Space Force assemble! (Let us mess up that sci-fi novel you are working on)

Coming soon to a reality near you: Space Force!

Do you worry about the Chinese putting military assets in space? Do you worry about aliens showing up from outer space and requesting asylum? Are you worried that you might be replaced by a species with more arms than you have? Are you worried that you might not be able to collect taxes in space?

Never fear--Space Force is here!

Or as I like to call it--a fucking organization that totally messes up the outline of the science fiction series that I am writing. Damn you Mister President.

But let's be honest, shall we?

The American tax payer has no stomach to pay the massive cost of equipping a Space Force. The odds of us having a sixth branch of the military is nil next to none. If America had the will to deal with the massive cost of space exploration and exploitation, we would already have both a Lunar and Mars colony. There is a reason why private businesses are taking over space--and it is because you can't get the elected government of the United States to touch it with a ten foot pole. Maybe if it was a totalitarian government, or we had a smoking gun that China had military assets in space, we would get there--but with our current government? Highly unlikely.

If you don't believe me, consider NASA budget. Does it look like we care about outer space?

Unfortunately, as a science fiction writer, I have to give it some mental bandwidth. What if Trump could actually make it happen? Uh, yes...that would totally destroy the setup for Icarus.

(Basically Icarus is a world with a thousand people and limited resources in space--and no open military presence--there is a military presence, but it is secret and hidden and extremely small. There is no large military presence in the Icarus universe to save the day...which is why my characters are faced with such a big problem when the shit hits the fan.)

Fortunately for me, Space Force looks like it is in the same probability box as building that big beautiful war. Costs will trump the idea that winning space wars is easy. I could be wrong, but I am betting against it happening.

Coming soon to a reality where the Space Force did not happen.

Are all sex workers liars? (And should they be barred from GD?)

The totally awesome truth that everyone needs to know today is that sex workers, especially porn actresses, have no credibility and should totally be viewed as complete and utter liars. And we know that this is true because the greatest Trump supporters tell us that it is true.

And who are we to question this wisdom?

Oh yeah, I am a sex worker—I am not allowed to question this wisdom, nor am I allowed to defend sex workers. So just ignore everything that I am about to say, and go on with your very honored and time proven double standard of conduct.

Are you still here? What is wrong with you?

For those who somehow missed it, Trump’s uber lawyer, Rudolph Giulani, has come out and said that Stormy Daniels have no credibility because she has worked in the sex industry.

“I’m sorry. I don’t respect a porn star the way I respect a career woman, or a woman of substance, or a woman who has great respect for herself as a woman and as a person and isn’t going to sell her body for sexual exploitation.”

(I wonder how he feels about women who marry for money…)

In other words, Daniels is a porn star, and therefore, is totally a liar, which means that the President did not touch her, has never meet her, and would never grab her by the pussy, and we can totally believe this because the President is the greatest American ever!

You know who else has credibility issues? Hint—you can tell when they are lying by the fact that their lips are moving. Yes, that is right—politicians and lawyers.

During the Great Golden Dawn Trademark War, the last great war for the freedom of occult students to pay ungodly sums to leaders who are totally honest, and who have turned out to be uber Trump fans, we learned that sex workers are evil and should not be a part of the Golden Dawn tradition. And we knew this to be true because they had lawyers backing them up. No one with a lawyer ever lies. Well, not if they are conservatives and patriots. If you are a liberal, and therefore automatically a traitor who needs to be hung by the neck until you are dead, you are a liar, especially if you have hired a lawyer. And doubly so, if you are a sex worker.

Exactly who is a sex worker? Is it just street walkers, escorts, and porn stars? Or am I a sex worker? Did writing dubious erotica mean that I was a sex worker? My mom would say yes, and claim that I was in jail because it was less shameful. And all I was doing was making up sexy stories. This is totally grounds to bar me from the society of super spiritual seekers of the occult.

(Oh don’t pretend that it wasn't said about me—I know that it was and who was saying it.)

So let’s bar all sex workers from the occult. Never mind the leaders, and their big dollar donating supporters, who have used their occult groups as a place to pick up sexual partners. Never mind those leaders who brag about sex magic teachings which seem to be the exclusive property of those who will say to you, “Hey baby! How about a little personal tutoring in the mystical arts? Meet me behind the barn, if you want to learn more.” Teaching sex magic does not make you a sex worker…even if I think otherwise.

Yes, let’s continue our double standard, shall we? While we are at it, let’s ignore the fact that our President not only ran a beauty contest, not only gave women number values based on their appearances, bragged that he could grab any pussy he wanted without consequences, and even appeared in three Playboy videos. No, he was not a sex worker. Therefore, we can totally believe him…even if he looked a little pimpy. He was just selling the sex, which it totally fine because he is a man.

Double standard much, you practice.

Double standard much, you practice. 

Think before you tweet (Didnt like that career anyways edition)

[Warning--the following was written by a dirty rotten hippie--if you believe that you need a White History month, you may not think that this entry is funny.]

As human beings, we have created rules to survive. 

Rules like: Do not stick pennies into electrical outlets, and Poking a lion with a stick cleans out the gene pool. We need to be told things like this because we are all just biological computers running amok. And in light of changes in society and technology, new rules are rolling off the assembly line everyday. 

For instance, there are now rules to survive on social media without waking up to discover that someone has written "Die witch die!" on your lawn with industrial strength weed killer. So what are the rules?

Rule number one of surviving in Twitter America: If you ain't Trump of the Great Gherkin, think before you tweet.

Why? Because a single tweet in our social media enriched environment can cause you to lose your entire career--past, present, and future--causing you to lose your entire source of income in an instant. 

Case in point: Roseanne Barr.

For those who have missed it, Roseanne Barr decided to tweet "Muslim brotherhood & planet of the apes had a baby=y." ["y" being former Barrack Obama adviser Valerie Jarrett.] 

Now, I am fairly sure that it does not take a degree in rocket science to see how this joke in today's America, with all our rich and varied social media outrage possibilities, could backfire and blow up the entire launch facility, along with oneself in the process. 

Surely, Roseanne knew that there would be a line of outrage; at the very least, some SJWs (social justice warriors) lined up around the block to talk about White Privilege and how jokes about monkeys are not funny. And we all know that is only the lowest setting on the bar, the mere floor of the possible outrage, with the ceiling ranging up into the outer reaches of the atmosphere. Oh, the outrage that this tweet could cause...

Social media is the thunder dome of our civilization--if you are dumb enough to walk into the dome, there is a good chance that you are going to get mangled by lions--people have been known to die at the hands of social media outrage. 

Or at least, people have lost careers to social media outrage.

For instance, take Bill Cosby, America's Dad, seller of frozen pudding, bigly successful, making tons of TV syndication money; his fellow actors on his show also making some good cash from reruns of the show--and with one attack of social media outrage, it was all gone in an instant. The court of public opinion crucified the man, and every television show he was ever in got yanked from reruns. Even if he was never found guilty of being that bastard in a court of law, in the court of public opinion, he was sentenced to never making another dime from his former acting career. Cosby, along with all those who worked with the man in the past, were fined with a penalty of a significant loss of income. 

In an earlier time, Cosby could have survived; but we live in a time when the dog faced demons have taken to the internet to shape public opinion. 

