Are all sex workers liars? (And should they be barred from GD?)

The totally awesome truth that everyone needs to know today is that sex workers, especially porn actresses, have no credibility and should totally be viewed as complete and utter liars. And we know that this is true because the greatest Trump supporters tell us that it is true.

And who are we to question this wisdom?

Oh yeah, I am a sex worker—I am not allowed to question this wisdom, nor am I allowed to defend sex workers. So just ignore everything that I am about to say, and go on with your very honored and time proven double standard of conduct.

Are you still here? What is wrong with you?

For those who somehow missed it, Trump’s uber lawyer, Rudolph Giulani, has come out and said that Stormy Daniels have no credibility because she has worked in the sex industry.

“I’m sorry. I don’t respect a porn star the way I respect a career woman, or a woman of substance, or a woman who has great respect for herself as a woman and as a person and isn’t going to sell her body for sexual exploitation.”

(I wonder how he feels about women who marry for money…)

In other words, Daniels is a porn star, and therefore, is totally a liar, which means that the President did not touch her, has never meet her, and would never grab her by the pussy, and we can totally believe this because the President is the greatest American ever!

You know who else has credibility issues? Hint—you can tell when they are lying by the fact that their lips are moving. Yes, that is right—politicians and lawyers.

During the Great Golden Dawn Trademark War, the last great war for the freedom of occult students to pay ungodly sums to leaders who are totally honest, and who have turned out to be uber Trump fans, we learned that sex workers are evil and should not be a part of the Golden Dawn tradition. And we knew this to be true because they had lawyers backing them up. No one with a lawyer ever lies. Well, not if they are conservatives and patriots. If you are a liberal, and therefore automatically a traitor who needs to be hung by the neck until you are dead, you are a liar, especially if you have hired a lawyer. And doubly so, if you are a sex worker.

Exactly who is a sex worker? Is it just street walkers, escorts, and porn stars? Or am I a sex worker? Did writing dubious erotica mean that I was a sex worker? My mom would say yes, and claim that I was in jail because it was less shameful. And all I was doing was making up sexy stories. This is totally grounds to bar me from the society of super spiritual seekers of the occult.

(Oh don’t pretend that it wasn't said about me—I know that it was and who was saying it.)

So let’s bar all sex workers from the occult. Never mind the leaders, and their big dollar donating supporters, who have used their occult groups as a place to pick up sexual partners. Never mind those leaders who brag about sex magic teachings which seem to be the exclusive property of those who will say to you, “Hey baby! How about a little personal tutoring in the mystical arts? Meet me behind the barn, if you want to learn more.” Teaching sex magic does not make you a sex worker…even if I think otherwise.

Yes, let’s continue our double standard, shall we? While we are at it, let’s ignore the fact that our President not only ran a beauty contest, not only gave women number values based on their appearances, bragged that he could grab any pussy he wanted without consequences, and even appeared in three Playboy videos. No, he was not a sex worker. Therefore, we can totally believe him…even if he looked a little pimpy. He was just selling the sex, which it totally fine because he is a man.

Double standard much, you practice.

Double standard much, you practice. 

And the Creeper Award goes to (oh noes, people I don't like have abused their power to get laid)

Welcome to the 2017 Creeper Award where we award the creepiest person in the world with a virtual award in honor of how creepy they really are.

And this year, we are focusing on those who have abused their position of power for sexual gain.

Let's see we have...

...a billion f***ing nominees. And a new one everyday. Politicians, CEOs, priests, actors, directors, film company executives, news reporters...seriously, the list goes on and on.

How can I make up my mind when I have so many tasty options. I got so many tasty options...

It is like a Sexual Predator vending machine.

The same way I make up my mind on everything else. I randomly push some buttons on the machine and see what falls out.

Seriously, are we actually surprised about the fact that powerful men will use their positions to convince women that it is in their best interest to have sex with them?

Are we surprised that almost every woman has a story?

(Yes, I am little surprised about the extent of the problem. Sadly, my estimate of affected women has gone up over the last year and an half. At this point, I am starting to assume that every woman has interacted with a sexual predator.)

Is it hypocritical of me to say that sexual predators are bad when I am a former writer of dubious erotica?

