all social media outrage. And this is in addition to the fact, that their followers want them to be Leaders-for-Life. They can do no wrong--they are the uber brain for our society, and they will lead humanity into a glorious future without global warming, without green technology, without nuclear war, without dirty filthy hippies smoking dope, the border secure, with only America making money, and where white people living in trailer parks occupy their natural and righteous place on the top of the food chain, ruling the inferior races and political parties, and there is not a single non-Christian left. Glory to Trump and the Great Gherkin, for they have saved white people from the angry hordes of demon inspired mutt Heinz 57 hippies. 

But outside of these two people, everyone else needs to think before they tweet. 

For instance, I could not tweet that the President has giant monkey balls, larger than his hands, so big that he needs several porn stars to hold them for him--I could not tweet that, for his fans would set fire to my yard. 

Nor can I tweet out that the Great Gherkin is just a little pickle in a big jar--for his fans, which number in the millions of billions, would crucify me before burning me for being a traitorous and very dirty hippie, rotten to my core, and a total heretic for not believing that the Great Gherkin is the second greatest person on this planet, with only Donald Trump being a better and more sainted person. 

Outside of these two people, you really need to think before you tweet. And if you will not do it for yourself, think about your loved ones, your friends, and your coworkers.

"Did you know that you are working with a Nazi? How can you live with yourself, knowing that your coworker is a Nazi? If you do not quit your job, if you do not punch the Nazi on the way out, I will boycott your job, no longer doing business with you and your employer, and you will no longer make any money."

Yes, let's just ignore the fact that without a job, I will not make any money either. 

And let's be clear about something, Roseanne Barr did not just torch her own career and bank account--no, she took a flame thrower to everyone's bank account that was associated with her show. If you will not think about yourself, please consider thinking about your coworkers. Just because you think that you are fire-proof, it does not mean that your loved ones are. So for god's sake--think before you tweet. 

If not evil, what do dog faced demons do on the internet? 

Saturday, May 19, 2018

A thousand five hundred blog posts later (what have I learned as a blogger)

Can you believe that this blog has produced 1500 blog posts since its birth on July 16, 2007?

And not all of them have been cat pictures...but maybe they should have been.

Accountant Kitty has crunched the numbers--you need more cat pictures!
Let's crunch some numbers...

First off, does occult blogging pay? Yes and no. Yes, in the fact that I have gotten money from Adsense, have sold at least one book, and moved a bunch of pottery. No, in the sense that I have made more money with less effort doing other stuff. So don't quit your day job to blog about the occult. Remember that I blog for three reasons...

One, I am a mealy mouthed poopy head.

Two, I like being the center of attention.

Three, I assume that you like my sense of humor.

Pie charts make everything more interesting...
My top ten blog posts account for seven percent of the views that this blog has gotten over the years.

So let's assume that we can learn something from them...

At number one is...

E. A. Koetting, the Living God, a single post about his arrest--which I honestly thought would get about a hundred views and no more--is responsible for a whole two percent of this blog's lifetime traffic. (And a third of my top ten traffic.) Not a month has gone by since it was written that I am not impressed by the traffic it gets.

[It should be noted that I have started to study his business practices--there are lots of "positive" things to learn from his set-up...therefore, more EAK posts are a-coming! Sure, they will not get the same amount of traffic, but I feel like I owe him a positive shout-out...that and he provides a good contrast when you talk about the business practices of other occult writers.]

My second most read post is about search engines and Google. This is also another surprise. After all, this blog is not about providing helpful advice to other bloggers.

For ease of writing, and making a pie chart--I had to make a pie chart...I like pie charts...I LOVE pie charts--I combined the numbers of the three posts about David F***ing Griffin. He shows up at slot six in my top ten, and takes up three slots...which account for less than one percent of my overall lifetime views for this blog.

Now, given the greatness of the man, I expected this number to be higher. Hell, to hear the man talk, all ten of my top ten should be Griffin. Sure he is twelve percent of my top ten, but I expected higher numbers.

[It was the fact that no post about Griffin has ever cracked the three thousand mark that made me guess that an EAK post would only get a hundred views. After all, at the time, this blog was about Golden Dawn...supposedly.]

{What this blog is about now is open to debate. If there was an air of doubt before the December re-branding, there is a positive fog of doubt now. But I am fairly sure that it has something to do with cats...}

And yes, I know that I should go though my entire list of blog posts to determine the actual value that Griffin has...but having seen that five other blog posts beat him in the top ten, I don't feel like doing it today. 

Besides, having watched my traffic on a regular basis, I have noted that Griffin only shows up lately in my keyword search data about three times a month. And no, he does not make it into my top ten search terms for this blog. I know--I am shocked too. 

[The number was never that high even when he was big-mouthing the entire Golden Dawn community--make of that what you will.]

My number three top ten is actually a poem--Lucky Penny--but it is actually the picture that drives the traffic to it. The traffic the picture gets is one of the reasons that I eventually decided that most of my blog posts need pictures.

