Think before you tweet (Didnt like that career anyways edition)

[Warning--the following was written by a dirty rotten hippie--if you believe that you need a White History month, you may not think that this entry is funny.]

As human beings, we have created rules to survive. 

Rules like: Do not stick pennies into electrical outlets, and Poking a lion with a stick cleans out the gene pool. We need to be told things like this because we are all just biological computers running amok. And in light of changes in society and technology, new rules are rolling off the assembly line everyday. 

For instance, there are now rules to survive on social media without waking up to discover that someone has written "Die witch die!" on your lawn with industrial strength weed killer. So what are the rules?

Rule number one of surviving in Twitter America: If you ain't Trump of the Great Gherkin, think before you tweet.

Why? Because a single tweet in our social media enriched environment can cause you to lose your entire career--past, present, and future--causing you to lose your entire source of income in an instant. 

Case in point: Roseanne Barr.

For those who have missed it, Roseanne Barr decided to tweet "Muslim brotherhood & planet of the apes had a baby=y." ["y" being former Barrack Obama adviser Valerie Jarrett.] 

Now, I am fairly sure that it does not take a degree in rocket science to see how this joke in today's America, with all our rich and varied social media outrage possibilities, could backfire and blow up the entire launch facility, along with oneself in the process. 

Surely, Roseanne knew that there would be a line of outrage; at the very least, some SJWs (social justice warriors) lined up around the block to talk about White Privilege and how jokes about monkeys are not funny. And we all know that is only the lowest setting on the bar, the mere floor of the possible outrage, with the ceiling ranging up into the outer reaches of the atmosphere. Oh, the outrage that this tweet could cause...

Social media is the thunder dome of our civilization--if you are dumb enough to walk into the dome, there is a good chance that you are going to get mangled by lions--people have been known to die at the hands of social media outrage. 

Or at least, people have lost careers to social media outrage.

For instance, take Bill Cosby, America's Dad, seller of frozen pudding, bigly successful, making tons of TV syndication money; his fellow actors on his show also making some good cash from reruns of the show--and with one attack of social media outrage, it was all gone in an instant. The court of public opinion crucified the man, and every television show he was ever in got yanked from reruns. Even if he was never found guilty of being that bastard in a court of law, in the court of public opinion, he was sentenced to never making another dime from his former acting career. Cosby, along with all those who worked with the man in the past, were fined with a penalty of a significant loss of income. 

In an earlier time, Cosby could have survived; but we live in a time when the dog faced demons have taken to the internet to shape public opinion. 

Don't believe me? Let me prove it by making a prediction: At three in the morning, some dog faced demon is going to go online and tweet that ABC made a great big mistake for canceling Roseanne's TV show and that all of the Trump supporters, over fifty percent of the population, or so we have been told, all of them are going to quit watching ABC. It was a bigly mistake, and it is so sad that ABC has joined the deep state liberal media conspiracy factory to censor what real Americans think and believe. If we had real justice in this country, Roseanne would get a Nobel Peace Prize for her willingness to tell you exactly what she thinks--especially considering it is all true. But no, liberals are shutting the conservatives down and totally ruining the best part of free speech which is being able to say whatever you want, as long as you are a good conservative, and not suffer any consequences. The only people that need to be censored are those dirty hippies who believe in a progressive government and that all men are born equal, who have forgotten the greatest truth of them all--white conservatives are the greatest thing since sliced bread, and poor people are why we can't balance the federal budget.

"Because our military is only spending a dollar a day to fight a godzillion wars. Poor people spend far more than that, using welfare that white people are paying for--far, far more, they spend everyday at Starbucks. Where is your outrage about welfare cheats who belong to the Democratic Party?!?"

The only real question is: Will the dog faced demon post this before our most honored, and bestest ever President does? And can the President tweet this out before the Great Gherkin does? The betting window is now open--please place your bets. 

This whole situation is a good example of how much power social media outrage has. 

The revival of Roseanne Barr's sit-com premiered to an audience, somewhere northward of eighteen million viewers. The revival was a shoe-in for instant renewal, and looked good for a long and happy run of new episodes. 

Let me remind you that this was only thirteen days ago. Yes, just thirteen days ago. Before the revival, Roseanne said that she was going to cut down on the political posts. But Roseanne Barr could not help herself, and decided to see if her career was now fire-proof. 

It wasn't.

Her career went up in a fireball. Whoosh!

There are only two people in the world who are immune to social media outrage--Donald Trump and the Great Gherkin. Both have long term contracts clearly saying that they cannot be fired, and that their followers are obligated to believe whatever they say, even when there is evidence that clearly proves that they are wrong. Furthermore, their followers are required by the Constitution itself--go on, read it, and you will see that this is right--their followers have to instantly circle the wagons and defend them from any and all social media outrage. And this is in addition to the fact, that their followers want them to be Leaders-for-Life. They can do no wrong--they are the uber brain for our society, and they will lead humanity into a glorious future without global warming, without green technology, without nuclear war, without dirty filthy hippies smoking dope, the border secure, with only America making money, and where white people living in trailer parks occupy their natural and righteous place on the top of the food chain, ruling the inferior races and political parties, and there is not a single non-Christian left. Glory to Trump and the Great Gherkin, for they have saved white people from the angry hordes of demon inspired mutt Heinz 57 hippies. 

But outside of these two people, everyone else needs to think before they tweet. 

For instance, I could not tweet that the President has giant monkey balls, larger than his hands, so big that he needs several porn stars to hold them for him--I could not tweet that, for his fans would set fire to my yard. 

Nor can I tweet out that the Great Gherkin is just a little pickle in a big jar--for his fans, which number in the millions of billions, would crucify me before burning me for being a traitorous and very dirty hippie, rotten to my core, and a total heretic for not believing that the Great Gherkin is the second greatest person on this planet, with only Donald Trump being a better and more sainted person. 

Outside of these two people, you really need to think before you tweet. And if you will not do it for yourself, think about your loved ones, your friends, and your coworkers.

"Did you know that you are working with a Nazi? How can you live with yourself, knowing that your coworker is a Nazi? If you do not quit your job, if you do not punch the Nazi on the way out, I will boycott your job, no longer doing business with you and your employer, and you will no longer make any money."

Yes, let's just ignore the fact that without a job, I will not make any money either. 

And let's be clear about something, Roseanne Barr did not just torch her own career and bank account--no, she took a flame thrower to everyone's bank account that was associated with her show. If you will not think about yourself, please consider thinking about your coworkers. Just because you think that you are fire-proof, it does not mean that your loved ones are. So for god's sake--think before you tweet. 

If not evil, what do dog faced demons do on the internet? 

Remodeling update (production schedule delay)

A quick update for those who are curious about the house and yard remodeling.

The fallen tree was removed.

A metric ton of newspapers have been culled from the house.

This is despite the fact that I got sick the week and a half before the windows and doors were due to be installed. (Actually I am still slightly sick, but I did manage to get a lot of stuff done.)

Just the tip of the trash iceberg.

For those who don't know, our house is almost a hundred years old, and therefore automatically has lead paint. All of which means that everything had to be boxed up and/or wrapped in plastic.

