Thursday, May 18, 2017

Secrets declassified (Golden Dawn edition)

Awhile back, one of my friends joked that our experience with dealing with dubious occult leaders was preparation and practice for living in a world ran by Donald Trump. I forget which of my friends said this, so you are just going to have complain to me about the comment (at this point, I assume that my friend is grateful that I forgotten their identity because they didn't want your nasty comments on their Facebook wall).


And I really had to agree the other day when America learned that President Trump had revealed secret information to the Russians as proof that he had the best intel ever. His defense? Oh, as President I have the right to declassify any information that he wants to.


And that sounded remarkably like a dubious occult leader saying, "I am the Grand Poohbah of all things occult--therefore, I can reveal any secrets that I like, because my imaginary friends say that I can."


So has the behavior and actions of dubious occult leaders been a training ground in how to deal with The Donald? Here are some examples of how secrecy has been treated in the esoteric community.


Reveal one: A favorite tactic of dubious occult leaders is to publish the work of other less-capable leaders and occult authorities--all in the name of "protecting potential students from the evils committed by that other group that is not as good as mine."


Reveal two: Airing the dirty laundry of former members. "So-and-so left (was expelled from) the group--and this is a good thing because 1) they are a convict (who conned me into giving them membership); 2) mentally unstable and seeing a doctor (and now they are taking a dozen meds per hour, so sad!); 3) conspiring to destroy me (proof: they keep saying bad things about me--all fake!).


Reveal three: Declaring that everything published about a system is Outer Order. "And by the way, my imaginary friends have given me boatloads of real secrets to make up for this because I am the bestest occult leader ever! Give me your money! And pay no attention to claims about how the occult is a graded system which is meant to gradually initiate and instruct you--because I can do years of advancement in just one session! Give me your money!"


Reveal four: Regardie, Crowley, and all those other nasty writers profaned the material..."But no problem--my imaginary friends have rewritten the rituals and lessons to restore secrecy. Plus they gave the new material only to me! Give me your money!"


Reveal five: Westcott leaving documents in a cab--bosses shocked that he is raising corpses! "And if you cross me, I will also tattle to your bosses that you are a necromancer--because it is tradition to reveal that secret to the bosses of the unworthy."


Reveal six: Nondisclosure agreements. "Remember that only I have the right to teach the stuff that I am teaching you. So no photocopying my lessons--not even if you cite me as their source."


Reveal seven: Offering to certify your group if you send them your proof of lineage and your secret documents. "Don't worry--I will send you back your originals, and I will honestly admit that I got the material from you, and would never dream of not certifying you. After all, I have the best lineage of all, and all the super-duper secrets, and that is proof that I am the best and most honest leader ever!"
"If these documents are discovered in a cab, please send them to this address--thank you, William Wynn Westcott."
Cover-up one: Getting the best reviews. "All of the reviews of my course are positive. No one ever says anything bad about my course. All those positive reviews are proof that I am the best ever. And all those negative reviews are Fake! So sad!"


Cover-up two: Funny masks. "And we are now wearing funny masks because some of our members are CEOs and famous politicians who do not want the public to know that they are a member of our Order. You can trust me--by the way, they told me that Pizza Gate was real!"


Cover-up three: Secret chiefs. "I am the only person in contact with the people who created our esoteric tradition. They live on a mountain in Tibet, yet were wise enough to see that I am the only person brilliant enough to bring magic into the twenty-first century. Give me your money!"


Cover-up four: Members keeping silent. "My members keep silent about my misdeeds because I have never committed any. And their silence proves that your wallet, credit rating, and young children (especially the virgins) are safe with me. Never mind that those who claim that they are silent because they are scared that I might set their car on fire. Such nonsense is Fake News!"


Cover-up five: The amazing catapult of lawyers. "Please erase all your vicious lies and publically apologize for saying that my pickle is very small, and that I can't hex my way out of a wet paper bag. Remember only the greatest esoteric leaders end up with free lawyers. And I have the best lawyer. The very best."


Cover-up six: Fixing your book reviews. "Your book is nothing more than a pack of lies. Therefore, I have told all my friends, members, and relatives to give it the one star book review that you so richly deserve. Remember that only my book is worth buying. It is the greatest occult book ever. And I did not use a ghost writer, or copy the work of other people--any such evidence to the contrary is proof that time travelers are trying to destroy me and my group."


Cover-up seven: My name, my papers. "Dear public library, I have recently trademarked the name 'The Greatest Occult group ever' and now retroactively own every paper ever written by the great occultists of the past. You are hereby ordered to remove from circulation all esoteric material by every occultist ever to live, and send the documents to me. Remember a Big Name Trademark Brand proves that I am the best, and therefore you must obey my request."


So what do you think? Do dubious occult leaders sound just like President Donald "Jesus" Trump? Are they his secret love children? Has their behavior prepared you for living in Trump World?


Are you an evil witch or magician who thinks that Trump is going to give the nuclear launch codes to the Russians? Consider taking part in the global monthly waning crescent moon ritual to bind the actions of President Donald J. Trump.
For full text of Global Binding Ritual of Trump, click here. 

Dates for future Global Bind Donald J. Trump rituals 

[Asterisked * dates are slightly moved from the last quarter crescent moon to occur on significant dates.]

2017

February 24; March 26; April 24; May 23; *June 21* (*Summer Solstice*); July 21; August 19; September 18; October 17; November 16; December 16

For a full list of future Bind Trump dates, click here. 

4 comments:

Imperator David Griffin said...

Don't worry, Forrest. We all understand that you don't.

Unknown said...

Trump is a mainstream magician, he willed his presidency into existence. Politics aside I respect his ability to manifest thoughts .

Dave Wilson said...

I suppose Trump learned the Law of Attraction and Miracle Mentoring from the greatest manifestor of all time. Give HIM all your money and you can be just like Trump.

Chan ! said...

Ok, you red haired "short-tailed" humanoid stoat. We understand that you're a paranoid delusional twat who with every out breath and words that might come with it displays his asinine stupor.