And the Creeper Award goes to (oh noes, people I don't like have abused their power to get laid)

Welcome to the 2017 Creeper Award where we award the creepiest person in the world with a virtual award in honor of how creepy they really are.

And this year, we are focusing on those who have abused their position of power for sexual gain.

Let's see we have...

...a billion f***ing nominees. And a new one everyday. Politicians, CEOs, priests, actors, directors, film company executives, news reporters...seriously, the list goes on and on.

How can I make up my mind when I have so many tasty options. I got so many tasty options...

It is like a Sexual Predator vending machine.

The same way I make up my mind on everything else. I randomly push some buttons on the machine and see what falls out.

Seriously, are we actually surprised about the fact that powerful men will use their positions to convince women that it is in their best interest to have sex with them?

Are we surprised that almost every woman has a story?

(Yes, I am little surprised about the extent of the problem. Sadly, my estimate of affected women has gone up over the last year and an half. At this point, I am starting to assume that every woman has interacted with a sexual predator.)

Is it hypocritical of me to say that sexual predators are bad when I am a former writer of dubious erotica?

(Former--as in I haven't published any more dubious erotica for the last four years. The reason for this is that the market has changed to the point where there are no retailers who sell the stuff. Barnes and Noble, the last holdout, in August changed their policy to the rest of the market. So I am not making money writing erotica anymore, so bite me! And when I did--I had rules: no underage, no rape, both parties had informed consent--it is sad that my stuff had a higher ethical standard than the real world.)

Is dubious erotica the cause of all sexual predators?

(No s**t--I saw someone actually argue this in the comment of a Smashwords blog post talking about the new certification program designed to let retailers know which erotic stories are dubious. Let's just ignore the fact that the Bible has amble evidence that this problem is thousands of years old.)

Are we surprised that some witches seek to cast binding spells on sexual offenders?

(Have you met a real witch? Do you really want to f*** with them and their loved ones?)

Are we surprised that other witches and magicians will rush to cast counterspells, so that the sexual offender's free will is not affected?

(Hell yes, I am f***ing surprised about the countercasters.)

Stop sexual predators in their tracks--join the Super-Duper Magical Defenders of Liberty today!

Are we surprised that some dubious occult leaders are using this wave of public outrage as a recruiting tool for their Orders and traditions?

(Not really, they use every hot trending topic as a recruitment tool.)

Is it hypocritical of dubious occult leaders to speak out against sexual offenders when they have expelled every member who ever complained that one of their favorite students is a sexual offender? Or themselves been accused of being a sexual offender?

(Uh...yes. All I have done is write dubious erotica, and cast bindings on rapists. But remember they are the heroes.)

So who do we give the Creeper Award to? We have so many tasty options in our vending machine of Questionable Leaders Abusing Their Power to have SEX! SEX! SEX! How do we chose?

By who makes me feel the sickest.

And the Creeper Award goes to every f***ing voter who has said, "Even if this politician is a sexual predator, they need to be voted for and protected because the work they do is more important than the lives that they have ruined and will ruin in the future."

Yes, all those voters who scream that we need the politician who will outlaw those they do not like, even if the politician is guilty as hell of being sexual predators, are the winners of this year's Creeper Award. 

And they get bonus awards of Willing Being Blind and Being a Complete B!!! when they say that sexual offenses are grounds for the other political party to lose its politicians, yet turn a blind eye to the members of their own f***ing party who are just as bad; or worse, claim that all accusations against their party are false while all the accusations against the opposing party are true.

I am not sure how they can look at themselves in the mirror in the morning, and how they think they get to go to the Nice Afterlife and not the So Cold It Burns Afterlife.

Oh, yeah, their Holy Book says that it is ok. You just have to pay off the victims. It is in their Holy Book. F***ing hell!

So here you go, Voters Who Think It Is OK For Their Political Party To Be Sexual Offenders As Long As They Hate And Love The Same People As I Do, here is your your shiny Creeper Award. Hold it up proudly, you selfish pricks!

By the way, it is not just the Republicans; all political parties have these pricks. 

Solar eclipse safety tip (know when to use a solar filter)

I can't believe that I have to say this:

It is not a lizardmen enslaving black magician political propaganda ploy that you really should not look directly at the sun without using a filter. It is not a plot to prevent you from becoming enlightened instantaneously.

No, it is medical fact that you can injure your eyes if you look directly at the sun for too long without using a solar filter.

What is too long? A few seconds is more than enough. And you will not feel the damage happening because the part of the eyeball being damaged has no pain sensors. In other words, you will not feel the damage happening.

