ECS Free Guns For Everyone (Lap Cats Are Good Too) sales links

“Marge, have you read this?”

“Sue Ann, read what?”

“There is a pecker wood in Colorado, who thinks he knows more about the dangers of guns and gun control laws than us super-smart New Jerseyians.”

“Really? Who?”

“Mad Uncle Morgan.”

“Who’s he?”

“He is that comedian bloke that the Great Gherkin says is a paid hater and troll, and who is being controlled by the time traveling octopods from outer space.”

“Sue Ann, who is the Great Gherkin?”

“Oh Marge, you know, the Great Gherkin is just some guy, an unpopular Big Name Occultist with a patented success system.”

“Patented success system?”

“Yeah, pick a popular cause, trademark it, and charge bigly fees for people to ride on the same parade float as he does.”

“Are you sure that the Great Gherkin is not actually the President of the United States?”

“D’oh!”

It is Mad Uncle Morgan, everyone’s favorite witchy comedian, versus the Great Gherkin, the most famous occultist of all time. Which one of them is right about the Constitution and gun control? Which one of them owns a catapult? Which one is the greatest American patriot ever? And which one is just a pot smoking liberal traitor of a hippy? Learn the answers to these important and life-changing questions in this Esoteric Comedy Show special, as well learning why gay wedding cakes are so dangerous.

Now available for your reading pleasure.

Amazon

Amazon UK

Barnes and Noble

Kobo

Smashwords

And iBooks/Apple iTunes store (sorry, I am having a devil of a time trying to locate the sales page link)

Pumpkin spice everything (including cat and dog food) Morgan goes shopping

Welcome to the first exciting installment of Morgan Goes Shopping!

No?!? Well, it is either this or I blog about politics again. What? I can't hear you. Say that again. A little louder. Again. I see. Very well...

Welcome to the first totally exciting installment of Morgan Goes Shopping!!!

Oh noes! It is a pumpkin spice flavored Jack O' Lantern.

The other day, I was shopping with my wife...because that is what married people do, they go shopping.

And I saw a Pumpkin Spiced flavored product...

Pop-Secret Pumpkin Spice popcorn because there is not enough pumpkin spice in your life.

...popcorn. Seriously, pumpkin spice flavored popcorn.

And that made me wonder what other pumpkin spice goodness was out there. 

Pumpkin Spice flavored Doritos does not actually exist.

But Pumpkin Pie Spice flavored Pringles do.

In the pumpkin spice junk food section also exists Pringles, but not Doritos. Because the idea of putting pumpkin spice on popcorn wasn't bad enough.

Oh so, much pumpkin spice flavored stuff.

Planters Pumpkin Spice Almonds got an average of four stars.

Some of the products I saw during my quick Google search seemed to be a little nuts, such as actual nuts sprinkled with pumpkin spice. Others like Cheerios, just made me think that people are a little nuts. Really Pumpkin Spice for breakfast--what type of serial killer are you?

Not pumpkin spice flavored, but still--Carmel Apple flavored Peeps Delights.

Pumpkin flavored ice cream--thanks 365.

A lot of Pumpkin Spice stuff looks like a good way to fall into a sugar induced coma.

Nature's Promise Organic Pumpkin Spice Chicken Sausage.

But never fear, it is not just snacks. You can plan a whole meal around pumpkin spice. First, you get some sausage...

The Fresh Market pumpkin pasta sauce.

...and then some pasta, and behold a tasty pumpkin spice Italian meal.

Or if you are into Mexican food...

Archer Farms Pumpkin Harvest salsa.

Or into Greek food...

Cedar's Pumpkin Spice hommus. (I thought it was spelled hummus.)

Or just like fast food...

Halloween themed Whopper from 2015.

Just kidding, there is no pumpkin spice at Burger King...I hope.

Listerine breath stripes--pumpkin spice edition.

Or you could just skip the eating, and just make your breath smell like pumpkin spice...because people find the smell of pumpkin spice sexy?

