Your gun is perfectly safe (so shut the f*** up)

For all you gun nuts and Second Amendment fetishers, shut the f*** up. The government is not going to come and take your precious p***** substitutes away. President Obama is not going to declare martial law and become President-for-Life (Trump does that on September 2024--read your future history books people!). Your guns are perfectly safe, and you can buy hundreds and thousands more of them and stockpile them in some strange Satanic Waco James Town cache along with the cherry Kool-Aid that you love so much.

And yes, I know that I should not be talking about guns, and gun control, because we are still fresh from the latest gun violence mass shooting tragedy. By that social custom, because there is a mass shooting event every week, we are never allowed to talk about gun control.

And if I am not allowed to talk about guns, you should not be allowed to talk about guns either.

I think that the media should just shut the f*** up about gun violence. The media should talk about guns, and their associated violence, for just five minutes a day. No more! Why? Because we are not going to do anything about it, so there is no point in talking about it anymore. So just shut the f*** up!

You wanna know why I know that we are never going to do anything about guns?

Five words. Sandy Hook--twenty kids dead.

If the death of twenty kids was not enough to enact meaningful gun control, there is not a tragedy large enough to make it happen. It does not matter how many people you shoot, or why, or who---none of it matters because good ol' Murica has decided that guns are more important than children. Don't believe me--just Google the number of toddlers who have shot someone this year, including themselves on occasion.

It does not matter if it is whites, blacks, Mexicans, Muslims, Christians, Jews, police, Presidents, or little green reptiles wearing human body flesh suits. If twenty children was not enough, no gun violence event is ever going to be big enough to move the NRA brought politicians into angering their reptilian masters.

So quit stirring up fear and go back to your secret room where you are planning the overthrow of the United States government, the murder of your ex-wife, and every f***ing coworker that flipped you off. Your guns are perfectly safe, and you can shoot anyone you want right in the face anytime you want to.

Oh look how large your p**** is! I just want to make love to you right now you sexy mass shooter.

Maybe we should make it harder to get guns

Oy--another shooting in America. Inside a shopping mall. This time up near Portland.

(Ok--full disclosure: I have a relative living in Portland--therefore, my critics will scream that I am too close to this one to be making commentary.)

I have a theory about gun violence in America: We have so much gun violence because guns are so easy to obtain. And there is no shortage of ammunition either.

Perhaps we should make it harder to get guns and ammo.

Now, I realize that the cowboys in the crowd will tell me that what we need is more armed citizens. Ok, we are getting more and more armed citizens.

But they all seem to be psychotic ax-murderers. Not that you ever seen one wielding an ax to murder someone. Why? Because it is so easy to get a gun and thousands of rounds of ammunition. (If there were no guns, they would kill people with axes--basically they are crazy homicidal people.)

One of my problems with the armed response to the gun violence is that it presumes that your average citizen can hit the broadside of a barn. I know that I can...provided that I am armed with a small tactical nuke. And I am standing on the inside of the barn.

Seriously, outside of those people who have made their living through violence--criminals, police, and military personal--your average citizen is not going to be able to hit the right person while they are being shot at. And I am not necessarily sure by the steeped-in-violence crowd. Look at your typical study about how many bullets it takes to hit a shooting target; the core principle to nail such a target is to shoot lots and lots of bullets in the direction of the perpetrator.

Here is a cracked ball prediction: If someone starts shooting in a mall, and there are a dozen other people who are armed, you are going to end up with three dozen friendly fire hits before the smoke clears.

I am sorry, but the "let's arm everyone, including grandma" crowd is going to have to do a lot better if they are going to convince me that more guns are the answer to the gun violence in this county.

Too Close For Comfort

Today, I was reading Mrs. B's Confessions of a Pagan Soccer Mom blog, and she mentioned that she was taking a few days off. She needs to. She lived in Killeen Texas for several years.

I can sympathize with her. It is always hard to know people and places involved in senseless acts of violence. Ten years ago, I turned out knowing some of the people involved in the Columbine massacre. And to my surprise, I have had connections with other acts of violence. So I understand how she is feeling.

Of course, for myself, the worst act of violence that hit too close to home was the murder of a security guard by a Subway employee in the last food court that I worked in. I actually knew both the security guard and the killer. The area where he dumped the body was a place that I walked though everyday.

The only reason I was not working that day was that my bosses had finally decided that our restaurant shouldn't be open on Saturdays; basically, the store burnt up all the profit from the week to be open on a day that was optional. It was the first Saturday for the new policy.

Needless to say, both myself and my employees were slightly freaked out. All of us thought about quitting. This event may have played a part in my deciding that I would rather not work in a restaurant ever again.

So I understand Mrs. B's needing to take a few days off. I will be lighting a candle for her; she needs all the comfort that we can send her.