A thousand five hundred blog posts later (what have I learned as a blogger)

Can you believe that this blog has produced 1500 blog posts since its birth on July 16, 2007?

And not all of them have been cat pictures...but maybe they should have been.

Accountant Kitty has crunched the numbers--you need more cat pictures!

Let's crunch some numbers...

First off, does occult blogging pay? Yes and no. Yes, in the fact that I have gotten money from Adsense, have sold at least one book, and moved a bunch of pottery. No, in the sense that I have made more money with less effort doing other stuff. So don't quit your day job to blog about the occult. Remember that I blog for three reasons...

One, I am a mealy mouthed poopy head.

Two, I like being the center of attention.

Three, I assume that you like my sense of humor.

Pie charts make everything more interesting...

My top ten blog posts account for seven percent of the views that this blog has gotten over the years.

So let's assume that we can learn something from them...

At number one is...

E. A. Koetting, the Living God, a single post about his arrest--which I honestly thought would get about a hundred views and no more--is responsible for a whole two percent of this blog's lifetime traffic. (And a third of my top ten traffic.) Not a month has gone by since it was written that I am not impressed by the traffic it gets.

[It should be noted that I have started to study his business practices--there are lots of "positive" things to learn from his set-up...therefore, more EAK posts are a-coming! Sure, they will not get the same amount of traffic, but I feel like I owe him a positive shout-out...that and he provides a good contrast when you talk about the business practices of other occult writers.]

My second most read post is about search engines and Google. This is also another surprise. After all, this blog is not about providing helpful advice to other bloggers.

For ease of writing, and making a pie chart--I had to make a pie chart...I like pie charts...I LOVE pie charts--I combined the numbers of the three posts about David F***ing Griffin. He shows up at slot six in my top ten, and takes up three slots...which account for less than one percent of my overall lifetime views for this blog.

Now, given the greatness of the man, I expected this number to be higher. Hell, to hear the man talk, all ten of my top ten should be Griffin. Sure he is twelve percent of my top ten, but I expected higher numbers.

[It was the fact that no post about Griffin has ever cracked the three thousand mark that made me guess that an EAK post would only get a hundred views. After all, at the time, this blog was about Golden Dawn...supposedly.]

{What this blog is about now is open to debate. If there was an air of doubt before the December re-branding, there is a positive fog of doubt now. But I am fairly sure that it has something to do with cats...}

And yes, I know that I should go though my entire list of blog posts to determine the actual value that Griffin has...but having seen that five other blog posts beat him in the top ten, I don't feel like doing it today. 

Besides, having watched my traffic on a regular basis, I have noted that Griffin only shows up lately in my keyword search data about three times a month. And no, he does not make it into my top ten search terms for this blog. I know--I am shocked too. 

[The number was never that high even when he was big-mouthing the entire Golden Dawn community--make of that what you will.]

My number three top ten is actually a poem--Lucky Penny--but it is actually the picture that drives the traffic to it. The traffic the picture gets is one of the reasons that I eventually decided that most of my blog posts need pictures.

Number four on the top ten hit parade is--drum roll please--Red Flag Magic Garden Creeper Award! Again, this was a surprise. Even more surprising is the number of "defenders" who showed up in the comment section telling me that I was completely wrong in awarding a Creeper Award...but realistically it may just be one defender using multiple accounts. And it really does not matter, you can read the screenshots for yourself. 

Of course, the most amusing part is that the Red Flag post cracked three thousand--and we all know why that amuses me.

Number five is a birthday wish to a Golden Dawn authority. Finally, something Golden Dawn shows up. But I am fairly sure that it has nothing to do with Golden Dawn, and has everything to do with the birthday cat picture used in the post.

[Is this the last time, we will see a cat picture? Stay tuned--anything can happen!]

So, we finally get to a post about Griffin--sixth slot--remember I added the numbers of three posts for the purposes of the pie chart. If you dare go look--this is my most popular David F***ing Griffin post. Try not to read anything into that fact.

Eight and ten are also Griffin.

Number seven is my favorite "Beware of bad behavior by occultists" post. It is not really a surprise that Thirteen Warning Signs That Your Guru is Rotten is in my top ten posts. As long as people insist in posting "Looking for someone to teach me!" messages in Facebook groups, I will continue to share the link to this one. This post is currently expected to fight its way into my top five by the next time, I write about my blog numbers.

