Thursday, April 21, 2016

Dont owe Prince a damn thing

My response to someone saying that as a writer, I owed Prince a debt because he fought censorship.

"Luckily for prince, other artists can sell things like grimoires or explicit romance novels without being banned/forced to do some other shit to keep the lights on."

You have no idea about the book market, do you? Most writers have a day job to keep the lights on because they will make less than a thousand in royalties. Same goes for most artists and musicians. Even today, all the book outlets can ban your book for absolutely no reason, and you can't do anything about it.

The only artists that Prince helped were artists who were or became famous enough to make so much money that it was stupid for outlets not to sell their stuff.

Small timers still suffer from the whims of the market and have to worry that some Christian will start screaming, "Will someone think of the children?!"

As an erotica writer, my market was cut by over 90% because companies decided to listen to those who supported censorship. Prince did not help me one bit.

The quickest way to get banned is to start selling like hotcakes--because then some Christian is likely to get upset. 

Wednesday, April 20, 2016

Are you a lazy magician or just high all the time?

Every once in awhile, I have someone tell me that I seem to missed the point of having an occult blog. Typically, this happens after I write a blog post in reaction to something I have seen online (or worse, encountered in "real life"), an issue or topic I feel passionate about...but have absolutely no desire to research and write a PhD thesis about, or to put down the brownies long enough to search the astral planes to find the answer to.

Yes, that is right--some people actually expect me to do research and/or magic before I sit in front of the keyboard.

And people think that I smoke a lot of dope?!

Exactly how have these people missed the fact that I blog because I am an angry frustrated comedian? Just because I am writing about magic and witchcraft, it does not mean that I am going to do serious work before I post. In fact, given the number of people who want straight woo to be blown up their ass, I am actually better off just making up shit.

Unicorns--happy unicorns--flowers--happy flowers--trees--happy trees--Bob Ross.

See, I just increased my blog readership by two hundred percent. Absolutely no research or spell work needed at all.

I am also a little confused by the fact that they missed that I am a "professional liar." And you know that is true because a couple great Order and magical leaders said so. If I am going to be a liar, why would I need to research or actually do magic? And you know that those who call me a liar are right because a philosopher once said that all poets are professional liars who should not be trusted.

So tell me again why I should write journal level articles or perform serious magical research for what is essentially a blog to keep me from writing nasty urban fantasy novels and occult satire.

Yes, I have missed the point that occult blogs are supposed to be serious, full of hard magical work and deep research.

But at least, I still have a pleasant buzz going.

Time for a random nip test.

Monday, April 18, 2016

My current writing itinerary (my boring life as a writer)

In case you wonder, my current writing projects include (in no particular order of priority):

A Necronomicon satire (which I am having way too much fun writing, and I figure will sell just a single copy if I ever am bothered enough to publish it)

A short horror story about a man who summoned a demon as a muse

Harmic Barrows--an urban fantasy series (think "orc" taxi driver forced to become a detective)

A series of random fairy poems

At least one Tarot deck (which is unlikely to ever be finished)

A Mad Uncle Morgan commentary about the "laws" of magic (magic as a science)

(As you can see, nothing terribly exciting or profitable.)

Tuesday, April 12, 2016

Ritual Magic Manual super cheap price! (Griffin has a fire sale!)

[As many of you know, I am currently writing on a small Necronomicon satire. The other day, I wrote a section that is going to end up on the editing room floor where I had my super-Adept selling his masterpiece of an occult book for the low, low price of $666. And then this happens in real life...]

[From the desk of David Griffin...]

Dear Magician,
Since I released the Ritual Magic Manual eBook last week, I've been swamped with people looking for a hardbound copy of the RMM
All the buzz of the past week reminded me I still have a couple of copies laid away.
Guess what. It turns out I have precisely 7 brand new copies of the RMM for sale...

[Yadda, yadda, super magical number, super secret talisman aspect of his masterpiece...]

...Thus we see that the number of pages in my Ritual Magick Manual, 666, corresponds directly to the Planetary Seal of the Sun, the first of the Seven Seals of Golden Dawn Planetary Magick.
So you see, the Ritual Magic Manual is not just a book. The book itself a talisman, consecrated by me to both Venus and the Sun, which is why the numbers 7 and 666 are important to the magic of the book.
Are you surprised that this book has been offered to collectors in Amazon for $1,000 for over a decade now?
Remember, you no longer have to pay such an outrageous price to learn the Golden Dawn magic of the RMM. The ebook remains available for $49 on the Magick 101 website.
But for a select few collectors, I have seven copies of the deluxe hardbound first edition, available only directly from me.

