A thousand five hundred blog posts later (what have I learned as a blogger)

Can you believe that this blog has produced 1500 blog posts since its birth on July 16, 2007?

And not all of them have been cat pictures...but maybe they should have been.

Accountant Kitty has crunched the numbers--you need more cat pictures!

Let's crunch some numbers...

First off, does occult blogging pay? Yes and no. Yes, in the fact that I have gotten money from Adsense, have sold at least one book, and moved a bunch of pottery. No, in the sense that I have made more money with less effort doing other stuff. So don't quit your day job to blog about the occult. Remember that I blog for three reasons...

One, I am a mealy mouthed poopy head.

Two, I like being the center of attention.

Three, I assume that you like my sense of humor.

Pie charts make everything more interesting...

My top ten blog posts account for seven percent of the views that this blog has gotten over the years.

So let's assume that we can learn something from them...

At number one is...

E. A. Koetting, the Living God, a single post about his arrest--which I honestly thought would get about a hundred views and no more--is responsible for a whole two percent of this blog's lifetime traffic. (And a third of my top ten traffic.) Not a month has gone by since it was written that I am not impressed by the traffic it gets.

[It should be noted that I have started to study his business practices--there are lots of "positive" things to learn from his set-up...therefore, more EAK posts are a-coming! Sure, they will not get the same amount of traffic, but I feel like I owe him a positive shout-out...that and he provides a good contrast when you talk about the business practices of other occult writers.]

My second most read post is about search engines and Google. This is also another surprise. After all, this blog is not about providing helpful advice to other bloggers.

For ease of writing, and making a pie chart--I had to make a pie chart...I like pie charts...I LOVE pie charts--I combined the numbers of the three posts about David F***ing Griffin. He shows up at slot six in my top ten, and takes up three slots...which account for less than one percent of my overall lifetime views for this blog.

Now, given the greatness of the man, I expected this number to be higher. Hell, to hear the man talk, all ten of my top ten should be Griffin. Sure he is twelve percent of my top ten, but I expected higher numbers.

[It was the fact that no post about Griffin has ever cracked the three thousand mark that made me guess that an EAK post would only get a hundred views. After all, at the time, this blog was about Golden Dawn...supposedly.]

{What this blog is about now is open to debate. If there was an air of doubt before the December re-branding, there is a positive fog of doubt now. But I am fairly sure that it has something to do with cats...}

And yes, I know that I should go though my entire list of blog posts to determine the actual value that Griffin has...but having seen that five other blog posts beat him in the top ten, I don't feel like doing it today. 

Besides, having watched my traffic on a regular basis, I have noted that Griffin only shows up lately in my keyword search data about three times a month. And no, he does not make it into my top ten search terms for this blog. I know--I am shocked too. 

[The number was never that high even when he was big-mouthing the entire Golden Dawn community--make of that what you will.]

My number three top ten is actually a poem--Lucky Penny--but it is actually the picture that drives the traffic to it. The traffic the picture gets is one of the reasons that I eventually decided that most of my blog posts need pictures.

Number four on the top ten hit parade is--drum roll please--Red Flag Magic Garden Creeper Award! Again, this was a surprise. Even more surprising is the number of "defenders" who showed up in the comment section telling me that I was completely wrong in awarding a Creeper Award...but realistically it may just be one defender using multiple accounts. And it really does not matter, you can read the screenshots for yourself. 

Of course, the most amusing part is that the Red Flag post cracked three thousand--and we all know why that amuses me.

Number five is a birthday wish to a Golden Dawn authority. Finally, something Golden Dawn shows up. But I am fairly sure that it has nothing to do with Golden Dawn, and has everything to do with the birthday cat picture used in the post.

[Is this the last time, we will see a cat picture? Stay tuned--anything can happen!]

So, we finally get to a post about Griffin--sixth slot--remember I added the numbers of three posts for the purposes of the pie chart. If you dare go look--this is my most popular David F***ing Griffin post. Try not to read anything into that fact.

Eight and ten are also Griffin.

