Friday, September 21, 2018

My cunning plan to restore my work life balance

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Welcome to the mid-September installment of the Tarot Blog Hop. The topic for this one is maintaining and restoring balance--ironic considering that I am just starting to warm-up to break out of my summer schedule (which is not balanced at all).

A few years ago, while I was in college, I started to goof off during the summer months. At the time, it made sense--if only because I did not want to take classes during the summer semester (same amount of work--less time to do it in). After graduating (two bachelor degrees--literature and history), I continued taking the summer easy--mainly because of my wife's work habits and schedule.

Being a schoolteacher, my wife takes the summers off and works on her pottery business.

Now, this would not be so bad if she was not gifted with an annoying handicap--basically, she can't see when I am actually writing. I can be typing away, and she will walk into the room and proceed to talk as if my fingers flying over the keyboard are non-existent.

One of the bad things about writing (and art, for that matter) is that it is a "flow" activity. Basically, it is easier to do (and often better quality) if you can enter a mindset where the words and images just flow though you. Interruptions leads one to having to hack the words out at a painful rate of one word at a time.

Yes, writing is always done one word at a time.

But when the space between two words become filled with other concerns (such as the fact that one is supposed to pay attention when your wife is talking to you), it becomes a war to convince the next word to show up in a timely manner. Allow enough interruptions to happen, and the next thing you know you haven't wrote anything since like--forever, and one's muse goes on strike.

In my case, that is really not a good idea. I suffer from Heinlein Monkey--my health (both physical and mental) start to suffer when I haven't been doing enough writing. For instance, instead of sleeping, I will toss and turn for the entire night. And over the years, the problem has gotten worse.

Under normal conditions, the most that I have to put up with the summer schedule is three months, plus weekends, school holidays, and any day that my wife decides to take off, and...well, my bad childhood programming kicks in whenever someone decides that their schedule, even if it is only goofing-off, matters more than whatever I am trying to do. And I will feel great guilt for the little voice in my head that says that I should be writing instead.

Why do I have such bad programming? Simple, my mother thought that it was perfectly okay to make the oldest kid still at home, drop everything, including homework, to take care of the younger siblings and the house. That is why I ended up failing high school. Of course, it was not my mom's fault--according to her, I flunked high school because I was stupid--not because I was not allowed to do any homework. And any money I somehow made went 100% towards supporting my siblings.

So basically, I am programmed to put everyone else in front of my needs and wants--and suffer crippling guilt when I do not have the time or resources to support someone else fully and absolutely. Hence my wife decides to take the day off, and I feel obligated to keep her company--which is followed by frustration that I am getting no work done, and guilt over the fact that I feel frustrated, topped with the feeling that I am supposed to be making money hand over foot without burning up any resources (time or money).

In theory, my summer schedule is supposed to be three months...

Unfortunately, my mother-in-law died last year (suicide), so I never left summer schedule last year. My "summer" has now gone on for a year and a quarter. And it probably made sense to extend it to provide emotional support for my wife, but at some point you have to get back to work. Especially if not working has allowed an impressive imbalance to build up.

How bad is this imbalance? Peeking at my Tarot deck, the top card is the Two of Swords and the bottom card is the Lovers. I will admit that I am not brave enough to actually draw any other cards. Besides, it is not like I am going to change my plan for restoring balance.

Mercury Forty-Two--this might be the final cover.
Before my mother-in-law died, I was considering rebranding and relaunching my writing career. What I had planned originally was updating some books covers, writing and releasing some new stories, writing less political posts, stuff like that. The extended summer basically left me unable to do anything other than research how other writers were making money in the current market, and thinking about what my ideal work schedule would look like as a writer.

I did take a swing at rebooting and returning to my regular schedule in December, but it all went sideways when the remodeling started. (Not that the Esoteric Comedy Show project was ever going to be profitable, especially after YouTube changed the rules about who got to run ads on their videos.) From late February to...well, the first of this month, I got no writing done beyond the odd blog post (far and inbetween) and spent my writing energies just outlining novels that someday I might write once my wife started to work a regular schedule.

When my wife works a regular schedule, I get to work in peace while she is at work.

Unfortunately (or fortunately, depending on how you choose to think about it), my wife had just quit her previous job when her mom died. After several years of dealing with bad charter school administration (that basically decided cheap was better than experienced), my wife was overdue to change jobs. And she was supposed to find a new job over the summer. That got tossed aside by family tragedy--she spent a lot of time dealing with her mom's estate. So she does not have a regular job yet (and I am guessing that it is going to be another whole year before she finds one); therefore, she is subbing again this year.

