Thursday, December 29, 2016

Car charms (new item on Khari's Wiccan Treasures)

Khari now has car charms (amulets/talismans) available on her Khari's Wiccan Treasures Etsy page.

The latest car charms that have been completed, including a few moon charms.
Blue pentagram car charm.
Lunar hexagram car charm.
Sunburst hexagram car charm.
Originally, they started out as Christmas and Yule ornaments, then became Wiccan and pagan holiday ornaments. and then I decided that I wanted to hang one in the car--hence the car charm label.

Some of them are priced at $15 USD, and others at $20 USD, plus shipping and handling.

Each charm consists of a ceramic piece, with a design on one side (they are hand-stamped, so it is impossible to do the pattern on both sides), glazed and fired, combined with beads and/or small crystals on a copper wire link, and hang from a ribbon.

Khari also labelled them "prayer charms"--and they have their own little section in her Etsy shop. 

Saturday, December 24, 2016

Twelve days of Trump Christmas

On the first day of Christmas, President Trump gave to me a bill for a really great wall!

On the second day of Christmas, President Trump gave me two journalists jailed, and a bill for a really great wall!

On the third day of Christmas, President Trump gave me three terrorists tortured, two journalists jailed, and a bill for a really great wall!

On the fourth day of Christmas, President Trump gave me four swamp gators, three terrorists tortured, two journalists jailed, and a bill for a really great wall!

On the fifth day of Christmas, President Trump gave me five golden signs, four swamp gators, three terrorists tortured, two journalists jailed, and a bill for a really great wall!

On the sixth day of Christmas, President Trump gave to me six friends defriending, five golden signs, four swamp gators, three terrorists tortured, two journalists jailed, and a bill for a real great wall!

On the seventh day of Christmas, President Trump gave to me seven Chinese hats, six friends defriending, five golden signs, four swamp gators, three terrorists tortured, two journalists jailed, and a bill for a really great wall!

On the eighth day of Christmas, President Trump gave to me eight millionaire tax breaks, seven Chinese hats, six friends defriending, five golden signs, four swamp gators, three terrorists tortured, two journalists jailed, and a bill for a really great wall!

On the ninth day of Christmas, President Trump gave to me nine bags of Cheeto dust, eight millionaire tax breaks, seven Chinese hats, six friends defriending, five golden signs, four swamp gators, three terrorists tortured, two journalists jailed, and a bill for a really great wall!

On the ten day of Christmas, President Trump gave to me ten atomic bombs, nine bags of Cheeto dust, eight millionaire tax breaks, seven Chinese hats, six friends defriending, five golden signs, four swamp gators, three terrorists tortured, two journalists jailed, and a bill for a really great wall!

On the eleventh day of Christmas, President Trump gave me eleven midnight rage tweets, ten atomic bombs, nine bags of Cheeto dust, eight millionaire tax breaks, seven Chinese hats, six friends defriending, five golden signs, four swamp gators, three terrorists tortured, two journalists jailed, and a bill for a really great wall!

On the twelfth day of Christmas, President Trump gave to me twelve bankers totally in charge, eleven midnight rage tweets, ten atomic bombs, nine bags of Cheeto dust, eight millionaire tax breaks, seven Chinese hats, six friends defriending, five golden signs, four swamp gators, three terrorists tortured, two journalists jailed, and a bill for a really great wall!

Ain't Donald Trump the most winnest Santa Claus ever?

Wednesday, December 21, 2016

Come to the dark side

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Welcome to the winter solstice (Yule) edition of the Tarot Blog Hop (unless you live in the southern hemisphere or equator zones, in which case--could you please send the sun back this way?).

This time the theme is recieving messages from the Dark Side, looking for hidden messages from the universe, for hidden abundance buried beneath leaf, snow, soil, and the general rubble that we call everyday life. Or as one philosopher put it, "Come to the Dark Side--we have cookies." 

Tree of Life Tarot Spread
One of the Tarot spreads that I use a lot for reading is the Tree of Life spread. It is based on the ten sephiroth (the circles) of the Tree of Life used by some kabbalists. To these ten spheres, there is occasionally added an eleventh sphere to represent the division between the mortal mind and the immortal soul.

In the halls of the Western Mystery Tradition, those schools that descend from the Hermetic schools and the Christian version of the kabbalah, each sephirah has a virtue and a vice. It is said that you cannot summon the positive aspects of the sephiroth without also having the negative aspects also manifest.

As such, I find that one can use the Tree of Life arrangement not only to read the positive influences in a situation or the makeup of a person, but one can also use it to examine the negative influences.

One can either just read the negative by itself, or one can use two cards per sephirah to offset the negative with a positive. I recommend the two card per sephirah, much like the rule of always balancing out a devil with an angel in practical workings.

One: Kether, the crown--the first moment (big bang/creation of the universe); Virtue: Attainment, accomplishment of the Great Work, union with the divine. Traditionally, there is no vice, but I personally read the negative here as things and forces that are preventing perfect union with the divine aspect of the universe.