Oh look, a thin layer of cement over brick--no wonder I can't hammer nails into the wall. 

Yes, I know that I "could have" done it "cheaper" by doing it myself. But my wife decided to spring for professionals, and who am I to argue with her? Especially given the fact that I really want to start to work on Icarus.

Here is to paying professionals to deal with the job.

The advantage of hiring professionals is that they can do it faster and better. So instead of taking a thousand years doing it myself, they managed to get the three new doors and the four upstairs windows done in three days.

Still have the four basement windows to do, but that needs to wait until I finish boxing up the basement. I have decided to do that in two stages because of how much plastic wrapping needs to be done downstairs.

We still have to get the new sidewalk in (goodbye Sidewalk of Death) and the outside painting done--it is scheduled to be done before the Fourth of July.

Both me and Khari are looking forward to the work being done, and our first garden (drumming) party later this summer.

(And I am thinking about the possibility of teaching a few occult and witchcraft classes...we will see how it goes.)

How many cats can fit in the window?

For those who are eager to see me get more stuff done (Esoteric Comedy Show, Great Gherkin/Sister Seuss, the expansion of the three officer ritual book, etc.), everything is being delayed. Besides the outside work still to be done, it has been decided that some of the rooms in the house are going to get painted, and new bookcases built--mainly because this is the first time, Khari has seen me be able to deal with such things without suffering blinding panic attacks (ask me about how meds can help).

And then there is Icarus... (which deserves its own post.) Oh yes, Icarus is coming.

Changing attitudes about marijuana in the esoteric community (can you change your mind without changing--oh yes, you can)

Over the years, I have watched the esoteric community's reactions to marijuana use change. Or not change. Or change, and then go back to the original position, which is just like it not changing in the first place with the additional fun of having proof that certain people are only interested in collecting dues and fees from you despite their claims that they are progressives and not at all stuck in conservative mindset which would totally welcome all pot smokers being burned at the stake.

My favorite incident of this type is how a few years ago, I watched one of the inspirations for the Great Gherkin tag me in a Facebook post, and then...

(Yes, the Great Gherkin is a composite monster, a Frankensteinian monster created from all the best bits of all the dubious occult leaders I have encountered over the years. You don't think that a single Big Name Occultist running a single Big Name Occult Tradition was the sole source of the Great Gherkin, did you? After all, it would be rather awesome if a single person was really that bad and manipulative, leaving the rest of the occult community safe to do business with. But no, the Great Gherkin is an archetype, an occult clone of awesome fierceness and frequency, one that appears in the genetic makeup of many of the finest occult leaders of our time. What does it take to be included into the hive mind of the Great Gherkin? Nothing more than holding a hand out asking for money while suffering Superior Tradition Disorder.)

So I am tagged in a post about marijuana, and then the Great Gherkin gets upset because not only do I weigh in; but so do other people, many of which do not see the awesome truth that all pot smokers are also violent ax murderers. Calling it a digression--a ploy to derail the many fine and excellent posts about magic occurring in their private FB group--they proudly say that it is better for everyone to have a gun, many guns, that many, many guns will prevent mass murders while pot makes people violent and unsuitable for spiritual advancement.

(Yes, that was the whole point of tagging me--to try to make me wake up to the fact that my ax murdering tendencies would totally be solved by giving me and everyone around me lots of bullets and firearms.--and that pot only made my ax murdering ways worse.)

In a fit of righteous, the Great Gherkin decided that my response ("No, you are wrong about pot making people violent") was just another point to justify kicking me out of their super and most excellent FB group. While it was not the final straw that broke the camel's back, that would have been my position on the definition of black magic (a position that they too shared a couple of days after kicking me out of paradise), they still bitterly talk about me as that Stinky Liberal Communist Leaning Pot Smoking Hippie Who Does Not Know the First Thing About Wicca and Golden Dawn Magic Despite Having Been in the System Practicing For Far Longer Than They Have...that label might need a trademark to ensure that it is only used by the right people to label the wrong people to listen to.

(In the meantime, I am barely able to prepare dinner while under the influence of sufficient amounts of THC, not alone the violent mass murders that I am supposed to be doing as a pot smoker.)

Interestingly enough, just a couple of weeks after kicking me out of their super duper greatest FB occult chat group ever, the Great Gherkin was one hundred percent in favor of legalizing marijuana, and was "the first occultist in the community to do so, having supported marijuana for years and years before anyone else did."

So why the change? Let's assume that it has nothing to do with the fact that large parts of the esoteric community actually support the legalizing of marijuana and that...

Okay, I have nothing here. If it is not jumping on the bandwagon to seem progressive and in tune with today's occult community, in order to keep collecting that sweet, sweet membership money, I have no clue. What I do know is that I have screenshots available for purchase in the kiosk that totally proves that someone was against pot, that they did not like my support of pot, and that they changed their tune after seeing that their potential membership pool had more than a few pot supporters in it.

Which they should have known already.

Having attended my fair share of classes held at occult shops, having attended my fair share of drum circles, having talked to my fair share of occultists, I have been aware of the fact that many occultists and witches smoke pot. In fact, I have heard stories that some of the biggest names in occultism, who scream that the pot is evil, have actually gone on drug benders which they and their trusted lieutenants have covered up. And I am not talking about just one person--no, this seems to be a pattern among many occult leaders who scream that the pot is bad.

Now, there are many in the occult community who are against all mind-altering drugs, including actual medicines prescribed by doctors. There are some who believe that I should not be allowed to take bipolar drugs while being a member of the occult community, not alone being allowed to take the edge off of my Inner Ax Murderer with the Wacky Weed.

But the most interesting part is watching the Big Name Occultist first banning all pot use, embracing it in the name of freedom, and then watching them going back again to condemning it after Jeffrey the Elf and the bestest President ever declared that we are going back to the successful "If you are caught with any pot at all, you will be in jail for the rest of your life" war on dangerous drugs.

(Please note that the Great Gherkin totally argues that any disagreement with the President at all makes you a traitor to the United States, one who should be hang by the neck until dead like the filthy liberal that you are.)

I am sorry, but if you can't make up your mind about the dangers of pot, I am just going to suspect that your current level of support is based not on your own opinions, but rather what you think your membership wants to hear--and that your changing opinion is more about being able to claim to be one of the people while taking the people to the cleaners.

As for myself, have I mentioned that magical pot laced cookies have sufficiently decreased the odds of me murdering you with an ax?

Happy National If You See Morgan About to Commit an Ax Murder, Please Give Him a Magical Cookie Day!

{Updated at 5:16 pm on 4/20/18: Changed "subscribed by doctors" to "prescribed by doctors"--thanks Jack Flash for catching that mistake.} 

Remember if you see Morgan acting like an ax murderer, give him a pot laced cookie. 

Want to see more stuff like this, consider encouraging me by buying a ECS script or two from me.

Here is a link to my Patreon page (show your support and sponsor me with a monthly donation.) 

ECS Free Guns For Everyone (Lap Cats Are Good Too) sales links

“Marge, have you read this?”

“Sue Ann, read what?”

