My top ten blog posts for May 2017

It is the end of the month and it is time for me to look at the top ten blog posts for the month...because I am a blogger, and wonder exactly what blog posts my readers are reading.


But first, an honorable mention--my Tarot Blog Hop post for May, which based on pure numbers actually should be in the top ten--but Blogger seems to weigh older posts heavier (for reasons that are beyond my understanding). The Tarot Blog Hop was about combining divinatory systems, but I spent more time talking about my fiery Mercury. [Mix and match divination]


Coming is at number ten is a post about a child shooting his own mother...which gun freedom nuts are perfectly ok with--because Guns are Great!!! [Child terrorists shoots his own mother]


Number nine is occupied by my post about how the global bind Donald Trump ritual was affecting the views of my July Fourth 2016 video talking about binding Donald Trump. That's right, I was binding Donald Trump before it became the cool "satanic" and witchy thing to do. [Why the spike in video views?]


Number eight was the ritual script for the global witchcraft binding ritual of President Donald Trump and all his little pals. It is so sad that Trump didn't get better ratings. Help him get better views by screaming at people that witchcraft is evil. [Global binding ritual of Trump]


Number seven was an advertisement for my wife's mortar and pestles. Yes, it was an advert, but it still counts as being a popular blog post. [New mortar and pestles available on Etsy]


Number six was my Earth Day post reminding people not to toss old hoses into the recycling bin, and not to use the brains of dubious occult leaders when they design new esoteric systems. [Do not recycle the Abby Normal brain]


And roaring into number five is Trump! That's right--not happy with just two slots on this hit parade, President Trump grabs a third as I talk about what Trump accomplished in his first hundred days in office, and what my mom thought he was going to accomplish--oh, the bitter disappointment. [Congrats! You survived the first hundred days of Trump]


And not happy with just three slots, Trump strikes again, taking spot number four by doing something totally legit and awesome--firing the director of the FBI. Yes, nothing to see there--move along. [Trump restores confidence in the FBI]


But just when you thought that occult news could not trend and get readers, an old post (two and a half years old) about the arrest of the Living God, E.A. Koetting grabs number three. Honestly, this post performs month after month, just proving that some people do actually use Google to check out occult authorities and personalities. Let's give a big round of applause to the Living God for continuing to generate traffic. [Thoughts on the arrest of E.A. Koetting]


And just when you thought that we were done with Trump, he inspires a post about how his treatment of secrecy and his midnight rage tweets reminds me of all the good times we have had with dubious occult teachers and leaders using the concept of secrecy to cover their asses and the their revealing of others' dirty laundry to destroy their enemies. Go Trump! Or is this more about dubious occult leaders? Go Great Gherkin and Jimmie Bob Beggains! Either way, it is our number two for the month of May. [Secrets declassified--the Golden Dawn edition]


So who is going to grab post number one of the month? Is it going to be some random post talking about nonsense? Maybe an occult lore piece? Can the dubious occult leaders win the day? Or will it be the last President of the United States?


And the answer found in an old mayo jar sitting on the help desk of Blogger is...


Dubious occult leaders!!!


Yes, in a surprise win, dubious occult leaders using lineage to prove that they are truly Wiccan Elders and the greatest occult authorities ever beats out President Donald Trump! Who would have guessed it? No one saw that one coming. Stand tall dubious occult leaders, you are still the number one reason that I blog. [Lineage dost not make an Elder]

Using militias as security (oh what a wonderful idea)

Should militias be allowed to serve as security for public events? That's a question that came up last night after those nasty liberals started to call for Alt-right and pro-guns-for-everyone groups to cancel their events in Portland after a racist insult screaming Nazi saluting white person decided to kill a minority--and someone suggested that these groups should still be allowed their events provided that the groups provided extra security using militias.

You just can't make this stuff up in America. Damn you America, isn't my job writing satire hard enough without you actually making wacky suggestions?!?