Two: Chokmah, wisdom--the wheel of the zodiac and the sphere of fixed stars; Virtue: Devotion, piety, respect for the universe and nature. Vice: disregard for nature, and hubris, those moments when your ego tells you that you are bigger and more powerful than the universe, typically this leads the universe to crush you like a bug.

Three: Binah, understanding--Saturn; Virtue: Silence, knowing when not to interfere. Vice: Avarice, hoarding resources--a card here will tell you what you are amassing too much of, the stuff that you should be allowing to circulate instead.

Eleven (note that my count here is based on how correspondence charts of the Tree of Life are numbered): Daath, knowledge. Traditionally, not considered a sephirah, but rather the interaction between Chokmah and Binah, and between the upper three sephiroth and the lower seven. As such, it is not traditionally given a virtue, and is often viewed completely from a negative viewpoint. I use it to determine what a person knows, and what they don't know (but think that they do); it also gives me a strong hint of the concerns of a person when I am doing a reading without knowing the subject of the inquiry.

Four: Chesed, mercy--Jupiter; Virtue: Obedience to the divine will (or as I like to think about it, being willing to be an agent of the universe). Vices: Bigotry, hypocrisy, gluttony, and tyranny--the kingly vices, so to speak--the lies we tell ourselves about how noble and understanding we are when in reality, we are acting like petty children.

Five: Geburah, strength (severity)--Mars; Virtue: Courage and eagerness, pruning away of the dead wood. Vice: Destruction and warlike tendencies, taking of unnecessary revenges, loss of temper. If someone feels insulted by someone, or is reacting to other people unwisely, here is where you can read it.

Six: Tiphareth, beauty--Sun; Virtue: Devotion towards the task of understanding and living in harmony with the universe, being Christ-like. Vice: Pride and ego issues, those situations where one thinks that one is a saint, but is really just a road hazard waiting to happen.

Seven: Netzach, victory--Venus; Virtue: Unselfiness and generosity. Vice: Lust and playing the field, also hungers and addictions.

Eight: Hod, glory--Mercury; Virtue: Honesty. Vice: Dishonesty, including areas where one is lying to oneself. This is an interesting position--often I can tell how a person handles a Mercury retrograde by looking at the card that occupies this position.

Nine: Yesod, foundation--Moon; Virtue: Independence, the ability to self-start. Vice: Laziness, idliness, and what a person keeps putting off and kicking down the road (which sooner or later must be dealt with, but just grows larger the longer one puts off dealing with it).

Ten: Malkuth, kingdom (the material world)--Earth; Virtue: Discrimination, being able to separate the fools from the wise. Vice: Inertia and gulliability, what lies a person will swallow hook, line and sinker, and those issues that nothing short of a disaster a person is willing to deal with.

For those who work the zodiac or the elements, one can expand the idea of this type of reading to take advantage of those ideas using the traditionally agreed-upon positive and negative traits. And if you are accustomed to doing readings using the Opening of the Key (a Golden Dawn Tarot spread), you can even extend it to the thirty-six decans.

Thanks for reading this edition of the Tarot Blog Hop, and consider leaping to another blog in this Hop for other reader's insights into the Dark Side.

And may we all have a better year this 2017. Or at least, more cookies.

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Xmas sale (99 cents Thelema and the Necronomicon)

The author of Light Out of Darkness -- Lux E Tenebris --Thelema and the Necronomicon (Gaius Corbin) is having a 99 cent USD xmas sale on Amazon. Warning: This book, while written by a real ceremonial magician (and containing some actual information), is a satire that pokes fun at the occult book market.

(And yes, I am getting a percentage for sharing this information...because I refuse to use my powers for good.)

Amazon link:  (Always check price before buying.)

Thelema and the Necronomicon (Gaius Corbin)

Obviously, someone is trying hard to make this go viral. 

Just chuckful of jokes, isn't it?

And they make fun of a lot of magicians, including myself. 

Saturday, December 10, 2016

New pottery now available (chalices and a witchy coffee mug)

Today, Khari uploaded several new pottery pieces up on the Khari's Wiccan Treasures Etsy page.

Custom orders now available in iron bronze and iron brown color combination.
Custom order chalice glazed with iron bronze and iron brown glazes with a choice of symbol and scroll--$35 USD (plus shipping and handling)--eight weeks to make (eight step process).

triple moons - plain
triple moons - with pentacle
pentacle - small
god symbol
knights templar cross
other celtic knots (to be pictured later in other listings)

Choices of detail scroll pattern:
round spiral
square spiral
sideways spiral (like Mayan style)
celtic knots

Dark mottled blue and black triple moon pentacle chalice.
Ready to ship--Dark mottled blue and black triple moon pentacle chalice--$30 USD plus shipping and handling.

Food safe--lead free glaze. Seven inches high, holds twelve ounces of liquid. Perfect for ritual use.

The Witch is In coffee mug.
Wheeled thrown mug--ready to ship--"The witch is in"--$28 USD plus shipping and handling.

The mug is designed with spirals going around the mug and the triple goddess pentacle symbol on the opposite side. This mug was hand painted with a teal underglaze, fired, and then hand painted again with Lavender on the outside and Pansy Purple on the inside.