Don't believe me? Let me prove it by making a prediction: At three in the morning, some dog faced demon is going to go online and tweet that ABC made a great big mistake for canceling Roseanne's TV show and that all of the Trump supporters, over fifty percent of the population, or so we have been told, all of them are going to quit watching ABC. It was a bigly mistake, and it is so sad that ABC has joined the deep state liberal media conspiracy factory to censor what real Americans think and believe. If we had real justice in this country, Roseanne would get a Nobel Peace Prize for her willingness to tell you exactly what she thinks--especially considering it is all true. But no, liberals are shutting the conservatives down and totally ruining the best part of free speech which is being able to say whatever you want, as long as you are a good conservative, and not suffer any consequences. The only people that need to be censored are those dirty hippies who believe in a progressive government and that all men are born equal, who have forgotten the greatest truth of them all--white conservatives are the greatest thing since sliced bread, and poor people are why we can't balance the federal budget.

"Because our military is only spending a dollar a day to fight a godzillion wars. Poor people spend far more than that, using welfare that white people are paying for--far, far more, they spend everyday at Starbucks. Where is your outrage about welfare cheats who belong to the Democratic Party?!?"

The only real question is: Will the dog faced demon post this before our most honored, and bestest ever President does? And can the President tweet this out before the Great Gherkin does? The betting window is now open--please place your bets. 

This whole situation is a good example of how much power social media outrage has. 

The revival of Roseanne Barr's sit-com premiered to an audience, somewhere northward of eighteen million viewers. The revival was a shoe-in for instant renewal, and looked good for a long and happy run of new episodes. 

Let me remind you that this was only thirteen days ago. Yes, just thirteen days ago. Before the revival, Roseanne said that she was going to cut down on the political posts. But Roseanne Barr could not help herself, and decided to see if her career was now fire-proof. 

It wasn't.

Her career went up in a fireball. Whoosh!

There are only two people in the world who are immune to social media outrage--Donald Trump and the Great Gherkin. Both have long term contracts clearly saying that they cannot be fired, and that their followers are obligated to believe whatever they say, even when there is evidence that clearly proves that they are wrong. Furthermore, their followers are required by the Constitution itself--go on, read it, and you will see that this is right--their followers have to instantly circle the wagons and defend them from any and all social media outrage. And this is in addition to the fact, that their followers want them to be Leaders-for-Life. They can do no wrong--they are the uber brain for our society, and they will lead humanity into a glorious future without global warming, without green technology, without nuclear war, without dirty filthy hippies smoking dope, the border secure, with only America making money, and where white people living in trailer parks occupy their natural and righteous place on the top of the food chain, ruling the inferior races and political parties, and there is not a single non-Christian left. Glory to Trump and the Great Gherkin, for they have saved white people from the angry hordes of demon inspired mutt Heinz 57 hippies. 

But outside of these two people, everyone else needs to think before they tweet. 

For instance, I could not tweet that the President has giant monkey balls, larger than his hands, so big that he needs several porn stars to hold them for him--I could not tweet that, for his fans would set fire to my yard. 

Nor can I tweet out that the Great Gherkin is just a little pickle in a big jar--for his fans, which number in the millions of billions, would crucify me before burning me for being a traitorous and very dirty hippie, rotten to my core, and a total heretic for not believing that the Great Gherkin is the second greatest person on this planet, with only Donald Trump being a better and more sainted person. 

Outside of these two people, you really need to think before you tweet. And if you will not do it for yourself, think about your loved ones, your friends, and your coworkers.

"Did you know that you are working with a Nazi? How can you live with yourself, knowing that your coworker is a Nazi? If you do not quit your job, if you do not punch the Nazi on the way out, I will boycott your job, no longer doing business with you and your employer, and you will no longer make any money."

Yes, let's just ignore the fact that without a job, I will not make any money either. 

And let's be clear about something, Roseanne Barr did not just torch her own career and bank account--no, she took a flame thrower to everyone's bank account that was associated with her show. If you will not think about yourself, please consider thinking about your coworkers. Just because you think that you are fire-proof, it does not mean that your loved ones are. So for god's sake--think before you tweet. 

If not evil, what do dog faced demons do on the internet? 

Are people still binding the greatest President ever?

Are people still binding the greatest President ever?

Uh...yes.

A big shout-out to tonight's Trump binders.

Is Donald Trump the only politician that this has ever happened to?

Uh..no.

There was Hitler.

Reader's Digest March 1914.

Am I following this because it entertains me?

Uh...maybe.

After all, there is nothing like watching someone scream "Witchhunt!" repeatedly to remind oneself that they have no clue what a real witchhunt looks like.

Wands! Wands for every witch! Free whenever Trump screams Witchhunt!

Am I still taking part in this? Have I ever taken part in this? Is this a slow news day?

Uh...maybe...maybe...maybe.

Keep calm and keep binding the bastard. 

Am I going to get angry comments and have massive defriendings because I dared to remind people about this?

Duh--of course, I will.

I, the mighty Hog Dee totally think that the President can do no wrong--remember that America is all about exploiting the weak to enrich the wealthy. 

And why am I daring to invoke the wraith of the Holy Trumpers and the Society to Build the Biggest Wall Ever!?!?

Uh...because I disagree with the actions and goals of this President--goals which still seem to be built on hate, paranoia and fear. And greed--let's not forget the greed and ego--the greatest greed and ego ever to grace the Oval Office.

Happy Trump Bind Day!

Everyone loves a parade (Esoteric Comedy Show)

[At an occult convention, a comedian paces back and forth on stage, talking to an audience.]

"Danger Will Seeker! Danger! Trump joke ahead!"

Yes, that is right--it is time to talk about Trump.

Our glorious President, Donald J. Trump...

The world's biggest kid...

Last year, he went to France for a state visit, and he came back home with just one take-away...

He wants a military parade, right down Pennsylvania avenue, in the middle of Washington DC...

Because he was impressed by the Bastille Day parade he saw.

And why shouldn't he be? After all, everyone loves a good parade.

Especially kids.

And President Trump is just a big kid at heart.

I say we give him a military parade.

[Crowd reacts.]

Hear me out. It doesn't matter if you like Trump or not. [Taps side of head.] You might be able to get something out of this.

First off, be grateful that he only wants a parade. He could have wanted things like the ability to guillotine his enemies...

[Mixed reaction from the crowd.]

[Waves hands.] Yes, yes, I know...

"Evil failed journalist liberal comedian bringing shame to the occult convention circuit get their heads chopped off first."

Just remember, we know the history of the French Revolution. The people manning the guillotine, feeding the criminal politic class into the guillotine, ended up getting guillotined themselves. You may think it is a good idea now...

"But not so much when it is your own head coming off!"

Or he could  have insisted that we all learn French because they are good immigrants who would never chop anyone's head off.

I don't know about you. But after a year of high school French, and another year of college French, I still can't say, "Don't you think executing all journalists, comedians, and your political enemies is a bad idea?!?" I presume that I somehow missed that day when that important statement was covered.

Or worse, he could have decided that American national dish is now Barbecued Frogger.

"Mmmm...tasty flat frog, perfectly tenderized by fifteen ton tank, flame broiled with a flame thrower, just perfect for your Fourth of July barbecue. Nom, nom--eat it up."

So he wants a parade...

A parade that is going to cost millions...

For the life of me, I could not find a reasonable estimate on how much it would cost...

But one thing was sure...

Most of the cost would be chewed up by road repairs.

"Who would have guessed that tanks driving down the street would tear up the streets that badly."

And if you got to schedule some money, and the Army Corp of Engineers to fix the street anyways "after the most attended military parade ever," how about we choose a street that already needs repairs?