There is even pumpkin spice, or at least pumpkin pet products too.

Greenies Pumpkin Spice Dental Treats.

There are Pumpkin Spice Dental Treats for your dog...because your dog's breath does not already smell like all the pumpkin spice food and drink that they are sneaking behind your back.Or maybe you want pumpkin spice flavored doggy kisses which sounds a little kinky to me, but who am I to judge?

Tidy Cats Fall Frolic scented cat litter.

Fall Frolic--I assume it smells like Pumpkin Spice. How does that pair up with the smell of "Oh god, how about burying your poop kitty!"? Does the smell of pumpkin spice offset "I owe the entire house now--smell my poop!"? Or does it just emphasize it?

Pumpkin and Spice Pet Odor Exterminator Candle.

I guess that covering up the smell of pets with pumpkin spice is a thing because here is a candle that promises to cover up the poop smell with pumpkin spice.

Moving onto the reason that animals poop...

Weruva Cats in the Kitchen Pumpkin Jack Splash.

 So let me see if I get this straight, you put tuna into some pumpkin soup, and then fed it to a human who thought this must be what cats want their food to taste like. Or something like that. I am having a real hard time picturing a cat coming up with this particular flavor combination. But I could be wrong, maybe cats love this.

[As always, if you think your product can survive an actual encounter with Morgan and his cats, just send some to: Morgan Eckstein and his many cats, 2727 N. Cook St. Denver, CO 80205. Kindly remember that I have like, oh say "less than a dozen, but damn close" number of cats, so send the multi-pack sample.]

The final word on pumpkin spice goes to a random internet cat...

This kitty does not know what they are missing.

Fundraiser follow-up (Kitties thank you for the support)

A couple of weeks ago, as many of my readers and friends know, I had to set up a fundraiser to get my cats over a rough patch in our finances. Basically, due to the death of my mother-in-law, my wife's job hunt was interrupted and we found ourselves having to wait on a check to come to get us though until she takes care of her mother's affairs and finds a full time teaching job.

(Technically, we are still waiting, but paperwork has been received and sent, and verified, and made into fire-lighters, so we should be ok...I think.)

And naturally, I worried about my cats not having enough food and cat litter...because I have my issues regarding money, and I like my cats better than I like most human beings. 

I  would like to thank S.O.D., A.S., N.H.B., A.W., L.H.T. (J.B.) and T.F. for their donations. (If you want me to spell out your name in full, message me).

I would also like to thank David Griffin for donating.

Yes, I said David Griffin.

I am as shocked as you are. Honestly, this is one of those times when he has surprised me. After all, there is no one on the planet that would ever think that we are friends--or capable of being friends--or even being nice to one another, for that matter. (After all, I am a satiric political and esoteric blogger, and he has done a few things that made him a....well, let's just say that many of my readers know that he is one of the stock characters in my commentaries.)

Honestly, I am still looking for the hidden insult to the donation. But that as my readers know, may just be because I had such a wonderful childhood, and have serious trust issues. It could be that simply that he was being nice...in which case, I have no idea what to think because it is not the David Griffin I know.

So anyways, thanks to everyone who donated to the cause of keeping my cats happy. I would offer to let you pet them, but you know how cats are--they decide who gets to pet them, and if you are not on their list, too bad. 

(The black cat in this picture is Anubis, one half of last year's addition to the pride; and other cat is Ripley, my mother-in-law's cat, who is now letting me pet him.)

I am so proud of Anubis and Ripley getting along with one another.

For my birthday (how about no nasty surprises)

Yes, it is my birthday--I turned fifty-two about two hours ago.

For many years, I noticed that around the time of my birthday that I would be gifted by the universe with a problem or issue that would take a year to cope with.

Given the fun events and issues that I am currently dealing with, I would like to tell the Universe that my problem and issue bag is all full up at the moment, so please Universe no more nasty surprises for awhile. Thanks.

(On a more humorous note, I am so old that I used a computer program to figure out my solar return positions, instead of pen and paper. I may or may not blog later about the nasty story it tells.)