Number seven is my favorite "Beware of bad behavior by occultists" post. It is not really a surprise that Thirteen Warning Signs That Your Guru is Rotten is in my top ten posts. As long as people insist in posting "Looking for someone to teach me!" messages in Facebook groups, I will continue to share the link to this one. This post is currently expected to fight its way into my top five by the next time, I write about my blog numbers.

We know that Griffin is eight and ten, so what is number nine? A bloody book review. How did a book review make its way into my top ten, and perform better than 1491 other posts? Simple, people Google-ing the subject of the book. Turns out that a subject with little information on it will result in long tail effects.

Speaking of Google...

...provided that you are a Virgo.

Turns out that my top ten keywords that drive traffic to my blog, eight of them are people looking for cat pictures.

Yes, it turns out that more people use Google to find cat pictures than they do to find out stuff about the Golden Dawn. Color me surprised. "Halloween Cat" easily outranked Golden Dawn.

For convenience's sake, I combined the misspellings with the proper spellings for the purposes of the pie chart. And it is easy to see that this blog needs more cat pictures.

Not only did cat pictures beat Golden Dawn, so did the term "Google."

Now, in all fairness, my top ten search keywords only counts for two percent of my lifetime page views on this blog, so there might be tons of stuff in the lower reaches that totally trumps the number of hits that cats and Google gets. On the day that I total up all the Griffin post numbers, I will also total up the views for the cats, and we will have proof who is more popular.

I am sad that Australia was not higher in the ranks.

In terms of traffic, ten countries account for eighty-one percent of my traffic. The United States accounts for fifty-seven percent, with number two Russia accounting for eight percent.

In my head, Australia is more important than it actually is. Australia, you need to step up your game. Two percent is a poor showing. Australia, you can do better.

[I have corrupted a couple of Australian Golden Dawn students--and I would like to corrupt more of them. Therefore, Australia needs to do better.]

{Do Australians like cat pictures? If so, I can provide.}

As for traffic from various platforms, Google accounts for thirteen percent of my traffic; Facebook accounts for four and a half percent. And a single blog has sent me a whole one percent of my traffic (which is not bad at all)--Head For the Red if you are curious.

So that is it for my first 1500 posts (eleven f***ing years). Here to the next 1500--of which a whole quarter must be about cats, if I am reading my data correctly.

Meow!

And the Creeper Award goes to (oh noes, people I don't like have abused their power to get laid)

Welcome to the 2017 Creeper Award where we award the creepiest person in the world with a virtual award in honor of how creepy they really are.

And this year, we are focusing on those who have abused their position of power for sexual gain.

Let's see we have...

...a billion f***ing nominees. And a new one everyday. Politicians, CEOs, priests, actors, directors, film company executives, news reporters...seriously, the list goes on and on.

How can I make up my mind when I have so many tasty options. I got so many tasty options...

It is like a Sexual Predator vending machine.

The same way I make up my mind on everything else. I randomly push some buttons on the machine and see what falls out.

Seriously, are we actually surprised about the fact that powerful men will use their positions to convince women that it is in their best interest to have sex with them?

Are we surprised that almost every woman has a story?

(Yes, I am little surprised about the extent of the problem. Sadly, my estimate of affected women has gone up over the last year and an half. At this point, I am starting to assume that every woman has interacted with a sexual predator.)

Is it hypocritical of me to say that sexual predators are bad when I am a former writer of dubious erotica?

(Former--as in I haven't published any more dubious erotica for the last four years. The reason for this is that the market has changed to the point where there are no retailers who sell the stuff. Barnes and Noble, the last holdout, in August changed their policy to the rest of the market. So I am not making money writing erotica anymore, so bite me! And when I did--I had rules: no underage, no rape, both parties had informed consent--it is sad that my stuff had a higher ethical standard than the real world.)

Is dubious erotica the cause of all sexual predators?

(No s**t--I saw someone actually argue this in the comment of a Smashwords blog post talking about the new certification program designed to let retailers know which erotic stories are dubious. Let's just ignore the fact that the Bible has amble evidence that this problem is thousands of years old.)

Are we surprised that some witches seek to cast binding spells on sexual offenders?

(Have you met a real witch? Do you really want to f*** with them and their loved ones?)