[Does his Car Model Girl mime as he talks.] "Yes, we are going to have the military parade here...on Pothole Avenue, which is famous for having the most potholes per square mile. Just last week, that pothole over there ate an entire VW van, painted with cheerful flowers and rainbows, and completely packed to the brim with pot smoking hippies. Now that the hippies have fallen into the bottomless trap that we set for them, it is time to Make This Road Great Again! Yes, for the mere cost of a few tanks, some missile trucks, maybe a few planes flying overhead, and a lot of infrastructure money--which we have been promised--we can finally have a really great road. Call it urban renewal. Plus after the tanks finish tearing up the road, we will have no more excuse not to dig up the lead water pipes and replace with gold water pipes, just in time for the many rich people who are going to move to this neighborhood after it becomes the greatest neighborhood in the country. Hail King Trump!"

What?!? Your street doesn't need repairs? Your street is pothole free? Your neighborhood can't use some infrastructure money? How nice it must be to live in a Trump branded neighborhood.

"In the meantime, those poor hippies, they were my friends. Who am I going to smoke pot with now?"

And if we do it right, we could have a military parade every week, in a different neighborhood. "Call it urban renewal."

And Trump will be very happy. For after all, he holds one of the most important jobs in the world--all of which are required to love parades.

[Counts on fingers.] Pope. Required to love parades. Has special car with a bubble top, so that he can wave at the crowds at parades.

President. Required to love parades. And we have a really fine parade lover here. Maybe the most parade loving President ever. I assume that he has a special car to ride in parades. If not, the local car dealership can provide one. They provided one for the homecoming queen to ride in, why not the President?

And Superior Guru of All Things Magical and Occult Worth Knowing. Required to love parades. Has a special SegWay to ride, so they can lead the parade, and be upfront...

Because without them, how would we know what political enemies to hate? They have to lead because...

"The rest of us are idiots who would not know evil from a hole in the ground." [Pauses and makes a puzzled face.] "Why is there a tank parked in that pothole full of hippies?"

Parade loving is right in the job description of the three most important jobs in the world. Otherwise, how do you explain the typical day of someone holding these jobs?

[Does his mime of pounding on a computer keyboard, beating a dead horse, and waving at a crowd while riding a SegWay and leading a parade.]

Now, I will admit that we have to invoke some safety rules for these military parades...

Simply because we can't have the series finale of the Trump Show come too soon.

[Mimes pressing a button, rocket launch, and big mushroom explosion.]

Remember if we don't give him enough attention, he will surprise us with the ultimate surprise.

"And I don't look good in glow-in-the-dark radiation."

First safety rule...

Don't load the guns.

This is important rule for big kids like to press buttons.

[Mimes pressing a button, rocket launch, and big mushroom explosion.]

Second safety rule...

Do not seat him next to my mother.

Let us learn from last year's Fourth of July rodeo parade and barbeque...

For if we sit him next to my mother, we will have an executive order issued the next day, that requires every occultist and witch to be burned at the stake before having our ashes deported to whatever soccer hooligan land we came from.

"United States? No...what if I don't know where my ancestors came from? Oh, launched into space. Nice. Always wanted to visit Mars."

Third safety rule...

Don't let him grope the homecoming queen. Just because she is a beaver with big teeth does not mean that she deserves to be groped. In fact, maybe we should give her a taser. Just to be on the safe side.

[Mimes groping and electric shock therapy.]

Fourth safety rule...

Make sure that he is entertained.

"Otherwise, we might get bombed."

I suggest putting some of his enemies, journalists, hippies, those damned Democrats, in a clown car.

[Mimes smoking pot.] After all, I am quite sure that is where he thinks they come from.

Fifth safety rule...

Do not tell him that the sword wielding Jedi knights are not part of his military. Instead, tell him that we are preparing to fight off an invasion of time traveling octopods from the demonic suns.

"Totally believable man."

Sixth safety rule...

And the most important...

Do not let him examine the tanks too carefully.

After all, we do not want him to realize that we used hippie vans, covered with Styrofoam, chicken wire, cardboard and tissue paper, painted a nice military green, to create some realistic looking tanks, so that we could actually get some of the infrastructure funds promised to my neighborhood.

Now available on Amazon. Coming soon to other retailers...

Want me to write more of this stuff?

Buy a copy of Assault With a Deadly Taco, a show sampler, three "twenty minute shows," at your favorite ebook retailer... {This post was a "ten minute" bit.}

Because buying ebooks is how you encourage writers. And comedians.

Amazon USA

Amazon UK

(also all the other Amazon sub-sites)

Smashwords

Coming soon to Kobo, iBooks, & Barnes and Noble.

Exactly when did Hillary lose the election (why did Trump beat her)

Something that surprises me is that we are still debating why Hillary Clinton lost the election. Was it Russian interference? Was it sexist men? Was it Nazis? Was it fake news? Did Trump cheat? Was she simply unlikeable?


Yes, the Russians interfered. Yes, men are sexist. Yes, Nazis voted for Trump. Yes, people believed the fake news. Yes, Trump cheated (basically, he played by the new social media rulebook, not the old tradition politics version). And yes, she was unlikable.


Yet given all that we have learned about the DNC and the mess that was, I think that we can say that both sides was doing everything in their power to ensure that they were the only possible choice. Let's declare it a level playing field and move on. Both sides tried to cheat--it is what politicians do.


[Please note that I still want to see Trump's tax returns, and want to know exactly what happened between his campaign and the Russians---I want to know exactly who he is working for because it is sure not the poor people who voted for him.]


[[If you are a poor person and still think that the Trump administration cares about you beyond Trump's re-election, you need to get your eyes checked. As long as you promise to vote for him again, he will entertain you with midnight rage tweets and stories about witch-hunts while continuing to make sure that the rich get richer at your expense.]]


[[[And yes, I know--she was just as bad.]]]


[[[[That is not going to prevent me from continuing to work to draw attention to the fact that he only cares about big business and billionaires, and that his policies are really not going to help the poor.]]]]


So when did she actually lose?


In my opinion, it was during one of the debates when she followed Trump's promise to bring coal jobs back with a declaration that coal jobs were not coming back, and that she believed in green energy. Ok, she got points for telling the truth, but lost mega-points for not understanding voters in coal country. You don't tell someone that they are never going to work ever again--no, you are supposed to convince them that your plan will provide jobs to replace the ones that had been lost. I felt the ground open up beneath her at that point, and knew that my prediction of President Trump was going to come true.


What she should have said was "Green energy is going to require billions of batteries to meet our energy needs. And the people in coal country get to build these billions of batteries. Yes, that is right--green energy is going to give you good paying jobs. You get a job, and you get a job--jobs for everybody!"


But no, she did not say it this way. She was so busy calling Trump a liar that she lost sight of the fact that people vote according to their hopes and fears. And that is when she lost the election in my opinion. We can debate all the nitty-gritty bits until the cows come home, and it still will not matter as much as the fact that she shot herself in her own foot.


And if the Democrats don't figure this out...well, let's just say that 2020 will be another Trump victory, even if the Russians decide to help the Democrats instead.

Were you a bad citizen? Did you vote for the wrong person?

And the Creeper Award goes to (oh noes, people I don't like have abused their power to get laid)

Welcome to the 2017 Creeper Award where we award the creepiest person in the world with a virtual award in honor of how creepy they really are.

And this year, we are focusing on those who have abused their position of power for sexual gain.

Let's see we have...

...a billion f***ing nominees. And a new one everyday. Politicians, CEOs, priests, actors, directors, film company executives, news reporters...seriously, the list goes on and on.

How can I make up my mind when I have so many tasty options. I got so many tasty options...

It is like a Sexual Predator vending machine.

The same way I make up my mind on everything else. I randomly push some buttons on the machine and see what falls out.

Seriously, are we actually surprised about the fact that powerful men will use their positions to convince women that it is in their best interest to have sex with them?

Are we surprised that almost every woman has a story?

