Saturday, April 29, 2017

You have survived 100 days of Trump (accomplishment unlocked)

Congratulations America! You have survived the first hundred days of President Donald J. Trump! Have a cookie. Or three. Boxes, that is---because you still have 1361 days to go. Or 2822 days, if he gets re-elected (and you know that he is going to). And 4283 days, if his fans insist on him getting a third term, which they will because he is the greatest American President ever (who cares about what the Constitution says about Presidential term limits--it is Trump!).

Be proud of your President--we are still alive!
We all know that Trump kept all his campaign promises, just like we knew he would, and we all now have unicorns (very fluffy unicorns--they are the best unicorns ever!).

Here was Trump's plan for his first hundred days.
It is amazing how much he has accomplished in the first hundred days: The middle class has been saved. Products and goods sold in America are only made in America by American workers who get paid decent wages. We are awash in energy from coal--and green energy is gone forever. The environment is protected, and we got rid of that Chinese hoax called Global Warming. Our children are properly educated; our teachers well-paid. Obamacare is gone--replaced with the best health care ever with reasonable insurance premiums for everyone. Both children and elders are well-cared for; both having lots of food and hugs. There are no more illegal immigrants, who all left the country of their own free-will--plus we have the most beautiful Southern Border Wall, and construction is about to start on the Northern Border Wall to keep those evil Canadians out. Terrorism is a thing of the past. All non-Christians in America have accepted Jesus into their hearts, therefore we don't have to burn anyone at the stake. Our neighborhoods are safe, drug-free, and full of good guys with guns. There are no longer any spies or hackers inflicting harm on Americans. And best of all, corruption in government no longer exists. It is the greatest economic boom time that the country has ever seen with civil liberties for all good boys and girls.

Trump promised great things, and boy did he deliver. When he said that Americans would win so much that we would get tired of winning--boy was he right--I am tried of all the winning that the President has accomplished.

Oh wait, that is what my mother thought he would accomplish.

President Trump draws a cat--and America is so proud of him.
What has he actually accomplished? Well, he drew a cat--or was that Fake News? He hasn't started World War Three...yet. He provided lots of material for protestors and comedians to work with. He has written lots of midnight bathroom tweets (ok, the tweets did not go live at midnight [more like three in the morning], and I have no proof that he is tweeting from the bathroom--but this is my story, and this is how I am telling it). He has called a lot of politicians, journalists, celebrities, and judges out for disagreeing with his idea that he can do whatever he wants to do. And he has annoyed the leaders of every country in the world.

Not bad for his first hundred days. Here I was expecting public lynchings and witch burnings, nuclear explosions, and the worst economic depression since Ogg decided that all the world really belonged to him because he had the biggest club in the cave.

But if you are still concerned about Trump, there is always the monthly witchcraft ritual to bind his orange ass, because while the other branches of the government are slowing him down, one cannot be too cautious when you are one of the people that his policies are guaranteed to hurt. 

For full text of Global Binding Ritual of Trump, click here. 

For a full list of future Bind Trump dates, click here. 

Friday, April 28, 2017

Pharaoh Trump's defense of his first hundred days (quote of the day)

"Much of Trump’s [defense of his first hundred days as President] could have been employed by the pharaoh who ruled after the one in the book of Exodus. The cattle haven’t all died. We’ve seen less fiery hail. And pestilence has been kept to an acceptable minimum."--Michael Gerson (The Washington Post: We set a low bar for Trump. He still failed to meet it.)

Are you an evil witch or magician who thinks that Trump is going to turn us all into radioactive clouds of orange cheeto dust? Consider taking part in the global monthly waning crescent moon ritual to bind the actions of President Donald J. Trump.

For full text of Global Binding Ritual of Trump, click here. 

Dates for future Global Bind Donald J. Trump rituals 

[Asterisked * dates are slightly moved from the last quarter crescent moon to occur on significant dates.]


February 24; March 26; April 24; May 23; *June 21* (*Summer Solstice*); July 21; August 19; September 18; October 17; November 16; December 16

For a full list of future Bind Trump dates, click here. 

Thursday, April 27, 2017

Happy birthday Mom (honored dead)

Today would have been my mom's 72nd birthday. (She died two years ago.)

Anubis Lord and Guardian of the Dead.
Blessed be SLR-E, mother of MDE, may the lords of the afterlife, Isis and Osiris, Anubis and Bast, look after you, and provide you with light and rest, comfort and pleasure, food and drink. So mote it be, according to the words of the scribe-magician MDE. 

Happy days.

Bad transformer finally fixed

For several years, there has been an ugly looking transformer in the alley right behind my house and art studio. I am not sure how old it was--because it was there when we brought the house fifteen years ago--but I first became aware of the fact that it needed replacing thirteen years ago (or thereabouts) when the power line fell and hit the back of the house.

The repairmen who worked on fixing the mess from the fallen power line, pointed out that the transformer was ancient and should be replaced...but given how far behind Excel Energy was in replacing transformers, it would probably have to explode and catch on fire first (setting both my house and the neighbor's house, along with my wife's art studio on fire in the process--because all these buildings are that close together and one of them is directly under the telephone pole that the transformer is on).

And every time that other repairmen and electricians have been out in the alley since then, they would remark, "Damn, that is not good."

I dunno... how many dinosaurs...
...nested on top of this transformer.
A couple of days ago, I am sitting out in the studio, along with the studio cat, pretending that I was going to get around to taking the latest batch of pottery photos (I swear that I am going to do them today) when I heard some people talking in the alley. Sticking my head outside, I see a bunch of Excel Energy employees and two trucks, and them looking up at the transformer.

And I overhear "that tree probably saved that transformer..." which I really hoped did not refer to this transformer.

Then they moved on, and I went back to pretending to get ready to take photos while actually thinking about and outlining my latest bit of fiction (an Ancient Egyptian story).

Yesterday, we got a message on the answering machine from Excel saying, "Tomorrow you will experience a brief three hour power blackout while we work on a transformer in your neighborhood."

Oh could it be that they were going to replace the transformer at last?

Well, I wasn't holding my breath.

And today, this is what I saw when I went out and looked up at the transformer.

A brand new transformer!
So a big thanks to Excel Energy for finally replacing that transformer--hopefully, it lasts a hundred years (because that seems about the speed that one can expect them to be replaced and updated in my neighborhood).

Wednesday, April 26, 2017

Comment moderation--why the time lag?

I just approved a half dozen comments that were stuck in the pending stack--one from November. *sticks tongue out* The reason that comments get lost in the pending stack is that I ignore my email accounts, and seldom look under the pending tab on the blogger control panel. Please note that I approved all except for the two that looked like they were just attempts to drop links into my comment section ("Hi. Great blog! Read mine at ihaveanopinion@bestbloggerever!)--because I am an a******.

(Please note that I would prefer not to have to approve comments, but I had flamewars and spam aplenty when I haven't moderated comments on posts older than two weeks.) 

Saturday, April 22, 2017

Happy Earth Day (please do not recycle the brains of dubious occult leaders)

Happy Earth Day! Please remember that the brain of Abby Normal, the world's greatest Witch Queen is not recyclable. A single bit of such brain matter can destroy the value of all the other recyclables that you have used in the creation of a brand new esoteric system. Check with your local recycling system for further restrictions.