So is there anytime during the solar eclipse when you can safely look at it without a solar filter? Yes. When it is 100% eclipsed by the moon. And that is the only time. I repeat--the only time that you can look without a solar filter is when it is 100% eclipsed by the moon. 

Outside of that little window, do not look at the sun directly without using a solar filter.

(Why can you do it when the sun is 100% eclipsed by the moon? Because the moon is actually blocking out the parts of the sunlight that can fry your eyes. This is science, not magic.) 

Know when to use a filter!

Even Nazis would cringe if you decided to listen to people telling you that it is ok to look directly at the sun without a filter.

Just because it is happening in Trump country, it does not mean that normal safety rules are optional.

Why the discussion ban on certain occultists (yes I said that on Facebook)

Yes, I said the following on Facebook (about why we don't spend more time warning people about certain dubious occult leaders):

*puts on his "responsible adult hat*

Mod speaking here: The question of why we don't spend more time warning people about certain occultists has came up.

Honestly, the mods hate discussing certain occultists. So do our more advanced experts.

Discussions about them sucks all the oxygen out of the room.

And their defenders (including their current group members) are not going to believe any warning that we issue in the first place. Warning a believer is like talking to a brick wall.

Basically, you have to be stung by the wasp, in order to know not to trust it. In other words, only a metric ton of bad experiences will convince an admirer of theirs that perhaps they should not be leading the parade. 

There is also the issue that certain occultists always demand their right to defend themselves--saying that we should lift the ban on them--and quite honestly they defend themselves by calling all of the rest of us names, and accusing us of belonging to vast non-existent occult conspiracies meant to destroy them and to enslave humanity.

Furthermore, certain occultists' idea of fairness is that no one is allowed to criticize them on any level while they are free to badmouth and insult anyone that they want. Plus, they will insist that we ban everyone that disagrees with any of their ideas or statements. In addition, they insist on posting various conspiracy theories that make us all look insane. Quite frankly, they have their own Facebook groups to do that type of stuff in--we do not need to add to the pollution level of this group.

All this adds up to a big ball of flaming wax that the mods, and the more knowledgeable members of the Golden Dawn community, want nothing to do with.

And that is why the mods only allow the very rare post about certain occultists. Yes, we would like to warn you about them, but we trust that you know how to use Google and can find our public warnings that litter the internet.

Thank you for understanding.

The more you know, the more you think that For-Profit Orders are bad.

This was posted on the following Facebook groups:

Hermetic Order of the Golden Dawn (not to be confused with DG's trademarked to Sunday group)

Golden Dawn members (group and self-initiates)

Sanctuary of Mau (self-initiation into the Golden Dawn tradition)

Trump surprise (no no I dont want a surprise)

Some words that I never-ever want to hear coming out of the mouth of a politician:

"We are going to have a great, great surprise..."

No, no, no.

I am a German-Jew by ancestry, a magician and heretic by profession, and a witch by religious choice--and the words "great, great surprise" has never turned out well for any of my people. 

Think about it--German-Jew plus big surprise equals...oh yeah, seizure of property, stripping of citizenship rights, labor camps, starvation diets, and death by poison gas followed by an unmarked grave. Yes, it was a wonderful surprise for everyone who thought that the Jews and the Freemasons were the cause of Germany's economic problems, but it was hardly a birthday surprise that you wanted to have if you were a Jew.

(Hey, I am a German-Jew--I am allowed to make holocaust jokes.)  

Magician and heretic and big surprise equals...outlawing of one's writing by the Church, surprise visits by the Spanish Inquisition,  house arrests, marshmallows roasted over bonfires of humans going straight to hell, painful torture and death followed by an unmarked grave. Yes, it was wonderful surprise for those who believed that the Church was the only path to salvation and that those who thought differently were traitors to humanity, but it was hardly a birthday surprise that you wanted if you were a magician and heretic.

(Hey, I am a magician and a heretic--of course, I am going to make jokes about the Inquisition; it is what heretical magicians do.)

Witch and big surprise equals...outlawing of one's very existence by the powers that be, kings screaming that witches are trying to hex him to death, big cash rewards for every convicted witch, full prisons, less crazy cat ladies, and a boom for the kindling businesses, painful torture and fiery death followed by an unmarked grave. Yes, it was a wonderful surprise for those who did not want to be turned into frogs, but it was a hardly a birthday surprise that you wanted to have if you were a witch.

(Hey, I am a witch--the Big Book of Shadows say that witch hunts are not funny, but when has I allowed the political correct crowd keep me from making a bad joke?)