(Yes, I am little surprised about the extent of the problem. Sadly, my estimate of affected women has gone up over the last year and an half. At this point, I am starting to assume that every woman has interacted with a sexual predator.)

Is it hypocritical of me to say that sexual predators are bad when I am a former writer of dubious erotica?

(Former--as in I haven't published any more dubious erotica for the last four years. The reason for this is that the market has changed to the point where there are no retailers who sell the stuff. Barnes and Noble, the last holdout, in August changed their policy to the rest of the market. So I am not making money writing erotica anymore, so bite me! And when I did--I had rules: no underage, no rape, both parties had informed consent--it is sad that my stuff had a higher ethical standard than the real world.)

Is dubious erotica the cause of all sexual predators?

(No s**t--I saw someone actually argue this in the comment of a Smashwords blog post talking about the new certification program designed to let retailers know which erotic stories are dubious. Let's just ignore the fact that the Bible has amble evidence that this problem is thousands of years old.)

Are we surprised that some witches seek to cast binding spells on sexual offenders?

(Have you met a real witch? Do you really want to f*** with them and their loved ones?)

Are we surprised that other witches and magicians will rush to cast counterspells, so that the sexual offender's free will is not affected?

(Hell yes, I am f***ing surprised about the countercasters.)

Stop sexual predators in their tracks--join the Super-Duper Magical Defenders of Liberty today!

Are we surprised that some dubious occult leaders are using this wave of public outrage as a recruiting tool for their Orders and traditions?

(Not really, they use every hot trending topic as a recruitment tool.)

Is it hypocritical of dubious occult leaders to speak out against sexual offenders when they have expelled every member who ever complained that one of their favorite students is a sexual offender? Or themselves been accused of being a sexual offender?

(Uh...yes. All I have done is write dubious erotica, and cast bindings on rapists. But remember they are the heroes.)

So who do we give the Creeper Award to? We have so many tasty options in our vending machine of Questionable Leaders Abusing Their Power to have SEX! SEX! SEX! How do we chose?

By who makes me feel the sickest.

And the Creeper Award goes to every f***ing voter who has said, "Even if this politician is a sexual predator, they need to be voted for and protected because the work they do is more important than the lives that they have ruined and will ruin in the future."

Yes, all those voters who scream that we need the politician who will outlaw those they do not like, even if the politician is guilty as hell of being sexual predators, are the winners of this year's Creeper Award. 

And they get bonus awards of Willing Being Blind and Being a Complete B!!! when they say that sexual offenses are grounds for the other political party to lose its politicians, yet turn a blind eye to the members of their own f***ing party who are just as bad; or worse, claim that all accusations against their party are false while all the accusations against the opposing party are true.

I am not sure how they can look at themselves in the mirror in the morning, and how they think they get to go to the Nice Afterlife and not the So Cold It Burns Afterlife.

Oh, yeah, their Holy Book says that it is ok. You just have to pay off the victims. It is in their Holy Book. F***ing hell!

So here you go, Voters Who Think It Is OK For Their Political Party To Be Sexual Offenders As Long As They Hate And Love The Same People As I Do, here is your your shiny Creeper Award. Hold it up proudly, you selfish pricks!

By the way, it is not just the Republicans; all political parties have these pricks. 

Trump officially recognizes Jerusalem as Israel capitol (what if he is right)

Yesterday, President Donald J. Trump fulfilled one of his campaign promises, and officially recognized Jerusalem as the capital of Israel. Furthermore, the US embassy to Israel will be moved to Jerusalem. He claims that this step will lead to peace between Israel and Palestine. And his hardcore Christian and Jewish supporters are applauding this decision.

Meanwhile, Palestine, the United Nations, our European allies, and most of the rest of the world is saying that Trump has made the problem in Israel-Palestine harder to solve. As evidence, one just has to look at the spike of violence in Israel today.

Now, for the one person who just arrived on this planet, the problem with Israel-Palestine starts a couple of thousand years ago when Israel got conquered; and the Jews proved to be a violent menace when allowed to remain in sufficient numbers in the region, so they got kicked out. Since then, the Jews have been kicked out of many countries because it is easy to make a villain out of them (basically, their religious law is set up in a way where it is hard for them to go mainstream anywhere; therefore, they are always a separate group that can be scapegoated when someone wants to do something politically evil).

The problem got interesting during World War I (yes, the first one) where some politicians supported the establishment in Palestine of a homeland for the Jews. The idea lingered over the country during the period of the British Mandate. And came to a boil with the horrors of World War II which showed the Jewish people that they really need a homeland.

Looking at the historical record, I honestly think that the British politicians were playing both sides (some of them told the Palestinians that they had no worries), having apparently no actual intention of doing what they promised the Jews.

But the horrors of WWII convinced the United Nations, in 1947, to create a homeland for the Jews in Palestine. The British withdrawn and...

...all hell broke loose as the entire Arab world tried to prevent it from happening. Israel managed to win. And since then, Israel has suffered periodic violence as various Muslim warlords try to destroy them.

As someone who dabbles in alternate history stories, I do wonder what would have happened if the Arabic world would have not responded with violence. Would the Jews seen a need to expand using war? Or would they have remained peaceful, with the Middle East being slightly less violent today.

(Even with a peaceful Israel, I think that the Middle East would be a mess...just like every other historical period that mixes religious zeal with the government. And anyone who thinks the United States with a zealous national religion would be different is a loony.)

So we had a century of thought that says a Two State Solution is the way to go, and seventy years of violence as the Palestinians and their Arab/Muslim allies has tried to drive the Jews out of Israel because Palestinians and their neighbors really don't want a Two State Solution. In fact, there are a lot of radical Muslims who think that this whole mess should have been dealt with by a German victory in WWII. But no, the allies won...

There are few ways to read President Trump's decision to recognize Jerusalem as the capitol of Israel.

Trump could just be doing what his most zealous followers want because he wants to be re-elected. And/or making a major donor and his son-in-law happy. And/or emphasizing how much his loyal followers believe Islam is an enemy and that all Muslims are bad. And/or he could honestly think that this move will help the peace process. And/or he could be trying to unleash the Four Horsemen.

Or he could be secretly admitting what no Western politician wants to admit--the Two State Solution is not working, and probably never will work.

Yes, yes, I know--feel free to call me names in the comment section.

Seriously, has history ever seen a successful Two State Solution?

Let's see...

Britain, Ireland, and Scotland...uh, no.

Austria-Hungary...uh, attempting to give everyone a fair voice, including allowing several national languages to be spoken, severely weaken their military might, so that would be a no.

East and West Germany...uh, that worked out so well economically, didn't it? (By the way, German Neo-Nazis all come from East Germany because they were not told in school that Germany had committed a crime against humanity during WWII.)

North and South United States before the Civil War--so much a Two State Solution--well we all know how that one worked out. (By the way, the reason there are proud Confederates is because they are taught that the Civil War was a just war, about state rights, and not about slavery. It is like the declarations of succession never mentioned slavery as the reason to go to war--oh, wait, the documents say exactly that.)

Current Republican-Democrat Two Party Please Burn All the Traitors Stand-Off...we will have to just wait and see. (And the reason, members of one political party think that the members of the other political party is just a bunch of traitors is--drum roll please--because they are taught by the leaders of their own party that the other party are nothing more than traitors.)

Given the historical evidence that a Two State Solution will not work, the only way I see a successful Israel-Palestine dual state working is if tentacled aliens from outer space atomic laserized all the other capital cities and economic centers off the face of the Earth.

So let me now say something nice about President Donald J. Trump.