Are we surprised that other witches and magicians will rush to cast counterspells, so that the sexual offender's free will is not affected?

(Hell yes, I am f***ing surprised about the countercasters.)

Stop sexual predators in their tracks--join the Super-Duper Magical Defenders of Liberty today!

Are we surprised that some dubious occult leaders are using this wave of public outrage as a recruiting tool for their Orders and traditions?

(Not really, they use every hot trending topic as a recruitment tool.)

Is it hypocritical of dubious occult leaders to speak out against sexual offenders when they have expelled every member who ever complained that one of their favorite students is a sexual offender? Or themselves been accused of being a sexual offender?

(Uh...yes. All I have done is write dubious erotica, and cast bindings on rapists. But remember they are the heroes.)

So who do we give the Creeper Award to? We have so many tasty options in our vending machine of Questionable Leaders Abusing Their Power to have SEX! SEX! SEX! How do we chose?

By who makes me feel the sickest.

And the Creeper Award goes to every f***ing voter who has said, "Even if this politician is a sexual predator, they need to be voted for and protected because the work they do is more important than the lives that they have ruined and will ruin in the future."

Yes, all those voters who scream that we need the politician who will outlaw those they do not like, even if the politician is guilty as hell of being sexual predators, are the winners of this year's Creeper Award. 

And they get bonus awards of Willing Being Blind and Being a Complete B!!! when they say that sexual offenses are grounds for the other political party to lose its politicians, yet turn a blind eye to the members of their own f***ing party who are just as bad; or worse, claim that all accusations against their party are false while all the accusations against the opposing party are true.

I am not sure how they can look at themselves in the mirror in the morning, and how they think they get to go to the Nice Afterlife and not the So Cold It Burns Afterlife.

Oh, yeah, their Holy Book says that it is ok. You just have to pay off the victims. It is in their Holy Book. F***ing hell!

So here you go, Voters Who Think It Is OK For Their Political Party To Be Sexual Offenders As Long As They Hate And Love The Same People As I Do, here is your your shiny Creeper Award. Hold it up proudly, you selfish pricks!

By the way, it is not just the Republicans; all political parties have these pricks. 

Global Satanic Enslaver Black Magician Conspiracy! (Real reason that the Hollywood cesspool and other cesspools exist)

Recently, there has been an uptick in horrible things happening to good people. There have been an increase in the number of immigrants, house foreclosures, jobs being lost, tires falling off of the back of trucks, sexual harassment accusations, Confederate statues being taken down, satiric writers not shutting up, gun rights being threaten by people who have no desire to shoot other people, and that horrible woman Hillary Clinton almost becoming President of the United States of America. And all these horrible things are caused by the same thing:

Global Satanic Enslaver Black Magician Conspiracy!

That Wall not being built: Global Satanic Enslaver Black Magician Conspiracy!
Parking ticket: Global Satanic Enslaver Black Magician Conspiracy!
Not getting a raise at work:  Global Satanic Enslaver Black Magician Conspiracy!
Bank says that they want their money: Global Satanic Enslaver Black Magician Conspiracy!
Loan shark says that they want their money:  Global Satanic Enslaver Black Magician Conspiracy!
Your horse not winning their race:  Global Satanic Enslaver Black Magician Conspiracy!
Toaster trying to electrocute you:  Global Satanic Enslaver Black Magician Conspiracy!
Killer Chinese satellite falling on your house:  Global Satanic Enslaver Black Magician Conspiracy!
Your favorite politician being falsely accused of sexual harassment:  Global Satanic Enslaver Black Magician Conspiracy!
Your favorite media talking head being falsely accused of sexual harassment: Global Satanic Enslaver Black Magician Conspiracy!
Your favorite Hollywood bigshot being falsely accused of sexual harassment: Global Satanic Enslaver Black Magician Conspiracy!
Vatican sex scandal:  Global Satanic Enslaver Black Magician Conspiracy!
Your least favorite politician actually committing sexual harassment:  Global Satanic Enslaver Black Magician Conspiracy!
Your least favorite media talking head actually committing sexual harassment:  Global Satanic Enslaver Black Magician Conspiracy!
Some Hollywood bigshot you hate actually committing sexual harassment: Global Satanic Enslaver Black Magician Conspiracy!
Being told that Alt-Right is just another term for "F***ing Nazi": Global Satanic Enslaver Black Magician Conspiracy!
Mass shootings:  Global Satanic Enslaver Black Magician Conspiracy!
Pot becoming legal: Global Satanic Enslaver Black Magician Conspiracy!
Liberals continuing to have civil rights:  Global Satanic Enslaver Black Magician Conspiracy!
Least favorite critic continuing to breathe in and out: Global Satanic Enslaver Black Magician Conspiracy!
The ice cream parlor being out of your favorite flavor: Global Satanic Enslaver Black Magician Conspiracy!