We know that Griffin is eight and ten, so what is number nine? A bloody book review. How did a book review make its way into my top ten, and perform better than 1491 other posts? Simple, people Google-ing the subject of the book. Turns out that a subject with little information on it will result in long tail effects.

Speaking of Google...

...provided that you are a Virgo.

Turns out that my top ten keywords that drive traffic to my blog, eight of them are people looking for cat pictures.

Yes, it turns out that more people use Google to find cat pictures than they do to find out stuff about the Golden Dawn. Color me surprised. "Halloween Cat" easily outranked Golden Dawn.

For convenience's sake, I combined the misspellings with the proper spellings for the purposes of the pie chart. And it is easy to see that this blog needs more cat pictures.

Not only did cat pictures beat Golden Dawn, so did the term "Google."

Now, in all fairness, my top ten search keywords only counts for two percent of my lifetime page views on this blog, so there might be tons of stuff in the lower reaches that totally trumps the number of hits that cats and Google gets. On the day that I total up all the Griffin post numbers, I will also total up the views for the cats, and we will have proof who is more popular.

I am sad that Australia was not higher in the ranks.

In terms of traffic, ten countries account for eighty-one percent of my traffic. The United States accounts for fifty-seven percent, with number two Russia accounting for eight percent.

In my head, Australia is more important than it actually is. Australia, you need to step up your game. Two percent is a poor showing. Australia, you can do better.

[I have corrupted a couple of Australian Golden Dawn students--and I would like to corrupt more of them. Therefore, Australia needs to do better.]

{Do Australians like cat pictures? If so, I can provide.}

As for traffic from various platforms, Google accounts for thirteen percent of my traffic; Facebook accounts for four and a half percent. And a single blog has sent me a whole one percent of my traffic (which is not bad at all)--Head For the Red if you are curious.

So that is it for my first 1500 posts (eleven f***ing years). Here to the next 1500--of which a whole quarter must be about cats, if I am reading my data correctly.

Meow!

You keep telling lies and tall tales (dont you worry about losing readers)

Every once in awhile, I will be asked the question, "Ain't you afraid that you are going to lose readers (followers, friends, fans, etc.), if you continue to write things that offend?"

Or one of it many variations, such as "If you don't quit telling lies about the Great Gherkin, I am never going to read another word that you write," and the ever famous, "Sister Seuss is on our Order's banned reading list."

[For those who are curious, why I list fictional characters that have yet to get a full novel to themselves, just bear in mind that November is NaNoWriMo {National Novel Writing Month}, so someone is sure to complain by the end of the month that I have accidentally based characters on themselves, or someone that they worship as a Master Incarnate, or someone who should die a fiery death by being burned at the stake for disrespecting the most powerful wizard in the land...in other words, some people don't think that you can tell the difference between fiction and non-fiction.]

Honest answer is that I used to have some concern over losing readers; but a couple decades worth of writing and social media experience tell me that such concerns, if paid attention to, merely shackles oneself and serves no useful purpose.

This is especially true in the current political and magical environment. At the moment, if one expresses the wrong opinion about someone's favorite politician, one loses "friends" and followers on all social media platforms. Plus one gets labelled as a member of the enemy party even if one has no idea what they are (I kid you not--I had to look up Antifa). There is not a day that goes by that the slow tickle of defriending and defollowing does not drop my friend count down another notch.

Please note that this slow drain will eventually bottom out, simply because there are people who are my friends and followers because they agree with my opinions, value my writing, and enjoy the many cat pictures that I share. It is these people that my core audience comes from, not the many people who disagree with me so much that they put me on banned writer lists.

I have a vivid memory of the first time that someone decided to quit reading my stuff. The reason that they loudly declared that they were no longer going to read my stuff? Oh, because I decided to put ads up on this blog...because a real occultist never advertises, nor needs to pay bills, nor desires to make a living doing anything other than flipping burgers.

Quite honestly, that incident led me to the conclusion that the pro-bloggers were right, and that there was no way to make everyone happy--and therefore, I don't bother to try. Either you are one of my readers or you are not. My job as a writer is to get people to respond to my writing, and sometimes that response is getting someone to hit the defollow button.

Controversial Cat is controversial.

Pumpkin spice everything (including cat and dog food) Morgan goes shopping

Welcome to the first exciting installment of Morgan Goes Shopping!

No?!? Well, it is either this or I blog about politics again. What? I can't hear you. Say that again. A little louder. Again. I see. Very well...

Welcome to the first totally exciting installment of Morgan Goes Shopping!!!