Which brain should we use in the creation of the greatest esoteric tradition ever?
Oh right, the brain of a dubious occult leader.
On a serious note, one needs to learn the ins and outs of recycling. For instance, do not recycle garden hoses--they get tangled up in the machinery used in recycling. Also do not recycle broken glass or food waste because such items will destroy a whole batch of recycled paper. And remember that certain recycling programs do not accept certain types of recyclable material, so always check with the website of your local recycling program to see what material they can't process with their existing equipment. Together, we can make a greener planet.

The more you know...the fluffier the unicorns get.

Thursday, April 20, 2017

Why Trump hates marijuana (Nixon would have been so proud)

One of the policy positions of the Trump "totally not swamp gators--they just look like the normal Washington D. C. swamp gators with their big business and banking connections--really, they are just crocodiles (which are not alligators!) totally looking out for the interests of America....or at least, the winners in America*" Republican administration is that as a law and order President, the Department of Justice is going to enforce the severe marijuana laws (because smoking dope will turn you into a serial ax murderer) and totally ignore the rights of citizens on the state level** to decide that they want to smoke the pot.

[* "Winner"--those Americans who make more than a hundred million dollars a year.]

[** "But it is perfectly ok if your state decides that all those strange sexes, starting with the vanilla gays and lesbians, and going though all the variations of sexual identity {that are not completely and absolutely straight and Bible approved} until you get to those who love tentacles shoved up various body parts, can't go to the bathroom, can't get married, can't order goods and services, and most importantly can't get jobs. We respect state rights to decide what they want to do...:"]

And I think that it has nothing to do with pot turning people violent (which according to the Justice Department happens all the time, just proving that marijuana is the devil's drug of choice).

No, I think that enforcing the nation's pot laws (including mandatory sentences), and opening the door to kicking down down and arresting those with recreational and medical pot in states that voted for that sweet, sweet marijuana tax income, has everything to do with "President Nixon really knew how to run a government." And Trump's need to be able to arrest protestors and make sure that they end up rotting away in a prison workforce (but that is ok, big corporations forced to do business in the United States can hire prisoners for ten cents a day!!!--Look at those winners!!!***), and never again say that he is a bad President.

[***And there are even more winners as Big Pharma develops artificial marijuana meds and charges a thousand dollar a pill!!! {Seriously, most of the money to defeat new marijuana measures comes from Big Pharma companies...who are in no way connected with anyone in the current administration, we swear, and never lobbies to keep marijuana illegal.} Plus the consumer gets to win as they receive incentives (pain, agony) to sell everything they own to pay for their meds. Look at all the economic benefits you get when you keep marijuana illegal.]

For those who missed the point of the Richard Nixon reference, we now know that the Nixon administration placed emphasis on enforcing pot laws, so that black civil rights and anti-war protestors could be harassed, arrested and jailed, getting those dirty rotten protestors off the street once and for all. We know this because a former member fo the Nixon administration said this in an interview a few years ago.

...and I suspect that if Trump's DOJ does start aggressively enforcing the marijuana laws and decides that states had no rights to legalize pot, that in forty years, we will learn that it was all about getting rid of those who kept criticizing Trump.

So if I am ever arrested by the Feds for smoking pot, it will be because some Trump loving dubious occultist decided to call the FBI and get me arrested--all in the name of stopping my lying journalist ways, shutting me up about both Trump and the dubious occult leaders who think that he is the best thing since secret societies and lineages were invented. 

Does coloring relieves stress? Welcome to the Trump's America coloring experiment group.
Concerned with the actions of President Donald J. Trump and his administration of "totally not swamp gators"? Consider taking part in the monthly binding spell of Donald "Jesus" Trump and those who enabling his actions.

For full text of Global Binding Ritual of Trump, click here. 

Dates for future Global Bind Donald J. Trump rituals 

[Asterisked * dates are slightly moved from the last quarter crescent moon to occur on significant dates.]


February 24; March 26; April 24; May 23; *June 21* (*Summer Solstice*); July 21; August 19; September 18; October 17; November 16; December 16

For a full list of future evil Bind Trump rituals, click here.

Wednesday, April 19, 2017

Dates for future Global Bind Donald J. Trump rituals

Dates for future Global Bind Donald J. Trump rituals

[Asterisked * dates are slightly moved from the last quarter crescent moon to occur on significant dates.]


February 24; March 26; April 24; May 23; *June 21* (*Summer Solstice*); July 21; August 19; September 18; October 17; November 16; December 16


January 14; February 13; March 15; April 13; June 11; July 11; August 9; September 7; October 7; November 5; December 5


January 4; February 2; March 4; April 3; May 2; June 1; June 30; July 30; August 28; September 26; October 26; November 24; December 24


January 22; February 21; March 22; April 20; May 20; June 18; July 18; August 23; September 15; October 14; November 13; December 12

2021 (Oh my god--you are predicting that he is going to be re-elected for a second term.)

January 13; February 9; March 11; April 9; May 9; June 7; July 7; August 6; September 4; October 4; November 2; December 2; December 31


January 30; February 28; March 29; April 28; May 27; June 26; July 26; August 24; September 23; October 23; November 21; December 21


January 19; February 18; March 19; April 17; May 17; *June 14* (*Donald J. Trump’s 77th birthday*); July 15; August 13; September 12; October 12; November 10; December 10


January 9; February 7; March 8; April 6; May 6; June 4; *July 4* (*Independence Day*); *August 1* (*Lammas*); August 31; September 30; October 30; November 28; December 28

[The compiler of this list offered to continue on, but the editorial staff of the Denver Witch Quarterly choked them to death for even joking about the possibility of Trump somehow getting a third term.]

[For the text of the Bind the Evil President Donald "Jesus" Trump ritual, click here.] 

Denver Witch Quarterly available from all finer ebook retailers.

Sunday, April 9, 2017

Child terrorist shoots his own mother (yay for gun freedom)

"The accidental shooting of Jamie Gilt [shot by her own four-year old son who picked us the gun left by his mother on backseat of their car] is the object lesson that my absurd nation deserves. When even supposed gun safety experts cannot keep themselves safe from their own toddlers, we should take that as an unequivocal reminder that guns are inherently dangerous. They are exploding projectile machines designed specifically for killing. And that’s not bleeding-heart hyperbole – it’s the explicit reason why many people are drawn to them. Cowboy games. Vigilante justice. Power.

America does not get to claim some hypercivilised global high ground when we foster – legislatively and culturally – a system in which incidents such as Gilt’s are not just possible, but inevitable."--Lindy West

[And yes, this columnist cites the fact that in 2015, more people were shot and killed by toddlers than by terrorists--let the wailing begin about the sacred right to carry guns to defend oneself from bad people like me, a dirty liberal hippy, along with the cries that this is Fake News--Sad!]

You can read the rest of this commentary on the Guardian news-site. 

Remember that gun freedom means that every toddler must be armed with a gun.

Thursday, April 6, 2017

Watcher of the Dawn is back!

The occult watchdog, Watcher of the Dawn is back up and running. This makes me happy because someone needs to keep an eye out on the occult scene...and I wander off for days and days, so I can't do it myself.

Watcher of the Dawn

Oh look, Griffin is playing nice with people, all in the name of making money.

Saturday, April 1, 2017

Things that you might get expelled from an Order for (or Petition your fearless leader to get rid of these evil people)

This post was inspired by an exchange on Facebook which lead me to think of all the silly things that I have seen (or heard) that got members (initiates) expelled from lodges, Orders, covens, and traditions over the years.