The thought of this was making me go a little crazy.

A little crazy...

So crazy that I have been forced to create a set of new rules. It is just too bad that I keep breaking them. For instance, I was supposed to have a new Tarot card done for this post (and to illustrate a story that I am working on), and it did not get done--because I allowed myself to step away from the keyboard and drawing board this week to provide emotional support for my wife's first full week back at subbing.

(I did do a card, but it looks exactly like I was interrupted numerous times as I tried to finish it. So we are just going to skip that one. If you are curious what my "flow-state" art looks like, see the book cover design illustrating this post.)

What are the new rules that I should be living by? (Rules that actually help keep me stable when I follow them...)

First, I have to write five hundred words a day. This number will go up later, but my writing engine is still cold as hell with the words coming at a painfully slow pace (three hours for five hundred words--not my best pace). And I need to write at the same time every day to increase the likelihood that my muse will get the memo and start showing up regularly. Most importantly, I am not allowed to step outside until my mandatory word count is done for the day.

Second, after a project hits a certain word count, I am not allowed to switch projects in that category until the current one is done. I am splitting my writing between Occult and Science Fiction/Fantasy, so that means that I have two projects going at any one time. Any ideas for other stories are written down on index cards and put in the proper file.

Third, I am aiming to complete a book a quarter (four books a year) using new pen-names for marketing purposes. (Besides the occult under my own name, there is going to be science fiction [Michael Ramalia] and urban fantasy [Charles Bloodmoon]--and possibly a pen-name that I am not going to admit to.)

Fourth, I need to make sure that I am actually eating lunch. After twenty years in food service (most as the responsible employee) and my childhood, I have bad tendency to realize I am hungry, and then proceed to continue what I am doing without actually taking time out to eat. I have started to make my lunch for the next day at the same time that I am making my wife's lunch for the next day. It is a lot easier if I only have to walk to the fridge and back when the writing is flowing.

Fifth, I am learning to write while wearing headphones. In theory, this is supposed to cut down on distractions and provide a visual clue that I am trying to work.

Sixth, and most important, I am not allowed to chase the hottest money making scheme, nor am I allowed to hand over funds and resources that were earmarked for my own business. That includes my time and energy.

Will these rules help? Yes, provided that I stick to them religiously.

So that is my current plan to restore some balance in my life. I will let you know later if I actually stuck to the plan, or if I allowed myself to give into the guilt and voices that say that I am supposed to put everyone else first.

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Wednesday, August 1, 2018

Coming soon to my yard (Dark Arts and Crafts BBQ and Drumming Parties)

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Hi everyone--welcome to another exciting edition of the Tarot Blog Hop. The theme for this hop is "The Sun Harvest -- What end of summer harvest do you want to bring in before fall?"

*falls on floor laughing*

Hey kids, do you know what time it is?

"Howdy Doody Time?"

"Tool Time?"

"Dinner time?"

"Time for ice cream?"

"Oh, no--he is going to talk about his yard again, isn't he?"

"Again and again and again..."

Yes, that is right. I am going to talk about my yard again.

But first, a slight sidetrack.

Let me tell you about my July. And my original summer harvest goal...

So my wife was out of town for an entire month. She went to Costa Rica for language immersion--she teaches ESL. And I would be left in peace and quiet.

I figured that I would work on my summer goal of having a novel (an entire novel--50,000 words) done by September 1st.

I failed to realize that I was not actually going to get peace and quiet while she was gone. What I got was a bunch of garden remodeling contractors interrupting my schedule--both sleep and work. In the end, I got just a few good writing days out of the month.

Hence, I am not going to have either "Axe Murderer of Titan" or "Heartbreaker" done in time to meet my original goal. Or at least, I am not holding my breath at this point.

And in all honesty, it may have been too optimistic for me to aim for that goal in the first place.

Why did I chose September 1st as a goal for my next release date?

Well, it was the garden remodeling.

"See, I told you that he was going to talk about his garden remodel again. And again. And again."

When my wife decided that she was going to spend her inheritance on remodeling the garden, she thought that it was all going to be done by the first of June.

I laughed.

My father used to do remodeling and construction. I spent many summers and Christmas vacations on various job sites as my father tried to get me interested in the exciting and profitable world of construction and remodeling. I was not interested in that type of construction (don't get me started on the task of Fictional World Building--we will be here all day). [I was also not interested in farming and auto mechanics, just in case you are curious.]