Oh noes! It is a pumpkin spice flavored Jack O' Lantern.

The other day, I was shopping with my wife...because that is what married people do, they go shopping.

And I saw a Pumpkin Spiced flavored product...

Pop-Secret Pumpkin Spice popcorn because there is not enough pumpkin spice in your life.

...popcorn. Seriously, pumpkin spice flavored popcorn.

And that made me wonder what other pumpkin spice goodness was out there. 

Pumpkin Spice flavored Doritos does not actually exist.

But Pumpkin Pie Spice flavored Pringles do.

In the pumpkin spice junk food section also exists Pringles, but not Doritos. Because the idea of putting pumpkin spice on popcorn wasn't bad enough.

Oh so, much pumpkin spice flavored stuff.

Planters Pumpkin Spice Almonds got an average of four stars.

Some of the products I saw during my quick Google search seemed to be a little nuts, such as actual nuts sprinkled with pumpkin spice. Others like Cheerios, just made me think that people are a little nuts. Really Pumpkin Spice for breakfast--what type of serial killer are you?

Not pumpkin spice flavored, but still--Carmel Apple flavored Peeps Delights.

Pumpkin flavored ice cream--thanks 365.

A lot of Pumpkin Spice stuff looks like a good way to fall into a sugar induced coma.

Nature's Promise Organic Pumpkin Spice Chicken Sausage.

But never fear, it is not just snacks. You can plan a whole meal around pumpkin spice. First, you get some sausage...

The Fresh Market pumpkin pasta sauce.

...and then some pasta, and behold a tasty pumpkin spice Italian meal.

Or if you are into Mexican food...

Archer Farms Pumpkin Harvest salsa.

Or into Greek food...

Cedar's Pumpkin Spice hommus. (I thought it was spelled hummus.)

Or just like fast food...

Halloween themed Whopper from 2015.

Just kidding, there is no pumpkin spice at Burger King...I hope.

Listerine breath stripes--pumpkin spice edition.

Or you could just skip the eating, and just make your breath smell like pumpkin spice...because people find the smell of pumpkin spice sexy?

There is even pumpkin spice, or at least pumpkin pet products too.

Greenies Pumpkin Spice Dental Treats.

There are Pumpkin Spice Dental Treats for your dog...because your dog's breath does not already smell like all the pumpkin spice food and drink that they are sneaking behind your back.Or maybe you want pumpkin spice flavored doggy kisses which sounds a little kinky to me, but who am I to judge?

Tidy Cats Fall Frolic scented cat litter.

Fall Frolic--I assume it smells like Pumpkin Spice. How does that pair up with the smell of "Oh god, how about burying your poop kitty!"? Does the smell of pumpkin spice offset "I owe the entire house now--smell my poop!"? Or does it just emphasize it?

Pumpkin and Spice Pet Odor Exterminator Candle.

I guess that covering up the smell of pets with pumpkin spice is a thing because here is a candle that promises to cover up the poop smell with pumpkin spice.

Moving onto the reason that animals poop...

Weruva Cats in the Kitchen Pumpkin Jack Splash.

 So let me see if I get this straight, you put tuna into some pumpkin soup, and then fed it to a human who thought this must be what cats want their food to taste like. Or something like that. I am having a real hard time picturing a cat coming up with this particular flavor combination. But I could be wrong, maybe cats love this.

[As always, if you think your product can survive an actual encounter with Morgan and his cats, just send some to: Morgan Eckstein and his many cats, 2727 N. Cook St. Denver, CO 80205. Kindly remember that I have like, oh say "less than a dozen, but damn close" number of cats, so send the multi-pack sample.]

The final word on pumpkin spice goes to a random internet cat...

This kitty does not know what they are missing.

Cthulhu waits dreaming in his house at Rlyeh (RAEBNC Halloween Kitty)

A fun RAEBNC to drop into discussions is "Ph'nglui mglw'nafh Cthulhu R'lyeh wgah'nagl."

It is fun to say. Say it with me, "Ph'nglui mglw'nafh Cthulhu R'lyeh wgah'nagl." Again: "Ph'nglui mglw'nafh Cthulhu R'lyeh wgah'nagl!" And once more, "PH'NGLUI MGLW'NATH CTHULHU R'LYEH WGAH'NAGL!"

That was fun, wasn't it?

And it is a great answer to those wonderful questions that get asked in forums populated by know-it-all numpties.