Wednesday, December 7, 2016

Not a big enough safety pin (trigger warning--rape culture)

After a long year, it is finally time to put 2016 in the rear-view mirror. Unfortunately, the events of 2016 are now sitting drunk in the backseat, looking for a taco truck, and loudly lecturing you on the fact that poor people are the real reason that poor people are poor. It won’t be so bad if you had fun at the party where 2016 latched onto you like a gropey racist uncle; but let’s be honest, no party is ever good when the DJ decides to leave early and has ingeniously wired the sound system to talk show radio in a way that no one can figure out how to turn it off.

I was so hoping that after the longest election in human history that I could get back to the really important things in life: writing bad Necronomicon satire and posting cat pictures. But no, 2016 has decided that my couch is a good place to sleep off its hangover—soon, my floor will be knee deep with pornography and empty pizza boxes. It would be OK if 2016 planned on paying some of the rent; but 2016 is going on and on about this really cute billionaire it has met, who merely wanted a few votes and tax breaks, and you just know that 2016 is going to stiff you for all the bills until long after the cute billionaire had broken their heart.

(Is that description too harsh? Too bad—the thousand random typewriting monkeys are still trying to find someone to read their iteration of Hamlet, so you are stuck with me, the happy little cynic.)

To say that 2016 disappointed me, outside of a couple of writing goals, is a vast understatement, kind of like saying that the surface of the sun is a little warm. During the course of 2016, I was called a Neo-Nazi, a racist, and a traitor to the country because I supported the idea of a woman President. The cherry on top of this dung sundae was the fact that back in 2011, I predicted that the first woman President would be Sarah Palin, and that someday Trump would run for President and actually win. It is a sad year when you are forced to watch one of your least favorite predictions come true.

(Yes, yes, I know—I doomed all of us when I predicted that. The line to slap me with a dead fish starts on the right. Or is it the left? Yes, I am as confused by political directions as much as I am confused by compass directions; that is what happens when you stand in the middle of the crossroads for too long.)

I will admit that I was a little shocked to learn that I was a Neo-Nazi, racist, and a traitor; the sole evidence of such being the fact that I am a former journalist and Bernie supporter (later Clinton supporter) who shares liberal news on Facebook.

But not as shocked as I was to learn that…

[A shiny metal robot with rubber arms starts shouting, “Danger Wilma Seeker! Trigger warning!” and waving its arms in panic.]

(Seriously—trigger warning—I am about to talk about rape culture.)

…all women who claim to been subjected to unwanted sexual advances, up to and including rape, are just dirty filthy liars.

Now before we go any further, let’s be clear about something: Not all Trump supporters are evil people. Some of them are very nice people. Not all Trump supporters are Neo-Nazis, KKK, racist women haters. The only thing that we can positively conclude about Trump supporters is that Trump being endorsed by Neo-Nazis and the KKK, his calling Republicans dumb enough to elect him (his words, not mine), and his “grab them by the pussy” comments were not deal breakers for his supporters.

Quite simply, a lot of Trump supporters voted for him because they believe that he is their best bet to bring jobs back to their states. The most important factor in their voting for Trump was his economic promises. They were not voting for racism or pussy-grabbing; they were voting for jobs. Their concerns about the economy outweighed any concern that they had about his less-than-savory stage presence.

Unfortunately, this creates a problem for them. Few voters are willing to admit that they would vote for a known ax murderer as long as they feel the candidate is going to address their most urgent concerns. Most people like to think of themselves as nice people, the type that would not sell out the finer points of polite society (tolerance and respect for other human beings) for things like money and success. And it was in the service of their self-perceived noble image, the idea that they are really good and decent human beings, that we got to watch some of the most amazing mental gymnastics and contortions seen outside of the tents of the Royal Jaundice Shakespeare Company.

When rumors of Trump being okay with giving women unwanted sexual attentions surfaced, many of his supporters responded that it was just a character assassination attempt by less-than-patriotic individuals. Then when the tape recording actually surfaced, not only was it character assassination, but they argued that he was unaware that it was a hot microphone and therefore, it should not be used against him (sorry as a public figure, he should be always aware of hot mics). When others responded “But he said it!” then they argued that it was just locker room talk. But it really got appalling when women started to come forward, confirming that Trump was someone who subjected them to unwanted sexual advances because one could see one of the worst aspects of rape culture in stark relief.

For those who are unfamiliar with the concept of “rape culture,” it consists of several pillars: one, women invite rape by being too attractive; two, men can’t control their sexual urges and therefore, are the real victims; three, “real” men are sexually aggressive; four, it is wrong to punish a man for making a simple mistake if they have potential to do great things; five, being the worst, women lie about being raped.