(Former--as in I haven't published any more dubious erotica for the last four years. The reason for this is that the market has changed to the point where there are no retailers who sell the stuff. Barnes and Noble, the last holdout, in August changed their policy to the rest of the market. So I am not making money writing erotica anymore, so bite me! And when I did--I had rules: no underage, no rape, both parties had informed consent--it is sad that my stuff had a higher ethical standard than the real world.)

Is dubious erotica the cause of all sexual predators?

(No s**t--I saw someone actually argue this in the comment of a Smashwords blog post talking about the new certification program designed to let retailers know which erotic stories are dubious. Let's just ignore the fact that the Bible has amble evidence that this problem is thousands of years old.)

Are we surprised that some witches seek to cast binding spells on sexual offenders?

(Have you met a real witch? Do you really want to f*** with them and their loved ones?)

Are we surprised that other witches and magicians will rush to cast counterspells, so that the sexual offender's free will is not affected?

(Hell yes, I am f***ing surprised about the countercasters.)

Stop sexual predators in their tracks--join the Super-Duper Magical Defenders of Liberty today!

Are we surprised that some dubious occult leaders are using this wave of public outrage as a recruiting tool for their Orders and traditions?

(Not really, they use every hot trending topic as a recruitment tool.)

Is it hypocritical of dubious occult leaders to speak out against sexual offenders when they have expelled every member who ever complained that one of their favorite students is a sexual offender? Or themselves been accused of being a sexual offender?

(Uh...yes. All I have done is write dubious erotica, and cast bindings on rapists. But remember they are the heroes.)

So who do we give the Creeper Award to? We have so many tasty options in our vending machine of Questionable Leaders Abusing Their Power to have SEX! SEX! SEX! How do we chose?

By who makes me feel the sickest.

And the Creeper Award goes to every f***ing voter who has said, "Even if this politician is a sexual predator, they need to be voted for and protected because the work they do is more important than the lives that they have ruined and will ruin in the future."

Yes, all those voters who scream that we need the politician who will outlaw those they do not like, even if the politician is guilty as hell of being sexual predators, are the winners of this year's Creeper Award. 

And they get bonus awards of Willing Being Blind and Being a Complete B!!! when they say that sexual offenses are grounds for the other political party to lose its politicians, yet turn a blind eye to the members of their own f***ing party who are just as bad; or worse, claim that all accusations against their party are false while all the accusations against the opposing party are true.

I am not sure how they can look at themselves in the mirror in the morning, and how they think they get to go to the Nice Afterlife and not the So Cold It Burns Afterlife.

Oh, yeah, their Holy Book says that it is ok. You just have to pay off the victims. It is in their Holy Book. F***ing hell!

So here you go, Voters Who Think It Is OK For Their Political Party To Be Sexual Offenders As Long As They Hate And Love The Same People As I Do, here is your your shiny Creeper Award. Hold it up proudly, you selfish pricks!

By the way, it is not just the Republicans; all political parties have these pricks. 

The sexual misdeeds of Aleister Crowley (Creepy Uncle of Wicca and Golden Dawn)

The other day, some imp forwarded a Facebook notification to me--someone declared that it was time to reveal Aleister Crowley's sexual abuse of....


*yawn*


Seriously, is there any occultist alive today who does not know the legend of Wicca and Golden Dawn's creepy family member, the randy Aleister Crowley? Of the hearts he broke? Of the demons and drugs he ingested? Of the goats he touched?


It is not news that he did such things. In fact, I am fairly sure that he bragged about doing such things. I could be wrong about the bragging; I haven't read any of his works in over a decade.*


[*Yes, I know--I have to turn in my magical union card right now, for ignoring all the great things found in Crowley's works. But I have been busy: hexing Presidents; causing tires to fall off the back of trucks; cleaning litter boxes; debating about whether or not, I want to go back to university to earn my Masters degree; writing a horrible satire about the true history of the modern occult world--you know--unimportant stuff.]


My rule of thumb: Assume Crowley sexually harassed everyone he ever met. And that he porked everyone who didn't run away fast enough. If he was alive today, he would still be the creepy uncle saying, "You are sexy. Want to do drugs and make out?"**


[**It should be noted that there are a couple of people in the modern occult community that I think that even Crowley would say, "Thanks, but no thanks" to if the possibility of porking them ever came up. In fact, some of his greatest haters fall under the label: "So fugly that even Aleister Crowley would not do them."]