Basically, these hate groups (hey, they fit the profile despite their claims that they are looking out for the real Americans...who just all happen to be gun carrying white people who believe all minorities and non-Christians should be expelled from the United States for not believing in their gun-toting white Jesus) believe that evil dirty traitorous liberals should not be allowed free speech, especially when they are protesting against the ideals of a pure white (a hundred percent white, get your ass out of here you nasty brown colored witch) society.

And the idea that they should be allowed to use a militia for security at their events, full of screaming that brown people are the children of the devil and need to be kicked out of the United States (if not outright killed by tasty poison gas and lovely shiny bullets), just makes me shudder at what would be the natural outcome...mainly, a bunch of liberals and minorities being shot dead because they used their freedom of speech to say that the United States is built on the concept of the melting pot, and that minorities and non-Christians also have basic human rights in this country.

Now, I am not saying that militias can't do the job successfully. After all, the Brown Shirts, a militia, did a bang-up job protecting their fearless leader and his gang during the glory days of Nazi Germany. But that kinda proves my point, that it is a really bad idea...not that White Only America supporters would care how that turned out to be bad for gays, Jews, and other minorities--after all, White Only America believes that Adolf Hitler had the right idea.

As always feel free to tell me how my liberal witch ass needs to be burnt at the stake for having Jewish ancestors and not worshiping the idea of a pure white America like our founding fathers intended.

Cat Militia will defend your right to steal your human's bacon!

DWQ submission call--esoteric leadership (and remembering Alia Denver OFMs)

Call for submissions: This upcoming issue of Denver Witch Quarterly, in part, is going to pay tribute to Alia Denny, the driving force behind Denver Open Full Moon rituals (Hearthstone Community Church) who died last month. So besides our regular mix of stuff, we are asking for articles that remember her. We are also looking for articles about what good leadership in the esoteric community looks like--how should an esoteric leader/teacher act?

Email submissions to basttemple [at] msn [dot] com

Margaret Alia Denny

Margaret Alia Denny

Submission FAQs.

Our deadlines throughout the year.

Memorial for Alia Denny (Hearthstone Community Church)

From Doug Peterson: This is Doug Peterson. I want to apologies for taking so long to figure out the memorial stuff. But here it is. The memorial for Alia Denny [president and founder of the Hearthstone Community Church--the Open Full Moon people] will be on Saturday May 27th. 2pm to 5pm. The location is the Althea Center at 14th and Williams St. Denver, Colorado. We are going to do a pot luck. Bring what you will. Don't plan on kitchen access. I'll bring raspberries. She loved those.


Margaret Alia Denny passed from this life on Friday, April 28, 2017.

[For those who are concerned with what is going to happen with Hearthstone--the board has already voted to continue providing support for Open Full Moon rituals.]

Margaret Alia Denny

Margaret Alia Denny

Star Wars 40th birthday (geeky occultism)

On the 25th of May forty years ago (1977), Star Wars premiered in movie theaters. I, personally, was not allowed to see it--because I was only twelve, and my parents thought that it would rot my brain--that and I was only taken to the movies that they wanted to see. It is not until sometime after 1984 that I saw the movie (I wish that I could be more exact, but I can't remember the year that I first got cable TV).

The extent of my Star Wars geekiness is an unfinished project called "Stars Wars in Poetic Form."

But there are those people...

Swish, swooch, buzz...

...including a mass market kabbalist, who seemed to really embrace Star Wars fandom. Seriously, a kabbalist used Star Wars symbolism to explain kabbalah. I think it was the elder Berg (Kabbalah Centre) who did it (but I can't be sure because I have misplaced my copy of the book--actually two volumes).

And he was the first. Since then, "Jedi" has became a religion (at least, for Discordians filling out government forms)--and some occultists claim to be on the Jedi side of the Force while their enemies are obviously evil Sith. I wish I was making this up...but we have all seen the self-proclaimed Big Name magicians photoshop their faces onto Star Wars pictures (to be fair, they like all popular culture stuff--I think that they believe that it makes them seem cool and trendy).

Plus, I am quite sure that every one of my readers have seen someone recite the Yoda quote in an occult discussion, "Fear is the path to the dark side. Fear leads to anger. Anger leads to hate. Hate leads to suffering."