Number four on the top ten hit parade is--drum roll please--Red Flag Magic Garden Creeper Award! Again, this was a surprise. Even more surprising is the number of "defenders" who showed up in the comment section telling me that I was completely wrong in awarding a Creeper Award...but realistically it may just be one defender using multiple accounts. And it really does not matter, you can read the screenshots for yourself. 

Of course, the most amusing part is that the Red Flag post cracked three thousand--and we all know why that amuses me.

Number five is a birthday wish to a Golden Dawn authority. Finally, something Golden Dawn shows up. But I am fairly sure that it has nothing to do with Golden Dawn, and has everything to do with the birthday cat picture used in the post.

[Is this the last time, we will see a cat picture? Stay tuned--anything can happen!]

So, we finally get to a post about Griffin--sixth slot--remember I added the numbers of three posts for the purposes of the pie chart. If you dare go look--this is my most popular David F***ing Griffin post. Try not to read anything into that fact.

Eight and ten are also Griffin.

Number seven is my favorite "Beware of bad behavior by occultists" post. It is not really a surprise that Thirteen Warning Signs That Your Guru is Rotten is in my top ten posts. As long as people insist in posting "Looking for someone to teach me!" messages in Facebook groups, I will continue to share the link to this one. This post is currently expected to fight its way into my top five by the next time, I write about my blog numbers.

We know that Griffin is eight and ten, so what is number nine? A bloody book review. How did a book review make its way into my top ten, and perform better than 1491 other posts? Simple, people Google-ing the subject of the book. Turns out that a subject with little information on it will result in long tail effects.

Speaking of Google...
...provided that you are a Virgo.
Turns out that my top ten keywords that drive traffic to my blog, eight of them are people looking for cat pictures.

Yes, it turns out that more people use Google to find cat pictures than they do to find out stuff about the Golden Dawn. Color me surprised. "Halloween Cat" easily outranked Golden Dawn.

For convenience's sake, I combined the misspellings with the proper spellings for the purposes of the pie chart. And it is easy to see that this blog needs more cat pictures.

Not only did cat pictures beat Golden Dawn, so did the term "Google."

Now, in all fairness, my top ten search keywords only counts for two percent of my lifetime page views on this blog, so there might be tons of stuff in the lower reaches that totally trumps the number of hits that cats and Google gets. On the day that I total up all the Griffin post numbers, I will also total up the views for the cats, and we will have proof who is more popular.

I am sad that Australia was not higher in the ranks.
In terms of traffic, ten countries account for eighty-one percent of my traffic. The United States accounts for fifty-seven percent, with number two Russia accounting for eight percent.

In my head, Australia is more important than it actually is. Australia, you need to step up your game. Two percent is a poor showing. Australia, you can do better.

[I have corrupted a couple of Australian Golden Dawn students--and I would like to corrupt more of them. Therefore, Australia needs to do better.]

{Do Australians like cat pictures? If so, I can provide.}

As for traffic from various platforms, Google accounts for thirteen percent of my traffic; Facebook accounts for four and a half percent. And a single blog has sent me a whole one percent of my traffic (which is not bad at all)--Head For the Red if you are curious.

So that is it for my first 1500 posts (eleven f***ing years). Here to the next 1500--of which a whole quarter must be about cats, if I am reading my data correctly.

Meow!

Saturday, May 12, 2018

Remodeling update (production schedule delay)

A quick update for those who are curious about the house and yard remodeling.

The fallen tree was removed.

A metric ton of newspapers have been culled from the house.

This is despite the fact that I got sick the week and a half before the windows and doors were due to be installed. (Actually I am still slightly sick, but I did manage to get a lot of stuff done.)

Just the tip of the trash iceberg.
For those who don't know, our house is almost a hundred years old, and therefore automatically has lead paint. All of which means that everything had to be boxed up and/or wrapped in plastic.

Oh look, a thin layer of cement over brick--no wonder I can't hammer nails into the wall. 
Yes, I know that I "could have" done it "cheaper" by doing it myself. But my wife decided to spring for professionals, and who am I to argue with her? Especially given the fact that I really want to start to work on Icarus.

Here is to paying professionals to deal with the job.
The advantage of hiring professionals is that they can do it faster and better. So instead of taking a thousand years doing it myself, they managed to get the three new doors and the four upstairs windows done in three days.

Still have the four basement windows to do, but that needs to wait until I finish boxing up the basement. I have decided to do that in two stages because of how much plastic wrapping needs to be done downstairs.

We still have to get the new sidewalk in (goodbye Sidewalk of Death) and the outside painting done--it is scheduled to be done before the Fourth of July.

Both me and Khari are looking forward to the work being done, and our first garden (drumming) party later this summer.

(And I am thinking about the possibility of teaching a few occult and witchcraft classes...we will see how it goes.)

How many cats can fit in the window?
For those who are eager to see me get more stuff done (Esoteric Comedy Show, Great Gherkin/Sister Seuss, the expansion of the three officer ritual book, etc.), everything is being delayed. Besides the outside work still to be done, it has been decided that some of the rooms in the house are going to get painted, and new bookcases built--mainly because this is the first time, Khari has seen me be able to deal with such things without suffering blinding panic attacks (ask me about how meds can help).