The wonderfulness about my rule of thumb is that I do not have to waste time wondering if he sexually harassed, and possibly porked someone. I can go directly to the question that his lifestyle always generates: "Could Creepy Uncle Al be right about the nature of the universe?"


And the question comes up a lot.


The genius occult leader who came out and shouted, "It is time to reveal Crowley's worst sexual misdeeds!!!" is a little late to the party.*** I understand that talking about powerful men abusing their positions and grabbing pussy while stroking their pickle is the hot topic of the month. Yes, let's hop on that flaming dumpster fire of a parade float, shall we?


[***In all fairness, the occult leader may have gone on to do something witty, like post pictures of cute goats--I don't know--I do not read his posts because: 1--I am not interested in Alt-Right politics, 2--He has been making up lies for nearly twenty years about all the greatest occultists, 3--It is more fun to clean out the litter boxes, and 4--I am banned and blocked from his Facebook group. The most important reason for not reading his stuff is number three; least important is four...because I could make a sock if I really, really wanted to read his posts.]


 That flaming dumpster fire of a parade float comes by once a day if you live near the intersection of MagicIsFun and CrowleyWasTheGreatestAdeptEver. And it has been running for years--it is more reliable than any bus or train I have ever encountered. At least once a day on the internet, someone says...


"Aleister Crowley was a sexual predator; and therefore, we should toss all his stuff into a dumpster and set fire to it because there is absolutely no way that a pervert could create a decent occult system with any merit in it."


Wait, that sounded too educated. Let me try again...


"Crowley! Sex! Drugs! Satan! Bad! Very bad! Run away!"


This is the type of person who does not listen to eighties hair metal because the musicians are indulging in Sex! Drugs! Satan!...and maybe Crowley!


Because nothing entertaining and interesting has ever been created from that evils of a rock and roll lifestyle.


And Aleister Crowley was definitely someone who lived a rock and roll lifestyle. It is expected that such people live such a outrageous lifestyle. If you met Crowley, you would be disappointed if he didn't offer you some candy and a ride in his van. (You don't want to be one of the fugly people, do you?)


So the real issue is not that Aleister Crowley was a sexual menace to society, but rather "Does the work of Aleister Crowley contribute to our knowledge of the occult sciences and its history?"


And the answer to that is: Yes.****


[****More so than photocopying the same ritual fifteen times, and declaring it a masterpiece.]


Like it or not, Crowley contributed ideas and beliefs to the modern occult world. He is a source for what the early Golden Dawn looked like. His works have been raided for lessons and rituals by many modern occultists. He influenced a lot of people, including members of both modern Golden Dawn and Wicca. He is important.


And not liking his rock and roll lifestyle does not change that fact.


Sorry.


Next time you want the internet to go wild, I suggest posting pictures of cute goats.

If you do not find Aleister Crowley sexy, then there is something wrong with you...like you have eyes.

Global Satanic Enslaver Black Magician Conspiracy! (Real reason that the Hollywood cesspool and other cesspools exist)

Recently, there has been an uptick in horrible things happening to good people. There have been an increase in the number of immigrants, house foreclosures, jobs being lost, tires falling off of the back of trucks, sexual harassment accusations, Confederate statues being taken down, satiric writers not shutting up, gun rights being threaten by people who have no desire to shoot other people, and that horrible woman Hillary Clinton almost becoming President of the United States of America. And all these horrible things are caused by the same thing:

Global Satanic Enslaver Black Magician Conspiracy!