“There is a pecker wood in Colorado, who thinks he knows more about the dangers of guns and gun control laws than us super-smart New Jerseyians.”

“Really? Who?”

“Mad Uncle Morgan.”

“Who’s he?”

“He is that comedian bloke that the Great Gherkin says is a paid hater and troll, and who is being controlled by the time traveling octopods from outer space.”

“Sue Ann, who is the Great Gherkin?”

“Oh Marge, you know, the Great Gherkin is just some guy, an unpopular Big Name Occultist with a patented success system.”

“Patented success system?”

“Yeah, pick a popular cause, trademark it, and charge bigly fees for people to ride on the same parade float as he does.”

“Are you sure that the Great Gherkin is not actually the President of the United States?”

“D’oh!”

It is Mad Uncle Morgan, everyone’s favorite witchy comedian, versus the Great Gherkin, the most famous occultist of all time. Which one of them is right about the Constitution and gun control? Which one of them owns a catapult? Which one is the greatest American patriot ever? And which one is just a pot smoking liberal traitor of a hippy? Learn the answers to these important and life-changing questions in this Esoteric Comedy Show special, as well learning why gay wedding cakes are so dangerous.

Now available for your reading pleasure.

Amazon

Amazon UK

Barnes and Noble

Kobo

Smashwords

And iBooks/Apple iTunes store (sorry, I am having a devil of a time trying to locate the sales page link)

Everyone loves a parade (Esoteric Comedy Show)

[At an occult convention, a comedian paces back and forth on stage, talking to an audience.]

"Danger Will Seeker! Danger! Trump joke ahead!"

Yes, that is right--it is time to talk about Trump.

Our glorious President, Donald J. Trump...

The world's biggest kid...

Last year, he went to France for a state visit, and he came back home with just one take-away...

He wants a military parade, right down Pennsylvania avenue, in the middle of Washington DC...

Because he was impressed by the Bastille Day parade he saw.

And why shouldn't he be? After all, everyone loves a good parade.

Especially kids.

And President Trump is just a big kid at heart.

I say we give him a military parade.

[Crowd reacts.]

Hear me out. It doesn't matter if you like Trump or not. [Taps side of head.] You might be able to get something out of this.

First off, be grateful that he only wants a parade. He could have wanted things like the ability to guillotine his enemies...

[Mixed reaction from the crowd.]

[Waves hands.] Yes, yes, I know...

"Evil failed journalist liberal comedian bringing shame to the occult convention circuit get their heads chopped off first."

Just remember, we know the history of the French Revolution. The people manning the guillotine, feeding the criminal politic class into the guillotine, ended up getting guillotined themselves. You may think it is a good idea now...

"But not so much when it is your own head coming off!"

Or he could  have insisted that we all learn French because they are good immigrants who would never chop anyone's head off.

I don't know about you. But after a year of high school French, and another year of college French, I still can't say, "Don't you think executing all journalists, comedians, and your political enemies is a bad idea?!?" I presume that I somehow missed that day when that important statement was covered.

Or worse, he could have decided that American national dish is now Barbecued Frogger.

"Mmmm...tasty flat frog, perfectly tenderized by fifteen ton tank, flame broiled with a flame thrower, just perfect for your Fourth of July barbecue. Nom, nom--eat it up."

So he wants a parade...

A parade that is going to cost millions...

For the life of me, I could not find a reasonable estimate on how much it would cost...

But one thing was sure...

Most of the cost would be chewed up by road repairs.

"Who would have guessed that tanks driving down the street would tear up the streets that badly."

And if you got to schedule some money, and the Army Corp of Engineers to fix the street anyways "after the most attended military parade ever," how about we choose a street that already needs repairs?

[Does his Car Model Girl mime as he talks.] "Yes, we are going to have the military parade here...on Pothole Avenue, which is famous for having the most potholes per square mile. Just last week, that pothole over there ate an entire VW van, painted with cheerful flowers and rainbows, and completely packed to the brim with pot smoking hippies. Now that the hippies have fallen into the bottomless trap that we set for them, it is time to Make This Road Great Again! Yes, for the mere cost of a few tanks, some missile trucks, maybe a few planes flying overhead, and a lot of infrastructure money--which we have been promised--we can finally have a really great road. Call it urban renewal. Plus after the tanks finish tearing up the road, we will have no more excuse not to dig up the lead water pipes and replace with gold water pipes, just in time for the many rich people who are going to move to this neighborhood after it becomes the greatest neighborhood in the country. Hail King Trump!"

What?!? Your street doesn't need repairs? Your street is pothole free? Your neighborhood can't use some infrastructure money? How nice it must be to live in a Trump branded neighborhood.

"In the meantime, those poor hippies, they were my friends. Who am I going to smoke pot with now?"

And if we do it right, we could have a military parade every week, in a different neighborhood. "Call it urban renewal."

And Trump will be very happy. For after all, he holds one of the most important jobs in the world--all of which are required to love parades.

[Counts on fingers.] Pope. Required to love parades. Has special car with a bubble top, so that he can wave at the crowds at parades.

President. Required to love parades. And we have a really fine parade lover here. Maybe the most parade loving President ever. I assume that he has a special car to ride in parades. If not, the local car dealership can provide one. They provided one for the homecoming queen to ride in, why not the President?

And Superior Guru of All Things Magical and Occult Worth Knowing. Required to love parades. Has a special SegWay to ride, so they can lead the parade, and be upfront...

Because without them, how would we know what political enemies to hate? They have to lead because...

"The rest of us are idiots who would not know evil from a hole in the ground." [Pauses and makes a puzzled face.] "Why is there a tank parked in that pothole full of hippies?"

Parade loving is right in the job description of the three most important jobs in the world. Otherwise, how do you explain the typical day of someone holding these jobs?

[Does his mime of pounding on a computer keyboard, beating a dead horse, and waving at a crowd while riding a SegWay and leading a parade.]

Now, I will admit that we have to invoke some safety rules for these military parades...

Simply because we can't have the series finale of the Trump Show come too soon.

[Mimes pressing a button, rocket launch, and big mushroom explosion.]

Remember if we don't give him enough attention, he will surprise us with the ultimate surprise.

"And I don't look good in glow-in-the-dark radiation."

First safety rule...

Don't load the guns.

This is important rule for big kids like to press buttons.

[Mimes pressing a button, rocket launch, and big mushroom explosion.]

Second safety rule...

Do not seat him next to my mother.

Let us learn from last year's Fourth of July rodeo parade and barbeque...

For if we sit him next to my mother, we will have an executive order issued the next day, that requires every occultist and witch to be burned at the stake before having our ashes deported to whatever soccer hooligan land we came from.

"United States? No...what if I don't know where my ancestors came from? Oh, launched into space. Nice. Always wanted to visit Mars."

Third safety rule...

Don't let him grope the homecoming queen. Just because she is a beaver with big teeth does not mean that she deserves to be groped. In fact, maybe we should give her a taser. Just to be on the safe side.

[Mimes groping and electric shock therapy.]

Fourth safety rule...

Make sure that he is entertained.

"Otherwise, we might get bombed."

I suggest putting some of his enemies, journalists, hippies, those damned Democrats, in a clown car.