He might be the only politician in the entire world that is willing to admit that the Two State Solution is not going to work. Or maybe not--I am still waiting for the midnight rage tweet to tell me why he really did this. But if he recognized Jerusalem as Israel's capitol because he believes that it is time to consider an One State Solution, then I admire his courage to break ranks with the traditional thinking on this issue.

And yes, I know--I am evil bastard for looking at the historical examples and not being able to find one that actually work. As always, there is the glorious comment section where you can tell me that I am an evil bastard who has it completely wrong.

(Do I support a Two State Solution?...yes...for humanitarian reasons...but my knowledge of history tells me that it will probably never work without something major happening that makes both Israel and Palestine band together in the name of enlightened self-preservation--in other words, aliens from outer space. Again, there is the comment section to call me names in.)

The esoteric heart of the world according to many authorities.

The Opposition looks at witches binding Trump and the brave Christians who oppose them

October 31st's episode of The Opposition with Jordan Klepper (Comedy Central) included a segment where Citizen Journalist Laura Grey went to Baltimore and interviewed Michael Hughes (and some other witches binding Trump), and then talked to David Kubal, president of Intercessors for America, a Christian group that is using prayer to protect Trump from the evil witches.

You can watch the clip here on SplitSider.

The moment I groaned the most was when David Kubal tried to blame the turnout and violence in Charlotteville on witches, "How did people know to go there?" Because in Christian minds, all bad things in the world is the fault of witches (never mind that the internet exists). I guess Kubal also thinks that the Alt-Right are nice people, and not the f***ing Nazis I think they are.

Of course, the silliest moment was when Kubal defined prayer, “A prayer is asking the Lord to change things that I want to see happen”; and then defined a witch spell, “Well, a spell is certain words that are spoken with the expectation that supernatural forces will accomplish something that you want to accomplish.” I guess that the only reason witches are evil is that they don't believe in the Christian god (Jesus) and that President Donald J. Trump is going to bring about the arrival of the Messiah (though it should be noted that I have heard some Christians say that Trump is the Messiah).

An useful chart to determine if something is good prayer or evil black magic.

You keep telling lies and tall tales (dont you worry about losing readers)

Every once in awhile, I will be asked the question, "Ain't you afraid that you are going to lose readers (followers, friends, fans, etc.), if you continue to write things that offend?"

Or one of it many variations, such as "If you don't quit telling lies about the Great Gherkin, I am never going to read another word that you write," and the ever famous, "Sister Seuss is on our Order's banned reading list."

[For those who are curious, why I list fictional characters that have yet to get a full novel to themselves, just bear in mind that November is NaNoWriMo {National Novel Writing Month}, so someone is sure to complain by the end of the month that I have accidentally based characters on themselves, or someone that they worship as a Master Incarnate, or someone who should die a fiery death by being burned at the stake for disrespecting the most powerful wizard in the land...in other words, some people don't think that you can tell the difference between fiction and non-fiction.]

Honest answer is that I used to have some concern over losing readers; but a couple decades worth of writing and social media experience tell me that such concerns, if paid attention to, merely shackles oneself and serves no useful purpose.

This is especially true in the current political and magical environment. At the moment, if one expresses the wrong opinion about someone's favorite politician, one loses "friends" and followers on all social media platforms. Plus one gets labelled as a member of the enemy party even if one has no idea what they are (I kid you not--I had to look up Antifa). There is not a day that goes by that the slow tickle of defriending and defollowing does not drop my friend count down another notch.

Please note that this slow drain will eventually bottom out, simply because there are people who are my friends and followers because they agree with my opinions, value my writing, and enjoy the many cat pictures that I share. It is these people that my core audience comes from, not the many people who disagree with me so much that they put me on banned writer lists.

I have a vivid memory of the first time that someone decided to quit reading my stuff. The reason that they loudly declared that they were no longer going to read my stuff? Oh, because I decided to put ads up on this blog...because a real occultist never advertises, nor needs to pay bills, nor desires to make a living doing anything other than flipping burgers.

Quite honestly, that incident led me to the conclusion that the pro-bloggers were right, and that there was no way to make everyone happy--and therefore, I don't bother to try. Either you are one of my readers or you are not. My job as a writer is to get people to respond to my writing, and sometimes that response is getting someone to hit the defollow button.

Controversial Cat is controversial.

Global Satanic Enslaver Black Magician Conspiracy! (Real reason that the Hollywood cesspool and other cesspools exist)

Recently, there has been an uptick in horrible things happening to good people. There have been an increase in the number of immigrants, house foreclosures, jobs being lost, tires falling off of the back of trucks, sexual harassment accusations, Confederate statues being taken down, satiric writers not shutting up, gun rights being threaten by people who have no desire to shoot other people, and that horrible woman Hillary Clinton almost becoming President of the United States of America. And all these horrible things are caused by the same thing:

Global Satanic Enslaver Black Magician Conspiracy!

That Wall not being built: Global Satanic Enslaver Black Magician Conspiracy!
Parking ticket: Global Satanic Enslaver Black Magician Conspiracy!
Not getting a raise at work:  Global Satanic Enslaver Black Magician Conspiracy!
Bank says that they want their money: Global Satanic Enslaver Black Magician Conspiracy!
Loan shark says that they want their money:  Global Satanic Enslaver Black Magician Conspiracy!
Your horse not winning their race:  Global Satanic Enslaver Black Magician Conspiracy!
Toaster trying to electrocute you:  Global Satanic Enslaver Black Magician Conspiracy!
Killer Chinese satellite falling on your house:  Global Satanic Enslaver Black Magician Conspiracy!
Your favorite politician being falsely accused of sexual harassment:  Global Satanic Enslaver Black Magician Conspiracy!
Your favorite media talking head being falsely accused of sexual harassment: Global Satanic Enslaver Black Magician Conspiracy!
Your favorite Hollywood bigshot being falsely accused of sexual harassment: Global Satanic Enslaver Black Magician Conspiracy!
Vatican sex scandal:  Global Satanic Enslaver Black Magician Conspiracy!
Your least favorite politician actually committing sexual harassment:  Global Satanic Enslaver Black Magician Conspiracy!
Your least favorite media talking head actually committing sexual harassment:  Global Satanic Enslaver Black Magician Conspiracy!
Some Hollywood bigshot you hate actually committing sexual harassment: Global Satanic Enslaver Black Magician Conspiracy!
Being told that Alt-Right is just another term for "F***ing Nazi": Global Satanic Enslaver Black Magician Conspiracy!
Mass shootings:  Global Satanic Enslaver Black Magician Conspiracy!
Pot becoming legal: Global Satanic Enslaver Black Magician Conspiracy!
Liberals continuing to have civil rights:  Global Satanic Enslaver Black Magician Conspiracy!
Least favorite critic continuing to breathe in and out: Global Satanic Enslaver Black Magician Conspiracy!
The ice cream parlor being out of your favorite flavor: Global Satanic Enslaver Black Magician Conspiracy!

And you know that it must be true when the world's greatest occultist and lover tells you...

"Global Satanic Enslaver Black Magician Conspiracy! is why the world is a hot damn mess."

Because that explanation is so much more reasonable than "Human beings, especially men, abuse power whenever they acquire it."

For instance, there is no way that Hollywood turned into a cesspool in the thirties when men realized that there was money to be made making movies. There is no way that the hundred plus production companies of the 1910s and 1920s being brought up and condensed into a mere dozen in the 1930s and 1940s resulted in a situation where a handful of men could force women to have sex with them if they wanted to keep working. There is no way that these powerful men could convince their companies to sweep such behavior under the rug, paying off the most dangerous and uncomfortable accusations, putting clauses into their contracts that they (the powerful men) could have all the accusations they wanted as long as they paid fines, and enact self-censoring rules that ensured that no one could make a movie or television series about what was really going on. There is no way that power was condensed in the hands of a few men in such a way that it became a running joke in Hollywood that certain men in Hollywood controlled the entire careers of female actors because no one could actually talk seriously about the issue of sexual harassment if they wanted to continue working in Hollywood.