It is that last part, especially in light of Trump supporter’s defense of his pussy-grabbing comment that made me sick to my stomach. Basically, the argument went that the women coming forward were lying; and that if he had really subjected them to unwanted sexual advances, they should have complained and reported it when it occurred. When it was pointed out that this man held their future careers in his hands, supporters came back with “But he helped their careers.” When it was pointed out that such advances often lead to rape, his defenders argued that rape is not a real problem in this country because of the low number of reported instances. When confronted with the fact that rapes do go unreported, his defenders argued that they would have reported it because they were strong individuals and could not understand why it would go unreported. And if that was not injury enough, some defenders went as far as to argue that if there was even one case of a woman falsely accusing someone of rape, all such reports were lies (aka “no rapes actually occur—they are all false reports”).

One night during this spirited defense of Trump, I found myself in front of my computer crying. (Yes, I know—real men don’t ever cry.) I had just been told that I was misinterpreting one of the most traumatic Tarot readings I ever done (one of the reasons I refuse to do it for a living)—a reading for someone who was debating whether or not to report a rape. There is nothing like doing a reading for a crying client who experienced such a horrifying event to test your soul. The logic of the defender was that if it really happened, the woman should have automatically reported it—and therefore, the client had been lying to me while I was reading her cards. The defender quite honestly (unless they are just a knuckle dragging troll) could not wrap their mind around the idea that rape is hard to talk about, and is often unreported because of the “upstanding” individuals who rape have power over the woman. This troll (because I am unwilling to give them much benefit of the doubt) even told my friends who revealed their own horrible experiences (some of which involved underage experiences at the hands of relatives) that they were lying because if it really happened, it should have been reported at the time and because decades had passed in some cases, the events were all being made up.

So why the hell was I crying? Well, follow the logic—if such a traumatic experience had happened, it should have been promptly reported; therefore, no report meant the event did not actually occur. Extending this logic, the very fact that I did not report the child abuse I suffered as a child (including one instance where my dear mother beat me within an inch of my life, trying to drive the witchcraft and devil out of me) means that it simply did not happen. No wonder I was crying.

And that is just one of the many reasons why I took this last Presidential election so personally. It is just one of the many reasons that I have to openly remind myself that Trump supporters are not necessarily bad people (having lived for several years in such a conservative area, I know what the more likable of his supporters are like), but more likely voted for jobs and the prospect of a better economy—that they did not vote for his odious personality, but rather the hope of a better life. It does not make me any happier that he won, but it does help me understand that my deal breakers are not the same as other people’s. It is also a stark reminder that we have a long way to go in terms of basic human rights and basic decency because if this wasn’t a deal breaker for half the country, what is?!?

Thursday, December 1, 2016

Happy death-day Aliester Crowley

On this day, December 1st, in 1947, the Great Beast Aliester Crowley died. (In Thelemic circles, today is called the Greater Feast of Aliester Crowley.)

One of my favorite pictures of the Most Evil Man in the world.

People are still using him as an example of a really powerful magician.

Wednesday, November 16, 2016

Apology to the entire Golden Dawn community

Important Breaking News! The reputation of the Most Honored and Beloved Golden Dawn leader is besmirched by nasty extreme leftist with an implication that David Griffin, the world's greatest occultist, might be a racist. And worse, the reputation of his entire Order, the world's largest, was called into question. Now watch that lowly worm explain that under no condition could anyone say that David Griffin is a racist because he is just so awesome. It is about time that this weasel apologized to the whole Hermetic Golden Dawn community.


[For those who are curious about why I needed to apologize to the entire Golden Dawn community, it is rather simple. Basically, I implied that Griffin and his group was the only racist GD that I could think of...well, with a Facebook group that is. Of course, as the leader of the largest Golden Dawn group, which has members than all the other groups combined, and with a million-plus loyal readers...that was literally insulting the whole GD community. What follows are the important screenshots that prove that I am wrong, and he is right. Sorry Golden Dawn community, I sometimes forgot that he is really in charge of the entire tradition, and that I should not insult your fearless leader because you can't separate Golden Dawn from its true leader.]

See Morgan attack the entire Golden Dawn community.

See Griffin defend the entire Golden Dawn community. 
The announcement that Morgan had destoryed the Aurora Pax, and all the proof you need that he is a dirty rotten Communist bent on violent recolution for his Russian masters. 

And the citizens of Golden Dawn eagerly agree that Morgan is the worst person in Golden Dawn. 
Now you really should go thank David Griffin for defending your honor and petition him to hex me to death in revenge for...somehow...implying...that you too are racist when it is really only Morgan that desires to be called one.

Saturday, November 12, 2016

Custom-order last chance (Pottery 2016)

It is your last chance to get a custom-order chalice or coffee mug this year. The deadline for getting custom-orders in for 2016 is November 18th.

The option for custom-orders will remain closed until March 2017, due to scheduling issues.

For chalices, visit Khari's Wiccan Treasures on Etsy:

For coffee mugs, visit Celtic Soul Jewelry and Pottery on Etsy:

Lavender Triple Moon Chalice

Blue pat paw coffee mug

Lime green pentacle triple moon chalice

Red pet paw coffee mug

Wednesday, November 9, 2016

And your vote changed nothing (you are still going to be replaced by a robot)

[Before I get to today's post, I would like to point out that I predicted a Trump presidency in 2011--and given my method of dramatic fortune telling (soon-to-be-trademarked) worked....despite the fact that I was supporting another candidate (Bernie...but I did vote for Clinton....because obviously I am a black magician)--I would like to predict who the first female President is going to be--Sarah Palin (again, a 2011 prediction).]