One can almost never go wrong sharing a cat meme.

Fundraiser for Morgan's cats (because they like to eat and poop)

While I hate to ask for help...because of the Rules of Being Poor that my mom beat into my head...I have set up a fundraiser on Facebook to raise some money to overcome a small and temporary budget problem.

(I could spend the entire month of September, blogging about the joys of the Rules of Being Poor...)

[Fundraiser on Facebook is now over, though you can still send donations though Paypal and buy my cats stuff (see later in this entry)...because my cats have no problem with accepting stuff from others.]

Exactly how many squirming cats can Morgan hold?

Basically, what has happened is that my wife is between jobs, due to leaving the job from hell, and having her job search be interrupted by her mother's death. While there will be money coming in the near future, it depends upon the timely processing of paperwork (something that is complicated by the fact that my mother-in-law choose to end her own life).

(My wife will start substitute teaching until she finds a full time teaching job, but that too creates some budget concerns in my head as you can very well imagine.) 

Naturally, this has set off the voices in my head--you know the ones that say that the cats are going to starve, as well as bringing up all my own issues surrounding the subject of suicide.

So when Facebook noted that it was approaching my birthday, and asked me if I wanted to set up a fundraiser, I clicked Yes.  

I am just trying to raise enough money to ensure that the cats have enough food and cat litter to get though until the first of the monies show up.

Ripley, my mother-in-law's cat...now my wife's.

One of the changes brought by my mother-in-law's death is that my wife inherited her cat, Ripley, who needs a grain-free diet. He has allergies! So there is that.

And my cats insist on using scent-free clumping cat litter...because they are picky like that.

We have also put out a call among the volunteers and care takers of feral colonies, so don't worry if you can't help---we completely understand being poor.

If you would like to help, my fundraiser runs though September 4th (my goal is a low two hundred dollars) on Facebook. 

[Fundraiser on Facebook is now over--thanks to everyone who donated--but as I noted, my cats have no problems accepting additional aid.]

Or if you would rather not give Facebook your bank information, and want to use Paypal instead, my Paypal address is morgandrake [at] msn [dot] com

Or if you would rather go to Amazon, and buy and send the cat supplies directly, our postage address is: Morgan Eckstein (and his many cats), 2727 N. Cook St., Denver, CO 80205.

And if you want to sponsor me on a monthly basis (aka sponsor me to rant, so I have a regular supply of cat food and cat litter for my furkids), there is always my Patreon page.  

I thank you. My cats thank you.

This blog is ten years old (wave your hands in the air like you don't care)

This blog is ten years old as of today--can you believe it? That's a hundred and twenty months, or 3653 days of my random rants being on public display.

Over the last ten years, I have published 1410 blog posts, annoyed several people, been accused of being a member of a conspiracy comprised of dark magicians hell-bent on destroying the reputation of the most gifted and enlightened occultist ever (because we must continue to enslave humanity), pimped my ebooks,  and shared a godzillion cat pictures--all in the name of fighting of boredom and having a soapbox to yell at people from.

My posts get 319 views on average, and I have about 3749 views a month. And yes, I realize that every other occult blogger in the world has a bigger audience than I do; that's not going to change because I refuse to tell people how spiritually advanced they are, refuse to buy up tons of internet domains all feeding into my blog, and generally find advertising my own stuff a complete and utter bore.

Imagine that I said something witty about cats and money controlling the world.

So what have I learned over the last ten years? Here are ten things I learned...

# 1: I like cats better than I like certain people. And cats are as good of teachers as anyone else's Secret Chief. Every blog post that I write includes me saying, "Don't walk across the keyboard" at some point.

# 2: Stockpile your "nuclear troll" posts. There are a dozen posts that I have written, but have never published because they consist of me saying that the Imperial Pickle is the nastiest occultist I know (though Buddha Night does give them a run for their money). But never fear--if they annoy me, my finger might slip and "accidentally" hit the Publish button.