So hearing the 45th and final President of the United States say that we are going to have a "great, great surprise" sends a shiver down my back.

What could he possibly do with his magic pen (a pen that he screamed Obama should not have been using) that is going to fix the latest issue...which is...oh yeah--healthcare--what can he possibly do to fix the healthcare and health insurance markets?

Do away with the subsidies that support Obamacare? Which would kill Obamacare, but do nothing else--it will not fix the problem that poor sick can't afford insurance.

Declare that only losers can't afford health insurance and sky high deductibles? Which would be totally ignored by the people who voted for him because they are reality challenged.

Make a replacement law all by himself? Which actually violates the Constitution's division of powers--but who cares? The only parts of the Constitution that his supporters care about are their right to bear arms and their religious right to believe that all non-Christians and Biblical law violators should be burned at the stake.

Outlaw liberals who are the real reason that Republican healthcare reform is not passing? Hello, mass arrests, journalists shot, liberals killed in the streets, death and unmarked graves for all.

What could he possibly do here that would actually be helpful in fixing the healthcare and health insurance crisis? Outlaw sick people? Declare that death and sickness are a Chinese hoax designed to cripple the US economy? Blame Obama?

Now, there will be those who hate me for writing this stuff, saying that Trump is not an evil man, and that only losers can't afford healthcare.

By the way, I was one of the "losers" working more than forty hours a week, managing a restaurant, who had a choice between paying for health insurance that I could not use because the deductible was more than I made in a year; or dropping my useless health insurance, so that I could afford to pay my rent. Not to mention coming from a poor family (with eight kids because birth control was a tool of the devil), who also could not afford health insurance and health care either.

Do you really think I wanted to be an untreated bipolar on the verge of suicide or murdering people with an ax?

No, I can't imagine anything good for people like me coming out of a "great, great surprise" sprung by our reality star of a President.

As always, feel free to scream that I need to be burned at the stake for not believing that God, himself, picked Trump as our President, and that the real problem in America are people who think as I do.

And it is a bigly magic pen, the best bigly magic pen ever.

Are you an evil witch or magician who thinks that Trump is going to use his magic pen to outlaw everyone who disagrees with him? Consider taking part in the global monthly waning crescent moon ritual to bind the actions of President Donald J. Trump.

For full text of Global Binding Ritual of Trump, click here. 

Dates for future Global Bind Donald J. Trump rituals 

2017

July 21; August 19; September 18; October 17; November 16; December 16

For a full list of future Bind Trump dates, click here.

A magical sigil being used by some to bind Trump.

My top ten blog posts for May 2017

It is the end of the month and it is time for me to look at the top ten blog posts for the month...because I am a blogger, and wonder exactly what blog posts my readers are reading.


But first, an honorable mention--my Tarot Blog Hop post for May, which based on pure numbers actually should be in the top ten--but Blogger seems to weigh older posts heavier (for reasons that are beyond my understanding). The Tarot Blog Hop was about combining divinatory systems, but I spent more time talking about my fiery Mercury. [Mix and match divination]


Coming is at number ten is a post about a child shooting his own mother...which gun freedom nuts are perfectly ok with--because Guns are Great!!! [Child terrorists shoots his own mother]


Number nine is occupied by my post about how the global bind Donald Trump ritual was affecting the views of my July Fourth 2016 video talking about binding Donald Trump. That's right, I was binding Donald Trump before it became the cool "satanic" and witchy thing to do. [Why the spike in video views?]


Number eight was the ritual script for the global witchcraft binding ritual of President Donald Trump and all his little pals. It is so sad that Trump didn't get better ratings. Help him get better views by screaming at people that witchcraft is evil. [Global binding ritual of Trump]


Number seven was an advertisement for my wife's mortar and pestles. Yes, it was an advert, but it still counts as being a popular blog post. [New mortar and pestles available on Etsy]


Number six was my Earth Day post reminding people not to toss old hoses into the recycling bin, and not to use the brains of dubious occult leaders when they design new esoteric systems. [Do not recycle the Abby Normal brain]


And roaring into number five is Trump! That's right--not happy with just two slots on this hit parade, President Trump grabs a third as I talk about what Trump accomplished in his first hundred days in office, and what my mom thought he was going to accomplish--oh, the bitter disappointment. [Congrats! You survived the first hundred days of Trump]


And not happy with just three slots, Trump strikes again, taking spot number four by doing something totally legit and awesome--firing the director of the FBI. Yes, nothing to see there--move along. [Trump restores confidence in the FBI]


