I do my own artwork

I do my own artwork and photography. That needs to be understood if the the following statement is going to make any type of sense. I don't care if you think it is a waste of time or not. One of the recent comments that was tossed about in the flurry of the latest Epic of Hurt Feelings is that someone was wasting a whole bunch of their time playing around with photoshop. I was disappointed to learn that the photoshopped images were actually being farmed out (outsourced)---being done by an internet artist---and not being done by one of the people involved in the ruckus. *sigh* Does it change the humor level of the images? No. But it did seem like an enjoyable way to vent. And I am equally disappointed by the person who thought that someone should be doing "Work" rather than playing around with photoshop. Playing around with photoshop is work (I also edit all my own artwork and photos---hence why they look like they were done by a six-year old). I do not like the implication that art and photography and photoshop are not proper activities for an Adept to engage in. It is part of my skill set (it might end up being my "earn-the-rent" job). What next? It is a waste of time to pet my cat or make love to my wife? It is a slippery slope when you start deciding what is proper for an Adept to do in their spare time---one cannot be in circle all the time (literally, not figuratively). Even if one does not like the use of photoshopped images, one should not say that the activity of making them is complete waste of time---there would be less murders in the world if more people were busy using photoshop instead (or curses, or drunken and disorderly, or fill-in-the-blank). That is my dime of wisdom for the day.

MTGN Queen of Ignorance

This is one of those times that I can tell that I am more interested in the concept than actually getting the art right. Believe it or not, this was originally meant to be a picture of Sarah Palin. Yes, once again, I am poking fun at politicans. Of course, if Palin decides to run for President in 2012 and wins, I will be shot or imprisoned; after all, according to Sarah Palin, freedom of the press is all about saying nice things about Christians, Republicans, and our reptilian Overlords. The media picks on her too much, and the blogosphere laughs whenever she says something---we take her quotes out of context all the time. It is so sad. For instance, the flavor quote on this card is an actual Sarah Palin tweet: "'Refudiate,' 'misunderestimate,' 'wee-wee'd up.' English is a living language. Shakespeare liked to coin new words too. Got to celebrate it." Instead of admitting that she is as great of a writer as Shakespeare (William is rolling over in his grave), we crown her the Queen of Ignorance. And that is just wrong. Of course, if Palin had the brains to play Magic the Gathering, she would realize that the mechanics of this card are mocking her also. Queen of Ignorance is a 5/5 legend, which costs three green mana to cost. When the Queen of Ignorance enters play, all green creatures that the player controls must be buried; at least, one green creature must die for her to materialize. All blue spells cost an additional blue mana to cast. Queen of Ignorance can be tapped to bury a target green creature. And just like the real Palin, everytime the Queen of Ignorance is tapped, she deals one damage to her controlling player. Yes, I think that Palin will close all the libraries, kill all the animals, set fire to all the forests, and generally hurt the Republican Party everytime she opens her mouth. 

MTGN Trulhu the Thing on Trumps Head

Normally, I try to keep real-world politics confined to my rarely-updated political blog, Bag Full of Tricks (where you can see the bottom half of the artwork of this particular card). But this was 1---too good of an idea to toss into the "too late to do" waste-basket, and 2---I think that some of my readers here would get a laugh out of it. This card is another of my Magic the Gathering NOT series (note that it is the Elections 2012 Torture Set and not my yet-to-be-named mocking the Golden Dawn internet community set). The idea for the picture came when I realized that I would rather vote for the thing on Donald Trumpt's head than the man himself. Then I realized that the thing on his head reminded me of something out of H.P. Lovecraft's Cthulhu fiction. Then Trump decided he would rather not run for President---as if that would stop me from using this idea. Trulhu is a Legend (because Trump thinks that he is a legend, and I hope that there is only one of him---I also hope that there is only one of those things that he wears on his head). Trulhu, the thing on Trump's head is a 7/7 creature that costs two black and two blue mana to summon. On every upkeep, the controller places a counter on Trulhi; these counters can be removed when Trulhu is tapped (I forgot to add the tap symbol---opps), and add one colorless mana to the player's manapool for each counter removed. The big drawback is that every time Trulhu is tapped, one damage is done to its controlling player. The quote is actually based on a real Donald Trump quote, except that I tossed in the part where souls are involved in the deal making. "Deals are my art form. Other people paint beautifully on canvas or write wonderful poetry. I like making big deals, preferably involving people's souls." Here is to the long Presidential season that we are facing here in the States---I hope that we survive it with minimal damage. 

MTGN Rapture

Yes, it is time for another installment of Magic the Gathering NOT!? the game that is fun for all spiritual grades of attainment. And today, we are allowing the doomsayers to play by introducing one of their favorite cards---the Rapture, an enchantment with a two white mana casting cost. Rapture goes into your graveyard during your upkeep if you control no white creatures; at the end of your turn, you gain one life. But wait! There is an added benefit. For seven mana, all white creatures are removed from the game, no matter whether they are in play, in a hand, in a library, or in a graveyard. No pure thing can hide from the Rapture. Unpure beings, such as those who have additional colored casting costs, upkeep costs, or activation costs are exempt from being raptured; this includes those pesky enchant creature spells. Don't want the unpure from enjoying heaven, now do we? And the real joy of this card is that anyone can activate this creature removal ability; all they need to do is pray and play the activation cost. Inconvenient? Doesn't match your math and announcements? You can prevent the effect by paying just two mana. And so can any other player, which allows you to claim that the timing was not right and it wasn't your fault that the math was wrong. Yes, the Rapture is a card sure to pick up the game for all those true believers. Plus, it is great for cult based decks---just add kool-aid. [Artist's note: the flavor quote, "I would rather ask for forgiveness than premission" is not by the Crowley most occultists know and have been loved by; it is actually the Mark Shepard version of Crowley (a crossroad demon, who became king of hell) from the Supernatural television series. I might be a geek.]