# 3: Peace is over-rated. And those who believe that you should never read another person's blog, and post your own response declaring them a wheelbarrow short of a garden shed, have no idea how the blogosphere actually works. The blogosphere is just one big argument, flowing from one blog to another.

# 4: Never use white text on a black background. I was one of the first Golden Dawn bloggers to do this (if not the very first) for symbolic reasons. And honestly, if I could go back in time, I would not do it again. Why don't I change it? Because I would have to manually fix all 1410 blog posts--I tried fixing it a couple of times, and ended up with white text on a white background.

# 5: A picture in every blog post is nice for link sharing purposes. I don't follow this rule as religiously as I should.

# 6: You can't please everyone, but you can easily piss everyone off. Every blog post I have written has been misread by someone.

# 7: Hiving off topics into other specialty blogs does not work for me--because I do not have the patience to build up another blog. That's why I talk about anything I want to on this blog, even if it has nothing to do with magic and witchcraft.

# 8: Everyone knows more than I do...because they have told me so. This includes the guy at the doughnut shop, who has never opened up an occult book in his entire life.

# 9: I am the class clown, the court jester, the Forest Gump of occultism. Or so I have been told repeatedly. In other words, people think that their opinions, beliefs, and practices are better than mine (absolutely correct, like Ten Commandment level of correctness)---and they really, really do not like people treating the subject of the occult with anything less than 200% seriousness. In other words, they think that I tell too many jokes.

# 10: I still like blogging, so I going to ignore all of your requests for me to quit blogging. Obviously, blogging is one of my guilty pleasures because everyone knows that occult blogging does not pay.

Just some of my stats for this blog--and yes, I know that your blog stats are better than mine.

May Day May Day

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Karen Sealey, the wrangler of this edition of the Tarot Blog Hop, noticed that the word "may" gets used a lot in Tarot readings. She set us all loose playing with that word. I ended up with the word "may" becoming "maybe." And then two horrible poems, a horrific Tarot card, and a rather odd oracle card came into being. I just hope that it is all punny enough to make Karen happy. 

Schrodinger Tarocat

Schrodinger Tarocat

A box
A magical box
Full of life and death
Silly scientist
You don’t get to decide
Peek all you want
Flip those cards
Probabilities abound
My nature is indecision
Meow over matter

Half empty
Half full
Half on the floor
Half water
Half milk
Half bourbon
Half poison
Does not matter
Perception bounces
Gravity falls

The cards say everything
The cards say nothing
The cards come out of a box
Shuffle, shuffle, shuffle
Deal them out
Gaze upon your own box
Is it full of life?
Is it full of death?
Half empty, half full
Pick your own box

Ten of May Bees

Ten of May Bees

You may meet
A tall dark beekeeper
Or you may not
You may become rich
Buying or selling honey
Or maybe not
You maybe sting by a bee
Or maybe you will crush it
May, may not, may, may not,
Maybe, maybe, maybe
The deck is full of maybes
A hive of May Bees
A bouquet of Mayflowers
A sprinkle of May showers
A week of Maydays
And hopefully pints of May honey
Maybe, maybe, maybe
May Bees, Blessed May Bees

Thanks for reading. Have a good May Day (Mid-spring, Beltaine, or whatever it is in your neighborhood). 

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Feeding time (Tarot Blog Hop)

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Hi everyone, welcome to the February edition of the Tarot Blog Hop.

The theme for this one is "Awakening the heart," a theme that draws off of the fact that the Tarot card associated with this time of year is the Star (assigned to zodiac sign Aquarius by the esoteric Order of the Hermetic Golden Dawn).

I must admit that I had a hard time with this theme. I actually thought about dropping out of the Hop--but I am stubborn, and kept my name in the list...because I always seem to figure out something to write about at the last second whenever I have a deadline pending and it is rapidly advancing upon me.

And just last night, just two days before we were due to go live, it all of a sudden dawned on me what to do with this post.

It happened when I was busy taking care of the litter boxes and feeding the many cats that rule my house.