Therefore, I had experience. I knew better. I did not need to pull out my Tarot cards to know that she was wrong. I saw her June first, and raised her a bet of September first.

And given that I am in the midst of a rebranding and relaunch of my career as a writer, what better way to celebrate than to release a book in one of the two new series I was working on?

(Axe Murderer of Titan--science fiction--pilot book of Icarus Above a Dark Earth.)

(Heartbreaker--urban fantasy--book one of Queen's Huntsman.)

But as I said, I don't think that I am going to make it.

I am still going to try.

After all, I still would like to have a book releasing near the date of my first Dark Arts and Crafts BBQ Party With Optional Drumming.

We will just have to see what happens.

The Sun--from the unfinished Monkey Tarot.
So what am I actually going to harvest this summer?

A sidewalk that does not kill people.

I kid you not--the sidewalk that they just dug out was that bad.

And a fence.

Because I like to pretend that I am not that neighbor.

You know--the neighbor that might be an evil Tarot reading witch who meets clients at his house.

Plus my storage sheds and the house trim got repaired and painted.

Basically, it is the yard and garden that I always wanted. The type of yard that one expects to find strange musicians, pot smoking artists, writers of the odd and wonderful, evil witches, and wise Tarot readers in. You know--my type of party.

And yes. it will be a monthly thing with BBQ and drumming. (Well, after my wife finishes her second Master degree work.)

Here is a video showing the current state of the yard...sort of...it devolved into a game of How Many Complaining Cats Can You Count?

[Mad Uncle Morgan shows off his yard.]

{For some reason, Blogger is not letting me embed the video.}

Oh about that September first estimate on mine? Well, we were informed just yesterday that the back gate we want will take a month to get the custom order done.

Damn good fortune telling considering that I never pulled out my Tarot deck for this one.

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Monday, July 2, 2018

Tenth annual Smashwords July ebook sale

It is once again time for Smashwords annual July ebook sale (July 1st to 31st).

(Some of these books are scheduled to be expanded and updated--if it has an asterisk [*], it is scheduled to be expanded and revised--in other words, if you want to get it cheap before the expansion, do it now because the price will be going up on these ebooks when I update them later.)


Discounted to $1.50 USD

Five Reasons Why Magic Fails

Golden Dawn Rituals--Three Officer Neophyte Script*

Rite of the Magical Images of the Wiccan Sabbats*

Witchy Rants (the Collected MDE Heaarthstone Community Church Newsletter articles)*

Denver Witch Quarterly: To Curse, Or Not To Curse--The Big Cursing Issue (Samhain/Yule 2016)

Denver Witch Quarterly: Wealth and the Lucky Witch (Imbolc/Ostara 2017)

Denver Witch Quarterly: Evil Witches Bind President Trump and His Administration--also Occult Writers and Payment (Beltane and Lithna 2017)

Gaius Corbin: Light Out of Darkness--Lux E Tenebris (Thelema and the Necronomicon)



Free ebooks on Smashwords

Denver Witch Quarterly: A Modest Magazine Proposal

MDE Hearthstone: Pizza Boxes on the Floor (2010)

MDE Hearthstone: Bad Monkey (2011)

MDE Hearthstone: Lunatic With a Soapbox (2012)

MDE Hearthstone: Biggest Witch on the Block (2013)

MDE Hearthstone: Thirteen Signs That Your Occult Teacher is Rotten (2014-2015)

MDE Hearthstone: Hex the Vote--Mad Uncle Morgan Talks About American Politics (2016)

Shakespeare's Monkey (a fiction and poetry collection)*

Esoteric Comedy Show: Assault With a Deadly Taco (Mad Uncle Morgan, I am--Your Face is Going to Freeze Like That)

Esoteric Comedy Show: Free Guns For Everyone--Lap Cats Are Good Too (A Big Gun Control Show)


This is one of my favorite book covers.

Thursday, June 21, 2018

Please fence me in (I want to drum with witches)

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When our Tarot Blog Hop wrangler, Joy Vernon, posted the topic for this hop, I had to laugh. “Don’t fence me in” was the exact opposite of what going on in my life.

This spring, my wife decided to use her inheritance from her mother’s death last summer to pay for house and garden repairs and upgrades. One of the things that my wife has wanted for years is a privacy fence. And after many, many years, she had talked me around to her position. If nothing else, I no longer wanted to look at the dead brown knee high grass that my southern neighbor insists on having.