MTGN Crusading Sockpuppet

It is now time for another installment of Magic the Gathering NOT. Today's masterpiece is the Crusading Sockpuppet, a 1/1 creature with a casting cost of one white and one generic mana. It taps for the cost of one white mana to deal two damage to a target player (Order) or creature (member), and also does one damage to its controller. I am not exactly sure that is realistic, but I don't have the numbers to prove that it is not either. In my previous installment, I mentioned that the Anonymous Blog is a broken card, and this card is one of the reasons why it is broken. When any sockpuppets come into place, all the Anonymous Blogs (along Attack Sites and Flame Forums) become Artifact Creatures. For every sockpuppet in play, the Anonymous Blog (again, along with the Attack Sites and Flame Forums) gets a +1/+1. There is a drawback; if all the sockpuppets are removed from play, you could lose all the Anonymous Blogs (once again, along with the Attack Sites and Flame Forums). I had fun creating the picture for this one. Yes, it is a cross between Rocky (the flying squirrel) and Bulwinkle (the moose). The flavor text refers to Boris Badenov and Natasha Fatale (everyone's favorite nogoodniks), as well as the ever-famous Fearless Leader. I wanted to use the Pottslyvania flag in the background, but I could not locate a picture of it (all I know is that it is black and blue), but I know that the Iron Cross was used on the aircraft (gee, I wonder who Jay Ward was mocking). One of the odd things I discovered while looking for a picture of the Pottsylvanian flag was the fact that a few of the espisodes opened with a Bullwinkle puppet. In one opening, the puppet told the kids to remove the dials from their televisions. Some kids actually listened and did so, leading to complaints from their parents. And so it goes. For those of you who are curious, I did see the movie with Sally Kellerman and Dave Thomas; I thought it was clever...obviously I am a nerd.

Scott Adams sockpuppet revealed

I was going to continue my Magic the Gathering NOT series tonight, but I am a little tired and the universe delievered a tasty slow news day pizza today. And I find it interesting that it involves sockpuppetry and has nothing to do with the Golden Dawn community. Obvivously, my awe and wonder threshold is set rather low tonight.

Drum roll please---wait for it---Scott Adams has been caught defending himself using a sock puppet on MetaFilter. Cue applause---brace for mocking comments.

Really, Scott?! You had to resort to a sock puppet to defend your work. Wow. Didn't you do a cartoon about this? Oh, yes---you did.

"Asok, we are getting killed by bad customer reviews online. I need you to pretend you're several different customers and write positive reviews....And be sure to defame our competitors."

Ok, you did admit to it. But seriously, you pretended to be your biggest fan for months. Don't you have any actual supporters to defend your work. And shouldn't you be more concerned about creating more work, rather than what critics are saying about you on the internet?

And just because you don't agree with some of the members of a discussion board does not make that discussion board a cesspool.

I tend to agree with Cortex, a moderator on MetaFilter, who told you:

"Scott, if you wanted to sign up for Metafilter to defend your writing, that would have been fine. If you wanted to sign up for Metafilter and be incognito as just another user, that'd be fine too. Doing both simultaneously isn't; pretending to be a third party and high-fiving yourself by proxy is a pretty sketchy move and a serious violation of general community expectations about identity management around here."

 But I would like to thank you for the laugh. Here I thought it was only the dolts in my own corner of the internet that walked around pretending to be other people and defending their own brilliance and peeing on other people. I am glad to see someone who terribly successful do the same. But it does worry me.

I really hope that this does not mean that in order to be super-successful that I need to have a few sock puppets of my own. Because I am super-lazy and like to be able to look at myself in the mirror in the morning.

And Scott, if you read this, feel free to create another sock puppet and make a comment about how wonderful you think I am.

MTGN Anonymous Blog

One of the projects that I have wanted to do for awhile is to create a set of cards based on the collectible card game, Magic the Gathering. Yes, I am a nerd---thanks for noticing. Tonight, I was just not in the mood to do any of the reading for my classes, nor was I in the mood to attempt to write something serious. So I figured it would be as good as a time to start messing around with this project. Besides, we have been given such good material to mock over the last couple of weeks. Therefore, I present without further ado: Anonymous Blog. It is NOT a real Magic the Gathering card; and if it was, it would be banned from play (just like some of us would like to see it banned in real life). Anonymous Blog is an artifact that costs zero mana to bring into play (just like most of the blogs I am mocking). Tapping it adds a black, red, blue and green mana to the target's player [Order] manapool---hey, I said it would be banned if it was an actual MTG card. In the back of my mind, I have a couple of other cards that are going to interact with Anonymous Blog (yes, more mocking is coming)---it is more broken than it appears at first (just like most of the actual banned and restricted MTG cards). As always, if you think that I am mocking you, ask yourself why...and note that I am an equal opportunity offender---wait long enourgh and everyone will get mocked.