Battle flag wrapped guns

One of the beautiful things about Facebook is that it collects all the stupid in one place. This, in itself, is a good reason for the government to monitor Facebook. And yes, I do believe that governmental agencies are monitoring Facebook and social media; the difference between me and your average wingnut is that I frankly don’t give a damn.

Or to put it another way, “What is the worst thing that the government could learn about me?” That I have too many cats? Or that I am worried about paying off my student loans? Or that the only thing that I did with my university degree is dissect science fiction shows? Or that I belong to a so-called secret society? As long as I don’t cook meth in my kitchen while buggering a close relative, the government will think that I am too boring to bother with.

The wingnuts on the other hand worry about the government so much that they have to be doing something dubious in their kitchens. Just the other day, one of the Presidential candidates stated that the American people could get conned and elect the next Adolf Hitler to the office of President. This is the same candidate who believes that if a Muslim is ever elected to the office of President, they will place Islamic religious law above the Constitution. Unfortunately, I look at Ben Carson and the fourteen remaining Republican Presidential candidates (oh god, we still have a year more of this circus), and I see people who are telling voters that they will honor their Christian religious beliefs—even if the Constitution says otherwise.

The worry that the wrong type of person will get elected is a constant fear. More voters believe that President Obama is a Muslim, who is coming to take their guns, than voters who believe that he is a citizen of this country and a student of Constitutional law.

One of the rallying points of the wingnuts, many draping themselves with the Confederate battle flag, is that nothing must be done to constrain their ability to buy military grade weapons and enough ammunition to wipe out the Ivy League colleges. And if they had their way, all colleges and universities would disappear—after all, intellectuals don’t know a damn thing about anything. In fact, some of us college educated people think that reducing the number of guns will lead to a decrease of gun related violence. 

One thing that the wingnuts point out is that taking away guns will not decrease the number of overall violent incidents. Once no one has guns, we will all just buy hammers, swords, and poison, and continue to gleefully eliminate those people we feel are too stupid to live. And they are right, violence won’t disappear, we will just have to go back to bashing people’s heads in with rocks.

Because of us non-gun owners being so violent, gun owners have to keep their guns. They are not actually concerned about other gun owners because they all think that they are the quickest most accurate shooter this side of Mars. No, it is only those of us who will sneak up behind a rock that you have to worry about because no one has ever outlawed rocks in human history.

Besides us violent pacifists and intellectuals, the gun owners know that they have to arm themselves against the government. If they give up their guns, the military and police will swoop in and end their way of life of meth cooking and cousin buggering. And the government will violate the Constitution the very instant there are no more guns—it is a historical fact foretold in the Bible. In fact, it is about time that Republican Jesus comes back and leads the sensible people in breaking away from the corrupt government of the United States.

There is only one problem that I see with this battle flag wrapped philosophy---the secessionists have already lost a war with the federal government and its military. A century and a half ago, a large section of the Republic split off for the noble cause of preserving their way of life (also known as the one percent having all the wealth while other people, including the whites living in trailer parks, slave away to increase the worth of the one percent).

And yes, I believe that a modern armed secession would fail miserably. The prideful secessionists should not be worried about the military taking away their constitutional guaranteed guns; they should be worried that it is not constitutional for them to buy and own rocket launchers and nuclear weapons. I don’t care if you have three dozen guns per militant and enough ammo to go back in time and hunt the dinosaurs into extinction; one badly aimed nuclear weapon will turn your secession movement into a radioactive pit. Heck, if both sides gave up their guns, a nuke would still tip the balance towards the ever loving corrupt government who insist that it is wrong to cook meth in your kitchen while buggering your cousin. Or they could use a really big rock.