Cats awaiting the return of fishermen--or dinner of fish.

One of the things that is associated with the Star is humanitarian efforts, charities and whatnot. Many people think that I am a heartless bastard because I seldom donate to charities that help people. And maybe I am.

On the other hand, I will go miles out of my way to help an animal. My time and energy goes not towards helping humans; it goes to helping feral and abandoned cats for the most part.

And when confronted by people that I should be helping humans instead, I tend to say that humans have a lot of people looking out for them, including themselves; animals on the other hand, have few champions. If nothing else, humans can always create a GoFundMe route; but I have yet to meet a cat that can remember a password long enough to create a Kickstarter.

So I am a heartless bastard that has rescued several cats.

In fact, I show the most heart when I am dealing with my cats.

Sad, but true.

Pet Tarot idea: the Star

Anyways, the idea I had was to revise the Star card for someone like myself who cares more for animals than humans. In all fairness, it is a horrible first draft of a piece of artwork; but the general symbolism is there...just in case, I ever decide to create a Pet Tarot.

[I would use animals for the suits. Lizards for fire; birds for water; dogs for water; and cats for earth. This suit arrangement was also part of the a-ha moment I had while feeding my cats.]

Bartie, a cat born from a feral mother, and who is now pretending to edit stuff.

And look at how cute this cat is. He is one of the bestest cats I have ever owned. And he was brought in from the cold by me.

And if that is not enough heart for you, too bad.

Thank you for reading this little odd post that had almost nothing to do with Tarot.

I assume that the rest of the bloggers taking part in this Blog Hop are all much nicer and more on point than I was...but I could be wrong, so you better go check to make sure.

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My favorite charity

So much for that mouse. 

Tomorrow, December 31st is the biggest charity giving day of the year...because people are trying to get the tax credit. That amuses me because I deal with my favorite charity everyday of the week. Yes, my favorite charity is helping take care of the homeless cat population. And as a bonus, the cats take care of the mouse problem that my neighborhood has. It is a win/win.

Lies! All Lies! (The Really Real Secret Chiefs have their say)

When I make a mistake, I admit it...unlike some other people I know. A few days ago, I wrote a post consisting of vast amounts of misinformation. In the post, I "revealed" that the Secret Chiefs were dogs. This lapse of proper blogging logic was met with disapproval by those who are really the Real Secret Chiefs. So here is an interview with the Real Real Secret Chiefs.

How long have you been Secret Chiefs?

We have been Secret Chiefs since Ancient Egypt. In fact, we are the real McCoy, the one and only Secret Chiefs. Anyone who tells you different is just trying to make you look like a complete idiot.

Would you like to provide answers to the questions that the imposter Secret Chiefs answered?

No. Do we look like dogs who will roll over on command? Oh, you are offering catnip...oh, I suppose that we can answer the same questions and set the record right.

When asked "How do you determine the spiritual rank of people?," dogs answered they did think by the quality of food given to them, their general treatment, and sniffing butts.

Well, part of that answer is correct, but the rest of the answer needs revision. Yes, the quality of food is important, but even better is the ability to know what we are hungry for today---not many people are Adept enough to be able to do that. As for the being taken on walks and being forced to play fetch, we must point out that dogs are complete idiots who do not realize that such behavior is actually abuse. Far better is a person who does not care that we sleep on and sharpen our claws on all of their furniture--that is part of the royal treatment that we deserve as Secret Chiefs. And it is the spiritual advanced who sniff our butts, not the other way around.

When asked "Who is the highest species on the planet?," dogs answered that humans were the highest species on the planet.

Really? That could not be more wrong--are all dogs dropped on their heads when they are puppies? Because they sure are failing in their game of pretending to be Secret Chiefs. The only reason to think that humans are superior is if you are breed and trained to serve them--something that has cursed dogs since they came into the cave. Poor brain washed creatures.

So who is really the highest species on the planet?

You are a little daft, ain't you? Naturally, cats are the highest species on this planet--after all, humans are serving us.