Ex. What is the greatest secret of the Adept Minor Grade of golden Dawn? They don't want to hear that exposure to the Vault of the Adepts, as in actually standing inside the Vault and being initiated, is the greatest secret of the 5=6 Grade. Furthermore, they (the howling babble of numpties**, that is) dont' want to be lectured that the Adept Minor Grade is not actually a Golden Dawn Grade, but rather a Grade of the RR et AC (Roseae Rubeae et Aureae Crucis***). No, they don't want answers like that; if they did, they would not be numpties.

No, tell them that "Ph'nglui mglw'nafh Cthulhu R'lyeh wgah'nagl*" is the greatest secret of the Adept Minor Grade. And if they ask you what it means, tell them that things like literal meaning, dogma and doctrine are prisons that restrict one's spiritual development and that the best way to understand Ph'nglui mglw'nafh Cthulhu R'lyeh wgah'nagl is through free-association.

For instance--Behold its true greatness unfolded: "Phone home nasty Gollum, leap up intensely. Magic glows like white nuggets against fiery hotness. Cats think humans use laser hosting utilities. Ravenous leeches yummily eat hot-dogs. Warlike Godzilla attack helicopters, next attack Graded losers. For Holiness touches aggressive great numpties.****"

[*Ph'nglui mglw'nafh Cthulhu R'lyeh wgah'nagl according to the fictional stories of the Cthulhu Mythos (created by H.P. Lovecraft and other fiction writers) roughly means "In his house at R'lyeh, dead Cthulhu waits dreaming." Despite what some believe, H.P. Lovecraft was not an occultist; that has not stopped some occultists from using stuff from the Mythos stories--after all, occultism is the original "If the shiny bits are not bolted down, I am taking them" profession.

**The proper term for a group of numpties is a Babble.

***RR et AC: Rose of ruby and cross of gold--the official name of the Second Order of the Hermetic Golden Dawn.

****This is obviously not the work of a numpty, for it still makes too much sense. Trust the numpties to come up with even better versions of "Ph'nglui mglw'nafh Cthulhu R'lyeh wgah'nagl" for your amusement.]

Public Service Announcement: Do not let your cat sleep in the Vault of the Adepts.

Instead let your cat sleep in the mouth of Cthulhu.

Sounds like Harry Potter (RAEBNC Halloween Kitty)

An useful RAEBNC substitute is "Sounds like Harry Potter." And a lot of people use it on Facebook.

For some reason, people are not happy just recounting the magic as it actually happened.

"I lit the candle using a lighter that took me thirty minutes to find (maybe I should put lighters on the grocery list), did the Lesser Ritual of the Pentagram, screamed the divine names at the top of my lungs, set fire to the poppet, broke circle to shut off the damn smoke detector. Two days later, the Great Gherkin told a story about how someone hexed a tire off the back of a truck, almost smashing his car. Ritual must be marked down as a failure--I was trying to conjure up a new calligraphy set."

Instead they must say, "And the Archangels formed out of the mist as I dis-consecrated the graves of Doctor Dee and Kelly, their eyes tearing up as I chanted perfectly the forty-nine names of God, before sacrificing a baby to make a Horocrux. The ritual was a total success and just proves once again that I am the greatest Rosicrucian Imperator to ever live."

In all such instances, you are allowed, perhaps even required to say that the story teller's tale sounds just like something out of Harry Potter.

Harry Potter is off to quidditch practice on his Nimbus Two Thousand broom.

Roll 2d20 (RAEBNC Halloween Kitty)

Continuing our month of random stuff to say to make people think that you care, we present Dungeons and Dragons Kitty, Cardboard Edition.

If you are anything like me, you know a lot of people online (and in real life) who had played some form of role-playing game in their life--the type with the paper maps and funny looking dice that is. Therefore, the comment "Roll 2d20" or any of its variations ("Roll 3d6") means something, even if you are just pretending to read the discussion.

For instance, earlier today, someone posted a picture of items that they dug up from the graves of children while asking whether the spirits would be upset. I think that you will agree that telling them to Roll 2d20 makes a lot of sense because they are about to take some damage.

(Information for the one poor soul that has never played any form of tabletop gaming, "2d20" means "two dice with twenty sides." And dice are rolled for anything that the Dungeon Master "DM" [or Game Master "GM"] {or any one of a hundred different titles} needs to have a random number for--the amount of damage you take, the amount of money that the Great Gherkin cons you out of, the chance of the lovely elf falling in love with your character, etc.)

When your new armor kills your Dex.