There are some things that should get one banned from an occult group, such as being a serial ax murderer or being a sexual creeper or being the seller of pyramid schemes, things that no one in their right mind would agree is acceptable behavior--yet often are allowed by the leaders of occultism when it is done by themselves or their favorite students.

To balance off the lack of expulsion of the expel-worthy, what the occult community actually gets is expulsions over stuff that probably shouldn't be expel-worthy offenses, but totally are if the leadership takes a dislike to you...which tends to make one believe that certain occult leaders are only interested in their own egos, money! money! money! and sexual conquests.

But never fear, expulsions are always done for the "good of the tradition" and the "lesson that they will provide to the former member." Remember believing otherwise is an expel-worthy offense. Remember that the fearless leader does not want to do this, but the Secret Chiefs of the tradition have spoken.

In no particular order, you might get expelled from an occult group if you...

...disagree with the leader's politics.

[Therefore, my socialist tendencies (called communism by those who are enlightened) should get me kicked out of the Golden Dawn tradition by those noble leaders who embrace the true political faith of the Freedom Initiative Republicans (formerly known as Teaparty Republicans).]

...are a writer.

[True story, I was a member of a "Golden Dawn" Order, and was good to go for the next initiation three months before, two months before, one month before...and then totally unacceptable for the next initiation two weeks before. I was told that I had developed "ego issues" and was told not to come back until I fixed them. So what were the ego issues? Oh, the leader had learned that I was a writer who eventually wanted to write about the occult.]

...complain about the antics of "trusted officers."

[True story, an whole bunch of European initiates got expelled from one group when they complained that they did not want a convicted sex offender to be one of their officers. Guess who was kept as a member.]

...being a "black magician."

[Which much means that you can be thrown out for any magic that you do, including healing puppies.]

...refusing to expel someone.

[Oh yes, Order officers can be expelled if they do not expel the people that the Chief of an Order tells them to.]

...turn down an sexual advancement.

[Sorry, if you want to remain a member, you have to have sex with Supreme Imperator Pussy Grabber Midas--it was why we taught you about blindfolds in Neophyte.]

...get asked questions about occult matters in front of the group's leader.

[Because the Secret Chiefs say that your fearless leader is to be the membership's sole source of occult wisdom and knowledge. It is one thing to assign work to their aides, who are 100% loyal to them and the Secret Chiefs, but to allow an ordinary member to expound upon mysteries is simply evil.]

...fermenting rebellion.

[I told you not to criticize the leadership, or let them know that you can hex your way out of a wet paper bag, or know more than they do. Never insist that their vices outweigh their virtues. And never show any sign of leadership or organization talent.]

...refusing to shell out for additional contributions.

[By keeping your money in your wallet, you prove that you are evil and do not care about the welfare of the planet and its people who are being served by the greatest of servants, your noble and highly graded fearless leader.]

...talking to former members of the tradition.

[After all, expelled members always lie about why they were expelled.]

 ...learn the true lineage of your fearless leader. especially if you dirty your tongue telling other people about it.

[Remember that claims that some people conjured a Goetia spirit who told them that they were a Magus (9=2), or other people never underwent a single Outer Order initiation before conning their way into Adeptus Minor, or who have made up invisible people, or simply photocopied the material of other authorities and tradition, are completely and utterly false lies spread by those who envy their brilliance. Your fearless leader really did make contact with the one true tradition and its guardians who promptly decided that they were the greatest occultist ever and the only person that they would ever speak to.]

...disagree with your fearless leader's favorite conspiracy theory.

[Even if you were at the event, and remember it completely differently, you are wrong--or worse, a paid troll and traitor to humanity.]

...taking medication.

[Taking medication for physical ailments proves that you are unworthy of the hidden wisdom of the tradition. Taking medication for mental issues just proves that you are a dangerous psychopath that is going to kill everyone.]

...ask too many questions.

[Remember that your leader can only give you information by the spoonful because if you saw the whole system all at once, your head would explode.]

...being a spy.

[Of course, a spy will say that they are not a spy.]

...belonging to a forbidden society, political party, church, or religion. 

[This is sure proof that the darkness and evil of the world is out to destroy their group--after all, they sent you to wreck havoc with your trollish ways.]

...speaking positively about their rivals.

[You forgot that their rivals have never done anything worthy of compliment. The only occult leader who ever done anything positive is your own fearless leader.]

...laughed at this blog post.

[Because this post was nothing but pure vicious lies told by a paid CIA troll to help destory their group once and for all.]

Satire--making jokes about things that actually happened, but not quite in the manner that you told the story...because if you actually told the story exactly the way it really occurred, no one would actually believe that it was the truth.
So what inspired this post? A joke that my commie political opinions would be enough to get me tossed out of the Golden Dawn tradition if certain GD leaders could actually expel me from the tradition (they can't because I am not a member of their downline). 

First, I painted all Republicans as evil.
Tax the rich, and give poor people free healthcare.
And that means that I am a communist and should be banned from GD, right?
And people took this seriously, believing that certain parties were going to expel for my political positions....which tell you that this type of behavior is actually occurring in some occult groups.

Thursday, March 30, 2017

DWQ Beltane/Lithna 2017 pre-release sale

Get the latest issue of Denver Witch Quarterly (Beltane/Litha 2017) Witches Bind Trump & Occult Writers and Payment at the pre-release price of 99 cents USD. (Price will increase to $2.99 USD after the April 15th release.)

Contents include the ritual script for the global binding ritual of President Donald J. Trump, dates of said ritual for all eight years of the Trump's presidency (the compiler of the dates offered to figure them out for Trump's third term, but the consulting editor took him outside and beat him to death for making that suggestion), and a commentary debating whether or not it is actually evil to bind the President of the United States of America.

Fiction (two short stories): Water and Dreams— Shea Herlihy-Abba & A Fey Encounter— Misha Sparks

And a debate over whether occult writers should be allowed to charge people for their books--at least three writers weighed in (maybe a fourth, we have not read their submission yet). 

Does this cover make Trump's butt look big?

Amazon (US) 

Barnes and Noble



Thursday, March 23, 2017

Are binding spells evil? (Especially if it is binding President Trump)

One of the objections that I have encountered about the idea of binding President Trump and his administration is the idea that because binding spells seek to restrict their actions, binding spells are automatically black magic full of evil intent.

In other words, if it is the Trump's administration's will to destroy religious freedom and civil rights while making the worthless poor give more money to the rich, then we just have to sit here and soak up the damage like good little wage-slaves--because it is Trump's True Will.

By the logic of "it is wrong to try to derail the True Will of another person," we are not allowed any magic at all. So you are not allowed to protect yourselves against rapists, murderers, terrorists, abusive relationships, evil (or just plain incompetent self-serving) politicians because you might stop them from fulfilling their True Will.

Or to put it in really simple terms, in order to allow them to fulfill their True Will, you have to willingly be a victim. Yes, your True Will is supposed to be all about letting others walk all over you, causing whatever injury they like to you because we don't want to hurt someone else trying to fulfill their own True Will. 

