Some people worry about the upcoming zombie apocalypse. I don't. That is because I am too busy fighting off the raccoon apocalypse.
When I moved to my current neighborhood eight years ago, I realized immediately that I had squirrels (the black walnut trees inplied that there were squirrels). For many years, I have feared the upcoming squirrel apocalypse, the demonic squirrels (my neighbor pointed out that they are demonic) keep chewing through the phone lines. Once a year, the phone company has to come out and repair the lines.
There was also the small feral cat colony that came with the house. That one surprised me---Sherlock Holmes, I am not. It probably shouldn't have, considering that two of the feral cats checked my wife and I out when we were originally looking at the house.
But honestly, I have never feared the kitty apocalypse that much. After all, I am on good speaking terms with Bast and Sekhmet. Years of loyal service should count for something.
(Yeah, I know---the cats have obviously eaten my brains already.)
Last night, I discovered a new fear---the raccoon apocalypse.
I have known about the raccoons in the neighborhood for some time. Yes, I am living just a few miles from downtown Denver (just north of the Denver Zoo and Golf Course). And I have raccoons visiting my porch late at night.
Last night, the raccoons were busy trying to enter the cat house that Mortimer sleeps in on the porch. (Mortimer refuses to be an indoor cat.) I am not sure if they were upset that there was no cat food in the bowl, or if they were looking for shelter. Either way, Mortimer did not like it. I ended up going outside twice to drive them off the porch.
I am sure that the raccoons thought about eating me. And my neighbor calls the squirrels demonic. I vote that the raccoons are the demonic hoarde of the upcoming apocalypse.