A religious committee in the town of Aleppo, Syria has just banned croissants, forbidding Muslims from eating them. Why? Because the crescent symbolizes European victory over the Muslims, and is a sign of colonial oppression.
Seriously, I am not making this up.
And all this time, I thought it was just a French thing. I didn't realize that it was a snotty French thing. Well, I knew it was snotty...because it is French; but I did not know that it was twirl your little pencil moustache and laugh at the poor helpless natives you conquered snotty. I imagine that slapping an egg, cheese and some ham or bacon or both (actually skip the egg, and just leave the cheese, ham and bacon on mine) is even worse...well, it is not kosher, which may or may not make it less snotty. But it is the shape that makes it snotty, and evil, and which mocks the conquered. Now, I know ("And knowing is half the battle--GI JOE!"). I have the sudden urge to serve croissants at the next open full moon ritual I led (which may or may not be in December--long story short, I might be pitch-hitting in December unless someone volunteers to do the OFM ritual). That is probably wrong, isn't it?
So how can we make croissants be about the oppression of the upright and noble by the evil SRIA?
(Oh, c'mon now--I can't be the only one that thought that when seeing this story.)
Please leave your comments about how evil and insensitive I am to the insanities of religion and the noble seekers of truth, light and justice. I promise to read the comments while snacking on fresh croissants, expensive cheese, sipping on fine wine, and laughing in a horrible French accent while twirling my moustache.
[Full disclosure: I have a Frenchman in my family tree--I am allowed to mock the French. As for everyone else insulted by this post, I am not sure how else to treat the barking mad.]