[The following post was written last week before the election happened...and I stand by it despite the fact that someone is sure to shot me in the face for what I say in it.]

By the time you read this, the longest election cycle in human memory will be over. Maybe. Or maybe it will still be going on, and we are still facing months, if not years, of outrage and violence because the wrong person won. 

Years ago, I made the decision that my goal (as a pagan writer and blogger) was to get pagans and witches to vote, but that I would avoid telling people who and what to vote for whenever possible. In other words, I wanted to remain neutral. Over the years, I would like to think that I managed to accomplish this goal—but I will admit that my own political opinions occasionally have bled though on occasion. Especially in this election cycle. 

For instance, as a satirist, I have made fun of both primary political parties…but let’s be honest, I made fun of one side much more than the other. Still there is nothing quite like saying, “Congratulations America, you just elected the worst President ever!” to make both sides hate your guts. And yes, I firmly believe that for the next four to eight years, I am going to see talk that whoever won is literally the worst President ever. 

I also believe that I am going to watch the losing side do everything in their power over the next four to eight years to prevent the winner from accomplishing a damn thing. We just had eight years of the Republicans doing everything in their power, to prevent the President from accomplishing a damn thing—even voting for things that they knew were bad, and against things that their own party originally suggested because their party didn’t control the Presidency—in other words, they automatically opposed the President’s position, simply because he belonged to the opposite party. 

Basically, the entire country was held hostage because voters elected the wrong person for President.
And we are going to see that again. The Republicans have already came out and promised to block every Supreme Court nominee that Hillary Clinton puts forth. Think about that. If Hillary wins, the Republicans have promised to block every nominee she suggests for the next four years (or eight years, if she wins a second term). Already there are problems because the Supreme Court is deadlocked on many cases. Now, imagine the rest of the members of the Supreme Court dying one by one, and never being replaced—and that is what we have been promised. And if it is Trump that has won…well, he is a barrel full of monkeys that might have both political parties trying to slow him down. 

For the one person who have not heard read my satire—I believe that a Trump presidency will result in large parts of the Constitution being crossed out, numerous military personal being tried for treason for disobeying orders, several more wars, the use of at least one more nuke on a civilian packed city; and journalists, cartoonists and comedians being locked up after their professions are made illegal. And the punchline is that he won’t accomplish a damn thing that he promised.

Ok, maybe that is merely my satirist eyes looking at the situation. The real punchline may be that he goes back to the political opinions that he held a decade or two ago (which mirrors Clinton’s), and it does not matter who wins because we end up with the exact same decisions being made—the only difference is the plumbing of the person sitting in the oval office. 

And there are certain problems that it does not matter who gets elected, we still screwed. For instance, trade and manufacturing. If the borders are closed, and companies are forced to make products here, prices go up (because cheap foreign stuff doesn’t get in), wages do not keep up (and if they do, you find yourself replaced by a robot). If we continue being part of the global trade community, well, we are decades away from global wages being equalized; and years before that happens, the workers who end up with higher wages  (no matter where they are) are replaced by robots.  In the end, it does not matter what solution that you try, people get replaced by robots. The only bright note is that if you follow the trend, and assume that businesses always go for the cheapest labor option, is that everyone in the entire world eventually is replaced by a robot—our country, being first world, merely got to experience the problem sooner than the rest of the world.  

Let me be clear here—some problems are so big and nasty that it doesn’t matter who gets elected; the problems are still going to screw almost everyone. Issues with healthcare, social security, the impeding mass student loan defaults, and unemployment are not going to go away, and are going to get worse—and there are no solutions that will magically fix them. We are talking structural problems that sooner or later will have to be dealt with. It is just too bad that no politician actually wants to be the villain that fixes them. 

And the reason that no politician wants to do what is actually necessary to fix them is the voters will automatically howl at them for being villains. The voters firmly believe that these problems are not part of their world; and that if only the poor people worked a little harder, poor people wouldn’t be so poor and need government help in the first place. Basically, voters believe that all poor people are lazy (even if they are working two full time jobs) and that is why they are poor, and that all welfare recipients are cheats. Furthermore, the reason that the federal budget is so out of control is welfare…and not the fact that we are secretly (or not so secretly) fighting five simultaneous wars, allowing corporations get away with paying no taxes in some cases, giving wealth-aid to corporations who know that they are not paying their employees a living wage (as in they instruct their employees how to file for food stamps), and a bunch of other stuff that seems to only aid the rich. 

Ok, maybe not all voters. But enough that we will have to go into a depression before anyone is allowed to fix any of the big structural problems facing us. 

My favorite example is the Florida mandatory testing of welfare recipients (because all welfare recipients are drug abusers) where the governor’s wife’s company got the contract and they did not even catch enough violators to offset the cost of the testing program. In fact, they caught less than a hundred. But people still demand it, despite the fact that all it really accomplished was making a rich person richer…because everyone who gets government aid is a drug addict. 