[Mimes smoking pot.] After all, I am quite sure that is where he thinks they come from.

Fifth safety rule...

Do not tell him that the sword wielding Jedi knights are not part of his military. Instead, tell him that we are preparing to fight off an invasion of time traveling octopods from the demonic suns.

"Totally believable man."

Sixth safety rule...

And the most important...

Do not let him examine the tanks too carefully.

After all, we do not want him to realize that we used hippie vans, covered with Styrofoam, chicken wire, cardboard and tissue paper, painted a nice military green, to create some realistic looking tanks, so that we could actually get some of the infrastructure funds promised to my neighborhood.

Now available on Amazon. Coming soon to other retailers...

Want me to write more of this stuff?

Buy a copy of Assault With a Deadly Taco, a show sampler, three "twenty minute shows," at your favorite ebook retailer... {This post was a "ten minute" bit.}

Because buying ebooks is how you encourage writers. And comedians.

Amazon USA

Amazon UK

(also all the other Amazon sub-sites)

Smashwords

Coming soon to Kobo, iBooks, & Barnes and Noble.

Hobnobbing with the rich and famous (NaNoWriMo Great Gherkin)

A big selling point of Great Gherkin's Order was the sheer number of wealthy CEOs, widely popular country western singers, honest politicians, and other successful people who belonged to their esteemed Order.

These success burdened members attended popular Order events, and even occasionally hobnobbed with the elite of the occult world, those Secret Chiefs whose names we are not allowed to utter for fear of breaking our oath of secrecy.

Given the general disapproval of the occult held by those course people that we call the common people, the more successful members of Great Gherkin's Order insisted that their identities be kept secret from even those who swore oaths to the Order. Still their presence was hawked to the less-successful applicants as a benefit of joining the greatest occult school that the world has ever seen. "Come hobnob with the rich and famous at our Order's private events. Network. Make new friends. Get access to apply for interesting jobs. Send me all your money now!"

Interestingly enough, those members making minimum wage, or its near equivalent, only ever met with other minimum wage members; none of them ever met such exalted members like the Great Gherkin bragged about having in their Order.

A sad pitiful cynic might be suspicious, inclined to believe that the more successful members were merely the product of the Great Gherkin's fevered imagination; if not, an outright lie told for marketing purposes. Such a sad person, such a suspicious person would be utterly wrong, for the Great Gherkin only told the truth, and never lied even when their pants were on fire.

If you join the Order of the Great Gherkin, you will not need to read this book.

What is NaNoWriMo (National Novel Writing Month)

For those who are curious, National Novel Writing Month is basically a bunch of writers (both professional and amateurs) who attempt to write fifty thousand words without any editing in the space of thirty days in order to create a rough draft of a novel.

The preceding sentence was forty-five words. That's like 2.9 percent of the 1667 words one needs to write on average every day to hit that goal. Or in other words, I would need thirty-eight more sentences of that length to complete today's word count goal. Provided that these were actually words that belonged to the horrific novel that I was working on.

But I would never do that; I would never count the number of words that I used to explain NaNoWriMo to pad out my rough draft and hit my goal. That would be cheating.

No, instead I would write "The Great Gherkin has a small pickle" two hundred and fifty-four times to make up my daily word count. Do that thirty days in a row, and behold a novel that is as intelligent as anything a Big Name Occultist/Magician/Witch/Shaman/KarmaCoach has ever said.

In fact, if you read the sentence "The Great Gherkin has a small pickle" out loud seven thousand one hundred and forty-three times, you will become enlightened. You can trust me on that one, for I am a novelist and not the Great Gherkin.

Or so you would think.

You keep telling lies and tall tales (dont you worry about losing readers)

Every once in awhile, I will be asked the question, "Ain't you afraid that you are going to lose readers (followers, friends, fans, etc.), if you continue to write things that offend?"

Or one of it many variations, such as "If you don't quit telling lies about the Great Gherkin, I am never going to read another word that you write," and the ever famous, "Sister Seuss is on our Order's banned reading list."

[For those who are curious, why I list fictional characters that have yet to get a full novel to themselves, just bear in mind that November is NaNoWriMo {National Novel Writing Month}, so someone is sure to complain by the end of the month that I have accidentally based characters on themselves, or someone that they worship as a Master Incarnate, or someone who should die a fiery death by being burned at the stake for disrespecting the most powerful wizard in the land...in other words, some people don't think that you can tell the difference between fiction and non-fiction.]

Honest answer is that I used to have some concern over losing readers; but a couple decades worth of writing and social media experience tell me that such concerns, if paid attention to, merely shackles oneself and serves no useful purpose.

This is especially true in the current political and magical environment. At the moment, if one expresses the wrong opinion about someone's favorite politician, one loses "friends" and followers on all social media platforms. Plus one gets labelled as a member of the enemy party even if one has no idea what they are (I kid you not--I had to look up Antifa). There is not a day that goes by that the slow tickle of defriending and defollowing does not drop my friend count down another notch.

Please note that this slow drain will eventually bottom out, simply because there are people who are my friends and followers because they agree with my opinions, value my writing, and enjoy the many cat pictures that I share. It is these people that my core audience comes from, not the many people who disagree with me so much that they put me on banned writer lists.

I have a vivid memory of the first time that someone decided to quit reading my stuff. The reason that they loudly declared that they were no longer going to read my stuff? Oh, because I decided to put ads up on this blog...because a real occultist never advertises, nor needs to pay bills, nor desires to make a living doing anything other than flipping burgers.

Quite honestly, that incident led me to the conclusion that the pro-bloggers were right, and that there was no way to make everyone happy--and therefore, I don't bother to try. Either you are one of my readers or you are not. My job as a writer is to get people to respond to my writing, and sometimes that response is getting someone to hit the defollow button.

Controversial Cat is controversial.

Death so much death (where can I order the rebirth)

Previous blog/ MasterList/ Next blog

Welcome to the October Tarot Blog Hop. The theme for this particular hop is: Le Roi Est Mort, Vive Le Roi! (The King is Dead, Long Live The King) Birth, Death & Rebirth...which seems fitting considering the ghastly year that I had. 

For those who have not heard about the year I have been having: First, the head of the Hearthstone Community Church (the "open full moon people"), Alia Denny died early this year; and then just a couple of months ago, my mother-in-law committed suicide because she no longer felt able to deal with her own health issues. These two events have been forcing me to reconsider my role in the local Wiccan community, deal with my own suicidal tendencies, and double-guess decisions I made before these two deaths. 

Our wrangler asked us to ask three questions of the cards:

1: What do the cards tell you about where this cycle has  lead you--where have you been?

Knight of Cups: I started this cycle focused on my writing, and the projects that I wanted to complete. But instead of accomplishing anything, I have been forced to consider that maybe the idea of being a writer (a successful one) is just a pipe dream. Both deaths caused serious disruptions in the flow of my writing. The only thing that is keeping me from chucking it all in is the fact that I get fed up with "management" after a mere ten minutes of watching someone else manage a business, and the fact that I believe my wife would be displeased with me if I gave up on my writing (she says I am a nasty person when I am managing a restaurant). So now, I am kinda depressed and moody, and double-guessing the value of what I was (maybe still am) working on. 

