Wednesday, January 31, 2018

Now on stage reading the Tarot (Secret project not so secret anymore)

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Welcome to the Imbolc edition of the Tarot Blog Hop. (Year seven!!!) Our wrangler, Aisling the Bard, asked us to do a Tarot spread in honor of this Solilune (a combination of Solar and Lunar Festivals)--a full moon on a solar holiday--to see what our coming year is going to be like.

Uhhh...I have been religiously avoiding all forms of divination, especially readings concerning the future, since 4:13 pm on December 2nd.

Long story short: I started a project that was supposed to be a one-off project. One installment, that's it. Just a little something to show anyone crazy enough to invite me to speak at an esoteric convention, exactly what type of lecture I would give. (Hint--it is more of stand-up comedy act than an actual occult lecture.)

How likely is it that I would need such a script? Oh, more likely than you would think. It was the strangest thing to be asked to speak when I didn't even consider myself a F-List Occult Expert. And my first time being asked--more than a decade ago at this point. The cherry on top? More than one person has asked me if I wanted to do this since then.

Anyways, this "short one-off project--just need an hour script" has chewed up at least an half hour everyday since December 2nd, as well as several ten hour days. Most of it on installments that I had no idea were in me.

And while the question of "Am I wasting my time working on this?" has came up--in my mind--because I have the voices--in particular, my mother's voice--I have religiously avoided looking into the future (beyond a few "What else is possible?" moments) since I started the project.

It is not that I don't want to know as much as it is that I don't want to hear the statement that I am probably wasting my time before I finish building my sales funnel for this project (that's three installments for the non-selling stuff on the internet crowd).

"How about we finish the funnel before we go looking for bad news?"

Short story long: I already have enough abandoned projects to last me a lifetime.

So let's do a Tarot reading, shall we?

Seven of Swords, Knight of Wands, Five of Swords.

"Opps, I scanned those cards in the opposite order..."

The Foundation is where the focus is going to be for the year ahead.

Land (Body): Five of Swords...could this be fighting migraines and the voices in my head. Hopefully, because otherwise this could be that the villagers have found some flaming torches and pitchforks. Oh wait, that might just be the voices in my head. Or maybe I am going to upset people.

"We will never know."

Sky (Mind): Knight of Wands...this card reminds me of the Marvel Comic's version of Loki. That is there any way to read this card in a manner where that would be a good thing?

"There are the gods of comedy, and they bring us fresh gifts every day on Facebook, just look at the trendings..."

Sea (Spirit): Seven of it too late to just grab my toys and slip off quietly in the night? Is it wrong to make jokes about the occult community? Will the occult community get upset?

"For once, after completing a project, I would like to cash in--but the pawn shop says that there is no market for a smart ass and his jokes in today's occult market."

Knight of Cups, Four of Cups, The Empress.

"Oh, I scanned these cards in the wrong direction also."

The Guardian (What is the energy of the new path that presents itself?): The mother or my aunt?!? Both? My mother's bad attitude (judgmental!) and my aunt's religion (a witch of the 1970s Wiccan type).

"Can you tell jokes about witches and not sound judgmental?"

The Guide (From what do I need protection on this journey?): Four of Cups...and that would be an inclination towards depression and abandoning projects. That would be the "down pole" of my bipolar.

"Have I mentioned the voice of my mother yet? And how it continues to echo in my head?"

The Gateway (What energies of my own or of the spirit will guide and protect me?): The Knight of it just me or does the version of the card look a little depressing?

"And under my depression, there is this happy little cynic who is not surprised by how crap the human race is. Yes, I know that I should be uplifting, celebrating life, toasting humanity's greatness...but I am having trouble seeing it at the moment. I have mentioned the trending topics on Facebook?"

Three of Swords, Six of Cups, Two of Pentacles.

"It takes real talent to scan three rows of Tarot cards in the wrong direction. You can't learn to do that in school."

Surprise--light one lantern if the surprise is coming by land: Two of Pentacles...this particular version of this card tells us that no matter how successful and entertaining of a performer you are, you can't make everyone happy.

"My wife just pointed out that the wall, or is it a stage?, has four faces on it--three happy, one angry...nice to know that I am going to sell four whole copies, and get at least one negative review...[Inner Neophyte's voice] because that wouldn't encourage me at all."

Surprise, surprise--light two lanterns if the surprise is coming by air: Six of no way does this card remind me of one of my sisters (or more than one of them), and I am confident that they would never check out my current project.

"Which means that I am totally stealing the Hot Dog Surprise and telling people about its culinary delights."

Surprise, surprise, surprise--light three lanterns if the surprise is coming by sea: Three of Swords...because this is always a happy card. Keep your bags packed--have ransom demands ready--be prepared to do battle.

"Just noticed that there are skulls in the snow. You know that it is going to be a fun surprise when there are skulls in the snow."

And there we go--everything you need to know about a reading that I have been avoiding for the last two months...

"Along with some creative mis-readings to lure me into a false sense of security. Because that is what you want from a Tarot reading, reassurance that you are not going to blow yourself up while using high explosions. Never mind reading the directions. Never mind that you do not know the language that the directions are in. Never mind that the illustrations seemed to have been printed in the wrong order. Just keep pounding on that stick of dynamite with a hammer. What could possibly go wrong? We will never know."

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