These same poor people are accused of voter fraud because they love welfare. This idea completely ignores the real and very legal voter fraud in this country where congressional district maps are redrawn periodically, so that congressmen can maximize the number of voters that support them while removing those areas populated by those most likely to vote against them. It also conveniently ignores the fact that voter id laws are designed to remove poor people and minorities from the voter rolls. But whatever because all poor people are lazy and welfare cheats. 

But the most interesting thing I experienced this election cycle is people calling me a traitor to the United States for talking about these very things. We now live in a culture that believes, on some level, that voting for the “wrong party” and the “wrong candidate” and for the “wrong issues” is a form of treason. How did we get here? I am not surprised by this, for I have seen every President in my lifetime be called the “worst President ever”—but I am a little unclear when it became an act of treason to exercise my right to vote for whoever the hell I wanted to vote for. 

And the really sad part is that four years from now, it is going to be worse. We are going to continue making the rich richer while blaming the poor for all the problems, continue to ignore the structural problems that will result in a recession, if not a full-blown depression. And continue to call people who decide that they don’t like such things, traitors. This election will have changed nothing, and is merely the warm-up act. 

But then again, I could be wrong—after all, I am just a happy little cynic.  

We are all going to die...because Trump is the second coming of Jesus Christ.

Tuesday, November 8, 2016

The only way Hillary Clinton can win is (fill-in-the-blank)

I am always amazed at the things that I learn reading certain blogs and Facebook pages. Tonight, I learned that there is a covert civil war going on, that Hillary Clinton has already stolen the election, and that Black Magick Slavers are the power behind Hillary Clinton. Next up will be an armed rebellion with a mighty white magician leading the charge to overthrow Hillary Clinton, to jail both the Clintons and the Obamas, and put the rightful ruler of the United States, Donald Jesus-Christ-he-is-the-second-coming Trump in charge.

Because there is absolutely no way that Trump could actually lose this election on his own.

This is the type of stuff that I would expect to see in one of my little satires, either tentacle and/or Necronomicon related. But no, it is real--there is a mighty occult leader who believes this. And he has lots of friends.

So Wednesday, either Trump has won, or we get to see an open civil war with real fireballs being used. And here I thought it was going to be boring after the election was over. Turns out it is just the start of an interesting that results in me getting shot in the face for not supporting Trump...because only black magicians support anyone other than Trump.

Black Magick Slavers?!
The reviews are in for this mighty fine book that does not exist. 

Monday, October 31, 2016

Talking with the Honored Dead

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This season's Tarot Blog Hop is about seeking advice from our honored ancestors. 

For this one, I decided merely to do a simple Tarot reading. Now one of the tricks I learned when consulting the Tarot for a specific matter, is that you can remove the significator from the deck, decide what card represents the issue, shuffle, turn over cards until you find that card, and the next cards in the deck are the ones that you are reading.  

In this case, I chose the Magician card to represent myself (as a writer), and the Death card to represent advice from the honored dead (the crossing card).

Dead and beyond the veil.
Reading the next three cards, I assigned them to the three pillars of Kabbalah, and to specific people in my ancestry.

Pillar of Mercy (and my father): Page of Wands--Pages are students, and I always associate wands with pens, so I am reading this as "Practice makes perfect, or at least, better." And that is something that I occasionally forget as a writer--basically, I always feel like my first draft should be perfect, and that is not actually the way it works.

Pillar of Severity (and my mother): Two of Wands--One of the meanings of this card, according to Tarot For Writers (Corrine Kenner) is the will and power to move beyond the initial stages of creation. In other words, finish the work. One of the problems that I have struggled with as a writer is actually finishing projects; I am ok with smaller projects, but I tend to abandon larger projects because I feel like I should be working on "money projects"---unfortunately, I keep changing targets because I doubt that my current work-in-progress is going to make money. Basically, I need to learn to actually finish things. (I am getting better at this, thanks to the yummy bipolar meds.)

[The reason that Tarot For Writers was consulted was it was the only Tarot book near me, and there is a cat asleep on my lap. The reason for it being close is that tomorrow is the start of National Novel Writing Month, that delightful time when some writers try to hack out fifty thousand words (the amount of words in a novel) in thirty days.]

Pillar of Mercy (and my witchy aunt): Three of Pentacles--This is a card that shows both spiritual support as well as blueprinting it out. Think of an artist being influenced by the rules of their craft (the themes that you see in certain types of works, for instance, detective stories), as well as the muse (who is not even sure that an outline is a good thing). This actually seems to indicate that the project that enjoys such an interaction is the next one that I should be working on...and I think I know what one it is (the taxi driving troll that becomes a private detective--Harmic Burrows). 

So that was my advice from the honored dead....unless it was for one of my readers. And a example of a quick way to do a reading using the idea of significators and crossing cards.  

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Standing Rock check in

Hello, from Standing Rock. *waves hello to law enforcement*

Oh dear, the bison forgot their protest signs.