That Wall not being built: Global Satanic Enslaver Black Magician Conspiracy!
Parking ticket: Global Satanic Enslaver Black Magician Conspiracy!
Not getting a raise at work:  Global Satanic Enslaver Black Magician Conspiracy!
Bank says that they want their money: Global Satanic Enslaver Black Magician Conspiracy!
Loan shark says that they want their money:  Global Satanic Enslaver Black Magician Conspiracy!
Your horse not winning their race:  Global Satanic Enslaver Black Magician Conspiracy!
Toaster trying to electrocute you:  Global Satanic Enslaver Black Magician Conspiracy!
Killer Chinese satellite falling on your house:  Global Satanic Enslaver Black Magician Conspiracy!
Your favorite politician being falsely accused of sexual harassment:  Global Satanic Enslaver Black Magician Conspiracy!
Your favorite media talking head being falsely accused of sexual harassment: Global Satanic Enslaver Black Magician Conspiracy!
Your favorite Hollywood bigshot being falsely accused of sexual harassment: Global Satanic Enslaver Black Magician Conspiracy!
Vatican sex scandal:  Global Satanic Enslaver Black Magician Conspiracy!
Your least favorite politician actually committing sexual harassment:  Global Satanic Enslaver Black Magician Conspiracy!
Your least favorite media talking head actually committing sexual harassment:  Global Satanic Enslaver Black Magician Conspiracy!
Some Hollywood bigshot you hate actually committing sexual harassment: Global Satanic Enslaver Black Magician Conspiracy!
Being told that Alt-Right is just another term for "F***ing Nazi": Global Satanic Enslaver Black Magician Conspiracy!
Mass shootings:  Global Satanic Enslaver Black Magician Conspiracy!
Pot becoming legal: Global Satanic Enslaver Black Magician Conspiracy!
Liberals continuing to have civil rights:  Global Satanic Enslaver Black Magician Conspiracy!
Least favorite critic continuing to breathe in and out: Global Satanic Enslaver Black Magician Conspiracy!
The ice cream parlor being out of your favorite flavor: Global Satanic Enslaver Black Magician Conspiracy!

And you know that it must be true when the world's greatest occultist and lover tells you...

"Global Satanic Enslaver Black Magician Conspiracy! is why the world is a hot damn mess."

Because that explanation is so much more reasonable than "Human beings, especially men, abuse power whenever they acquire it."

For instance, there is no way that Hollywood turned into a cesspool in the thirties when men realized that there was money to be made making movies. There is no way that the hundred plus production companies of the 1910s and 1920s being brought up and condensed into a mere dozen in the 1930s and 1940s resulted in a situation where a handful of men could force women to have sex with them if they wanted to keep working. There is no way that these powerful men could convince their companies to sweep such behavior under the rug, paying off the most dangerous and uncomfortable accusations, putting clauses into their contracts that they (the powerful men) could have all the accusations they wanted as long as they paid fines, and enact self-censoring rules that ensured that no one could make a movie or television series about what was really going on. There is no way that power was condensed in the hands of a few men in such a way that it became a running joke in Hollywood that certain men in Hollywood controlled the entire careers of female actors because no one could actually talk seriously about the issue of sexual harassment if they wanted to continue working in Hollywood.

And there is absolutely no way that Wall Street, Washington D.C., Silicon Valley, mega-churches, network journalism, monolithic esoteric traditions, and a score of other industries that this blogger is too lazy to mention by name, had suffered the same type of power hoarding by men, so that they could also sexually harass any woman that they wanted to.

Hell, even the Bible has sexual harassment in it, saying that men are allowed to rape women as long as they pay a fine for violating virgins. There is absolutely no way that the Bible was actually written by men who held power and decided that they liked abusing the power that they hoarded.

No, it is far more reasonable that it was all the result of...

Global Satanic Enslaver Black Magician Conspiracy!

Furthermore, it is more reasonable that only those who do not share your particular political opinions are actually doing such misdeeds while those of your political mindset are being falsely accused. It is just a joke when your favorite politician says that they have committed sexual harassment on a live microphone, but completely true when your most hated and loathed enemy politician is accused of supporting a Satanic baby sacrifice ring. There is no way that your approval and white-washing of the deeds of those who share your political mindset is helping create the problem. There is no way that you have been tricked by false news and fast talking. No, that is can't be true; it must be a...

Global Satanic Enslaver Black Magician Conspiracy!

After all, that allows you to have a righteous hate of those who do not look and think like you do. It allows you to take part in a righteous crusade to free the world from a Global Satanic Enslaver Black Magician Conspiracy! It makes you one of the good guys. It allows you to look forward to killing people that you do not like because they have to be part of a Global Satanic Enslaver Black Magician Conspiracy!

And in no way, are you being played by a Conspiracy to Control How You Think and Act, Pay Dues to, What you Buy, and What to Watch and Read, and Who to Vote for, by some people who decided that your hot button, the thing that makes you stupid is the idea that all your troubles are being caused by a Global Satanic Enslaver Black Magician Conspiracy! After all, for that to be true, there would have to be a...

Global Satanic Enslaver Black Magician Conspiracy!

If you were ok with Trump's "grab them by the pussy" comment, then you are part of the problem.