Is Nicolas Cage an Alchemist?

Nicolas Cage has been around for a long time, hasn't he?

For those of you who missed it, last week a photograph went up for auction on eBay. It was a photo that was found in an album of civil war era pictures (1870s), complete with an unusual number of death shots (whatever that means to a non-historian). It was the only photo that did not identify the person in the shot. But never fear---the eBay seller jack_mord knows who it is.

It is Nicolas Cage.

And how is this possible? How could a picture of Nicolas Cage exist in an album of civil war era pictures. Simple, according to jack_mord, Nicolas Cage is "some sort of walking undead/vampire, et cetera, who quickens/reinvents himself once every 75 years or so. 150 years from now, he might be a politician, the leader of a cult, or a talk show host.”

There are just a couple of problems with this vampire theory. One, the photo itself---ain't vampires supposed to be invisible to film? Two, Nicolas Cage has been out and about in the daytime---shouldn't he be a little crispy and deep fried after being exposed to sunlight?

So alas, Nicolas Cage is not a vampire.

But never fear, the Amazing Golden Dawn Newshound that I am knows the truth about this photo.

Nicolas Cage is an alchemist who has been kicking around since before the civil war.

My proof for this theory is the fact that a few years ago, Nicolas Cage admitted on a late night talk show that he was interested in 17th century German philosophy. We all know what that means---Nicolas Cage has been studying the Rosicrucians and their amazing life-extending alchemical techniques.

I guess that Nicolas Cage forgotten the first rule of being an immortal alchemist---do not allow any records to exist that proclaim your immortality. The Third Order is obviously upset---the photo with its million dollar asking price has been removed from the listings on eBay.

And Nicolas, if you are reading this, you are always welcome to sit in lodge with me.