[So how much are you asking for them?]

These seven unique collectors’ items are numbered 1 of 7, 2 of 7, etc. and signed by me, together with the price of this unique offer at $666 per copy.
Whether you are a beginner ready for the Ritual Magic Manual eBook ($49) or a collector who wants to be one of the owners of the 7 final collector’s copies of the Deluxe first edition ($666) of the RMM, you will find what you want on the Magick 101 website HERE.
In abundance, power, and truth,
David Griffin

[And this is the person who declared that I only advertise my wife's pottery because we need to pay the power bill. Hmmm, I wonder what bill collector he is trying to pay off.]

Shut up and take my money!

Sunday, April 10, 2016

Why we do not mention sexual predators by name

[This post was writtten for the April 2016 Heartstone Community Church's newsletter. The opinions expressed are my own, and do not reflect the opinions of the Hearthstone board (outside of my one-fifth vote). Any angry comments you would like to make should be left in the comment section.]

Recently, one of the local community organizations, WSLA, held an event where they talked about what women should do when they encounter and receive dubious sexual attention from people who are employing behaviors and tactics of sexual predators. The reaction to this seminar was disturbing in many ways.

On several occasions, I have written articles and blog posts about sexual misbehavior in the esoteric community. Typically, I speak out about esoteric leaders and teachers, who trade degree advancements in exchange for sexual favors. While I seldom name offenders by name, my audience generally know whom I am talking about, and what offenses they are committing.

And if I am being completely honest, I have written about sexual predators in the pagan, Wiccan, and occult communities so often that I always give a little Homer Simpsons scream whenever I realize that it is once more time for me to get up on my soapbox and rant at the moon about the sexual predators in the occult community. In my ideal perfected universe fantasy, I never have to write another one of those damn articles about being aware that some sexual behaviors are worrisome and quite possibly predatory. Unfortunately, that magical day when I never have to mention this subject ever again seems to be as far away in time as the birth of the first test-tube unicorn, and is in all likelihood decades and centuries beyond that particular magical event.

Given how often I write about the issue, I was glad to see someone else addressing the topic. And as a writer about such dubious matters, I could not help but notice the reaction to the seminar, a reaction that created that sinking feeling in my stomach as I realized that it is that once again time for me to address the issue.

What followed the seminar was screams of libel, slander, and fear-mongering. I was surprised when I opened up my email box and saw the exchange that was occurring in the comment section of one of the event’s announcement pages. Basically, the way I was reading the reactions, it seems that some attendees decided that because WSLA was presenting stories of misbehavior, but not naming names, that WSLA was simply making stuff up and trying to create strife and fear in the community.

Sigh. As someone who writes about such matters on occasion, I have a unique viewpoint about this subject. There are good reasons not to name names. For one thing, it helps protect the innocent, the victims. For another, often these events are the subject of legal matters—universally, the reaction of those of us who are in watchdog positions is to advise the victim to go to the proper legal authorities. While we can provide emotional support and the occasional hex, the uglier cases require legal action for justice to occur.

And if you want to see tall tales, insidious rumors, and bad blood, just name one of the predators without having multiple screenshots, and documented legal complaints. Predators, in the defense of their own “good name” fall all over themselves to talk about how the victims are making stuff up, how the victims invited the sexual attention, and how they secretly enjoyed it. Furthermore, predators will threaten legal actions, both against the victim and anyone who defends and supports the victim.

I will admit that this does lead to a problem where certain individuals should have been named long ago, so that further innocents are protected. But living in an imperfect world, we have to default to using the option that causes the least amount of grief for both the victims and the community in general. And just because we never publically named someone as a predator, it does not mean that we are making up stories to pursue an agenda of fear and scandal; it merely means that the wheels of justice has not caught up with the individual yet.

And I do understand why people do not like these stories. We like to think that as pagans and Wiccans, we are better than this—that our little section of humanity has risen above such petty nonsense, that we treat each other fairly when it comes to sexual matters. It is a nice myth; but it is untrue, for we are still humans in a human society. People in a position of power will often use their position to fulfill their sexual needs.

