Apologies to those who already saw this joke that I made on Facebook last night.
First, you make the patient fill out lots of paperwork. Then you ignore what they said and proceed to run tests. Then you make them take pills that does not address the initial problem. Finally, you send them a large bill insisting that your very expensive medicine was the only way to deal with the problem...and if the problem still exists, it is the result of the patient's bad lifestyle and not the ignorance of the doctor.
Well, first you take the live chicken and dance around the patient with it. You listen carefully to the patient, and then invoke a loa who is in charge of such symptoms and ask them to kindly leave your patient alone. Then you kill and eat the chicken with the patient. If the problem still exists, you proceed to use more chickens.