(For the curious, I am most passionate about writing stuff in the Great Gherkin/Sister Seuss universe...which consists of me making jokes about the occult community. It is not educational, uplifting, or even potentially marketable. Still ninety percent of my output lately is connected to that universe. All other projects have dropped by the wayside more or less.)

Knight of Cups.

2: What do the cards tell you about where you are headed--where are you going?

Eight of Wands: Unfortunately, this card just seems to indicate that I am going to continue to be wrapped up in "the project that is just going to p*ss people off." I do find it amusing that the figure in the card is green--Hulk smash! The writing in that particular universe tends to go fast which matches the speed that I imagine the future boycott of my work is going to take. 

I would try to wiggle out of this reading, and aim for the Harmic Barrow stuff....but that is also a project that I think people are going to be upset about (the Barrow universe touches upon racism). 

On the positive side, I assume that the storm will pass quickly and my offense soon forgotten by most people (there will be a couple of people who will be upset for a long time, but considering that they have held grudges against me for other offenses seemingly forever--they don't really count).

Eight of Wands.

3: What do you feel has changed for you at the end of this cycle along your journey of life?

Three of Swords: Panic attacks. That sums up where I am currently at. (According to the lore, this card can indicate panic attacks, so let's go with that.) Lately, I have had quite a few of them. Not only am I double-guessing my ability to string sentences together, our household budget is in shambles (my wife's job hunt was interrupted by her mom's death), so that just makes the voices in my head saying, "Go back to restaurant work you f***ing loser" that much louder. Plus my wife is not necessarily in a good place emotionally. I will admit that a certain amount of self-medication is happening on my end, just so that I can keep the worst of the panic at bay. I am sure that she will recover, that I might recover (no promises--I have always been a little insane), and that we will survive. Still, I am not in a comfortable place at the moment. 

Three of Swords.

So thanks for reading. I encourage you to read other entries from this blog hop (hopefully, other people are doing better than I am). Until next time, INRI-LVX-IAO.

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Sister Seuss sums up Waterworld for a numpty

Sister Seuss sums up Waterworld for a numpty: There are no golf courses after global warming wins. Seriously, no golf courses. None at all.

Sister Seuss is not a scientist, so you can believe her.

Sounds like Harry Potter (RAEBNC Halloween Kitty)

An useful RAEBNC substitute is "Sounds like Harry Potter." And a lot of people use it on Facebook.

For some reason, people are not happy just recounting the magic as it actually happened.

"I lit the candle using a lighter that took me thirty minutes to find (maybe I should put lighters on the grocery list), did the Lesser Ritual of the Pentagram, screamed the divine names at the top of my lungs, set fire to the poppet, broke circle to shut off the damn smoke detector. Two days later, the Great Gherkin told a story about how someone hexed a tire off the back of a truck, almost smashing his car. Ritual must be marked down as a failure--I was trying to conjure up a new calligraphy set."

Instead they must say, "And the Archangels formed out of the mist as I dis-consecrated the graves of Doctor Dee and Kelly, their eyes tearing up as I chanted perfectly the forty-nine names of God, before sacrificing a baby to make a Horocrux. The ritual was a total success and just proves once again that I am the greatest Rosicrucian Imperator to ever live."

In all such instances, you are allowed, perhaps even required to say that the story teller's tale sounds just like something out of Harry Potter.

Harry Potter is off to quidditch practice on his Nimbus Two Thousand broom.

Roll 2d20 (RAEBNC Halloween Kitty)

Continuing our month of random stuff to say to make people think that you care, we present Dungeons and Dragons Kitty, Cardboard Edition.

If you are anything like me, you know a lot of people online (and in real life) who had played some form of role-playing game in their life--the type with the paper maps and funny looking dice that is. Therefore, the comment "Roll 2d20" or any of its variations ("Roll 3d6") means something, even if you are just pretending to read the discussion.

For instance, earlier today, someone posted a picture of items that they dug up from the graves of children while asking whether the spirits would be upset. I think that you will agree that telling them to Roll 2d20 makes a lot of sense because they are about to take some damage.

(Information for the one poor soul that has never played any form of tabletop gaming, "2d20" means "two dice with twenty sides." And dice are rolled for anything that the Dungeon Master "DM" [or Game Master "GM"] {or any one of a hundred different titles} needs to have a random number for--the amount of damage you take, the amount of money that the Great Gherkin cons you out of, the chance of the lovely elf falling in love with your character, etc.)

When your new armor kills your Dex.

Bring out your I need a machine gun for self defense arguments (Las Vegas terrorist act)

We interrupt my blogcation to bring you some thoughts about the latest bit of gun violence in the United States.

Last night in Las Vegas, there was a mass shooting incident. The news broke before I went to bed, but I decided to wait until morning to write this post (in hopes of having better information). As I write this, the latest death toll figure is fifty-eight dead and a couple of hundred people injured--and the number is still climbing. So if I understand it properly, a sniper with an automatic weapon (I heard "machine gun") opened fire from a upper story hotel window unto a crowd at a concert two hundred yards away.

I have already seen the knee-jerk NRA self-defense argument that a plane, a car, a bomb, evil voodoo, could do the same amount of damage. Honestly, this argument does not hold for this incident, due to the difficulties of delivering said items to their target. And in this situation, with its security, if you wanted to to generate high causality numbers, your best bet was a machine gun or a rocket. And the last time I checked rockets are harder to obtain than guns.

(For those who are curious, I spent a lot of time studying the terror act of attempting to assassinate Adolf Hitler--the problem was delivering the bomb to the target. [Not that I view it as an act of terrorism, but some people do...and some of them are nice people, according to our President and his fan club.]  I have studied this problem and have came to the conclusion that bullets are easier to deliver to certain target-rich environments.)

I also have seen the knee-jerk "good guy with a gun" argument. Are you really telling me that no one attending a country music concert in Las Vegas had a gun? It is an open-carry state--there had to be dozens of guns there.

On top of this, I have also seen the "We need guns to protect ourselves from Hillary Clinton and Obama seizing power" argument. (At first, I thought that it was a tasteless joke, then I realized that the person was being serious--they really think that Clinton and Obama are going to overthrow the government of Donald Trump--a fact that I discovered from their wall; they have been screaming this ever since the election.)

So the gun freedom nuts are already out in force defending their right to obtain a machine gun and open fire on an innocent crowd. Or in this case, other people's ability to do such.

And all this reminds me of the satire I am writing.

In my satire, there is a series of domestic terror attacks; each being worse than the previous. And a talking head on FOX News screaming, "the right to keep and bear arms"--and in the end, arguing that they need to be allowed to keep nuclear weapons, so they can defend themselves from terrorists and the government.

I did mention that this was a satire, right?

By the way, I don't want my satire to based on reality. But people will argue that it is. (In my story, it is a sniper overlooking Times Square on New Year's Eve.)