Plus for many years, I have wanted to have “Dark Arts and Crafts” parties. You know—weird artists, indie writers, crazed magicians, and amusing witches, possibly armed with drums and wands—all making noise around a fire pit. One of my entry points into the local occult community was the monthly drummings that a friend of mine (Cassandra Ravenwolf) used to have over at her house. I met my wife at such a drumming. I was heart-broken when Cassandra left town with her husband (Brian) to be closer to her in-laws. And I have waited patiently for some other member of the community to create such an event…but after fifteen years (maybe a touch more), I am out of patience.

So my wife and I are getting a new sidewalk (goodbye Sidewalk of Death), traded our chain link fence for a nice wooden one, new front windows and doors, got the garden sheds painted. Plus I am doing a major purge of stuff I do not need (“Oh look, it is a stack of Rocky Mountain newspapers—didn’t they go out of business ten years ago?”); so far, three whole SUV loads of newspapers have been taken to the recycling center. Plus we are going to be painting some of the inside rooms of the house, building some custom book shelves, and generally organizing the mess.

(Please note that one of the reasons that this is all happening is that I am fairly stable—well, more stable than I was for the first fifty years of my life—on my current round of meds and a pot chaser. Don’t knock my pot chaser—it helps keeps the migraines and panic attacks at bay.)

The work on the outside should be done by the beginning of August. Then I get to switch my attention to Icarus--science fiction—“A thousand people live and work in outer space. They depend on Earth for a supply line. What do they do to survive when Earth goes dark?”—a rather long project that has much in common with eating an elephant “one bite at a time.”

So what the heck does this have to do with the Tarot? (An important question given that this is the Tarot Blog Hop.) Well, after all this is done, a certain amount of ritual and classes will be attempted at my house, and I might be doing some in-person Tarot readings (I hate reading Tarot over the phone and internet). So for the sake of my business (and my wife’s pottery business), we needed a new fence.

"Do you want to see naked witches dancing?"

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Monday, June 18, 2018

Space Force assemble! (Let us mess up that sci-fi novel you are working on)

Coming soon to a reality near you: Space Force!

Do you worry about the Chinese putting military assets in space? Do you worry about aliens showing up from outer space and requesting asylum? Are you worried that you might be replaced by a species with more arms than you have? Are you worried that you might not be able to collect taxes in space?

Never fear--Space Force is here!

Or as I like to call it--a fucking organization that totally messes up the outline of the science fiction series that I am writing. Damn you Mister President.

But let's be honest, shall we?

The American tax payer has no stomach to pay the massive cost of equipping a Space Force. The odds of us having a sixth branch of the military is nil next to none. If America had the will to deal with the massive cost of space exploration and exploitation, we would already have both a Lunar and Mars colony. There is a reason why private businesses are taking over space--and it is because you can't get the elected government of the United States to touch it with a ten foot pole. Maybe if it was a totalitarian government, or we had a smoking gun that China had military assets in space, we would get there--but with our current government? Highly unlikely.

If you don't believe me, consider NASA budget. Does it look like we care about outer space?

Unfortunately, as a science fiction writer, I have to give it some mental bandwidth. What if Trump could actually make it happen? Uh, yes...that would totally destroy the setup for Icarus.

(Basically Icarus is a world with a thousand people and limited resources in space--and no open military presence--there is a military presence, but it is secret and hidden and extremely small. There is no large military presence in the Icarus universe to save the day...which is why my characters are faced with such a big problem when the shit hits the fan.)

Fortunately for me, Space Force looks like it is in the same probability box as building that big beautiful war. Costs will trump the idea that winning space wars is easy. I could be wrong, but I am betting against it happening.

Coming soon to a reality where the Space Force did not happen.

Thursday, June 7, 2018

Are all sex workers liars? (And should they be barred from GD?)

The totally awesome truth that everyone needs to know today is that sex workers, especially porn actresses, have no credibility and should totally be viewed as complete and utter liars. And we know that this is true because the greatest Trump supporters tell us that it is true.

And who are we to question this wisdom?

Oh yeah, I am a sex worker—I am not allowed to question this wisdom, nor am I allowed to defend sex workers. So just ignore everything that I am about to say, and go on with your very honored and time proven double standard of conduct.

Are you still here? What is wrong with you?

For those who somehow missed it, Trump’s uber lawyer, Rudolph Giulani, has come out and said that Stormy Daniels have no credibility because she has worked in the sex industry.

“I’m sorry. I don’t respect a porn star the way I respect a career woman, or a woman of substance, or a woman who has great respect for herself as a woman and as a person and isn’t going to sell her body for sexual exploitation.”