We also like to believe that our community would not cover up such matters and protect the predators—but as long as the predators can rain down bucket loads of grief on their victims and their support network, the best that we can do is to teach people about the warning signs, tell them how to proceed to deal with it using the law, provide emotional support (and the occasional hex) for the victims, and privately whisper a hint in the ear of anyone we see headed in the wrong direction. It is not perfect, but it is the best that we can do.

Wednesday, April 6, 2016

Sneaking guns past security (Ideal Conceal cell phone gun)

Ideal Conceal--coming soon to a shooting near you!
Great news for everyone who believes that there should be no "gun free" zones. Sometime in the future, Ideal Conceal is going to allow you to sneak a .380 past security, who will think that it is simply a cell phone. Think of the good times you will have shooting people in the face for eating popcorn too loudly, teachers for yelling at your kids, and killing that prick who works in the cubicle next to you. Ideal Conceal--for those times that you need to get your gun past those gun control nuts!

Monday, April 4, 2016

Women Forum Predators v Empowered Community (Denver event)

Women’s Forum:  Predators v. Empowered Community

     Sunday April 10 at The Mercury.  Doors open at 2:30pm, Forum from 3-5pm 

     This gathering continues the conversation we began in the WSLA forum on March 6. We’d like to begin defining a broad community basis for recognizing and responding to predatory behavior in our Wiccan-Pagan community. It’s open to all women who attended the March 6 forum, and to any other women from our community who are interested in contributing to this conversation.

    Don’t believe everything you've heard about the March forum, especially from people who weren’t present. If you want to be part of this conversation, please join us on Sunday, April 10.

    While predatory behavior can victimize men and women, this April forum is for women only, the better to address our own needs and concerns. Human beings have always shared information (both fact and hearsay) as a means of keeping themselves informed, strong, and safe. Sometimes, especially for women, this sharing was the best defense we had. What are the healthy and positive ways that we can do this? 

    Topics we’re likely to touch on: 

    Creating strategies of safe interaction for ourselves, our loved ones, and our Community. 

    What (if any) are our shared community mores? How we can recognize and better express them, and better respect each other? 

    How to spot warning signs of predatory behavior, and how to diffuse it. 

    What is “gas-lighting”? 

    Resources to report predation: Call the cops… or not? Some of what we’re talking about isn’t illegal. For example: What is inappropriate contact in a drum circle or other ritual space? What if you feel like your teacher is becoming more intimate than you’re comfortable with? 

    Resources for support: How can we best pro-actively support each other?

    Please bring your ingenuity for change, your desire for joyful and healthy connection, and especially your good intentions.

    Hawk Shadow and Renna Shesso will again be moderating.

Some guidelines for this gathering:

    We will work on identifying problematic behavior and potential responses to it, not on naming any individuals or groups.

    We request that details and feedback from this meeting continue to move forth live among participants and friends, and not posted in on-line forums. Please respect this boundary!
    Mercury CafĂ©, 2199 California Street Denver, CO 80205 (get there by the Light Rail station at 16th and Stout, come by bus or there's parking all around) 

    Doors open at 2:30pm, Forum from 3-5pm 

Friday, April 1, 2016

How to charge your Necronomicon

Dear Mad Uncle Morgan,

I love your book, Fifty Easy Ways to Use the Necronomicon in the Kitchen.

But I do have one question. How does one charge the Necronomicon?

Sincerely, Gullible Reader.

Illustration I.

Dear Gullible Reader,

Thank you for your review of Fifty Easy Ways to Use the Necronomicon in the Kitchen. It is a pleasure to write occult books for readers like you. Be sure to check out my next book, Aliester Crowley and the Tentacled Orgy of Marduk, coming soon to a bookstore near you.

As to your question, many intelligent and interesting people ask that question, so I am very pleased to give you an answer.

First, you need a copy of the Necronomicon for Dummies by none other than myself. Take it outside to an ecological friendly place, like your recycling bin, your yard, herb or flower graden; a vegetable garden works too. Place Necronomicon for Dummies in a sunny location, put some junk mail on top, then delicately position the Necronomicon on this pile. Admire its beauty from a distance, being sure not to disturb it while it is sun charging. Wait for it to meow before taking it back inside. (See: Illustration I.)

Oh wait, that is how to sun bathe a cat.

For the actual answer to your question, buy either my epic H. P. Lovecraft and the Nude Beach, and/or my personal favorite, The Magical Codpiece of Cthulhu; both are available from finer ebook distributors, such as Ark-Words and Kult Direct Publishing.

Your favorite writer, Mad Uncle Morgan