And there is absolutely no way that Wall Street, Washington D.C., Silicon Valley, mega-churches, network journalism, monolithic esoteric traditions, and a score of other industries that this blogger is too lazy to mention by name, had suffered the same type of power hoarding by men, so that they could also sexually harass any woman that they wanted to.

Hell, even the Bible has sexual harassment in it, saying that men are allowed to rape women as long as they pay a fine for violating virgins. There is absolutely no way that the Bible was actually written by men who held power and decided that they liked abusing the power that they hoarded.

No, it is far more reasonable that it was all the result of...

Global Satanic Enslaver Black Magician Conspiracy!

Furthermore, it is more reasonable that only those who do not share your particular political opinions are actually doing such misdeeds while those of your political mindset are being falsely accused. It is just a joke when your favorite politician says that they have committed sexual harassment on a live microphone, but completely true when your most hated and loathed enemy politician is accused of supporting a Satanic baby sacrifice ring. There is no way that your approval and white-washing of the deeds of those who share your political mindset is helping create the problem. There is no way that you have been tricked by false news and fast talking. No, that is can't be true; it must be a...

Global Satanic Enslaver Black Magician Conspiracy!

After all, that allows you to have a righteous hate of those who do not look and think like you do. It allows you to take part in a righteous crusade to free the world from a Global Satanic Enslaver Black Magician Conspiracy! It makes you one of the good guys. It allows you to look forward to killing people that you do not like because they have to be part of a Global Satanic Enslaver Black Magician Conspiracy!

And in no way, are you being played by a Conspiracy to Control How You Think and Act, Pay Dues to, What you Buy, and What to Watch and Read, and Who to Vote for, by some people who decided that your hot button, the thing that makes you stupid is the idea that all your troubles are being caused by a Global Satanic Enslaver Black Magician Conspiracy! After all, for that to be true, there would have to be a...

Global Satanic Enslaver Black Magician Conspiracy!

If you were ok with Trump's "grab them by the pussy" comment, then you are part of the problem.

Be a good Prisoner (Remember to report all Unmutual Citizens to Number Forty-Five)

Your attention please. Here is an important announcement. Buttons should not be read as political statements. Any citizen doing so will declared unmutual. Any unsocial incident involving such an unmutual citizen should be reported immediately to the Appeals Subcommittee. Thank you for your attention.

I am not saying that we all are prisoners...

Nick Farrell is mean to the Alt-Right (and they are upset about it)

Yesterday, in a howl Nick Farrell wrote a Facebook group moderator post about the posts that would get you banned from one of the Golden Dawn Facebook groups that he moderates. One of the things on the list was posting Alt-Right stuff. And his howl was met with screams that he was being unfair to the Alt-Right; and that by not mentioning the Alt-Left, he must somehow be supporting the Alt-Left.

Personally, as a fellow moderator of that particular GD FB group, I thought that backlash was ridiculous. First off, it is the Alt-Right posts that people keep trying to make that are the issue. Second, I haven't been seeing any Alt-Left posts in the pending stack. Third, the Alt-Left is a myth of the Alt-Right, who just assume that those who hate them are somehow organized beyond the Punch the Nazi level. Fourth, if Alt-Left posts were found in the pending stack, I would reject them (as well as Nick) simply because that particular GD FB group tries to remain focused on magic, and not on bovine end-products.

[If you are an Alt-Right, there is a Golden Dawn Facebook group ran by David Griffin which will totally let you post Alt-Right stuff. I am not sure if Griffin is an Alt-Right supporter, but he sure seems to hold their political position. In fact, the quickest way to get banned from his GD FB group is to be a liberal, and to tell him that his Alt-Right views are full bovine end-product goodness. And his GD FB group seems to be 100% about politics and 0% about magic, so there is a place for you.]

In response to the outrage that he was being unfair, and is somehow a member of the Alt-Left, Nick Farrell wrote a blog post. He wrote: 

"Some people think that the issue is political and you should not be talking about politics on a Golden Dawn chat group anyway.  While there is some truth in this, for me the issue is NOT political at all. Alt-Right ideas are not political at all but are the antithesis of everything the Golden Dawn represents.

Stripping away “political” ideas of alt-right we are still left with the following fundamental beliefs which are alien to the core of the Golden Dawn:

• The superiority of white males.
• Hatred of Jews and Muslims and homosexuals.
• A misogynistic opposition to “feminism” which is a call for women to adopt traditional roles."

You can read the rest of his blog post on his blog: Sorry, you can't be Alt-Right and a member of the Golden Dawn.

If Alt-Right is banned, why not Alt-Left?

Executive branch stages a political stunt (Take a knee)

All hail the masters of political stunts, smoke and mirrors, the mighty Trump administration.

Gregg Doyel, sports columnist for the Indianapolis Star, believes that Vice President Mike Pence purposely went to a football game just so that Pence could walk out in outrage.

"What, you think he didn't know the 49ers would kneel on Sunday? Pence knew. The 49ers are the one franchise, the only franchise, that have had at least one player kneel before every game since Colin Kaepernick was the first to do it in the 2016 preseason. Kaepernick played for the 49ers, of course."

And I think he is right. After all, the press pool was told to stay in the van because Pence wouldn't be there long. 

This whole football players are evil traitors for taking a knee during the National Anthem is just a way for President Donald Trump to say that #blacklivesmatter does not matter and is unAmerican (in other words, he is a white supremacist). And to distract us from all the other crap that his administration is doing.

When I swore my oath to protect this country and its Constitution, it wasn't just the Freedom of Speech for those people that the President liked that I was promising to protect--it was all speech (even that of f***ing Nazis and racists)--therefore, this protest, this taking of the knee, was part of what I was promising to protect. Just because the all-mighty Donald "Jesus" Trump and Mike "altar boy" Pence do not like the protest does not make it wrong. If we have to tolerate the hate speech of white supremacists, then we also have to tolerate this form of free speech.

And if you think that just because the President says it is wrong, that it is...well, you are being played. Either that or you are a racist Nazi. If you don't know which one you are, just ask yourself, "What if Hillary Clinton would have said this? Would you still be outraged? Or would you totally support the kneeling players because the devil said they were evil?"

What's next? Nuking a football game in the name of patriotism?

Correct political thought does not equal magical skill and ability (and vice versa)

On any given day, you can find some self-declared Big Name Occultist (or Magician, or Witch, or Shaman, or Mystic, or...I could go on for hours) loudly proclaiming that some respected or better known occultist said something that is politically wrong, and therefore is a Offender. This is followed by the BNO's own beloved supporters declaring that they will never buy another book by said Offender, will defriend them on Facebook, defollow them on other social media sites, and leave any forums moderated by such an evil Offender. And this is how it should be because the Offender cannot be a real occultist if they hold such erroneous political views.

How a numpty thinks Adeptship works vs the harsh reality.

Quite simply, there are some numpties that believe that Adeptship (or their tradition equivalent) means that one has the correct political views, is of the correct religion and virtue, and has a certain level of perceived magical skill (which can range from none at all to being able to raise the dead) that is always heavily advertised by those who have it.

In other words, as far as the Numpty is concerned, Adepts think exactly like they do. And that Adepts will give them cookies for being as brilliant as the Adepts are (if not fall over themselves bowing down to the Numpty's superior wisdom--for all numpties know that they are the most advanced magician and mystic in the world).