And you know that it must be true when the world's greatest occultist and lover tells you...

"Global Satanic Enslaver Black Magician Conspiracy! is why the world is a hot damn mess."

Because that explanation is so much more reasonable than "Human beings, especially men, abuse power whenever they acquire it."

For instance, there is no way that Hollywood turned into a cesspool in the thirties when men realized that there was money to be made making movies. There is no way that the hundred plus production companies of the 1910s and 1920s being brought up and condensed into a mere dozen in the 1930s and 1940s resulted in a situation where a handful of men could force women to have sex with them if they wanted to keep working. There is no way that these powerful men could convince their companies to sweep such behavior under the rug, paying off the most dangerous and uncomfortable accusations, putting clauses into their contracts that they (the powerful men) could have all the accusations they wanted as long as they paid fines, and enact self-censoring rules that ensured that no one could make a movie or television series about what was really going on. There is no way that power was condensed in the hands of a few men in such a way that it became a running joke in Hollywood that certain men in Hollywood controlled the entire careers of female actors because no one could actually talk seriously about the issue of sexual harassment if they wanted to continue working in Hollywood.

And there is absolutely no way that Wall Street, Washington D.C., Silicon Valley, mega-churches, network journalism, monolithic esoteric traditions, and a score of other industries that this blogger is too lazy to mention by name, had suffered the same type of power hoarding by men, so that they could also sexually harass any woman that they wanted to.

Hell, even the Bible has sexual harassment in it, saying that men are allowed to rape women as long as they pay a fine for violating virgins. There is absolutely no way that the Bible was actually written by men who held power and decided that they liked abusing the power that they hoarded.

No, it is far more reasonable that it was all the result of...

Global Satanic Enslaver Black Magician Conspiracy!

Furthermore, it is more reasonable that only those who do not share your particular political opinions are actually doing such misdeeds while those of your political mindset are being falsely accused. It is just a joke when your favorite politician says that they have committed sexual harassment on a live microphone, but completely true when your most hated and loathed enemy politician is accused of supporting a Satanic baby sacrifice ring. There is no way that your approval and white-washing of the deeds of those who share your political mindset is helping create the problem. There is no way that you have been tricked by false news and fast talking. No, that is can't be true; it must be a...

Global Satanic Enslaver Black Magician Conspiracy!

After all, that allows you to have a righteous hate of those who do not look and think like you do. It allows you to take part in a righteous crusade to free the world from a Global Satanic Enslaver Black Magician Conspiracy! It makes you one of the good guys. It allows you to look forward to killing people that you do not like because they have to be part of a Global Satanic Enslaver Black Magician Conspiracy!

And in no way, are you being played by a Conspiracy to Control How You Think and Act, Pay Dues to, What you Buy, and What to Watch and Read, and Who to Vote for, by some people who decided that your hot button, the thing that makes you stupid is the idea that all your troubles are being caused by a Global Satanic Enslaver Black Magician Conspiracy! After all, for that to be true, there would have to be a...

Global Satanic Enslaver Black Magician Conspiracy!

If you were ok with Trump's "grab them by the pussy" comment, then you are part of the problem.

Red Flag--"Magic Garden" photos requested (Creeper Award)

Right up front, I must say that perhaps I am wrong about the following person deserving a Creeper Award. Maybe this person is completely on the up and up. But given the fact that I kinda threw up in my mouth a couple of time when someone brought his antics to attention, I feel that I am probably right that he deserves a Creeper Award. As always, if you think that I am wrong, there is the glorious comment section.

