Is the term House Elf racist? (weird thought of the month)

A few months ago, Bill Maher (Real Time) made a horrible joke that he was a House-N-Word, and the internet lost its collective mind. And ever since the following question has been disturbing me (pretty much on a daily basis): Is the term "House Elf" racist?


My first thought, after I heard what Bill Maher said, was "He should have said, 'House Elf'; it would have been funnier. I would have said 'House Elf.'" My second thought was, "OMG--am I a racist for making House Elf  jokes?!?"


And I make a lot of them. My favorite one is "It is just like being a House Elf without the job satisfaction." My second most used one is "Do I look like a House Elf?"


I would use the "A House Elf must be set free--Master has given Dobby a sock--Dobby is free!!!" joke, except my wife never hands me her dirty laundry; she just leaves it laying around.


I am fairly sure that I would have to explain the last joke to her...because I am a much bigger Harry Potter fan than she is. Then I think that she would roll her eyes at me, and call me "weird."


So is the term "House Elf" racist? Leave your opinion in the comment section, but please bear in mind that I am probably going to continue to make House Elf jokes because it amuses me to do so. For instance, have you heard about the one about the House Elf and the cat litter box...

Funny or not? Political incorrect or not? You decide.



Thankful for a working dishwasher (my cats are not house elves)

I am really, really thankful that I have a working dishwasher again. We did not having one for like, forever.* And that made me unhappy.

[*My wife says that it was not as long as I claim. It felt like years and years to me while she insists that it could not have been more than two years. Guess which one of us has to do the dishes.]

I mean really unhappy. I don't like doing dishes. Washing dishes is like being a house-elf without the job satisfaction.

And doing dishes has always been my job in this household. When we were dating, I would go over to her apartment at the end of the week to discover that there was a week worth of dirty dishes in her sink waiting to be done. (Seriously--every week!) So after having to do dishes at my job for five (or six) days in a row, I got to relax and do more dishes!

One of the things I liked about the house when we brought it was that it had a dishwasher. Having a dishwasher is just like having a house-elf without all the back-talk.

I was really sad when the dishwasher died--partially because I knew that the budget was tight. And there was a tree that needed cutting down, a death trap of a sidewalk that needed replacing, car repairs...the list was endless.

We didn't have a working dishwasher for so long that I thought we would never get a new one. (Ask me about how I feel being poor.) There was always something more important to deal with.

In the end, I think my wife only made room in the budget because she got tired of watching the dirty dishes pile up, the endless soaking in the sink (I could soak the same sink full of dishes for a whole week if I didn't feel like doing them), and me playing "how high can this stack get?" Turns out I have a higher tolerance for dirt than she does.

I really like our new dishwasher.

The previous dishwasher looked like the previous owner brought the cheapest floor model that he could find. It had absolutely no bells and whistles. Basically, it was a sprinkler in a box.

My new dishwasher is a nice one (and it belongs to me--I told her that what I wanted a dishwasher for Xmas last year). We went to the factory outlet store to find a "previously owned" or "comes with a dent" model. But I really, really liked one that was completely new. It was on sale (it was only fifty dollars more than a model without bells and whistles). And my wife actually allowed me to pick the dishwasher I wanted.

(It is a Kenmore Ultra-Wash, if you are curious.)

One of the things I love is that it has more than one cycle. My dishwasher, more or less, had two cycles: loud rinse, and loud wash (could not run the dishwasher after my wife went to bed). This new one has bazillion cycle options*: quick rinse, one hour wash, pots and pans, Smart Wash and a couple of others. And it is so quiet (except for quick rinse and one hour wash---but you would expect to hear complaints from elves whenever you needed a dish in a hurry).

[*Ok, I might be miscounting. But it felt like a bazillion options after my last dishwasher.]

I love the Smart Wash cycle. I can just load the dishwasher, no soaking of the dishes at all,* and just start it and walk away. Sure, it takes four hours, but considering I don't want to do even ten minutes of dishes by hand--it is so worth it.

[*My wife recently baked some sweet potatoes with marshmallows. To clean it by hand, you need a soak and a chisel. No rinsing, no soaking--and it came out perfectly clean. Have I mentioned I love my new dishwasher?]

The only issue we had with the new dishwasher is that after playing "Can I get this stack up to the ceiling?" for so long, I am prone to running the dishwasher once a day. Now, the poor person I am (my father raised eight kids on close-to a minimum wage salary), I feel guilty if the dishwasher is not completely full. Is it wrong to run the dishwasher when it is not a hundred percent full? And why is it, whenever I chose to wait that I end up with two full loads instead? (Please note that my wife is happier with me doing dishes everyday...I am not sure--that might be the only thing that matters.)

So yeah, I really love having a working dishwasher. Does that make me shallow?

If I eat the leftovers and lick the plate, does that count as "doing the dishes"?