It is just too bad that it is easy to fake all three requirements if you are a sociopath. Just like voters fall for politicians who are not anything like they claim to be, numpties fall for and support occultists who are faking their political beliefs (or at least radically relabeling them for public consumption), would not know the mysteries of religion if they got bit in the butt by one, have vastly overstated their magical ability and knowledge, and have all the virtues of a Mars bar without all the tasty sugar.

Numpties prefer to have Adepts defined by these requirements, mainly because they themselves might be able to claim Adeptship someday if they only have to master their talking points, parroting the "correct" answers that their own future followers will go ape over.

Never mind the fact that there are some a**h***s who believe that Adeptship is rooted in actual initiationary experiences (such as actually undergoing the initiation rituals), arcane lore, and at least enough magical ability to hex one's way out of a wet paper bag. The opinions of a**h***s don't count, only the howling of the courageous wolves of occultism, who should never be mistaken for sheep, not alone the lemmings that the more dubious occult leaders treat them as.

Remember that real Adepts think exactly as you think they should.

Big Name Occultists would not be so upset about the Offenders, if they would only shut the f**k up and quit breathing. And the numpties would not be so upset if they did not desire one day to lead their own horde of lemmings. Because if there is one thing that an Offender is good at, it is not recognizing the true occult geniuses in their midst.

This lack of recognition is why Big Name Occultists have to tell you all the evil stuff that Offenders do, such as misreading the Bill of Rights, voting for the wrong politician, believing that sexual offenders have no place in the esoteric Orders (or politics for that matter) and deserve a good binding.

If the Big Name Occultists don't do this, the Numpty might accidentally start believing the other falsehoods that such Offenders spread, such as: pointing out that certain parties did not actually undergo the initiation rituals of their tradition, only know the mysteries of using a photocopier and bovine end-product generators, and quite frankly could not hex their way out of a wet paper bag if they had to.

If the Offenders were true occultists, they would totally agree with everything that the Big Name Occultist did. Sue your competition into extinction--fine. Rebel and claim that your teacher had no ethics (or rather the wrong ones)--excellent. Make up a totally bogus lineage and set of teachings--good god man, I must have some of that; take my money please!!!

Annoy someone important--buy this banned by BNO book.

The evil of Offenders is so dangerous that if the numpties don't scream bloody murder on their own, the Big Name Occultists would have to create lists of banned books, magazines, blogs, podcasts, videos, and websites that their followers are not allowed to read. And you can tell that the Big Name Occultist is protecting you because hey, if the Offender can't get their political ideas and religious beliefs in order, how could they possible know anything about the occult?

Or you could just presume that you already know everything.

And numpties are quite happy with this, for they know that they already know everything. There is nothing that an Offender can teach them. In fact, the only reason that the Numpty puts up with the Big Name Occultist is that they recognize the greatness of the the Numpty.

I am not saying this is why the occult world can't have nice things...

Now, I can hear you say, "Dear Uncle Morgan, you express political ideas all the time; surely you think people should agree with you."

Yeah, but they don't--that is why I have to keep repeating myself. Besides occasionally I am wrong about politics...because my magical skill and ability and evil magical lore gives me the exact level of knowledge about politics as it does about gasoline engines; in other words, none at all. Everything I know about politics came from watching my parents volunteer and canvas for political candidates and listening to my dad's comments about what we heard on talk show radio on long trips. That and watching Nixon announce that he was resigning (sad when your first memory of a President is of the forty-fourth worst President)...which made me believe that all politicians are corrupt in one fashion or another. And reading and watching stuff about politics. I had to work hard to know as little as I do about politics unlike Big Name Occultists who get a completely perfect and correct set of political and religious ideas in the same Cracker Jack box that they received their Grade of Most Advanced Occultist Ever from. 

Just like you should not judge my magical ability based on my politics, you should not judge my politics on how much I have suffered in the name of magic and the mysteries. I would still be a nasty evil witch even if I agreed with your political and religious opinions.

Besides I wanted to make a living as a newspaper columnist--but somehow ended up making jokes about occultists instead. (Honestly, I have no idea how it happened--one day, I realized that I had spent an hour comparing a Big Name Occultist to a novelty condom and was too lazy to hit Delete.) You wouldn't deny me my dreams, would you? If Emma Bombeck could make jokes about suburban life and raising a family and still have political opinions,  why can't I make jokes about the esoteric traditions and the strange people that I encounter while pursing the mysteries and still have political opinions? It is not like I am asking to be the Head of your esoteric tradition...that would be the job of your favorite Big Name Occultist--all I am asking is to do is to be allowed to tell funny stories, to convince you to care enough about politics to get involved and at least vote, and teach you to be suspicious of anyone who claims to be the True Head of All of the Mysteries and Esoteric Traditions.

Obligatory apology about how we are misjudging you for the Numpty that you ain't.

Of course, it should be noted that I am on a few Banned lists. Because of my politics? Because I think numpties can learn? Because I mock Big Name Occultists and their traditions? Who knows?

And as such, I should be apologizing for my Offending Ways. Not that I am good at apologizes. The last one I write read something like this:

"On the behalf of the group, I would like to apologize for not recognizing that you are the most important person in the world. You see, we are bitter old hags who had to work hard for the little bit of recognition that we have received. We were not allowed to walk in with a sweet a** story, and declare ourselves the most important person in the world. No, we had to kill someone, and help someone else hide a body or two. This makes us happy little cynics. So when you walk in with your special snowflakish, all we want to flush your various body parts down a toilet. It is nothing personal--it is just how the world works. As a sign of apology, let me buy you a drink of poison."

Now imagine that I am apologizing for my wrong political and religious ideas.

Do you feel better?

No.

Well, I guess you are going to have to agree with your Fearless Leader and fire me as an occult authority.

Remember that you have to think exactly like your Fearless Leader if you want to become an Adept.

Why I blog about politics and other distasteful stuff (why should those people have all the fun)

One of the questions I occasionally get asked is: "Why do you blog so much about politics and other distasteful things? Shouldn't you be focused on magic and whatnot? Or at least, satire and humor? After all, that is what you claim this blog is about."


And I would focus on humor and the occult if only certain other occult authorities would shut up about politics and whatnot, and focus solely on magic and the occult instead.


Unfortunately, these other occult authorities insist on preaching that everyone needs a gun, that Hillary Clinton should be shot as a traitor, that the news media needs to be put under government control, that Muslims should be put into concentration camps, that global warming is a Chinese hoax, that chem-trails are real, that free trade agreements are bad, that all immigrants are evil criminals, that you are not allowed to protest the actions taken by your government, that there are some nice people who just happen to also be Neo-Nazis, that there is an evil conspiracy of black magicians controlling the parts of the government that they disagree with, and that President Donald "Jesus" Trump is the greatest President ever.


If these dozen or so Big Name Occultists, all who claim that they speak for (and lead) the entire esoteric occult community, would shut up, I would be inclined to restrict my political commentary to my satires. But they won't, so either will I.


In fact, they believe that because they are the Heads of Great Traditions Going Back To The Stone Age And The Garden Of Eden, that not only are their opinions right, but that everyone who studies under them, and who comments on their pages, blogs, and groups, should be forced to think and believe exactly like they do.


If you think that I am wrong, just tell one of them in one of their forums that they are wrong--and see how quickly you get banned and expelled from their Holiest of Groups for disagreeing with their political opinions.


Quite honestly, I don't want you to think that they speak for all of us. Or at least, I don't want you to think that they speak for me.


So until they shut up about such matters, either will I.

I blog about politics because I disagree with the opinions of others.

