Trump restores confidence in FBI (by embiggening Russian conspiracy theory)

Today, President Donald "Jesus" Trump fired FBI Director James Comey for being unfair to rival Hillary Clinton (and blabbing about finding more of her emails) during the Presidential campaign to restore American's confidence and trust in the FBI. 

What?!? Wait--What?!?

Isn't this the same person who publicly asked Russia and Wikileaks to find Hillary's emails? Who encouraged his fans to scream "Lock her up!!!"? I am sorry--Trump got a hard-on every time Comey talked about her emails. Trump should give this guy a medal for "services rendered" in getting him elected.

But no, James Comey had to be fired because...he was unfair to Hillary...no, that can't be right.

Do you want conspiracy theories? Because that's how you get conspiracy theories.

I am sorry, but I can only see one good reason to get rid of Comey at this time; and that is Donald Trump actually fears an investigation into his election team and his administration's possible connections with Russia--and he somehow thinks pulling a Nixon is going to short-circuit the investigation.

Now, I know--you are a Trump fan and you honestly believe that Comey was actually doing news conferences about not going after Hillary Clinton because she had some hold over him. If so, that worked out as well as a worm swimming in a boiling cauldron.

And I am saying this because Hillary has negatives of me and my goat.

And maybe you are right. Maybe the Illuminati (the evil one ran by Hillary Clinton) was using him as a puppet. But given that the Illuminati (the good one ran by Donald "Jesus" Trump) benefited more from the actions, I think that they should reward the man instead of firing him. Hell, given a big enough bag of money, Trump could do anything he likes (or so his logic has always went before), so why not big bags of money to make that inconvenient investigation go away? It is not like he can't afford the "legal fees."

So has Trump restored my confidence and trust in the FBI? No, he hasn't. In fact, it makes me even more positive that he actually is a Russian c***-holster. Nice job Trump--you just embiggened a rather nice conspiracy theory. Of course, Trump doesn't care because he is all about the Trending.

Nothing to see here--move along!

And despite the fact that he doesn't think that anyone cares--some people do. Not the ones that count: big business. Or the ones that voted for him who believe that Trump is the best thing since Jesus Christ turned Republican. But everyone else (none who matter, of course) wonders why he is buddies with every dictator and strong man ruler in the world.

If I didn't know better, I would suspect that the next FBI director on day one will order the arrest of the entire Clinton and Obama families, and that they will both be mysteriously shot while resisting arrest--because being President-for-Life is Trump's true ambitions--hello Nazi America! (Or whatever evil dictator you actually fear--oh right, Obama America!)

Sorry Trump fans, if Trump was actually innocent (and non-impeachable), he should have just let Comey remain in the job. In fact, he should release his tax forms and let an investigation happen. I mean he is a more upstanding person than Hillary, and she survived how many investigations?

No, all he did was convince me that the American people elected the most corrupt President ever.

Trump got his doctorate of evil at Trump University.

Are you an evil witch or magician who thinks that Trump is going to turn us all into Russian sex slaves? Consider taking part in the global monthly waning crescent moon ritual to bind the actions of President Donald J. Trump.

For full text of Global Binding Ritual of Trump, click here. 

Dates for future Global Bind Donald J. Trump rituals

2017

February 24; March 26; April 24; May 23; *June 21* (*Summer Solstice*); July 21; August 19; September 18; October 17; November 16; December 16

For a full list of future Bind Trump dates, click here.