But just when you thought that occult news could not trend and get readers, an old post (two and a half years old) about the arrest of the Living God, E.A. Koetting grabs number three. Honestly, this post performs month after month, just proving that some people do actually use Google to check out occult authorities and personalities. Let's give a big round of applause to the Living God for continuing to generate traffic. [Thoughts on the arrest of E.A. Koetting]


And just when you thought that we were done with Trump, he inspires a post about how his treatment of secrecy and his midnight rage tweets reminds me of all the good times we have had with dubious occult teachers and leaders using the concept of secrecy to cover their asses and the their revealing of others' dirty laundry to destroy their enemies. Go Trump! Or is this more about dubious occult leaders? Go Great Gherkin and Jimmie Bob Beggains! Either way, it is our number two for the month of May. [Secrets declassified--the Golden Dawn edition]


So who is going to grab post number one of the month? Is it going to be some random post talking about nonsense? Maybe an occult lore piece? Can the dubious occult leaders win the day? Or will it be the last President of the United States?


And the answer found in an old mayo jar sitting on the help desk of Blogger is...


Dubious occult leaders!!!


Yes, in a surprise win, dubious occult leaders using lineage to prove that they are truly Wiccan Elders and the greatest occult authorities ever beats out President Donald Trump! Who would have guessed it? No one saw that one coming. Stand tall dubious occult leaders, you are still the number one reason that I blog. [Lineage dost not make an Elder]

Star Wars 40th birthday (geeky occultism)

On the 25th of May forty years ago (1977), Star Wars premiered in movie theaters. I, personally, was not allowed to see it--because I was only twelve, and my parents thought that it would rot my brain--that and I was only taken to the movies that they wanted to see. It is not until sometime after 1984 that I saw the movie (I wish that I could be more exact, but I can't remember the year that I first got cable TV).

The extent of my Star Wars geekiness is an unfinished project called "Stars Wars in Poetic Form."

But there are those people...

Swish, swooch, buzz...

...including a mass market kabbalist, who seemed to really embrace Star Wars fandom. Seriously, a kabbalist used Star Wars symbolism to explain kabbalah. I think it was the elder Berg (Kabbalah Centre) who did it (but I can't be sure because I have misplaced my copy of the book--actually two volumes).

And he was the first. Since then, "Jedi" has became a religion (at least, for Discordians filling out government forms)--and some occultists claim to be on the Jedi side of the Force while their enemies are obviously evil Sith. I wish I was making this up...but we have all seen the self-proclaimed Big Name magicians photoshop their faces onto Star Wars pictures (to be fair, they like all popular culture stuff--I think that they believe that it makes them seem cool and trendy).

Plus, I am quite sure that every one of my readers have seen someone recite the Yoda quote in an occult discussion, "Fear is the path to the dark side. Fear leads to anger. Anger leads to hate. Hate leads to suffering."

And the new Star Wars movies have just encouraged this behavior--with some odd results. For instance, one Big Name magician who loves being a Jedi, also teaches sex magic...given that the prequel movies (I to III) are actually f***ing canon, how the hell do you teach sex magic and still associate yourself with the Jedi?!?

Myself--I will admit that I might have incorporated the idea of the Force in how I describe the web of life, but that may just be me seeing a pagan/mysticism concept in a popular film.

And for those who wonder how much of a Star Wars fan I am--well, I haven't seen any of the new movies yet (I haven't even bothered to see if the local library has copies).

Yes, I must be treated as a source of pestilence--run away! run away!

But enough about Star Wars, Charlie Brown. It is time to refocus on Godzilla.

Secrets declassified (Golden Dawn edition)

Awhile back, one of my friends joked that our experience with dealing with dubious occult leaders was preparation and practice for living in a world ran by Donald Trump. I forget which of my friends said this, so you are just going to have complain to me about the comment (at this point, I assume that my friend is grateful that I forgotten their identity because they didn't want your nasty comments on their Facebook wall).


And I really had to agree the other day when America learned that President Trump had revealed secret information to the Russians as proof that he had the best intel ever. His defense? Oh, as President I have the right to declassify any information that he wants to.


And that sounded remarkably like a dubious occult leader saying, "I am the Grand Poohbah of all things occult--therefore, I can reveal any secrets that I like, because my imaginary friends say that I can."


So has the behavior and actions of dubious occult leaders been a training ground in how to deal with The Donald? Here are some examples of how secrecy has been treated in the esoteric community.