Nor did I want a new benchmark of the level of violence (death toll) that we are willing to tolerate because we must have our phallus-extending guns. My old benchmark was Sandy Hook--if we could not get a reform of gun control laws in this country after Sandy Hook, then it would never happen. (This is also something I play with in my satire---having an incident of a thousand people not being enough to tilt the balance.) Now, the official benchmark is fifty-eight dead, two hundred injured--possibly higher--and we still are going to allow the NRA tell us that we are not allowed to keep guns out of the hands of crazy people.

It is a sad day when my satire starts to look more reasonable than what is actually going on. Good job, America.

Sorry, I think that we have a problem here.

Why I blog about politics and other distasteful stuff (why should those people have all the fun)

One of the questions I occasionally get asked is: "Why do you blog so much about politics and other distasteful things? Shouldn't you be focused on magic and whatnot? Or at least, satire and humor? After all, that is what you claim this blog is about."


And I would focus on humor and the occult if only certain other occult authorities would shut up about politics and whatnot, and focus solely on magic and the occult instead.


Unfortunately, these other occult authorities insist on preaching that everyone needs a gun, that Hillary Clinton should be shot as a traitor, that the news media needs to be put under government control, that Muslims should be put into concentration camps, that global warming is a Chinese hoax, that chem-trails are real, that free trade agreements are bad, that all immigrants are evil criminals, that you are not allowed to protest the actions taken by your government, that there are some nice people who just happen to also be Neo-Nazis, that there is an evil conspiracy of black magicians controlling the parts of the government that they disagree with, and that President Donald "Jesus" Trump is the greatest President ever.


If these dozen or so Big Name Occultists, all who claim that they speak for (and lead) the entire esoteric occult community, would shut up, I would be inclined to restrict my political commentary to my satires. But they won't, so either will I.


In fact, they believe that because they are the Heads of Great Traditions Going Back To The Stone Age And The Garden Of Eden, that not only are their opinions right, but that everyone who studies under them, and who comments on their pages, blogs, and groups, should be forced to think and believe exactly like they do.


If you think that I am wrong, just tell one of them in one of their forums that they are wrong--and see how quickly you get banned and expelled from their Holiest of Groups for disagreeing with their political opinions.


Quite honestly, I don't want you to think that they speak for all of us. Or at least, I don't want you to think that they speak for me.


So until they shut up about such matters, either will I.

I blog about politics because I disagree with the opinions of others.

The Zombie Election that will not go away (Hillary is still questioning 2016 election results)

During the 2016 Presidential campaign, I made a joke that if Donald Trump lost the election that he would take it to court, and keep suing until the challenge went all the way to the Supreme Court of the United States. Like most of my satirical jokes, I was basing it on the behavior of the people I was watching and picking the most interesting thing that could not possibly happen in real life--this is the same technique that my friends keep yelling at me to quit using...because I have a bad tendency to get things right.

In case of this joke, I seem to have been right...but not in the way that I told the joke.

Clippy is here to help you!

So what did I get wrong?

Well, the most obvious is that Donald "Jesus" Trump won. But in my defense, I been predicting that he would win the rest of the time (something I said would happen for several years previous to the 2016 campaign)--this joke was a "what-if he doesn't actually win" one-off joke--you know the type of joke you make to illustrate that perhaps no one should be voting for the man in the first place.

Outside of the obvious, I was right.

How so?

Well, we have watched Trump deny that the Russians helped him, deny that his campaign (including family members) had any contact with the Russians, deny that he ever had business dealings with the Russians, and generally deny that the Russians had a significant influence on the results of the election. To this day, he walks around with a color coded maps, giving them out to people that he wants to impress, and brags about having the biggest election landslide in history...outside of the four million dead illegally voting zombies that were all Democrats, thank you very much!

Trump had even tried to crush investigations that would prove that the Russians "might have had something to do" with the election results by firing, and threatening to fire people, issuing denials; and even writing statements for his family claiming that his family cannot locate Russia on a map, not alone actually find a Russian to talk to during the campaign. 

All in all, Trump is still trying to prove that he legitimately won the election.

But wait, it gets better...

....in that Zombie Apocalypse type of way that just fills your heart with boyish glee about how f***ed up our world really is--you know the type of stuff that makes you look forward to the Zombie Apocalypse because people keep insisting on making reality stranger than any of the satire one has ever read or hopes to write.

I am starting to look forward to the Zombie Apocalypse.

Turns out that I was right that the loser would spend a lot of time challenging the results of the election.

And I do mean a lot of time challenging the results of the election.

Where to f***ing begin?

How about with the bit that ticked me off the most...

...Bernie Sanders should not have campaigned for the office of President as a Democrat because he wasn't interested in making sure that a Democrat won--no, all he wanted to do was shake things up--Bad Bernie!!!

For the record, I was a Bernie Sanders supporter because....I thought that he was a better choice than the other choices. Or because I am an evil Communist loving witch--either story works.

No, I was not a Hillary Clinton supporter beyond the simple fact that I hoped that I was wrong about people in dusty empty countries flocking to vote for Trump, and that she would get enough votes to win...mainly because I assumed that Trump would continue to act like a reality TV star who was more concerned about his ratings than actually doing a decent job as President. Every morning when I read his Trump-Tweet-Rant, I am reminded that I was totally correct in my assumption of his Presidential ability. I figured that the same-old-same-old was better than "Oh my god, we are all going to die because Trump decided to use nukes on a sanctuary city, just to prove that illegal immigration and pot smoking must be ended at all costs!"

Yes, I wanted to see Trump defeated. But I was a Bernie supporter at heart to the very end and beyond.

Mainly because despite the same-old-same-old being better than midnight Rage Tweeting and atomic bomb launching, I am not particularly happy with everything that the Democratic Party does. Yes, that is right; I believe that the Democratic Party needs a good shakeup to bring it up to date.

I think Hillary Clinton just said that Bernie Sanders had no business running as a Democrat.

But that is not going to happen anytime soon.

As evidenced by the amount of praise that Hillary Clinton has for the Democratic party.

[For the record, I have only read bits and pieces of Hillary's book. You know the bits and pieces that made their way onto Facebook. If someone has a copy that they want to send me, feel free to mail it to: Mad Uncle Morgan, 2727 N. Cook St., Denver, CO 80205. After all, I might be wrong in believing that it should have been entitled: "Why I Really Won the Election, and Twitter Fingers is a Fake President.]

Based on what I read on Facebook, it seems that the only person not responsible for her loss was Hillary Clinton.

This is despite fumbles like telling coal workers that their jobs were not coming back, instead of saying, "Green Energy is going to require millions, if not billions, of batteries, and you will get jobs building batteries for Green Energy." 

[As I said, I have not read the book. If you think that I am really wrong here, send me a copy. And I will blog about the book after I read it...because that is what I do--blog about stuff that makes me upset. If you think that I am right, and want to see my head explode, again, send me a copy...because that is what I do--blog about stuff that makes me upset.]

But I was comforted by this not being a court case...beyond the whole Russian interference investigation that looks like a express ride to whatever circle of Hell Richard Nixon is trapped in.

Or I was until a little while ago.

For those of you who not heard her interview on NPR, or have not read the transcript, you may want to: Here is a link to the transcript...

...because I would hate for you not to know why I am losing my mind here.