Tuesday, October 18, 2016

Why Trump is going to win (be happy)

As we approach the end of the longest election cycle in human history, people are slowly losing their minds that the best person for the job of President of the United States, and the inspiration for all the bad things that happen in the world, might not be won by the best person for the job.

But never fear, the best person for the job will win, and America will finally have the President that it deserves in this day and age. Yes, that is right--Donald Trump is going to win.

And how do we know this? Though the sacred art of Evil Writer Fortune Telling (totally trademarked, I tell you). The basic principle of Evil Writer Fortune Telling is to go with the most interesting option. And in this election, there is only one interesting option, and that is Donald Trump.

For instance, who is the only candidate who will gladly, and without warning, nuke an entire Middle Eastern city off the face of the Earth to cripple the leadership of ISIL? That's right, Donald Trump. Unlike those whiny "humans have the right not to glow in the dark" liberals and peaceniks, Trump knows that the entire world will sit up and take notice when a giant radioactive crater is created in the Middle East. Think of the viewers; think of the commercial possibilities (Get your Lead Radiation Screen right here, a steal for a mere thousand dollars a tube! New from a company proudly owned by the President.); think of how you, the humble audience member will eagerly follow the news, and bet on what the next city that will be nuked into extinction. (Detroit looks like a good one; Flint is definitely a possibility; any city in China or Mexico---Vegas will love Trump as a President.) And can you get this level of interest with any of the other possibilities? No, only Trump will provide this level of entertainment for the world.

And just look at the exciting possibilities of using the Constitution as toilet paper. With a stroke of a pen, Trump will cross out that annoying bit in the Constitution about birth-right citizenship. Suddenly everyone is eligible for deportation, baths at the end of a fire hose, the forced watching of people melting from radiation exposure. It does not matter if your parents are illegal immigrants and you being an anchor baby, or if your ancestors fought in the good war against that evil English king, everyone loses their citizenship. What country are you going to be deported to? Who knows--but it will be interesting, you will pay attention to the news and fear those interesting SWAT and Department of Cool Deportation trucks rolling down the street.

Plus mass shooting and terrorism will become more interesting, and we all know that the problem with mass shootings and terrorism is that it is so boring. But not anymore, for Trump will issue everyone, including my dear grandmother, a gun and send them out into the streets to hunt down the next terrorist and mass shooter. You will have a personal interest, and you can't get any more interesting than a personal interest, in finding that killer before they find you. Just remember that there are three terrorists living in your neighborhood, and they could be anyone (lesbians, Mexicans, blacks, Muslims, witches, the neighbor with the barking dogs), so make sure that you shoot them before they blow you up using bombs disguised as cupcakes.

Trump can even make economics interesting. The newest game show will be Who Will Be Replaced By a Robot today?! Yes, that is right, Trump will close the borders, forcing employers to create jobs for super-cheap working robots. There will be none of this nonsense with unemployment figures because everyone will be unemployed. Plus Trump will fix all the budget problems by eliminating all government welfare and health programs. You will thrill to the possibilities of starving to death, or being eaten by unemployed cannibals. And what could be more interesting than unemployed cannibals? I don't know; but Trump is sure to think of it, and you know that you are so interested in knowing the answer that you are going to vote for Trump.

You are going to vote for Trump! And you are going to vote for Trump! And you are going to vote for Trump! Everyone is going to vote for Trump! That's right, no one else is going to vote for anyone else because to do so would be voter fraud; and let's be honest, voter fraud is so boring. And it would be so boring to vote for Hillary or Jill or that crazy guy with the boot on his head--none of them will do the interesting things that Trump will do.

Remember as an American voter, you have the right to vote for the candidate that will make your life the most interesting, and that is Trump!

[And if you don't think that "interesting" is a good measure of who is going to win, just look at the other candidates that Trump was chosen over, including boring Jeb Bush and the other thirty-eight boring candidates. And who do you talk about the most---yeah, you are most interested in talking about Trump---so go for the hat trick, and just vote for him. You know that you do not want to be bored, so go for the most interesting and entertaining candidate available.]

Trulhu 2016! The last President you will ever need.

Sunday, October 16, 2016

Jill Stein ballot map

Where you can vote for Jill Stein (if you feel like doing so)
Remember that as a voter, you have the right to vote for whoever you feel like voting for. You also have the right not to tell anyone about how you are using your vote. And if your heart tells you to vote for a third party candidate, let's say Jill Stein, that's your right. And yes, you are going to be told that you are wasting your vote, or endangering the country for voting for the wrong person, but we are told every election that it is the wrong time to vote for a third party, so there is nothing new there. The important part is to vote, and then to put a bag over your head because the world is coming to an end for the billionth time.

Friday, October 14, 2016

Wait—slavery is still legal?

The other day, I received the voter’s blue book, that delightful document that informs a voter of the items that will be on the state ballot, or as my wife calls it, “something terribly boring that Morgan should read instead of me.” The voter’s blue book is not necessarily coma-inducing, but it is definitely a sleep aid. And there always seems to be at least one measure on the ballot, that even after reading the blue book, one is not sure how to vote on, leading one to debate whether flipping a coin is the best way to determine one’s vote (it is not—one should use the Morgan Law of Voter Guidance instead in such cases: When in doubt, vote No). 