(For the one person who does not know why I keep capitalizing "True Will": It is a concept that was popularized by the late great occultist Aleister Crowley. Essentially, you are on the Earth to fulfill some purpose, and that is your True Will. And your only right is to fulfill that True Will. Unfortunately, many people have used the concept to argue that whatever whim they currently feel is their True Will. Want to divorce your wife? True Will. Want to not pay your bills? True Will. Want to call other people names? True Will. Want to use nuclear weapons? True Will. And because it is your True Will, no one else can tell you that you are wrong. Plus they have to let you do it, no matter what the consequences. Neat, isn't it? You can be a total bastard, causing harm to lots of other people, and be fulfilling your life's purpose at the same time.)

The punchline of this objection to the Global Binding Ritual of the orange ferret-wearing shitgibbon is that some of the very people who have put forth this objection have done public and private rituals to limit the actions of other people.

Laundry list time!!! Rites to restrict the actions of the leaders of other spiritual groups (sometimes, violent rites using watermelons); global rites to restrict ISIL and protect the women and witches living in their domain; rituals to protect clean water and prevent oil pipelines (opps, you were wrong to do that, according to the Great and Powerful Donald "Jesus" Trump); rites to protect gun rights; rites to make politicians overturn the right for women to have abortions; rituals to stop people from committing terrorism and murders; rituals to...well, you get the point.

And if you follow the logic of "you can't restrict the will of another person," then society is not allowed to have prisons, schools, laws and regulations, or even a f***ing government in the first place.

"But Trump was elected by the American people..." Or maybe he was elected by the Russians. Either way, over half the votes went to the other candidate. And many of the promises that Trump used to get elected, he has no intention of fulfilling--because it might interfere with his desire to make himself and his friends even richer and more in control than they already are.

"But we would have not protested if Hillary won..." says those who were openly talking about pressing their Representatives to investigate and impeach Hillary Clinton if she won the election, who talked about going out in the streets and screaming at her until she did exactly want they wanted her to do (resign from the presidency), who talked about being willing to take up arms and fight a civil war to remove her from power if she became President.

No, no, no.

The problem here is not that binding spells are automatically evil and the protests wrong. It is the fact that we are binding someone that they feel is somehow going to make them rich and powerful while getting rid of all those nasty people who do not think like they do. They would have been perfectly fine binding Hillary (in fact, many talked about doing exactly that if she won), but we are not allowed to touch their poster child of whatever privilege they cling to.

Double standard, much?!?

If Trump decides to summon Cthulhu, you are not allowed to do anything about it--because it is Trump, and he can do whatever he wants in his quest to destroy reality as we know it. Ph'nglui mglw'nafh Cthulhu R'lyeh wgah'nagl fhtagn!!! Trump nom kav!!! Cthulhu nom kav Trump!!!
Dates for future Global Bind Donald J. Trump rituals 

[Asterisked * dates are slightly moved from the last quarter crescent moon to occur on significant dates.]


February 24; March 26; April 24; May 23; *June 21* (*Summer Solstice*); July 21; August 19; September 18; October 17; November 16; December 16

I think that the Cthulhu R'lyeh chant is a nice touch.

January 14; February 13; March 15; April 13; June 11; July 11; August 9; September 7; October 7; November 5; December 5


January 4; February 2; March 4; April 3; May 2; June 1; June 30; July 30; August 28; September 26; October 26; November 24; December 24


January 22; February 21; March 22; April 20; May 20; June 18; July 18; August 23; September 15; October 14; November 13; December 12

2021 (Oh my god--you are predicting that he is going to be re-elected for a second term.)

January 13; February 9; March 11; April 9; May 9; June 7; July 7; August 6; September 4; October 4; November 2; December 2; December 31


January 30; February 28; March 29; April 28; May 27; June 26; July 26; August 24; September 23; October 23; November 21; December 21


January 19; February 18; March 19; April 17; May 17; *June 14* (*Donald J. Trump’s 77th birthday*); July 15; August 13; September 12; October 12; November 10; December 10


January 9; February 7; March 8; April 6; May 6; June 4; *July 4* (*Independence Day*); *August 1* (*Lammas*); August 31; September 30; October 30; November 28; December 28

[The compiler of this list offered to continue on, but I had to kill them for even joking about the possibility of Trump somehow getting a third term.]

Monday, March 20, 2017

Circle of daffodils (magical images of Aries)

Previous/ Masterlist/ Next

The subject of today's Tarot Blog Hop is Tarot and magical images associated with the first three decans of Aries (the start of spring supposedly in the Northern Hemisphere--looking out the window I can't tell that it is spring because the plains of Colorado are under a fire ban and it is a whole cool eighty degrees out there--it looks more like summer drought time than what spring is supposed to look like).

Magical images are emblems used in both fortune telling and practical magic--the Tarot itself can be thought of as a set of magical images.

For those who are unfamiliar with magical images, consider these images from the Picatrix:

First image of Aries: “The first face of Aries is Mars, and there rises in it according to the opinion of the great sages in this science, the image of a black man, with a large and restless body, having red eyes and with an axe in his hand, girded in white cloth, and there is a great value in his face. This is a face of strength, high rank and wealth without shame. This is its form.” This image corresponds to the first ten degrees of Aries (sub-ruled by Mars) and the Two of Wands (a man looking out onto the world from the walls of a high castle--will of creation "dominion"). The image from the Picatrix is used for invoking strength, high rank and wealth without shame.

Second image of Aries: “There ascends in the second face of Aries a woman dressed in green clothes, lacking one leg. This is a face of high rank, nobility, wealth and rulership. This is its form.” This image corresponds to the second ten degrees of Aries (sub-ruled by the Sun) and the Three of Wands (a man looking out onto a harbor--supervising one's business "established strength"). The image from the Picatrix is used for acquiring high rank, nobility, wealth and rulership.

Third image of Aries: “There rises in the third face of Aries, a restless man, holding in his hands a gold bracelet, wearing red clothing, who wishes to do good, but is not able to do it. This is a face of subtlety and subtle mastery and new things and instruments and similar things. This is its form.” This image corresponds to the last ten degrees of Aries (sub-ruled by Venus) and the Four of Wands (a couple under a wedding canopy--celebration and marriage "perfected work"). The image from the Picatrix is used to achieve subtlety, subtle mastery, and in the creation of subtle instruments and devices.

And if you are anything like me, most of what was just said is just noise without much information context. (Like for instance, what does "lacking a leg" in the second image mean? Does she only have one leg? If so, was she born without it? or did she lose it to some accident or disease? Or does "lacking a leg" mean that only one of her legs is visible and the other is hid from view by her clothes?) I have some idea how to use the magical images, thanks to my lodge and coven training, plus years of magical experimentation, but am I even remotely using them in a manner that the Arabic compiler of the Picatrix would have recognized?

Now to be perfectly honest, the Tarot and the Picatrix magical images are not my go-to set for invoking the energies of this time of year. I tend to think of the wheel of the year more in terms of the eight Wiccan Sabbats...because I have spent my entire life in Wicca (seriously, before the age of ten, my sole religious education came from my Wiccan aunt because my parents could not decide what branch of Christianity [or Judaism] I should be schooled in--their indecision helped make me a witch). Sure, I can think in astrological and Tarot terms; but when it comes to magic, I am more of a Wiccan Sabbat person.

As someone who thinks more in the terms of Wiccan Sabbats, occasionally I find myself needing to do spell-work that matches a Wiccan Sabbat, but being months and months away from the Sabbat that best fits my need. The first time this happened was over a decade ago--I needed to do something that matched the ideas and energies of Beltane--and I was nowhere near Beltane at the time (the next Wiccan holiday was Yule which is hardly spring-like).