Here is the section of the interview that annoying me.

So first, the Electoral College, while little understood, actually serves a function. And both parties have benefited from Electoral College wins. The Founding Fathers thought that if large urban populations were allowed to control the vote, no one would ever pay attention to the concerns (and votes) of farmers, small towns, and rural populations. Yes, it is an oddity of the American system, but it actually serves a purpose.

(Yes, I actually support the idea of the Electoral College--because I understand its true purpose.) 

Second, can you honestly tell me that she would be all gun-ho about investigating Russian interference if she suspected that the Russians had favored her? Maybe, it is just me--but I think that claim might be bovine end-product.

(Or maybe it is because I find Hillary Clinton's personality to be like course sandpaper. Quite frankly, I would rather have a Coca-Cola with Donald Trump than with Hillary Clinton. After all, I would actually have something that I could talk to him about while gushing sugary drinks--how to be a successful attention whore--I would so ask him for professional tips. Her...I can't think of anything off the type of my head that I would want to discuss with her that would be even remotely entertaining.)

Third, uh, you do know that there is a way to challenge the results of the election if there was sufficient levels of Russian interference? It won't overturn the election, but it will punish the guilty if they were part of Trump's campaign...and it is called Investigations.

I can understand why Hillary Clinton doesn't think there is a way...because there is no way that it results in her becoming President.

But the Founding Fathers provided us with a solution.

Now, I am not just talking about impeachment.Trump and company has more than just impeachment to worry about. For one, Donald Trump wants a second term...

(I do wonder how Hillary Clinton will explain Trump winning re-election. Yes, I still think that he is going to win a second term--I have yet to see anything crash and burn enough to keep him from winning a second term.)

...which means that he really needs there to be no evidence that links him directly to the Russians. Public opinion could hurt him--after all, Russia is one of our traditional enemies.

There is also the matter of the 2018 election. If public opinion washes out the Republicans, he will have less protection to stop an impeachment. And he might actually have to adopt a more moderate position, if the Republicans don't control the whole nine yards.

(By the way, the reason that I support the Global Binding Ritual and other forms of protest is that public opinion could swing against the Republicans, and force him to be the moderate I want as President...well, barring a socialist shake-up of the system--while I would like a socialist in the office, I am willing to accept a middle-of-the-road moderate.)

There is also his place in history, Trump wants a place in history--he wants to be a great President. If enough evidence comes out, even if nothing else happens, his place in history will be...well, Richard Nixon might not be the worst President in US history.

And the cherry on top...there is nothing preventing law enforcement from charging him for crimes committed before he became President after he leaves office. The Founding Fathers did not close that loophole, outside of Presidential pardon power.

So despite what she says, there are ways that the results of the election still could be judged against Trump being the real victor. Trump could still pay a heavy price for his "Russia, if you are listening, please find her emails" plea.

The reason that Hillary can't see them is that none of them results in her being President. 

Burn all liberal science fiction writers (Conservatives only want conservative science fiction)

Yes, I write satire, and this post title is satire...

...but not nearly as much as you would think.

One of the things to come out of the modern polarized world of politics and righteous voters is the idea that only members of your chosen political belief system should be allowed to write and influence society.

That includes journalists, politicians, entertainers, writers, musicians, etc. ad nauseum.

Everyone else (outside of your selected political viewpoint) who influences society should be rounded up, tried and convicted as traitors, and then hang by the neck until dead to protect society from their evil heretic ideas.

Or at least, that is the impression I get from some righteous conservative voters.

For instance, some people think that the new Star Trek series is too political....because what was going on in the real life political world influenced their story lines.

Basically, if you don't agree with their politics, you are not allowed to write anything about politics--fiction or otherwise--scream conservatives. Or anything else for that matter because you might influence people away from good wholesome conservative values (which includes harvesting the organs of dead poor people to buy for tax breaks for the rich who are the true heroes of society).

No, Star Trek is not a liberal Chinese Communist conspiracy to drive the bestest President ever--Donald "Jesus" Trump--from office.

The Star Trek writers employed the device of science fiction, asked "Wouldn't it be wild if a society was like this?"--then wrote some science fiction.

It is not their fault if their story lines ended up looking like something that mirrors the descent of our own society. No, that would be the fault of our society...which by the way also includes you.

Science fiction writers write stuff that they think will be interesting, and will result in them getting more paychecks. It is all about the ratings.

If you want conservative science fiction, you need to encourage conservative science fiction writers (buy their stuff!!! share links to their stuff!!! encourage others to buy their stuff!!!)--it is that simple. If there is boatloads of money to be made writing conservative science fiction, conservatives will write science fiction. You don't need to organize boycotts, or petition Congress to outlaw liberal science fiction, you just need to f***ing support conservative science fiction writers. The free market system, which you as good conservative should believe in totally (especially if you are a Trump supporter), will take care of the rest.

You end up with liberal science fiction because it gets better ratings (and makes more money)  than conservative science fiction.

And for the record, Star Trek has always been political. A lot of science fiction is.

Examples of political science fiction include: The original tale of Atlantis, The Time Machine (H.G. Wells), Starship Troopers (Robert Heinlein), 1984 ( George Orwell), The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy (Douglas Adams), Disc World (Terry Pratchett), The New Testament (fan-fiction written by the fans of the greatest science fiction writer ever, that dude called Jesus)...etc. 

By conservative standards all these writers should be burned at the stake because they did not openly support a society ran by a reality TV star who cares more about his ratings than actually doing the job that Presidents are supposed to do (hint, the word sounds like "Unity), and where poor dead person organ harvesting helps the government give big tax breaks to those who really need them--aka those who are making over a hundred million a year. Of course, you will have to employ a time machine to kill them; but hey I keep getting told that conservative science is the bomb, and far more advanced than liberal science (which believes in false ideas like human caused global warming), so you should have no problem.

(If you know some interesting conservative science fiction writers, outside of the Great Gherkin himself, feel free to mention them in the comment section. I would mention some...but I can't think of a single one outside of the Great Gherkin [who himself is a work of fiction] and the current Republican administration.)

But never mind that---burn all Star Trek writers as liberal Chinese Communist traitors!!!

Greatest action figure ever (what the Great Gherkin wants for Xmas)

"....with four million resurrected zombies voting for her evil Queenship, I will control the fate of the United States of America. Bwahahaha!"

"And now a word from our sponsor, Mega-Fun Toys, the bestest toys in 'Murica..."

Hey kids, what do you want for Christmas?

We want President Earl Midas action figures!!!

Earl Midas comes with special trademarked Executive Power Bill Signing Grip and Super Immigrant Kicking Power!

And don't forget his Golden Chirper Throne (sold separately) and his trademarked Golden Power Suit.

Anything else kids?

Hell, yeah, we want some action figures of his enemies, so that he can kick their ass!

"The most evil enemies of any action hero..."

There is Marijuana Smoking Black Radical Muslim Mexican Ax Murderer Terrorist with real ax hacking power--oh Lucy! I am home!

And don't forget Morgana Hare, who is quick to sabotage righteous legislation--she believes that poor people deserve healthcare, even if they can't afford health insurance--she is a total evil bitch!