When asked how to advance in the Great Work, dogs answered that one did so by working hard and pleasing the divine.

Well, one cannot go wrong by pleasing the divine, but you need to remember that us cats are the true deities, therefore you need to please us. As for hard work, what are dogs thinking? No enlightened being works--no, your day needs to be filled with play and power naps.

When asked how they feel about bacon, dogs answered that they love it, and that it cannot be improved upon. What are your thoughts on bacon?

You should fry us up some bacon, so that we can decide if we like it today or not. Really, go on, get into that kitchen. Oh, you are just going to sit there, no wonder you are failing in your quest to become enlightened--what is the point of having Secret Chiefs, if you do not obey their every whim?  Anyways, dogs are wrong about bacon being perfect. Bacon can be improved by wrapping it around sardines and shrimp--hint, hint.

When asked who is the worst enemy of mankind, dogs said that the mailman is because he brings bad news and bills. So did dogs get this answer right?

Of course not. Yes, the mailman is a bad person, but he is not as bad as his totem animal, the evil happy squirrel. It is sad really how rotten dog brains are; even the Ancient Norse knew that squirrels were evil, lying bastards.

When asked what the official uniform of Secret Chiefs was, dogs answered that it was a fez.

Really? A fez? Have you ever wondered why so many cats refuse to wear a fez, or any other type of headwear or clothes? The answer is simple--the uniform does not make the Secret Chief. We are as wise as ever, whether or not, we allow you to take silly pictures of us cats wearing fezes--a simple piece of life endangering clothes is not going to make you any smarter...especially considering that you only seem a bit more intelligent than a dog.

I think that we should end this interview right here.

And we think that you should never have believed the word of a dog. Meow!

Here is a picture of a cat wearing a fez...because the internet really does need more of these.

Hug a Satanist day

There has been a vast upswelling of religious intolerance and hatred towards the very best and most loving souls that the occult community can offer, according to the always correct and always awesome David Griffin. He reports that Satanists and Left Hand Path practioners, some of them actual pagans, are now fearing for their lives, religious freedom, in fact their very solar bodies, thanks to the evil that calls itself the Hermetic Golden Dawn. And we know that it must be true because David Griffin never lies.

The fear that the Left Hand Path people feel is all the result of news that one was attending to super fantastic con-fab being hosted by Griffin, and the Hot Tub Installer Association of Nevada. The news sparked off snide comments by several feared internet jokers and a major story on a news site read by both the President of the United States and the Queen of England. Such humor and outrage had never been seen before by Satanists and Left Hand Path people, and now they quiver under their beds, fearful that they might be pantsied by the evil followers of the Golden Dawn hate squad.

In light of this horrible and very startling development, the Feed the Demonic Cat Now Fund declares that today and everyday henceforth shall be Hug a Satanist day.

It is only with our hugs, and sweet wet kisses, that the Satanists and Left Hand Path people will feel free to spread the good news of their loving care and kindness. After all, as one famous Satanist instructed, Satan is the best friend that humanity ever had.

So go forth today and hug that lonely Satanist that you see at the Quickie-Mart. And the one that haunts the library. And if you can get an appointment, hug the Satanist career guru and motivational speaker who is now too scared to go forth and make a living selling the joys of Satanic business practices.

This brand new holiday is brought to you by the Feed the Demonic Cat Now Fund--a big thanks to David Griffin for teaching us that disliking and joking about Satanists is the most evil thing that a person can do. Thanks, David Griffin, we are all now better people now.

And what would Hug a Satanist day be without merchandise? Here is a T-shirt that you can buy that asks the most important question, "Have you hugged a Satanist today?" All proceeds from product sales go to the Feed the Demonic Cat Now Fund, keeping Denver safe from hungry demonic cats since 1999.

Chalices (underglazed)

Chalice underglazed. 

