Wednesday, June 28, 2017

Trump surprise (no no I dont want a surprise)

Some words that I never-ever want to hear coming out of the mouth of a politician:

"We are going to have a great, great surprise..."

No, no, no.

I am a German-Jew by ancestry, a magician and heretic by profession, and a witch by religious choice--and the words "great, great surprise" has never turned out well for any of my people. 

Think about it--German-Jew plus big surprise equals...oh yeah, seizure of property, stripping of citizenship rights, labor camps, starvation diets, and death by poison gas followed by an unmarked grave. Yes, it was a wonderful surprise for everyone who thought that the Jews and the Freemasons were the cause of Germany's economic problems, but it was hardly a birthday surprise that you wanted to have if you were a Jew.

(Hey, I am a German-Jew--I am allowed to make holocaust jokes.)  

Magician and heretic and big surprise equals...outlawing of one's writing by the Church, surprise visits by the Spanish Inquisition,  house arrests, marshmallows roasted over bonfires of humans going straight to hell, painful torture and death followed by an unmarked grave. Yes, it was wonderful surprise for those who believed that the Church was the only path to salvation and that those who thought differently were traitors to humanity, but it was hardly a birthday surprise that you wanted if you were a magician and heretic.

(Hey, I am a magician and a heretic--of course, I am going to make jokes about the Inquisition; it is what heretical magicians do.)

Witch and big surprise equals...outlawing of one's very existence by the powers that be, kings screaming that witches are trying to hex him to death, big cash rewards for every convicted witch, full prisons, less crazy cat ladies, and a boom for the kindling businesses, painful torture and fiery death followed by an unmarked grave. Yes, it was a wonderful surprise for those who did not want to be turned into frogs, but it was a hardly a birthday surprise that you wanted to have if you were a witch.

(Hey, I am a witch--the Big Book of Shadows say that witch hunts are not funny, but when has I allowed the political correct crowd keep me from making a bad joke?)

So hearing the 45th and final President of the United States say that we are going to have a "great, great surprise" sends a shiver down my back.

What could he possibly do with his magic pen (a pen that he screamed Obama should not have been using) that is going to fix the latest issue...which is...oh yeah--healthcare--what can he possibly do to fix the healthcare and health insurance markets?

Do away with the subsidies that support Obamacare? Which would kill Obamacare, but do nothing else--it will not fix the problem that poor sick can't afford insurance.

Declare that only losers can't afford health insurance and sky high deductibles? Which would be totally ignored by the people who voted for him because they are reality challenged.

Make a replacement law all by himself? Which actually violates the Constitution's division of powers--but who cares? The only parts of the Constitution that his supporters care about are their right to bear arms and their religious right to believe that all non-Christians and Biblical law violators should be burned at the stake.

Outlaw liberals who are the real reason that Republican healthcare reform is not passing? Hello, mass arrests, journalists shot, liberals killed in the streets, death and unmarked graves for all.

What could he possibly do here that would actually be helpful in fixing the healthcare and health insurance crisis? Outlaw sick people? Declare that death and sickness are a Chinese hoax designed to cripple the US economy? Blame Obama?

Now, there will be those who hate me for writing this stuff, saying that Trump is not an evil man, and that only losers can't afford healthcare.

By the way, I was one of the "losers" working more than forty hours a week, managing a restaurant, who had a choice between paying for health insurance that I could not use because the deductible was more than I made in a year; or dropping my useless health insurance, so that I could afford to pay my rent. Not to mention coming from a poor family (with eight kids because birth control was a tool of the devil), who also could not afford health insurance and health care either.

Do you really think I wanted to be an untreated bipolar on the verge of suicide or murdering people with an ax?

No, I can't imagine anything good for people like me coming out of a "great, great surprise" sprung by our reality star of a President.

As always, feel free to scream that I need to be burned at the stake for not believing that God, himself, picked Trump as our President, and that the real problem in America are people who think as I do.

And it is a bigly magic pen, the best bigly magic pen ever.
Are you an evil witch or magician who thinks that Trump is going to use his magic pen to outlaw everyone who disagrees with him? Consider taking part in the global monthly waning crescent moon ritual to bind the actions of President Donald J. Trump.

For full text of Global Binding Ritual of Trump, click here. 

Dates for future Global Bind Donald J. Trump rituals 


July 21; August 19; September 18; October 17; November 16; December 16

For a full list of future Bind Trump dates, click here.