And the new Star Wars movies have just encouraged this behavior--with some odd results. For instance, one Big Name magician who loves being a Jedi, also teaches sex magic...given that the prequel movies (I to III) are actually f***ing canon, how the hell do you teach sex magic and still associate yourself with the Jedi?!?

Myself--I will admit that I might have incorporated the idea of the Force in how I describe the web of life, but that may just be me seeing a pagan/mysticism concept in a popular film.

And for those who wonder how much of a Star Wars fan I am--well, I haven't seen any of the new movies yet (I haven't even bothered to see if the local library has copies).

Yes, I must be treated as a source of pestilence--run away! run away!

But enough about Star Wars, Charlie Brown. It is time to refocus on Godzilla.

Secrets declassified (Golden Dawn edition)

Awhile back, one of my friends joked that our experience with dealing with dubious occult leaders was preparation and practice for living in a world ran by Donald Trump. I forget which of my friends said this, so you are just going to have complain to me about the comment (at this point, I assume that my friend is grateful that I forgotten their identity because they didn't want your nasty comments on their Facebook wall).


And I really had to agree the other day when America learned that President Trump had revealed secret information to the Russians as proof that he had the best intel ever. His defense? Oh, as President I have the right to declassify any information that he wants to.


And that sounded remarkably like a dubious occult leader saying, "I am the Grand Poohbah of all things occult--therefore, I can reveal any secrets that I like, because my imaginary friends say that I can."


So has the behavior and actions of dubious occult leaders been a training ground in how to deal with The Donald? Here are some examples of how secrecy has been treated in the esoteric community.


Reveal one: A favorite tactic of dubious occult leaders is to publish the work of other less-capable leaders and occult authorities--all in the name of "protecting potential students from the evils committed by that other group that is not as good as mine."


Reveal two: Airing the dirty laundry of former members. "So-and-so left (was expelled from) the group--and this is a good thing because 1) they are a convict (who conned me into giving them membership); 2) mentally unstable and seeing a doctor (and now they are taking a dozen meds per hour, so sad!); 3) conspiring to destroy me (proof: they keep saying bad things about me--all fake!).


Reveal three: Declaring that everything published about a system is Outer Order. "And by the way, my imaginary friends have given me boatloads of real secrets to make up for this because I am the bestest occult leader ever! Give me your money! And pay no attention to claims about how the occult is a graded system which is meant to gradually initiate and instruct you--because I can do years of advancement in just one session! Give me your money!"


Reveal four: Regardie, Crowley, and all those other nasty writers profaned the material..."But no problem--my imaginary friends have rewritten the rituals and lessons to restore secrecy. Plus they gave the new material only to me! Give me your money!"


Reveal five: Westcott leaving documents in a cab--bosses shocked that he is raising corpses! "And if you cross me, I will also tattle to your bosses that you are a necromancer--because it is tradition to reveal that secret to the bosses of the unworthy."


Reveal six: Nondisclosure agreements. "Remember that only I have the right to teach the stuff that I am teaching you. So no photocopying my lessons--not even if you cite me as their source."


Reveal seven: Offering to certify your group if you send them your proof of lineage and your secret documents. "Don't worry--I will send you back your originals, and I will honestly admit that I got the material from you, and would never dream of not certifying you. After all, I have the best lineage of all, and all the super-duper secrets, and that is proof that I am the best and most honest leader ever!"

"If these documents are discovered in a cab, please send them to this address--thank you, William Wynn Westcott."

Cover-up one: Getting the best reviews. "All of the reviews of my course are positive. No one ever says anything bad about my course. All those positive reviews are proof that I am the best ever. And all those negative reviews are Fake! So sad!"


Cover-up two: Funny masks. "And we are now wearing funny masks because some of our members are CEOs and famous politicians who do not want the public to know that they are a member of our Order. You can trust me--by the way, they told me that Pizza Gate was real!"