 Morgan here. Awhile back someone asked me if my wife made goblets. Of course, being the non-artist type, I had no idea what the difference was between a chalice and a goblet. Furthermore, at the time I could locate any pictures of the chalices that my wife makes. (I had forgotten to take pictures of the last batch that she did that ended up at Spiritways.)

Another underglazed chalice. 

 Today, when going out to the studio to take a picture of a coffee mug, I spotted these two chalices that have been underglazed that I believe are going into the next kiln firing, and thought that I would take a couple of quick shots just so people knew what type of chalice my wife was capable of making.

Unfortunately, I can't remember who asked me if my wife makes chalices. Hopefully, they see this post.

Studio Kitty does not remember who it was either.

Denver Colorado free cat spay and neuter day February 2014

If kittens can fix a computer...

If you are living in Denver, Colorado, and have a kitty or cat that needs spaying or neutering, the Dumb Friends League is offering a FREE cat spay and neuter clinic on Monday, February 24, 2014 and Tuesday, February 25, 2014. Kittens must weigh at least two pounds to qualify for the surgery. No limit on the number of kittens and cats you can get fixed, but there is limited capacity, so please consider arriving early.

Where: Meow and Lulu Mobile Clinics will be at the Denver Animal Shelter (1241 W. Bayaud Ave.)
Check-in is at 7:30 am.
All surgeries are performed by licensed veterinarians.

For more information on the mobile clinic, call 720-241-7098.

And if you are unable to make this free spay and neuter day (in honor of World Spay Day), remember that the regular fee is ten dollars, which is still a good price.

Remember getting your kitten or cat spayed or neutered is an act of love. Both you and your pet will be happier...well, once they forgive you for taking them to the vet.

Another death at my house (31-HP Day 24 & 31 Days of Halloween Kitties Day 23)

A picture of Merlin from the Presidential election.

Apologies to both those who have been following the 31 Halloween Poems and/or year three of 31 Days of Halloween Kitties, but I am a little off today. Last night, one of my cats, Merlin passed away in his sleep. He had been ill for awhile, and try as we might he wasn't getting any better despite getting medicine from the vet.

This afternoon, me and my wife buried him out in the yard near a stand of catnip--he was the biggest catnip fiend in the house. So this is the fifth cat that is buried out in the yard (the seventh that has died here since we brought the house eleven years ago). The cat ghosts here outnumber the human ghosts.

Speaking of human ghosts, today I learned of an expensive (twelve dollars for a basic search) website to see if someone had died in your house. It is only for the United States; and no, I did not attempt a search...because twelve bucks for a basic search seems a little pricey to me (and I am not sure how reliable it would be--after all, I know that there are still a lot of records that have not been digitalized...thanks to my time in the UCD history department and researching stuff at the Western History collection at the Denver Public Library).

So hopefully, I am back on my game tomorrow, and will return you to back to the regularly scheduled programs of poems and cat pictures. And if not, I know that you will understand.

Select models (31-HP Day 23)

All types of models
We have today
Slim to husky
Wide range of colors
Basic blacks,
Whites and greys
And more exotic reds

Some select models
Are self-sufficient
Needing only kitchen
And bathroom privileges
Perfect for workers
Gone for endless hours
Operate best in twos

Some select models
Are mischievous
Impish souls
Tricking all in the house
Quality checking
Softness of beds
And toilet paper

Some select models
Are fabulous
Super-models
And show stoppers
A little extra cost
A lot of extra care
Beauty has a price

Some select models
Are coddlers
Who will greet you
After a long day
Insisting relaxation
And heart-felt kisses
Reduce stress levels

What model is this?
No way to tell
Until you get home
Cats much like women
Rely on appearance
To lure you in
Later surprising you
With their secrets

The ferals I have watched over (31 Days of Halloween Kitties Day 16 Year 3)

It is National Feral Cat Day.

Today is National Feral Cat Day...or as I like to point out to people, just another day in the life of a colony caretaker.

I did not wake up one morning and say, "Gee, I want a bunch of cats to be both happy to see me and fearful of my presence at the same time." But that is what happened when my wife and I brought our house.