The Zombie Election that will not go away (Hillary is still questioning 2016 election results)

During the 2016 Presidential campaign, I made a joke that if Donald Trump lost the election that he would take it to court, and keep suing until the challenge went all the way to the Supreme Court of the United States. Like most of my satirical jokes, I was basing it on the behavior of the people I was watching and picking the most interesting thing that could not possibly happen in real life--this is the same technique that my friends keep yelling at me to quit using...because I have a bad tendency to get things right.

In case of this joke, I seem to have been right...but not in the way that I told the joke.

Clippy is here to help you!

So what did I get wrong?

Well, the most obvious is that Donald "Jesus" Trump won. But in my defense, I been predicting that he would win the rest of the time (something I said would happen for several years previous to the 2016 campaign)--this joke was a "what-if he doesn't actually win" one-off joke--you know the type of joke you make to illustrate that perhaps no one should be voting for the man in the first place.

Outside of the obvious, I was right.

How so?

Well, we have watched Trump deny that the Russians helped him, deny that his campaign (including family members) had any contact with the Russians, deny that he ever had business dealings with the Russians, and generally deny that the Russians had a significant influence on the results of the election. To this day, he walks around with a color coded maps, giving them out to people that he wants to impress, and brags about having the biggest election landslide in history...outside of the four million dead illegally voting zombies that were all Democrats, thank you very much!

Trump had even tried to crush investigations that would prove that the Russians "might have had something to do" with the election results by firing, and threatening to fire people, issuing denials; and even writing statements for his family claiming that his family cannot locate Russia on a map, not alone actually find a Russian to talk to during the campaign. 

All in all, Trump is still trying to prove that he legitimately won the election.

But wait, it gets better...

....in that Zombie Apocalypse type of way that just fills your heart with boyish glee about how f***ed up our world really is--you know the type of stuff that makes you look forward to the Zombie Apocalypse because people keep insisting on making reality stranger than any of the satire one has ever read or hopes to write.

I am starting to look forward to the Zombie Apocalypse.

Turns out that I was right that the loser would spend a lot of time challenging the results of the election.

And I do mean a lot of time challenging the results of the election.

Where to f***ing begin?

How about with the bit that ticked me off the most...

...Bernie Sanders should not have campaigned for the office of President as a Democrat because he wasn't interested in making sure that a Democrat won--no, all he wanted to do was shake things up--Bad Bernie!!!

For the record, I was a Bernie Sanders supporter because....I thought that he was a better choice than the other choices. Or because I am an evil Communist loving witch--either story works.

No, I was not a Hillary Clinton supporter beyond the simple fact that I hoped that I was wrong about people in dusty empty countries flocking to vote for Trump, and that she would get enough votes to win...mainly because I assumed that Trump would continue to act like a reality TV star who was more concerned about his ratings than actually doing a decent job as President. Every morning when I read his Trump-Tweet-Rant, I am reminded that I was totally correct in my assumption of his Presidential ability. I figured that the same-old-same-old was better than "Oh my god, we are all going to die because Trump decided to use nukes on a sanctuary city, just to prove that illegal immigration and pot smoking must be ended at all costs!"

Yes, I wanted to see Trump defeated. But I was a Bernie supporter at heart to the very end and beyond.

Mainly because despite the same-old-same-old being better than midnight Rage Tweeting and atomic bomb launching, I am not particularly happy with everything that the Democratic Party does. Yes, that is right; I believe that the Democratic Party needs a good shakeup to bring it up to date.

I think Hillary Clinton just said that Bernie Sanders had no business running as a Democrat.

But that is not going to happen anytime soon.

As evidenced by the amount of praise that Hillary Clinton has for the Democratic party.

[For the record, I have only read bits and pieces of Hillary's book. You know the bits and pieces that made their way onto Facebook. If someone has a copy that they want to send me, feel free to mail it to: Mad Uncle Morgan, 2727 N. Cook St., Denver, CO 80205. After all, I might be wrong in believing that it should have been entitled: "Why I Really Won the Election, and Twitter Fingers is a Fake President.]

Based on what I read on Facebook, it seems that the only person not responsible for her loss was Hillary Clinton.

This is despite fumbles like telling coal workers that their jobs were not coming back, instead of saying, "Green Energy is going to require millions, if not billions, of batteries, and you will get jobs building batteries for Green Energy." 

[As I said, I have not read the book. If you think that I am really wrong here, send me a copy. And I will blog about the book after I read it...because that is what I do--blog about stuff that makes me upset. If you think that I am right, and want to see my head explode, again, send me a copy...because that is what I do--blog about stuff that makes me upset.]

But I was comforted by this not being a court case...beyond the whole Russian interference investigation that looks like a express ride to whatever circle of Hell Richard Nixon is trapped in.

Or I was until a little while ago.

For those of you who not heard her interview on NPR, or have not read the transcript, you may want to: Here is a link to the transcript...

...because I would hate for you not to know why I am losing my mind here.

Here is the section of the interview that annoying me.

So first, the Electoral College, while little understood, actually serves a function. And both parties have benefited from Electoral College wins. The Founding Fathers thought that if large urban populations were allowed to control the vote, no one would ever pay attention to the concerns (and votes) of farmers, small towns, and rural populations. Yes, it is an oddity of the American system, but it actually serves a purpose.

(Yes, I actually support the idea of the Electoral College--because I understand its true purpose.) 

Second, can you honestly tell me that she would be all gun-ho about investigating Russian interference if she suspected that the Russians had favored her? Maybe, it is just me--but I think that claim might be bovine end-product.

(Or maybe it is because I find Hillary Clinton's personality to be like course sandpaper. Quite frankly, I would rather have a Coca-Cola with Donald Trump than with Hillary Clinton. After all, I would actually have something that I could talk to him about while gushing sugary drinks--how to be a successful attention whore--I would so ask him for professional tips. Her...I can't think of anything off the type of my head that I would want to discuss with her that would be even remotely entertaining.)

Third, uh, you do know that there is a way to challenge the results of the election if there was sufficient levels of Russian interference? It won't overturn the election, but it will punish the guilty if they were part of Trump's campaign...and it is called Investigations.

I can understand why Hillary Clinton doesn't think there is a way...because there is no way that it results in her becoming President.

But the Founding Fathers provided us with a solution.

Now, I am not just talking about impeachment.Trump and company has more than just impeachment to worry about. For one, Donald Trump wants a second term...

(I do wonder how Hillary Clinton will explain Trump winning re-election. Yes, I still think that he is going to win a second term--I have yet to see anything crash and burn enough to keep him from winning a second term.)

...which means that he really needs there to be no evidence that links him directly to the Russians. Public opinion could hurt him--after all, Russia is one of our traditional enemies.

There is also the matter of the 2018 election. If public opinion washes out the Republicans, he will have less protection to stop an impeachment. And he might actually have to adopt a more moderate position, if the Republicans don't control the whole nine yards.

(By the way, the reason that I support the Global Binding Ritual and other forms of protest is that public opinion could swing against the Republicans, and force him to be the moderate I want as President...well, barring a socialist shake-up of the system--while I would like a socialist in the office, I am willing to accept a middle-of-the-road moderate.)

There is also his place in history, Trump wants a place in history--he wants to be a great President. If enough evidence comes out, even if nothing else happens, his place in history will be...well, Richard Nixon might not be the worst President in US history.

And the cherry on top...there is nothing preventing law enforcement from charging him for crimes committed before he became President after he leaves office. The Founding Fathers did not close that loophole, outside of Presidential pardon power.

So despite what she says, there are ways that the results of the election still could be judged against Trump being the real victor. Trump could still pay a heavy price for his "Russia, if you are listening, please find her emails" plea.

The reason that Hillary can't see them is that none of them results in her being President.