Reveal one: A favorite tactic of dubious occult leaders is to publish the work of other less-capable leaders and occult authorities--all in the name of "protecting potential students from the evils committed by that other group that is not as good as mine."


Reveal two: Airing the dirty laundry of former members. "So-and-so left (was expelled from) the group--and this is a good thing because 1) they are a convict (who conned me into giving them membership); 2) mentally unstable and seeing a doctor (and now they are taking a dozen meds per hour, so sad!); 3) conspiring to destroy me (proof: they keep saying bad things about me--all fake!).


Reveal three: Declaring that everything published about a system is Outer Order. "And by the way, my imaginary friends have given me boatloads of real secrets to make up for this because I am the bestest occult leader ever! Give me your money! And pay no attention to claims about how the occult is a graded system which is meant to gradually initiate and instruct you--because I can do years of advancement in just one session! Give me your money!"


Reveal four: Regardie, Crowley, and all those other nasty writers profaned the material..."But no problem--my imaginary friends have rewritten the rituals and lessons to restore secrecy. Plus they gave the new material only to me! Give me your money!"


Reveal five: Westcott leaving documents in a cab--bosses shocked that he is raising corpses! "And if you cross me, I will also tattle to your bosses that you are a necromancer--because it is tradition to reveal that secret to the bosses of the unworthy."


Reveal six: Nondisclosure agreements. "Remember that only I have the right to teach the stuff that I am teaching you. So no photocopying my lessons--not even if you cite me as their source."


Reveal seven: Offering to certify your group if you send them your proof of lineage and your secret documents. "Don't worry--I will send you back your originals, and I will honestly admit that I got the material from you, and would never dream of not certifying you. After all, I have the best lineage of all, and all the super-duper secrets, and that is proof that I am the best and most honest leader ever!"

"If these documents are discovered in a cab, please send them to this address--thank you, William Wynn Westcott."

Cover-up one: Getting the best reviews. "All of the reviews of my course are positive. No one ever says anything bad about my course. All those positive reviews are proof that I am the best ever. And all those negative reviews are Fake! So sad!"


Cover-up two: Funny masks. "And we are now wearing funny masks because some of our members are CEOs and famous politicians who do not want the public to know that they are a member of our Order. You can trust me--by the way, they told me that Pizza Gate was real!"


Cover-up three: Secret chiefs. "I am the only person in contact with the people who created our esoteric tradition. They live on a mountain in Tibet, yet were wise enough to see that I am the only person brilliant enough to bring magic into the twenty-first century. Give me your money!"


Cover-up four: Members keeping silent. "My members keep silent about my misdeeds because I have never committed any. And their silence proves that your wallet, credit rating, and young children (especially the virgins) are safe with me. Never mind that those who claim that they are silent because they are scared that I might set their car on fire. Such nonsense is Fake News!"


Cover-up five: The amazing catapult of lawyers. "Please erase all your vicious lies and publically apologize for saying that my pickle is very small, and that I can't hex my way out of a wet paper bag. Remember only the greatest esoteric leaders end up with free lawyers. And I have the best lawyer. The very best."


Cover-up six: Fixing your book reviews. "Your book is nothing more than a pack of lies. Therefore, I have told all my friends, members, and relatives to give it the one star book review that you so richly deserve. Remember that only my book is worth buying. It is the greatest occult book ever. And I did not use a ghost writer, or copy the work of other people--any such evidence to the contrary is proof that time travelers are trying to destroy me and my group."


Cover-up seven: My name, my papers. "Dear public library, I have recently trademarked the name 'The Greatest Occult group ever' and now retroactively own every paper ever written by the great occultists of the past. You are hereby ordered to remove from circulation all esoteric material by every occultist ever to live, and send the documents to me. Remember a Big Name Trademark Brand proves that I am the best, and therefore you must obey my request."


So what do you think? Do dubious occult leaders sound just like President Donald "Jesus" Trump? Are they his secret love children? Has their behavior prepared you for living in Trump World?


Are you an evil witch or magician who thinks that Trump is going to give the nuclear launch codes to the Russians? Consider taking part in the global monthly waning crescent moon ritual to bind the actions of President Donald J. Trump.
For full text of Global Binding Ritual of Trump, click here. 

Dates for future Global Bind Donald J. Trump rituals 

[Asterisked * dates are slightly moved from the last quarter crescent moon to occur on significant dates.]

2017

February 24; March 26; April 24; May 23; *June 21* (*Summer Solstice*); July 21; August 19; September 18; October 17; November 16; December 16

For a full list of future Bind Trump dates, click here.