By this time, I had already become an initiate of both Wicca and an offshoot of the magical tradition known popularly as the Hermetic Golden Dawn, as well as having read and dabbled in various other magical traditions, including the grimoires. Therefore, I choose the idea of using magical images to address my little timing problem.

My set of magical images grew out of the symbolism of the Wiccan Sabbats, due to the fact that the spell-work I was doing corresponded in my mind to one of them. At first, my set of magical images grew piecemeal as I needed to use new ones. It wasn't until a few years ago that I completed the whole set (the first time, I showed the full set to anyone was at a Open Full Moon ritual where I did a ritual tour of the Sabbats--if you are really interested in the ritual and the whole set, there is the little ebook [e-article] up on Amazon [and other ebook outlets]).

So what does the magical image that I am using for this time of year look like?

In front of the standing stone marked with a sigil of a nest of eggs stands the magical image of Ostara. Beside a fire of dying embers, a woman stands, surrounded by a circle of daffodils. In her hands, she holds an egg with a snake coiled about it.

The magical image of Ostara (Spring Equinox) as conceived by me.
 And I created a little speech for this magical image that helps describe the meaning of the Sabbat.

Listen to the words of the magical image of Ostara: Robin call, bear cubs, tender shoots, the sun is reborn. Light and dark are equal; the elements are in balance, yet scarcity remains. Eggs laid, planted seeds, and cherry trees in bloom; all is caught between hope and fear. Will it stay warm? Will it rain enough? Will hardship stay away? Only time will tell; one can only prepare and hope. The cycle of hours, the cycle of days, the cycle of years, it all spins around and around. This is the time of newborn hope; this is the time of new beginnings; the ground prepared, and the seeds planted. Look forward; plan ahead; hope for the best—celebrate the equinox of spring, the most hopeful time, as the wheel of the seasons turns and turns.

So that is the magical image I use for invoking the energy of this Sabbat.

Happy Spring Equinox!

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Monday, March 13, 2017

New wall plaques available (Khari's Wiccan Treasures)

Khari's Wiccan Treasures (Etsy) has new wall plaques available for purchase, ranging in price from $30 USD to $18.50 USD (plus shipping and handling).

So mote it be & merry meet wall plaques
Hoot! There be a couple of owl wall plaques
Each one is made from porcelain glazed and fired to 2230 degrees F., and has a wire handle and bead embellishments.

So Mote It Be - Spiral and Triple Goddess Moon Wiccan Wall Plaque with Copper Wire, Copper Beads, Jet, Glass and Ceramic Beads
Owl on a Branch - White, Blue, and Brown Wall Tile with Copper Wire, Wood, Bone, and Ceramic Beads
MERRY MEET - Wiccan Saying Triple Goddess Pentacle, Moon Phases, Vine Scroll Wall Tile with Wood, Glass Beads, and Copper
Greenman Tile Wall Plaque in Lavender with Hematite and Amethyst
Owl on a Branch - Wall Tile with Copper Wire, Animal Horn, and Glass Beads
So Mote It Be - Wiccan Saying, Spiral Triple Goddess Moon Phases Wall Tile with Copper Wire, Jet, Amethyst, Ceramic, and Copper Beads
Greenman Tile Wall Plaque in Mint and Turquiose with Glass and Lucite Beads
You can order these wall plaques from Khari's Wiccan Treasures (Etsy) shop.

Wednesday, March 8, 2017

Secrecy and public protest (should the bind Trump ritual been secret?)

Recently, an anonymous witch put forth the idea of a global magic ritual to bind President Donald Trump and his allies, to prevent them from doing harm to the environment and individuals. Such ideas are not new. For instance, last year a group of witches hexed convicted rapist and swimmer, Brock Turner, after his father argued that twenty years was a long time to be punished for twenty minutes of fun and a judge agreed, giving Brock just six months in jail and probation. And before the advent of social media and even the internet itself, groups of witches would occasionally get together to cast spells in the public interest—for instance, decades ago, several covens cast a spell to ensure the arrest of an unknown rapist that was preying on Denver’s Capital Hill neighborhood.

Such rituals are actually part of the DNA of modern witchcraft. Legends say that witches have gathered several times throughout history to cast spells at raiders threatening England. A tale from the Italian witchcraft lore that was in circulation before the formation of modern Wicca says that Italian witches gather together in times of need to magically correct wrongs being done to themselves. And while we know that such tales are made up to please researchers and believers, we must nevertheless acknowledge that the idea of resistance is there; and it did influence such people in the past as Gerald Gardner, the founder of modern Wicca, as well as informs that beliefs of some of today’s crop of witches. The idea that witches bind together for the greater good, or at least to protect themselves and their loved ones, is as much part of our modern practices as the wheel of the year. It may not be widely taught today, but the traces of the idea are still there for those who decide to embrace such ideas.

Not everyone embraces such ideas. One of the reactions to the global binding of Trump, as well as the cursing of Brock Turner, was an outcall that real witches would never do such a thing. The most extreme reaction, outside of some trollish Christians who declared that this is why they support burning witches, was self-proclaimed authorities declaring that such spells violate the “harm none” law of Wicca and witchcraft, and that such spells are actually black magic.

Personally, I find it interesting that people line up to scream (figuratively, that is—though they might actually be screaming at their keyboards as they type) that such rituals are a form of harm to those that are being bound and cursed. Stop and think about it for a second. By invoking “harm none,” these critics of such binding rituals are arguing that the predators are allowed to continue doing whatever they like because the act of binding them actually harms them. In other words, they are more concerned that the predator will be harmed than they are about what harm the predator is inflecting on others.

Now, I will admit that in the case of binding President Trump, that such a discussion would be completely appropriate. After all, Trump is the President, and has been properly elected to represent the concerns and needs of the American people. And while many people loathe the man, and perhaps think that his policies and decisions are bad for everyone, not everyone feels that way—there are actually people who love our President and think that he is the best President that the United States has ever had. In the case of Trump, one is not merely binding a man in a limited way, but they are potentially preventing good that he might enable for some people. If one is honest, one must admit that for every person that Trump hurts, that he might be helping millions of other people. (Of course, the keyword in that sentence is “might”—the happy little cynic who says that Trump is only helping Trump himself could also be correct.) So in the case of binding Trump, one ends up using a slide rule and judging how much harm is allowed to be done to one set of people, or the environment, in exchange for how much benefit to another set of people while arguing about what section of the population is actually the most important for the health of the nation and possibly, the world.

As a result, one could claim that the binding of Trump is pure black magic, and that all the witches taking part are crypto-fascists hell-bent to overthrew the sovereignty of the United States to hasten the day when we are controlled by an one-world government; in essence, cursing the entire United States. (Some of my readers may think that I am making that bit up—nope, that was the actual reaction of one ceremonial magician who declared that he had been “secretly organizing” an resistance to the binding [hmmm, given his past behavior that “secretly organizing” claim is just him being unwilling to admit that he is so out of the loop that his least favorite critic actually blogged about the ritual before he, the brightest light in modern occultism, heard about it], and that the resistance would be organized around the astral Liberty Tree with him leading the patriots on the astral while his wife, the mighty Witch Queen [again, his words, not mine] would be organizing the physical end of the counter ritual.) The amount of harm being done by Trump is all in the eye of the beholder, and the internet predicatively was abuzz with arguments about whether or not, he was actually harming America.