(I wonder how he feels about women who marry for money…)

In other words, Daniels is a porn star, and therefore, is totally a liar, which means that the President did not touch her, has never meet her, and would never grab her by the pussy, and we can totally believe this because the President is the greatest American ever!

You know who else has credibility issues? Hint—you can tell when they are lying by the fact that their lips are moving. Yes, that is right—politicians and lawyers.

During the Great Golden Dawn Trademark War, the last great war for the freedom of occult students to pay ungodly sums to leaders who are totally honest, and who have turned out to be uber Trump fans, we learned that sex workers are evil and should not be a part of the Golden Dawn tradition. And we knew this to be true because they had lawyers backing them up. No one with a lawyer ever lies. Well, not if they are conservatives and patriots. If you are a liberal, and therefore automatically a traitor who needs to be hung by the neck until you are dead, you are a liar, especially if you have hired a lawyer. And doubly so, if you are a sex worker.

Exactly who is a sex worker? Is it just street walkers, escorts, and porn stars? Or am I a sex worker? Did writing dubious erotica mean that I was a sex worker? My mom would say yes, and claim that I was in jail because it was less shameful. And all I was doing was making up sexy stories. This is totally grounds to bar me from the society of super spiritual seekers of the occult.

(Oh don’t pretend that it wasn't said about me—I know that it was and who was saying it.)

So let’s bar all sex workers from the occult. Never mind the leaders, and their big dollar donating supporters, who have used their occult groups as a place to pick up sexual partners. Never mind those leaders who brag about sex magic teachings which seem to be the exclusive property of those who will say to you, “Hey baby! How about a little personal tutoring in the mystical arts? Meet me behind the barn, if you want to learn more.” Teaching sex magic does not make you a sex worker…even if I think otherwise.

Yes, let’s continue our double standard, shall we? While we are at it, let’s ignore the fact that our President not only ran a beauty contest, not only gave women number values based on their appearances, bragged that he could grab any pussy he wanted without consequences, and even appeared in three Playboy videos. No, he was not a sex worker. Therefore, we can totally believe him…even if he looked a little pimpy. He was just selling the sex, which it totally fine because he is a man.

Double standard much, you practice.

Double standard much, you practice. 

Wednesday, May 30, 2018

Think before you tweet (Didnt like that career anyways edition)

[Warning--the following was written by a dirty rotten hippie--if you believe that you need a White History month, you may not think that this entry is funny.]

As human beings, we have created rules to survive. 

Rules like: Do not stick pennies into electrical outlets, and Poking a lion with a stick cleans out the gene pool. We need to be told things like this because we are all just biological computers running amok. And in light of changes in society and technology, new rules are rolling off the assembly line everyday. 

For instance, there are now rules to survive on social media without waking up to discover that someone has written "Die witch die!" on your lawn with industrial strength weed killer. So what are the rules?

Rule number one of surviving in Twitter America: If you ain't Trump of the Great Gherkin, think before you tweet.

Why? Because a single tweet in our social media enriched environment can cause you to lose your entire career--past, present, and future--causing you to lose your entire source of income in an instant. 

Case in point: Roseanne Barr.

For those who have missed it, Roseanne Barr decided to tweet "Muslim brotherhood & planet of the apes had a baby=y." ["y" being former Barrack Obama adviser Valerie Jarrett.] 

Now, I am fairly sure that it does not take a degree in rocket science to see how this joke in today's America, with all our rich and varied social media outrage possibilities, could backfire and blow up the entire launch facility, along with oneself in the process. 

Surely, Roseanne knew that there would be a line of outrage; at the very least, some SJWs (social justice warriors) lined up around the block to talk about White Privilege and how jokes about monkeys are not funny. And we all know that is only the lowest setting on the bar, the mere floor of the possible outrage, with the ceiling ranging up into the outer reaches of the atmosphere. Oh, the outrage that this tweet could cause...

Social media is the thunder dome of our civilization--if you are dumb enough to walk into the dome, there is a good chance that you are going to get mangled by lions--people have been known to die at the hands of social media outrage. 

Or at least, people have lost careers to social media outrage.

For instance, take Bill Cosby, America's Dad, seller of frozen pudding, bigly successful, making tons of TV syndication money; his fellow actors on his show also making some good cash from reruns of the show--and with one attack of social media outrage, it was all gone in an instant. The court of public opinion crucified the man, and every television show he was ever in got yanked from reruns. Even if he was never found guilty of being that bastard in a court of law, in the court of public opinion, he was sentenced to never making another dime from his former acting career. Cosby, along with all those who worked with the man in the past, were fined with a penalty of a significant loss of income. 