And this Creeper Award goes to Master Golden Wizard Luxas Aureaum, head of the Coven of the Rooting Circle--Witches of Maryland.

Recently he gave some information about membership in his coven to someone who found him though Witchvox. According to this source, he claims that his coven is ALL female, except for him...that might be creepy. He also seems to think that a woman's vagina, as my source put it, was some form of Witch's Rosetta Stone...you can decide how creepy that is when we get to the screenshot of that particular message.

Master Golden Wizard Luxas Aureaum may also be trying to create a teen group, a fact that might not be alarming....except that at no time did he ask my informant if they were over 18, a fact that makes me a little nauseous when I read the following messages that he sent.

Oh yes, I so want a creeper to teach me the ways of Wicca.

The first section of this is not so bad; a lot of more traditional Wicca and witchcraft groups believe that it is ok to be nude. Hell, there are ton of Alexandrian news articles from the 1960s with a naked High Priestess in them. Though in all fairness to the Alexandrians, some of the nudity may have been simple advertising...because sex sells.

"The witches life and art is simple. It involves nudity, spiritual and physical self-confidence..."

But the second screenshot here of the basic information on how to join his coven....well, see if you can read it without saying, "Ewwww!"

Ok, so the Golden Wizard wants money and a nude picture. 

Did you manage not to say, "Ewww!"? If so, you have a stronger stomach than I do---and I used to write dubious erotica. And I am not sure that I would believe this story if I found it in the erotica section of a bookstore, or in those special adult bookstores.

So moving on, not only does Master Golden Wizard Luxas Aureaum of the Coven of the Rooting Circle--Witches of Maryland, want a two hundred and fifty dollar donation for the coven, he wants a full frontal photo of the applicant. I guess that all witches must be beautiful---or at least the ones that he admits to his coven.

But wait--it gets better. Again, can you read this without saying, "Ewww!"?

Oh dear, your "garden" tells us everything we need to know about your witchy aura.

In none of the traditional Wicca/witchcraft stuff in my possession have I found the keys and rules to judge how witchy a woman was based on the appearance of her "garden." Maybe my tradition is not as traditional as I have been lead to believe it is. Maybe Master Golden Wizard Luxas Aureaum is a more advanced witch than I am. Or maybe, I am perfectly correct that he deserves a Creeper Award. Again, if you disagree about him recieving the award, there is the comment section just waiting for your rebuttal.

Uhh, this request sounds like you requesting porn. 

And I am not sure that I trust this guy to destory the photos after viewing either, despite his honor as a guide and his sacred oath.

Ok, so maybe I am wrong about him being a creeper. After all, I have never been the best judge of character...my regular readers have heard some of my "bad coven and Order" stories. This is probably just how a really traditional group does things. There is probably nothing actually creepy about this guy...

Wait, are you saying that society morals are wrong about shielding those below the age of 16 from people like you?!

...but honestly, I have yet to convince myself that particular screenshot does not scream, "Danger Seeker! Danger!" While there is a chance that I am misreading the intent and moral belief system behind the statement, personally I think that Master Golden Wizard Luxas Aureaum of the Coven of the Rooting Circle--Witches of Maryland, with that statement alone deserves a Creeper Award.

Using this picture in your educational material is strange when the actual genders are accounted for. 

I am not sure that I trust his instructional material either. I think that it speaks for itself.

Hmmm, comparing yourself to Charlie Sheen....not worrisome at all. 

And this screenshot from his newsfeed, not troublesome at all if you ignore the ego and slimeness of the statement. Maybe I really do need a second opinion of whether I should reward him with a Creeper Award.

Creepy Rob Lowe approves of this wizard....which is also alarming. (Hey, it is a joke, ok?)

So on the behalf of up-tight witches and magicians everywhere, I proudly present Master Golden Wizard Luxas Aureaum of the Coven of the Rooting Circle--Witches of Maryland, with this Creeper Award.

I also want to give him a little advice:

Stay out of my local area because I will allow the other witches to stab you if you mess with their daughters, nieces, cousins, next door neighbors. and other young lady folk.