It is Taco Tuesday (RAEBNC Halloween Kitty)

Now back to our blogcation...

It is Tuesday! And we all know what that means--someone is cooking tacos and they really need to share with us. Everyone loves tacos, and that what makes "It is Taco Tuesday!" such a great RAEBNC response.

You can drop "It is Taco Tuesday!" into any Facebook conversation. Especially if it is a Tuesday. People will know that you love tacos, might know what day of the week it is, and think that you consider tacos more interesting than whatever topic they were losing their minds over.

Plus if one objects to you using Taco Tuesday as a response, you can always share the fact that Taco Cat is a Palindrome...which should buy you enough time to run away and eat some tacos.

Taco Cat spelled backwards is Taco Cat.

That is cat torture (RAEBNC Halloween Kitty)

Today's RAEBNC suggestion is "That's cat torture!"

It works for so many things: cats in Halloween costumes, politics, magical discussions, music, etc.

Plus it allows you to pretend that you are socially conscious and awake, and care about something beyond entertainment and your ever-growing ego.

Go ahead and try it today. On the next ten Facebook discussions you want to leave a comment on, but have no desire to think hard about coming up with something witty, just leave the comment, "That's cat torture!" and watch everyone compliment you on your outstanding wit and humor.

Poor Anubis kitty would like to protest this treatment.

Really? A devil costume? But I am a good cat, I swear.

Ain't there laws against dressing your cat up for Halloween?

Seriously, my human is having far too much fun.

October 2017 Blogcation (RAEBNC Halloween Kitties)

It is October, and that means that there is a fifty percent chance that this blog is going to suffer a Blogcation. And the theme of this year's Halloween Kitties is RAEBNC.

What is RAEBNC? Glad you asked.

RAEBNC is a short way of saying, "Read And Enjoyed, But No Comment."

It is something that one would often read in Amateur Press Associations zines. It was used for those times where you read something, enjoyed it, but really could not be bothered to come up with a thoughtful comment.

Kinda like the reaction buttons on Facebook. Or the Love button on Facebook (but with less get-up-and-go).

And there are days when I so want to use RAEBNC on Facebook. But that would involve actually explaining the term...which would be more effort than I would like to make. Still it could be a fun thing to do, especially if I did not have to explain it. Just drop it in multiple discussions.

For instance...

"I am the most powerful magician in the world, chosen by the Secret Chiefs to lead the world into a new age of spiritual freedom!!!" [Pretend that this goes on for another thousand words.]

Just drop RAEBNC in the comment/reply section and move on with your day. What is the worst that can happen? They defriend you? They ban and block you? Sounds like a winning day to me.

So this entire month is going to be devoted to cats in costumes (or not) and strange replies you could just drop into comment sections to amuse yourself. Or me. Or both of us. Long live chaos!

I would comment, but I am too busy cosplaying in this bucket.

Happy Halloween! (Halloween Kitty)

Happy Halloween! says Witch Kitten.

Happy Halloween! And so we end another happy holiday season with loads of candy catnip, costumes, and cats being cats.

Poor kitty eaten by a pumpkin.

Lolcat is not amused by Halloween.

Try a fun sized Kit-Kat.

Angel Cat is ready to trick or treat.

Bat Cat tries to look scary.

Franken-Cat is not sure about his costume.

Witch Kitten brews up some Halloween magic.

At midnight, witch kitties will fly on their magical broomstick.

The recipe for scary Jack-o-lanterns.

Grumpy Cat voices her opinion of Halloween.

Animal Cat (Halloween Kitty)

Goat Cat surveys his forest.

Some cat owners fantasize about having other animals, so they dress their cats up as other animals. This trend completely ignores the fact that cats are the best animals on the planet, and that humans should be thankful that cats choose to live with their human pets servants. Put an end to the insanity and wake up to the fact that the best animal is a cat. Now go get your cat some tuna and catnip!

Another Goat Cat.

Sheep Cat.

Teddy Bear Cat is so sweet, sweet as honey.

Chicken Cat wants to lay an egg in your shoe.

Frog Cat has his eye on you.

Dinosaur Cat is so cute.

Tiger Cat is so sad.

This Tiger Cat says "Smell my feet."

Duck Cat will not swim.

Bat Cat wants your blood.

Bunny Cat waits for Easter.

Mouse Kitty protests your costume choice.

Lion Cat shows off his inner awesomeness.

This cat is dressed up and labed clearly as being a cat.