One of the joys of reading the voter’s blue book is the discovery of things that are laws that one had no clue were laws. And I say, “joys” because I have no proper term for “gee, the laws are even more messed up than I thought they were” which the Germans or the Japanese probably have a word for; but given the fact that I only speak two languages (English and Bad English), I will never know if someone does not angrily email me proof of my total ignorance. 

(It should be noted that after several years of studying French that I remember all of nothing of that language, and the little bit of Hebrew and Yiddish I know is merely some technical terms for a system of mysticism that makes Zen look simple—one should not issue the advice that I should learn a foreign language because I have ready proven that I am a complete dunderhead in that department…well, unless you consider Cat to be a language, I am pretty fluent in that. But I digress…)

This election cycle, the surprise discovery was that slavery and involuntary servitude was still legal in the state of Colorado. Well, not for everyone. Just those duly convicted of a crime. It is not really surprising from an historical sense, but a modern person still half-looks-around and says, “Are we in Ancient Rome?” 

But the shocking part was the argument that the clause should remain in Colorado’s constitution—“Amendment T may result in uncertainty around current offender work practices in the state.” Yeah, just like the confusion, its exclusion creates in the twenty-five states which constitutions that this clause is absent from. After all, everyday some while in the news, there are reports of prisons, both governmental and private company-ran, suffering from the inability to force inmates to work. Oh wait, no, there is not (well, to the best of my knowledge, I am sure an angry reader will email me tons of links to such news reports to prove that not only am I a complete and total dunderhead, but that I am an ignorant liberal hippie who does not understand the economies of the modern prison system). Isn’t prison bad enough without having to resort to slavery? 

(By the way, for those who are curious, slavery “is a situation in which one person has absolute power over the life, fortune, and liberty of another person,” and involuntary servitude is “a condition of servitude in which one is forced to work for another person by the use or threat of physical restraint or physical injury, or by the use or threat of coercion through the law of the legal process.” Or as I like to call it, “my childhood, living with my mom, from ages twelve to eighteen.” [Yes, I know that I should not compare life-threatening child abuse with slavery and involuntary servitude, but I did—remember I read all the angry letters, so keep sending them.])

But then again, some people probably believe that slavery is too good for some criminals. I know a few people who think death is the only proper punishment for liberal, wise-cracking witches—slavery is too good for that sort of crime. Come to think of it, I am quite sure that some of those films I saw about the violent crime caused by marijuana use, were secretly arguing slavery as a punishment for getting caught with a joint. (As it is, getting caught with a joint can get you more prison time than being convicted of rape, and carries a lifelong sentence of being ineligible to vote [in most states], and requires you to admit to every potential employer for the rest of your life that you were as bad of a human being as murderers, thieves, and terrorists. From where I sit, the entire war on drugs is nothing more than a thinly veiled political maneuver designed to eliminate the voting powers of minorities and those dirty filthy hippies who believe wars and corporate greed is bad.)

Of course, the saddest part is that the law books are full of laws designed to punish certain types of people. A lot of them probably made sense at one time, well, provided that the sense was to punish certain types of people for being “not white” and “not rich.” For instance, there are anti-gypsy laws in almost every state. ” One particular one that I, a poor white boy, ran afoul of, was a Denver law requiring fortune tellers to pay a fifty dollar a day licensing fee. That’s not a typo—it was literally fifty dollars a day for the privilege of reading someone’s Tarot cards. A few years, the Denver Police decided to try to enforce it. And in the same mode that smoking marijuana makes you a murderous terrorist, fortune telling was called a “gateway crime” that leads to even worse crimes. Ok, maybe some con-men, or is it con-women, do use fortune telling as the opening bid to the “you are cursed—for a thousand dollars, I can un-hex you,” but one hopes that type of con-game has its own separate law forbidding it. (And yes, send me all the news reports of crooked psychics and fortune tellers to prove that we need to stop this stuff at its source because obviously, not only am I a liberal dunderhead, I am also completely ignorant of how often it actually happens.)  

[After I wrote this column for the Hearthstone Community Church's newsletter just last week, I have learned that fortune telling is illegal in Las Vegas...]

And there are sillier laws out there, if one bothers to look. One of my jokes this election season, typically after someone tells me that making jokes will not make America great again, has been to point out that the next President will make it against the law to make jokes about the President on the first day that they are in office. (If you think I am truly making a joke, just remember that one of the campaign promises that has been made is to make it easier to sue journalists for reporting the truth—as in reporting the actual words said by a person will be an offense worthy of big dollar judgements against journalists. One imagines that comedians are not far behind in being outlawed.) And if you don’t think that it could happen, consider this: The leader of North Korea, who is admired for being a strong man and a winner by one of the Presidential candidates, outlawed sarcasm last month. Hell, sarcasm is most of my writing style—if the next American President takes their cue from strong-arm countries—I will soon be arrested, convicted, and jailed, with a judge exclaiming that slavery is too good for me.