But the most interesting reaction was those who declared that the very announcement of the ritual was a mistake, for it violated one of the most holy principles of witchcraft, the virtue of silence—and that it gave notice to the enemy who could easily short-circuit the ritual, as well as muddling up the working itself with too many amateur witches. This response, in my less than humble opinion, overlooks what the global binding ritual of Trump was really about. The truth of the matter is that secrecy does play a part in rituals. The binding of Trump is not the first ritual performed in modern times against a political leader—other leaders have gotten on the wrong side of witches and magicians—but a lot of these rituals have been secret with just a small group involved. So why was this binding ritual announced and spread though social media? Because the ritual was not meant to be secret—in fact, the knowledge of its existence was the real magic of the ritual, not any binding effects that it would have on Trump and his supporters.

In other words, the global binding ritual was meant to attract attention of social media, and in turn, the free press. And it worked. Attention was paid.

One of the things overlooked often by the modern generation of witches, especially those who are ignorant of Wicca’s British history, is the fact that Wicca always had one foot out, trying to get into the limelight. Gerald Gardner, Aliester Crowley (like him or hate him, he influenced Wicca), Alex Sanders and his wife, Maxine, as well as Sybil Leek, were all attention whores (so to speak). They wrote books and articles, gave interviews, encouraged newspaper and magazine articles, appeared on television—they were the original Big Name Witches. For them, publicity and public attention was good—they pursued publicity for fun and profit. What these early BNWs knew was that a tiny religion can get a lot of attention by being “dangerous,” that their opinions on religion and spirituality could get far more interest than the actual number of witches merited, by being outrageous. It was guerrilla marketing for the ideas and opinions of witches, a tactic of getting heard in a world that is full of other ideas.

And that, in my opinion, is what the public binding of Trump is really about—getting heard. It is about drawing attention to the possibility that perhaps Trump is bad news for everyone, other than himself, his nearest friends and their business interests—and that his values do not reflect the values of everyone. Modern Wicca and witchcraft with our values of common decency and environmental concern simply does not reflect the values that the Trump administration embodies, and we need to have our voices heard.

And this ritual, like it or not, will continue to draw attention in the future, for it is scheduled for every last quarter crescent moon between now and when Trump finally leaves office. The ritual will be a periodic reminder that not everyone is happy with a Trump presidency, and that some of those people call themselves witches and magicians.

Sunday, March 5, 2017

Read an ebook week 2017 (Smashwords sale ends March 11)

It is Read an Ebook week.
Because ebooks are also books.
And in celebration, Smashwords is having their eighth annual Read an Ebook promotion (March 5 to March 11) where Smashwords authors are discounting some of their ebooks.

In my case, I am offering a discount on the following ebooks.

Witchy Rants--the first four year collection of the columns that I wrote for the monthly Hearthstone Community Church ("the Open Full Moon ritual people") monthly newsletter. Normally $2.99 USD--50% off (RAE50) $1.50 USD.

Five Reasons Magic Fails--an extended essay on five common reasons that spells fail to work. Normally $2.99 USD--50% off $1.50 USD.

Rite of the Wiccan Wheel of the Year (A Golden Dawn inspired Wiccan ritual)--a Wiccan ritual in which I combined the idea of astrological magical images with the eight Wiccan Sabbats. Normally $2.99 USD--50% (RAE50) $1.50 USD.

Golden Dawn Neophyte Ritual (Three Officer version)--an adaption of the traditional Golden Dawn Neophyte (0=0) lodge initiation ritual rewritten to be performed by only three officers (rather than the six to eleven officers that tradition usually calls for). Normally $5.99 USD--75% off (RAE75) $1.50 USD.

Shakespeare's Monkey--a collection of poems and short fiction that I wrote for a creative writing class at the Community College of Denver over a decade ago. Normally $1.99 USD--50% off (RAE50) $0.99 USD.

Also discounted are back issues of the Denver Witch Quarterly (a magazine devoted to paganism, Wicca, witchcraft, magick, and the occult). [Yes, we are accepting submissions!!!]

A Modest Magazine Proposal (DWQ Prospectus)--in which I talk about my plans for the Quarterly and my background in Denver's amateur pagan/Wiccan/magical magazine scene of the 90s. Includes important information for those who consider submitting material to the ezine. Normally $0.99 USD--FREE 100% off (SFREE).

Want to submit to the Quarterly? Email submissions to basttemple [at] msn [dot] com.
Denver Witch Quarterly most frequently asked contributor questions and answers.
To Curse, Or Not To Curse--The Big Cursing Issue (DWQ Samhain/Yule 2016)--in my primary editorial I ponder the ethics and technique of cursing a convicted rapist (who received an extremely light sentence) as a form of justice. Plus commentaries on Black Lives Matter (BHC); gun violence and gun control (MDE); Fiction: Short stories by A. J. Hallows (The Nightlight) and B. H. Crowley (Basil Unsealed). Plus a poem, Living Art by B. H. Crowley; Rituals: A fairy ritual in poetic form (MDE); An Anubis Samhain ritual and Honoring Horus on the Winter Solstice (Moongazer); Instructional article: Heavenly Watchers—Using the Four Royal Stars (Aldebaran, Regulus, Antares, Fomahault) and Sirius in astrology and magic (MDE); Interview with Gaius Corbin—The Voice of the Necronomicon Translation Project. Also included: Profit and Occult Writers—is it ethical for occult writers to make money? (MDE). Normally $2.99 USD--50% off (RAE50) $1.50 USD.

Wealth and the Lucky Witch (DWQ Imbolc/Ostara 2017)--Editorials: Don't tell me how to vote: Cause I never vote (BHC), Not a big enough safety pin (MDE); Fiction: All Sales Are Final (A. J. Hallows); Poetry: "A Kiss of Bliss, or Misery?" (The Broom Hill Crow),Body of a Goddess (Erin Lale), Blame It on the Wine. Or Kali. Or Both (Shea Herlihy-Abba), My Parents Don’t Like Kali ‘Cause She Drives a Mustang (Shea Herlihy-Abba); Instructional :Luck (Moon Gazer), Some money and luck spell tips and an ethical musing (MDE); Rituals: Shining the light on this year’s plantings at Imbolc (Moon Gazer), Ostara’s Plantings (Moon Gazer). Normally $2.99 USD--50% off (RAE50) $1.50 USD. 

Also discounted is a satire of the Simon Necronomicon--Gaius Corbin's Light Out of Darkness--Lux E Tenebris (Thelema and the Necronomicon): an humorous look at the claims of dark fluff occult books, their advertising and reviewing, and the occult world in general. Focusing on the fifty names of Marduk, this book lists the powers of the fifty-one names (yes, fifty-one), associating each name to verses from the Thelemic Holy Books, while making jokes about some of the odd things that has happened in the occult community. Normally $4.99 USD--50% off (RAE50) $2.99 USD.

My favorite Marduk name description--someone obviously has discovered how smart the dead really are.
How many occult personalities can you recognize?

Tuesday, February 28, 2017

My opinion of the global witchcraft binding ritual of President Donald Trump

For those who can't bear to watch my latest video, here are the highlights.

1--Protest is part of the DNA of modern witchcraft.