Now, I was technically a rescuer before that point. I had taken in Talisman (Little Miss Dynamite) along with her brother Lucifer (Morning Star) a few years before. Lucifer was a rough cat; his previous owner was a biker who used to wrestle with him as if he was a big dog. There were several occasions that Lucifer clawed me across the face, and a lot of people thought he should be put to sleep due to his violent reactions to simple play. I exercised a lot of patience and retraining techniques--over the years I had him, he mellowed out. Talisman would have been abandoned if I would not have agreed to take her along with her brother...turns out that she was pregnant, so that would have been...well, a lot more feral cats if I had not stepped in.

The colony my wife and I inherited consisted of a male and female cat, and periodic litter of kittens. Sandy and Blackie never completely trusted me. Blackie ended up being put to sleep because he was diseased. But Sandy lived for several years on our property after we got her fixed, along with one of her daughters. Sandy eventually died of injuries (she would not let anyone get close enough to take her to the vet), and her daughter was displaced by a shift in the leadership of the colony (Sandy was the original top cat in it).

Four of the indoor cats that I own are kittens from feral mothers (two from Sandy, two from another feral mother who just showed up one day). Both Devil Kitty, the first that we rescued from the colony (or rather my wife rescued her), and three legged Princess Kitty are daughters from Sandy. And three years ago, we added to more cats to the pride from another feral mother (who just showed up one day with kittens in tow).

So for me, every day I live with the results of people just abandoning unfixed cats and letting them fend for themselves. Every day is Feral Cat Day in my universe.

Pirate Kitty is the son of a feral cat.

Psycho Cats (31 Days of Halloween Kitties Day 15 Year 3)

Next time on Ghost Hunters...uh, this looks like a crime about to happen.

There is this internet rumor...which also occasionally appears in print also...that cats are psycho and might be plotting to kill you and all your loved one. Now, let's look at the photographic evidence. First picture might be a ghost kitty...or maybe a psycho cat.

Psycho Cat gets eight sequels.

Moving on to our second piece of evidence...this looks like hearsay. Surely, kitty did not go all psycho on doggy and say that death would not stop them.

Someday the cat will succeed in killing someone.

Our third and final piece of evidence today--ok, yes, it does look little strange, but maybe the cat was in the wrong place at the wrong time and just stumbled across a dead body.

These pictures prove nothing!

And if you are reading this, please call the cops because my cats are holding me hostage.

Fickle (31-HP Day 13)

Meow! says Miss Clio.

Meow. Pay attention to me.
Meow. Pet me now.
Meow. Quit touching me.
Meow. Feed me now.
Meow. Not this food.
Meow. I lay here.
Meow. I lay here instead.
Meow. Too hot.
Meow. Too cold.
Meow. What? Me? Fickle?!

Four kitties of the apocalypse (31-HP day 10)

Read from the ancient text Liber Bastet:
John, your vision is faulty
Not only four horsemen there be
But also cats of gloom and doom

First is Famine
A fat cat that cries
All hours for more grub
Despite overflowing food dish

Second is Pestilence
Nibbles and drools on all your food
Drinking out of your cup
After licking their own butt

War is the third
Hisses and howls day and night
Patrols the neighborhood
Raining down violence on all intruders

Fourth and final is Death
Half-eaten mice and birds
An occasional rabbit leg
Left on mat and pillow

And behold the house they live in
Behold their loyal owner
Naïve human unknowingly
Petting the true harbingers of the Apocalypse

This is what true evil looks like.

Sailor Moon School Girl Cat (31 Days of Halloween Kitties Day 4 Year 3)

Sailor Moon Cat or School Girl Cat?

Here is another costume that I am filing under "I am not sure what it is supposed to be exactly." It could be a Sailor Moon costume. It could be a School Cat costume. It could be a Cracker Jack Cat costume. Who knows--the only thing that we do know is that the other cat in the picture wants nothing to do with this poor kitty and whatever seas they are about to be set adrift upon.