Hear yea! Hear yea! I am God's gift to Golden Dawn!
Just kidding.
As those of you who also read my writing blog know, earlier this week (Thursday), I recieved the nastiest email ever from one of my relatives. Combing though the explosion, she said that I am wasting my time in college, mooching off my wife, and have no potential to be a writer or teacher.
She also said that I brag about how important I am to Golden Dawn.
Really? Do I brag about being important to Golden Dawn?
I thought that was Fill-in-the-blank-with-your-favorite-enemy's job.
I will admit to being proud of the fact that I am currently a Practicus Adept Minor (PRAM/PAM 5=6) in one training program. And I do play an important role in my local lodge, Bast Temple. I also have a pretty impressive Adminstrative Grade (someone thought I would reach the highest of Grades someday).
But I don't remember bragging about it.
I will admit that I am self-centered, selfish, emotional-crippled, and perhaps my father would hate my life decisions I have made if he was still alive.
But I protest being called delusional. As should everyone reading this blog; then again, I presume that you believe in magic.
(If not, why are you reading this blog?)
Nevertheless, I am kicking around the possibility that I have been bragging about my involvement in Golden Dawn. Or perhaps I am kicking around actually doing some bragging. I am not sure which.
I will admit that the email hurt. A lot. Especially the fact that she does not think that I have the potential to be a writer because I do not have a full range of emotions.
She is right. For several hours, all I wanted to do was dunk her in a toliet. It took me a whole day to realize that I still love her despite what she thinks of me.
Reading the email, I think her biggest problem with me is simply that I am not even remotely matching what she believes a big brother should be like: supporting, nuturing, all that jazz.
Hades, I am not even remotely like what Fill-in-the-blank-with-your-most-hated-Golden-Dawn-expert thinks a Neophyte of Golden Dawn should be like, not alone an evolved human being. And I think that I am important to Golden Dawn, bragging about it even. Egads!
I would like my relatives to accept me for who I am. The lazy, opinionated annoying pest that I am. But that is my ideal relative. My actual relatives, who I still love despite not accepting my flaws, have a lot of warts.
As do all my readers.
Just kidding.
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5 comments:
I guess it was about a decade back that I got seriously flamed buy my eldest sister, in vindictive, poisonous words I couldn't even conceive of writing myself. She accused me of being a lousy father (to the daughter my ex practically stole from me when she was three). I don't even discuss mysticism and magic with her. She's and Ayne Rand- type materialist. There's no point.
Recently she told me that the children I am raising now are exceptional, and that I'm doing a great job. I felt very vindicated.
Just succeed. She'll come around.
Oh, and maybe she's just asking for more love. Can't hurt to send a little more her way.
And, by the way: your writing's just fine. It has one outstanding quality that much writing lacks these days: intelligence.
Soldier on.
It's called "Mirroring" and it's something I've learned to consider for many years.
Re-read the letter and replace the parts where she is pointing at "you" and replace it with "I". You can learn a great deal about a person as,more often than not, a written rant reveals so much more about what they think of themselves deep down, rather than what they actually think of you. Try it...you'll see what I mean.
This relative thinks she's failed at something important to her...what is it?
I have never thought of you as coming forward as bragging. But I know the feeling of getting flamed, sometimes I am dumbfounded at what level some people are willing to sink to in order to get their hurtful wants across.
I hope that you are able to see trough the poison and not entertain the idea that she is right - follow your dreams.
Morgan,
I give you credit for having the courage to put this up on your blog, really letting yourself show on it. Its nice to see when so many in the occult world like to 'put on' that everything is ok all the time.
My thoughts, you only live once (well, .. anyways. Just take a look at what you want again, you cant really 'waste' your life if your following what you want.
Thank you for putting it out there Morgan.
I have this blog bookmarked, so I guess that means it is good enough to read.
Your relative sounds pretty dysfunctional. My husbands family is pretty messed up too, and so is my own family, but in different ways than that. His is so bad he had to cut off contact with them as well because it was too upsetting for him. He doesn't even read emails from his brother, even though, I admit, they are not quite that bad (although the letters from his mom are)
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