Cover-up three: Secret chiefs. "I am the only person in contact with the people who created our esoteric tradition. They live on a mountain in Tibet, yet were wise enough to see that I am the only person brilliant enough to bring magic into the twenty-first century. Give me your money!"


Cover-up four: Members keeping silent. "My members keep silent about my misdeeds because I have never committed any. And their silence proves that your wallet, credit rating, and young children (especially the virgins) are safe with me. Never mind that those who claim that they are silent because they are scared that I might set their car on fire. Such nonsense is Fake News!"


Cover-up five: The amazing catapult of lawyers. "Please erase all your vicious lies and publically apologize for saying that my pickle is very small, and that I can't hex my way out of a wet paper bag. Remember only the greatest esoteric leaders end up with free lawyers. And I have the best lawyer. The very best."


Cover-up six: Fixing your book reviews. "Your book is nothing more than a pack of lies. Therefore, I have told all my friends, members, and relatives to give it the one star book review that you so richly deserve. Remember that only my book is worth buying. It is the greatest occult book ever. And I did not use a ghost writer, or copy the work of other people--any such evidence to the contrary is proof that time travelers are trying to destroy me and my group."


Cover-up seven: My name, my papers. "Dear public library, I have recently trademarked the name 'The Greatest Occult group ever' and now retroactively own every paper ever written by the great occultists of the past. You are hereby ordered to remove from circulation all esoteric material by every occultist ever to live, and send the documents to me. Remember a Big Name Trademark Brand proves that I am the best, and therefore you must obey my request."


So what do you think? Do dubious occult leaders sound just like President Donald "Jesus" Trump? Are they his secret love children? Has their behavior prepared you for living in Trump World?


Are you an evil witch or magician who thinks that Trump is going to give the nuclear launch codes to the Russians? Consider taking part in the global monthly waning crescent moon ritual to bind the actions of President Donald J. Trump.
For full text of Global Binding Ritual of Trump, click here. 

Dates for future Global Bind Donald J. Trump rituals 

[Asterisked * dates are slightly moved from the last quarter crescent moon to occur on significant dates.]

2017

February 24; March 26; April 24; May 23; *June 21* (*Summer Solstice*); July 21; August 19; September 18; October 17; November 16; December 16

For a full list of future Bind Trump dates, click here. 

Does historical fiction need to be accurate? (Especially if I am the writer)

One of the things that I have been kicking around is a story set in Ancient Egypt. Now I will probably never write it because I have now mentioned it on my blog which usually kills off any project that I discuss...because of...I am not sure--it may simply be that my brain says "You have told that story already--move on."


Of course, it may also be my perfectionist nature, or maybe there is a voodoo doll out there of me with lots of pins in it, or the fact that I worry about how other people will react to my work--who knows.


The big question that I am asking about this project is "How much actual historical accuracy do people expect?"


If readers expect a hundred percent accuracy, then let's be honest, they will be sadly disappointed in my work--because I have never allowed the truth to get in the way of a good story. That is a nasty habit that I picked up from my father, who used to tell jokes about the Polish (including the famous short runway pilot joke).


There is also the little fact that my degree is in general history, and not a deep degree focused on any particular time period.


Plus to use the best research and knowledge available on Ancient Egypt costs an arm and a leg. Doing research, I learned that many of the books that would be particularly useful to me, have price tags in the hundred of dollars (and one topped a thousand dollars).


And then there is the other side of the question, which is "Do Golden Dawn members expect fiction written by an Order member to reflect the teachings of the Golden Dawn tradition, even when the current academic research says that the Golden Dawn lore is completely and utterly wrong?"


For the one person who just said, "What? Golden Dawn is not historically accurate? That can't be true--the Imperator of Golden Dawn insists that the teachings of Golden Dawn are one hundred percent true to the Ancient Egyptian mysteries because our Order lineage goes all the way back to Ancient Egypt and beyond."--Sorry, someone has lied to you.


But none of these questions matter because I am probably not going to do any more work on the project--because that is the curse of mentioning it--which I am quite sure will make my favorite critic happy.

One of my favorite scenes from Stargate: "Why do they keep reprinting Budge?"