Friday, February 28, 2014

How to be a sock puppet

This sock puppet believes that guns for him are good--guns for you are bad. 
A quick guide for those who believe that being a loyal sock puppet is the height of spiritual and magical development.

1. Find a fearless leader to follow. Or being invented by one (remember a sock puppet does not actually have to be a real person).

2. Fail to fill out your internet profile. After all, nothing screams "real person" on Facebook like an empty profile.

3. Take every statement in the worst possible way. No one is actually polite or misunderstood on the internet.

4. Ape the opinions of your fearless leader, who is always correct in all things.

5. Use the same word choice and phrasing as your fearless leader. Better yet, copy and paste their exact words.

6. Post and share links only from your fearless leader.

7. Insist on a double standard. Your actions and those of your fearless leader are always good and true, while those of people who do not agree a hundred percent with your fearless leader are always inspired by reptilian aliens controlling the world.

8. Claim that your fearless leader's enemies eat roosted baby unicorns and other forbidden treats.

9. Claim that your fearless leader is just trying to protect the world from evil.

10. Claim that your fearless leader's enemies are bent on selling souls to Satan.

11. Jump on the band wagon of your fearless leader's most recent rant against injustice.

12. Pretend to be a threat to other leaders...maybe they will laugh themselves to death.

13. Scream bloody murder when people accuse you of being a sock puppet. And continue doing all the the above.

14. Get royally upset about this blog post. In fact, you should post links to it all over the internet right now.

2 comments:

Nick Farrell said...

11. Become very cross when you are deleted from a group by a moderator who outs you as a sock-puppet. Insist that the mod is clamping down on free speech. Contact another moderator and demand that the Mod be fired for doing his or her job.

zingdominator said...

12. Ask the sock puppet if "he" or "she" is really RZ. When said sock asks "Why are you thinking of him?", that's a dead giveaway!