Now, Sissy, watch your language.

Sorry Dad--she is a total evil Commie Socialist beholden to Wall Street Bankers! 

And there is Heidi McNews, fake Media News Traitor--real blood comes out of her eyes!

Don't forget Angry Lesbian Welfare Queen with Real Social Justice Warrior Action...

...she comes with a six pack of kids!

And don't forget Captain Charlie Transgender Gold Bricker Soldier Layabout with his-her-its...whatever their preferred gender possessive is...devastating medical bills that can cost the military whole aircraft carriers, stockpiles of nuclear weapons, and deprive the United States of America...

"The Bestest Damn Country in the World, and the only one that matters..."

...of its protective wall.

"Which we really need to stop the greatest evil ever--Immigrant Families!"

What about you Timmy, do you want Bunny Silver-Unicorn, the Evil Wiccan Witch with her totally evil Presidential Binding Power? Or perhaps Aaron Lettuce the Evil Necromancer Conspirator with his Zombie Voter Resurrection Power?

No, Dad, I want some of the good guys and True Loyal Friends of President Earl Midas.

"...the most loyal allies of any action hero."

There is Johnny Bricklayer, a real American Hero who builds the very bestest bigly beautiful walls to protect 'Murica!

Don't forget Trusted Merlin Tortoise, slow and steady, a true winner, always ready to look out for the citizens of 'Murica by enacting tax cuts for the rich.

And Arthur Trustworthy, Presidential Official Real News Network Journalistic Hero, always ready to tell things as they really are...

...he comes with his own little bottle of blue pills. 

Oh dear, this sounds so expensive. Wouldn't you rather have a pony instead?

Oh no, Mom--everyone can afford the complete set for an easy set of thirteen payments of six hundred and sixty-six dollars.

You are right kids, let's go to Toys Are You right now!

"And now back to everyone's favorite Saturday morning cartoon, President Midas and the Super Legion of True American Voters!"

Oh my god--the heresy of making a Donald Trump action figure.

My current writing schedule (why only Great Gherkin at the moment) and delay in projects

I been asked about my current writing schedule by more than one person, so I will publicly post my answer.

At the moment, I have no regular writing schedule. Occasionally, I can steal a few minutes to type something up, or to quiet the voice of the Muse; but outside of that, no writing is getting done at the moment.

This means that scheduled projects are being delayed, and certain pre-releases outright cancelled (I de-listed the Mostly True Astrology project yesterday simply because I don't know when I will get back to working on it). And it also means that no matter how tight my budget gets, I can't actually commit to additional projects (I thank people for the job offers, but I can't promise that I will be able to finish even a mere hundred words a week at this point.)

For instance, the overdue (really late) issue of the Denver Witch Quarterly has been re-scheduled yet again, simply because the two outstanding articles that I am supposed to write for it have not been completed. (And the issue can't go out without those articles because they are the signature articles for the issue [Remembering Alia Denny and Esoteric Leadership].) That was what I was working on when my mother-in-law died, taking her own life, and a month and a half later I still have not got around to completing them. (There is actually a chance that the October issue will be released before the July issue, if it hits the word-count target before the July issue is done.)

I simply have to put my wife's emotional needs, mine, and cleaning and prepping my mother-in-law's house for sale, in the top priority slots, followed by housework. (The only reason I have time to write this blog post is that I can't step out of the house before the load in the washing machine is finished.)

So this means that all anyone is going to see from me for awhile is the monthly column for the Hearthstone Community Church's newsletter, and the occasional Great Gherkin related chapter (a lot of the chapters are self-contained, and can stand alone by themselves)--both of which are me getting stuff out of my head, so that I can sleep in peace. And maybe a October blog-vacation project (basically a series of really small nonsensical posts) just to keep the writing flow going until I can get back to my regular writing schedule.

I write to let the voices in my head (aka the Angry Muse) out.

Leave those statues alone! (Behold the curse of road rage)

The statue of the burning witch has sat in the center of octagonal St. Catherine Roundabout in Arkham, Massachusetts since before the Declaration of Independence. Cast in bronze, the statue shows the convicted witch, Hesper Payne burning in the exact same spot as her execution in 1692. The only time that it has not graced the roundabout was during the American Revolution War when it was hid away first from the revolutionaries, then the British, who both saw it as a ready source of war material.

Due to it predating the Constitution of the United States, it could not be affected by any federal laws that removed or modified other statues that caused outrage. So it outlasted the Thirteen Satanic Suggestions in Oklahoma, the statue of the god Chevron sitting on oil barrels while eating babies roasted on a pizza in Wyoming, the memorial commemorating Rudolf Hess at the site of the first pro-Nazi speech given in America, the neon-lighted statue of lusty Bacchus in Las Vegas, the Californian statue of Columbus beating to death his GPS with a sledge hammer, the statue of the tentacled time-traveling octopi in Washington D.C., the Statue of Liberty in New York City, and all the Confederate War statues.

In all three Prime Timelines, the statue of of Hesper Payne looks down on the boiling cauldron of road rage which is St. Catherine Roundabout. The curse of Hesper Payne upon the town fathers of Arkham radiates outward along the streets, onto the highways and freeways, infesting the whole United States--"You may have broke me on St. Catherine's wheel, but you too will be broken on thy wheels." 

While in Prime TL 3919117026, Reptilian controlled President Dolly May Ramses and her husband, Bubba "I have a nuclear weapon in my pants!" passed laws that caused all offensive statues and monuments to be torn down, and all offensive flags burned, along with all offensive literature, Hesper Payne looked down upon drivers trapped in rush-hour traffic.

While in Prime TL 52202725, Insectilian controlled President Daniel "Oh Danny!" Katz, the great Stalinian philosopher, insisted that you could have all the offensive flags, literature, statues and monuments as one desired, provided that they were all clearly apologetic, with Confederate flags being required by law to bear the words, "We apologize for slavery. Sorry for the inconvenience." on them in bright and cheerful lettering, Hesper Payne looked down upon the inconveniences caused by road construction.

While in Prime TL 666939, totally non-controlled President Earl Midas "the working man friend," arrested, convicted, jailed and deported anyone who found any righteous war statue, any righteous religious marker, any righteous working man monument, offensive and unbearable, Hesper Payne looked down upon the fully loaded military and police vehicles as their drivers tried to figure out exactly what circle of hell their GPS was sending them to.

Interestingly, in all three Prime Timelines, the family of Buddha Night would show up periodically at Arkham Town Hall, alongside lawyers and pitchfork wielding citizens, and demand that the brass inscription on the base of the statue of Hesper Payne be changed to reflect the sensibilities of the times. So one year, the inscription would be anti-witch, followed by a year of pro-witchness, rapidly followed by a time of pro-Bible sentiment, then a period of anti-Bible, then a period of pro-heresy, et cetera ad nauseous. These periodic protests and demands for righteous change wasted many hours of government time, and filled many of a slow news hour; the protests also resulted in millions of government dollars being wasted, much of which ended up in the bank accounts of the family of Buddha Night, who just happened to own the only plaque and trophy factory in an hundred miles of Arkham.    

Does an apology overcome the offense?