In an earlier time, Cosby could have survived; but we live in a time when the dog faced demons have taken to the internet to shape public opinion. 

Don't believe me? Let me prove it by making a prediction: At three in the morning, some dog faced demon is going to go online and tweet that ABC made a great big mistake for canceling Roseanne's TV show and that all of the Trump supporters, over fifty percent of the population, or so we have been told, all of them are going to quit watching ABC. It was a bigly mistake, and it is so sad that ABC has joined the deep state liberal media conspiracy factory to censor what real Americans think and believe. If we had real justice in this country, Roseanne would get a Nobel Peace Prize for her willingness to tell you exactly what she thinks--especially considering it is all true. But no, liberals are shutting the conservatives down and totally ruining the best part of free speech which is being able to say whatever you want, as long as you are a good conservative, and not suffer any consequences. The only people that need to be censored are those dirty hippies who believe in a progressive government and that all men are born equal, who have forgotten the greatest truth of them all--white conservatives are the greatest thing since sliced bread, and poor people are why we can't balance the federal budget.

"Because our military is only spending a dollar a day to fight a godzillion wars. Poor people spend far more than that, using welfare that white people are paying for--far, far more, they spend everyday at Starbucks. Where is your outrage about welfare cheats who belong to the Democratic Party?!?"

The only real question is: Will the dog faced demon post this before our most honored, and bestest ever President does? And can the President tweet this out before the Great Gherkin does? The betting window is now open--please place your bets. 

This whole situation is a good example of how much power social media outrage has. 

The revival of Roseanne Barr's sit-com premiered to an audience, somewhere northward of eighteen million viewers. The revival was a shoe-in for instant renewal, and looked good for a long and happy run of new episodes. 

Let me remind you that this was only thirteen days ago. Yes, just thirteen days ago. Before the revival, Roseanne said that she was going to cut down on the political posts. But Roseanne Barr could not help herself, and decided to see if her career was now fire-proof. 

It wasn't.

Her career went up in a fireball. Whoosh!

There are only two people in the world who are immune to social media outrage--Donald Trump and the Great Gherkin. Both have long term contracts clearly saying that they cannot be fired, and that their followers are obligated to believe whatever they say, even when there is evidence that clearly proves that they are wrong. Furthermore, their followers are required by the Constitution itself--go on, read it, and you will see that this is right--their followers have to instantly circle the wagons and defend them from any and all social media outrage. And this is in addition to the fact, that their followers want them to be Leaders-for-Life. They can do no wrong--they are the uber brain for our society, and they will lead humanity into a glorious future without global warming, without green technology, without nuclear war, without dirty filthy hippies smoking dope, the border secure, with only America making money, and where white people living in trailer parks occupy their natural and righteous place on the top of the food chain, ruling the inferior races and political parties, and there is not a single non-Christian left. Glory to Trump and the Great Gherkin, for they have saved white people from the angry hordes of demon inspired mutt Heinz 57 hippies. 

But outside of these two people, everyone else needs to think before they tweet. 

For instance, I could not tweet that the President has giant monkey balls, larger than his hands, so big that he needs several porn stars to hold them for him--I could not tweet that, for his fans would set fire to my yard. 

Nor can I tweet out that the Great Gherkin is just a little pickle in a big jar--for his fans, which number in the millions of billions, would crucify me before burning me for being a traitorous and very dirty hippie, rotten to my core, and a total heretic for not believing that the Great Gherkin is the second greatest person on this planet, with only Donald Trump being a better and more sainted person. 

Outside of these two people, you really need to think before you tweet. And if you will not do it for yourself, think about your loved ones, your friends, and your coworkers.

"Did you know that you are working with a Nazi? How can you live with yourself, knowing that your coworker is a Nazi? If you do not quit your job, if you do not punch the Nazi on the way out, I will boycott your job, no longer doing business with you and your employer, and you will no longer make any money."

Yes, let's just ignore the fact that without a job, I will not make any money either. 

And let's be clear about something, Roseanne Barr did not just torch her own career and bank account--no, she took a flame thrower to everyone's bank account that was associated with her show. If you will not think about yourself, please consider thinking about your coworkers. Just because you think that you are fire-proof, it does not mean that your loved ones are. So for god's sake--think before you tweet. 

If not evil, what do dog faced demons do on the internet?