2--Global binding rituals are a form of protest--it is how modern witches use social media--it is how witches get their voices heard. It is no more silly than Christian prayer vigils for gunshot victims and world peace.

3--Curses and bindings are how witches defend ourselves--it is our version of firearms.

4--No, the witches are not speaking for everyone. You are allowed to love President Donald "Jesus" Trump, and to think that he is doing an excellent job. And just like you having the freedom to tell people how wonderful Trump is, and to pray for him, so do witches have the freedom to express their opinion and exercise their religion.

5--If you were willing for Republicans to prevent Obama from accomplishing anything, and want Trump to erase everything Obama accomplished; and were going to encourage Republicans to prevent Hillary Clinton from accomplishing anything, including exploring impeachment (if she got elected), then you might be a hypocrite when you say that we have to give Trump a chance.

6--And yes, we know that it was not classy the way some witches did this--because it is supposed to look good on camera.

7--Witches were targets for witch hunts long before this ritual was performed.

8--And it is just lovely how you are more concerned with the person doing the harm, rather than the people being harmed. By the way you judge the rule of "harm none," we should have no prisons.

9--Finally, there are no black elements in the suggested binding ritual unless you consider protecting the environment and civil rights as evil.

Thursday, February 23, 2017

Global ritual to bind Donald Trump and those who abet his actions (version 2.1-ish)

[This is a ritual that has been making the circuit on social media--a global ritual to bind Trump and those aiding him--original author unknown.]

To be performed at midnight on every waning crescent moon until he is removed from office. The first ritual takes place Friday evening, February 24th, at the stroke of midnight. This binding spell is open source, and may be modified to fit your preferred spiritual practice or magical system — the critical elements are the simultaneity of the working (midnight, EST—DC, Mar-a-Lago, and Trump Tower NYC time) and the mass energy of participants.


Unflattering photo of Trump (small)
Tower tarot card (from any deck)
Tiny stub of an orange candle (cheap via Amazon)
Pin or small nail (to inscribe candle)
White candle (any size), representing the element of Fire
Small bowl of water, representing elemental Water
Small bowl of salt, representing elemental Earth
Feather (any), representing the element of Air
Matches or lighter
Ashtray or dish of sand


Piece of pyrite (fool’s gold)
Sulfur Black thread (for traditional binding variant)
Baby carrot (as substitute for orange candle stub)


Write “Donald J. Trump” on the orange candle stub with a pin or nail
Arrange other items in a pleasing circle in front of you
Lean the Tower card against something so that it’s standing up (vertically)
Say a prayer for protection and invoke blessing from your preferred spirit or deity.

Reading the 23rd Psalm aloud is common in Hoodoo/Conjure/Rootwork traditions.

Experienced magicians may perform an appropriate banishing ritual.

RITUAL (v. 2.1)

(Light white candle)

Hear me, oh spirits Of Water, Earth, Fire, and Air
Heavenly hosts
Demons of the infernal realms
And spirits of the ancestors
(Light inscribed orange candle stub)

 I call upon you
To bind Donald J. Trump
So that he may fail utterly
That he may do no harm
To any human soul
Nor any tree
or Sea

Bind him so that he shall not break our polity
Usurp our liberty
Or fill our minds with hate, confusion, fear, or despair
And bind, too,
All those who enable his wickedness
And those whose mouths speak his poisonous lies

I beseech thee, spirits, bind all of them
As with chains of iron
Bind their malicious tongues
Strike down their towers of vanity
(Invert Tower tarot card)

I beseech thee in my name
(Say your full name)
In the name of all who walk Crawl, swim, or fly
Of all the trees, the forests,
Streams, deserts,
Rivers and seas
In the name of Justice
And Liberty
And Love
And Equality
And Peace
Bind them in chains
Bind their tongues
Bind their works
Bind their wickedness
(Light the small photo of Trump from the flame of the orange candle stub and hold carefully above the ashtray)

(Speak the following loudly and with increasing passion as the photo burns to ashes)
So mote it be!
So mote it be!
So mote it be!

(Blow out orange candle, visualizing Trump blowing apart into dust or ash*)

(Pinch or snuff out the white candle, ending the ritual)

Grounding and Disposal

Afterward, ground yourself by having a good, hearty laugh, jumping up and down, clapping your hands, stomping your feet, and having a bite to eat. Grounding is very important—don’t neglect it. And remember—he hates people laughing at him. Finally, bury the orange candle stub or discard it at a crossroads or in running water.


Alternate Closing: After you’ve visualized Trump’s energy dissipating, gaze at the white candle flame for a few moments, close your eyes, and imagine a bright light emerging from the darkness and gradually being revealed as the flaming torch of the Statue of Liberty. The light from the torch then brightens intensely, expanding into infinity and burning away all darkness. After a few moments, open your eyes, ground yourself, and pinch or snuff out the white candle, closing the ritual. You can also leave it burning until it is fully extinguished.

Traditional Binding Variant: This variant was contributed by a rootworker, and incorporates a more traditional form of binding magic. In place of burning the photo, the magician ties the photo to the orange candle with black thread. As you are wrapping the thread around the photo and candle, say “I bind you” three times. You may also tie knots in the thread. Then the whole package is buried or, as the contributor suggested, “Leave it outside a Trump hotel.”

The Use-His-Pet-Phrase-Against-Him Variant: In place of “So mote it be,” instead say, “You’re fired!” with increasing vehemence. This should be particularly beautiful as the flames consume his image.

Baby Carrot Substitution: For those who can’t acquire an orange candle stub, Frater SHUF suggests using a baby carrot (and lighting the photo from the white candle).

Waning Crescent Moon Ritual Dates: February 24th (Midnight, Friday evening); March 26th; April 24th; May 23rd; June 21st (especially important as it is the summer solstice); July 21st; August 19th; etc. [For a full projected "non-official" list of future Bind the Evil President Donald "Jesus" Trump dates, click here.]


Wednesday, February 22, 2017

Sealing the directions using IAO (reblogged from Nick Farrell)

Nick Farrell wrote: For a while I wondered why in the Sepher Yetzirah it refers to God by the name יהו instead of the more traditional tetragrammaton. This might be because the writer was using the name in Greek IAΩ. This name was the name given to the Tetragrammaton in the Greek translation of the Old Testament but was also a name given to Jupiter and was a mystical cry in the mystery rites. IAΩ was the letters of the sun, moon and Saturn in Greece, but it was also the first, middle and last letters of the alphabet. Translating it back into the original Greek it starts to make sense in that context.

He looked forward and sealed the East, with A I Ω.
He looked to the right and sealed the South, with Ω I A.
He looked behind and sealed the West, with Ω A I.
He looked to the left and sealed the north with A Ω I.
He looked below and sealed the deep, with I Ω A.
He looked above and sealed the height, with I A Ω.

Read the rest of the post "WMT (Western Mystery Tradition) Kabbalah is no longer my personal magical system's backbone" at

Monday, February 20, 2017

Bind Trump bizarre ritual (Why the spike?)

Overnight, this video (my July 4th 2016 video) had a spike in views overnight. And I have no idea why...beyond the fact that I have heard that there might be a serious "bind Trump" global witchcraft ritual happening later this week. So call out all your fanatic Trump fans to make a protective wall around Donald "Jesus" Trump, the most bestest President that the United States has ever had.