And then there is Icarus... (which deserves its own post.) Oh yes, Icarus is coming.

Are people still binding the greatest President ever?

Are people still binding the greatest President ever?

Uh...yes.
A big shout-out to tonight's Trump binders.
Is Donald Trump the only politician that this has ever happened to?

Uh..no.

There was Hitler.

Reader's Digest March 1914.
Am I following this because it entertains me?

Uh...maybe.

After all, there is nothing like watching someone scream "Witchhunt!" repeatedly to remind oneself that they have no clue what a real witchhunt looks like.

Wands! Wands for every witch! Free whenever Trump screams Witchhunt!
Am I still taking part in this? Have I ever taken part in this? Is this a slow news day?

Uh...maybe...maybe...maybe.

Keep calm and keep binding the bastard. 
Am I going to get angry comments and have massive defriendings because I dared to remind people about this?

Duh--of course, I will.

I, the mighty Hog Dee totally think that the President can do no wrong--remember that America is all about exploiting the weak to enrich the wealthy. 

And why am I daring to invoke the wraith of the Holy Trumpers and the Society to Build the Biggest Wall Ever!?!?

Uh...because I disagree with the actions and goals of this President--goals which still seem to be built on hate, paranoia and fear. And greed--let's not forget the greed and ego--the greatest greed and ego ever to grace the Oval Office.

Happy Trump Bind Day!

Tuesday, May 1, 2018

I have nothing (and it could have been worse) Tree-ageddon TBH edition

Previous TBH blog/ Master List/ Next TBH blog

"I have nothing. Nothing at all to write about. Who picked this subject? Oh. I assume that they mean well. They are probably are going to have a wonderful post. After all, they picked the topic. But still, I have nothing."

That is my normal response to each and every Tarot Blog Hop topic.

Well, half of them.

Well, some of them.

Well, the percentage is more than zero.

Of course, the really sad part about this one is that I was the wrangler (think magical cat herder), and I was the one who came up with the topic. And I still almost ended up with nothing.

Who would have guessed that "What I can (could) teach the world" would be such a hard topic for me to write about? Probably everyone who knows me.

After all, I came from a very nourishing environment with lots of warm fuzzy positive uplifting messages about my worth.

"You did everything wrong." "The only thing keeping you out of the nut-house is your mom." "You are an idiot." "That plan will never work." "I wish that you were never born."

In other words, I am the best example of what not to do.

(Such as "I have less than forty minutes to get this post finished because I choose to be sick as a dog yesterday, on top of all the computer problems that I have been having lately.")

Still one thing that I learned as a writer with lots of nothing to say is that the universe will deliver things to write about if you willing to let it all hang out.
Remember--even at the worst of times, it could always be worse.
So, how did the universe deliver this time? What positive message could I possibly share with the universe?

So I woke up one morning (this was the morning that an airplane lost one of its engines, had a giant hole blown out of it, and partially sucked a passenger out, later she died), read the news (or enough to see the highlight of the day), and looked outside.

(Trust me, the airplane story is important because of my long association of airplane accidents with the Lightning Struck Tower--you will see.)

It was windy. The type of day that you expect to see pigs and witches on brooms fly past the window. Hurricane force winds in a land locked state.

I was following the progress of a box blowing back and forth. I thought about going out there and grabbing it. I thought about cutting it up for the recycle. But that will involve going outside.

And I did not feel like going outside just yet.

I was more interested in transferring what I wrote the night before to the computer, editing and printing it out.

One last look outside before work...still windy.

"Hmm. Is this part of Three Witches Talk Smack or is it part of Death to the Great Gherkin?"

Print it out. Write a few things down.

Fifteen minutes later. (Maybe it was ten.) Look outside.

"Huh. The pine tree lost a branch. Oh, more than a branch. Oh dear, the entire tree has fallen over. Still it could be worse. It could have hit the house."

And that is what I can teach the world. Things can always be worse.

The first time, I heard this truth was when a semi-trailer truck drove though my dad's car at two in the morning. "It could have been worse. If it would have happened during the day, one of the kids may have been killed. After all, they play right where the car was tossed."

In the case of the tree, I could have been outside and had it land upon me. Or it could have fallen on the house (right on the corner of the house that contained the room that I was working in). The tree could have waited until we got the sidewalk replaced and destroyed a big section of that.

"It could have been worse."

There was my blog post, a long video, and endless hours of conversation about how my luck works.

I had nothing. Now, I had something. It was not uplifting. Maybe it was uplifting (it did toss bricks everywhere). Still, I had a post. Once again, nothing became something.

The only difficultly was connecting it with the Tarot. And that difficulty lasted only a few seconds because the entire day was just one giant Lightning Struck Tower day.

So there you have it--lots of nothing, a bad example of how my mind works, and me saying, "It could have been worse." Plus I finished this post with three minutes to spare. I am a shiny example of what not to do; but if you are going to do it, be positive that things could have been worse.

Previous TBH blog/ Master List/ Next TBH blog

Here is a video...because I could.


Previous TBH blog/ Master List/ Next TBH blog