Sunday, February 19, 2017

Demon in charge of the universe (Death to the Great Gherkin)

Your average well-educated modern person ignores the world of the occult. This is probably for the best, for people who examine the world of the occult too closely sometimes start to notice the cracks in the foundation of the universe. These are not small cracks—no, they are the sort of cracks that tell you that there is a plan and purpose to the universe, but the shipping department of reality shows all the signs of being as efficient as your average overly endowed and underfunded governmental agency. Sure, there is someone in charge, but it is definitely not the figurehead that is placed upfront to take all the blame when things go wrong. The entity who is really in charge of the universe is very careful never to allow their name to be associated with any title that rhymes with “god.” And this entity is not only hidden, unreachable, petty, and maybe a little bit power drunk, they also fancy themselves as having a brutal sense of humor. And it is true, their sense of humor is brutal—it is just not generally understood by those who do not have a thousand consecutive years of magic, mediation and mysticism under their belts. This results in the universe occasionally working exactly as the controlling entity wants it to while the end consumer is busy calling for the replacement of the fictional figurehead because they have completely missed the punchline of the latest joke to manifest out of the universal bureaucracy. It is much better for the universe to be seen as a chaotic random series of events than to have the average person suddenly have the horrific realization that the purpose of the universe it to create the mental agony and confusion that can found at any Department of Motor Vehicles. After all, such a realization is how you get mystics who insist that the universe is just meaningless suffering created by a demon, and that the only way to cope is to get seriously drunk.

For those who can’t be bothered to read the previous paragraph, not alone understand it: The universe is supposed to feel like hell because it amuses the Sneakiest Bastard to make it so.

Saturday, February 18, 2017

Should liberal journalists be burned at the stake? Hardcore Trump supporters say yes!

Congratulations America for making it to week four of Trump's first term as President. Yes, that is right--it has only been four weeks. And in that time, President Trump has not been allowed to do a damn thing without the liberal media misrepresenting what he is doing.

So to recap, Trump and his supporters have no problem with taking away the visa and Green cards of Muslims from seven countries, even if they have been living in this country for a decade because "All Muslims are terrorists"; Trump has picked the very best people, who have no flaws, and have no desire to incite racism nor enrich themselves at the taxpayers' expense; the Republicans are ready to get rid of Obamacare and make sure that everyone gets the healthcare that they deserve; other countries are a bunch of assholes, except for Russia, who we love and who would never dream of rigging the system to get a puppet President; the voters still do not care about Trump's tax returns, nor the hydra-like tentacles of his business interests affecting his policies, nor the policies of his officials and representatives; consumers are eagerly buying Trump products because they are the best, and Trump's policies are the best; we must get rid of all immigrants who just take away jobs and only commit crimes--remember that there are no good immigrants--all immigrants are bad; we must do away with the EPA with its horrible regulations; we need to get rid of all references to the false science that says global warming and pollution is a real thing; we must close the borders to overseas products; only students with rich parents deserve to be educated; and everything is still the fault of those dirty liberal traitors led by Hillary Clinton and ex-President Obama, who are still conspiring to overthrow the bestest President ever.

And all this is true, despite any reports that you hear from the media, who are the true enemy of the American people.

Why is the media treating me like I am a third grader with nuclear weapons--nuclear weapons are the best.
Yes, I suffer from Trump rage. My wife is an ESL teacher (oh how we need to make sure that she never works in education ever again--who the fuck thinks it is a good idea to teach the children of immigrants?!?), and I am slimy person who once considered a career as a journalist, plus we are not good Christians--oh my god, we need to be burned at the stake for our unAmerican beliefs.

Of course, as a journalist "wanna-be" (I wanted to be a newspaper columnist, a funny one like Emma Bombeck; but I would have settled for writing political commentary), I keep feeling insulted by the way that President Trump is treating journalists. 

And I have noticed a pattern. Every time a journalist reports something negative about Trump, his policies, and the bestest people in the his government, Trump screams that "Those journalists are FAKE NEWS. So sad that they believe that I am the devil. I am here to led America into a new golden age where everyone glows in the dark. Nuclear weapons are good, but you can also do bad things with uranium. Sad."

It was really hard to watch his first solo press conference, given that he insulted members of the media at least thirty times (I lost count after thirty). Of course, it got even better when he sent out the bestest survey ever!

Do you believe that the lying media should be fined, tossed in jail, and burned at the stake? If you voted for me, of course you do. You are the bestest supporters a tyrant can have.
It was a very rigged survey, guaranteed to prove that Trump can take any steps he needs to put the free press in its proper place--kissing his butt and telling him that he is the greatest while ignoring any threats to the Constitution and possible harm to anyone who is not a rich white guy.

And when I interacted with his hardcore supporters, I realized that the only part of the Bill of Rights they support is the right to have handguns. The other nine parts can be flushed down the toilet, along with the rest of the Constitution, because dirty liberals keep acting as if it (and not those good conservative values that say only rich people have rights), the Constitution, is supposed to be the guiding principle for the laws and government of the United States of America.

I honestly think that his supporters believe that every journalist, every comedian, and everyone in the country, that criticizes Trump should serve jail time, or worse. By their standards, journalists should have never broken the news on Watergate, and should only criticize Democrats and other filthy liberals. (Yes, that is right--I just compared Donald Trump to Richard Nixon--guess which one I like better--the answer will surprise you!)

And oh, how I should not worry about what Trump was going to do because it was Obama that it is responsible for any crackdown on journalism that happens. All hail Trump--who can do no wrong!

(For the record, George Bush and Obama went after leaks that threaten intelligence and military assets--not every journalist that ever said, WTF?!?)

Trump does the bestest tweets, full of love for the principles of democracy...well, except for all those parts about a free press and common human decency.
In journalism classes (yes, I took some--I must be burned at the stake), I was taught that journalists were the watchdogs of society, that journalists served a purpose of keeping politicians honest, sometimes even forcing them to act as if they cared for stuff other than their wallets. We are not supposed to be liked by politicians; after all, we have to expose all the slimy things that politicians try to get away with.

And despite what hardcore Trump supporters think, if Hillary Clinton would have won and started doing half the crap Trump has, we would be howling for her head. But no, the media needs to be put in its proper place because we just hate good conservative values rooted in the only religious document that counts--the Bible--which completely says that witches, and liberal Trump hating journalists must be witches, need to be burned at the stake as a message to the rest of the rabble that the Holy Tyrant Donald "Jesus" Trump can do whatever he needs to to put those dirty filthy poor people in their proper place, enriching the wealthy.

But never fear Trump supporters, Trump still has another 208 weeks to get rid of all the immigrants, void those silly government regulations that harm big business, make a law to allow the imprisonment of journalists who say bad things about him, make it legal to kill all those people who do not believe in the same religious document as you do, and bring back tons of good paying dime an hour jobs. And after that, in 209 weeks, he gets to start his second term; and then in 416 weeks, he becomes President-for-life because you are going to change the Constitution to allow him to do so; and then when he dies, one of his relatives will become our next king. Oh look at how wonderful America's future is--look at all the happy rich people--try not to step on the sick and dying poor people.

Hail Trump! Or Hydra! They seem to be the same.
Oh wait, I am not a journalist wanna-be--I must be a FAKE NEWS journalist because I am saying mean things about your lord and savior, the bestest President ever--better report me to the authorities, so that I am silenced once and for all. All hail Trump!