A magical sigil being used by some to bind Trump.

Tuesday, June 20, 2017

Yin Yang Peppermint Patty (Tarot Blog Hop)

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Welcome to the June Tarot Blog Hop. For the theme of this hop, Aisling, our fearless wrangler, pointed out that just as the Oak King, Cernunnos (the Green Man), god of planting and the Waxing half of the year, is part of his opposite, Lugh, the Holly King (the Red God), god of harvest and the Waning part of the year, both being halves of a whole, so too are each of us comprised of two halves, a light and a dark.

Aisling wrote, "It is important in the understanding of this Lore to realize that the two Deities here represented are actually seen as one God, two Faces of the same Being, two aspects of life, and actually perform the combat between Oak and Holly as a necessary adaptation of their own Being, with the full understanding of the necessity of both a waxing and a waning year, planting and harvesting, and the joy of creation connected with the necessity of using that creation."

Likewise, she noted that it is important for us to understand the duality of our own natures.

Yang Yin Tarot Spread TBH June 2017.
Towards developing an understanding of this duality, she instructed us to pick a card to represent ourselves, our fundamental nature--our being. Then we were to choose a card that represented its "cognate opposite"--"the yin to our chosen yang." After that, we were to draw five cards at random, to represent the elemental energies in our lives, and to examine how the light and dark of our natures interacted with these forces.

Deck used: The Secret Tarots--Marco Nizzoli (Lo Scarabeo 1998).
Picking the Yang card was actually hard for me, mainly because I was faced with so many tasty options. Literally, I quoted Jeff from the cult TV show, Chuck--"How can I make up my mind when I have so many tasty options? I got so many tasty options..." which probably says that I need a more nerdy Tarot deck than the one that I am using.

I have always found it easier to see the darkness in myself than the light. Think of me as a Yin Yang Peppermint Patty--the dark is all visible with the light part all hidden away. For those who are curious, "Yin Yang Peppermint Patty" is a saying that I learned from my Gardnerian Wiccan aunt--it was the first thing that went though my mind when I read the theme of this Tarot Blog Hop.

The ease that I have in seeing the darkness in myself explains so many of my magical mottos--most of which can be summed up as "If I am a villain condemned to hell, I just as well have some fun on my way there."

Part of my problem with picking a Yang card is spiritual pride. For instance, I would love to be able to choose the Magician card as my Significator--after all, I am an occultist involved in using magic for spiritual development. But realistically, I am probably more of the Devil than the Magician, for as a ceremonial magician, I tend to beat on the universe with a large stick until it does what I want it to. This is a perfect illustration of a magician having a large ego--my only saving grace is that I know that I lean towards black magic, and can't be bothered to claim otherwise.

Sadly, I am just like Jeffrey Barnes from the cult TV show, Chuck.
In the end, I went with the card from my favorite Tarot deck that everyone associates with me: Four of Pentacles. In this particular Tarot deck, The Secret Tarots (Marco Nizzoli), the Four of Pentacles is represented by a man sitting next to a desk with an orb lamp, ink bottles, paper and a book--in other words, I think he might be a writer. (Or I could be wrong, and he could be the miser of the Waite/Smith/Rider deck--in which case, I grew up in a poor family and being cheap is a virtue--or so, my mother believed.) Ironically, in my mind, writers are magicians--this is just a more realistic version of a magician. And as my regular readers know, I fancy myself as a writer.

When I read the theme for this hop, I instantly knew what my Yin card was--the Eight of Swords. And I do mean that I knew instantly--there was no need to think about it any further. Like my Yin card, this is a more realistic version of a Major Arcana for me--yes, I can see the Devil in this card. In my case, my darkness is a mental state created out of being bipolar, being raised in a bipolar family, and being expected to sacrifice myself in the best interests of everyone else, and to only do things that made the rest of family (well, my mother) look good.

Or as I like to joke, the voices in my head can get really loud. "Will this project make money? Shouldn't you go back to flipping burgers--you would make more. Ain't you full of sinful pride? You are a lousy writer. It is your sister who is the real writer. What would Mom [and the rest of the family] think if this project became successful? Oh, the shame you are going to cause--the family is going to disown you." Basically, I am a prisoner in my own mental hell constructed by an unstable selfish bipolar mother.

How unstable and selfish was my mother? Oh, just the normal "Babysitting your siblings is more important than your homework" and "Oh, I am having a bad day, so let me throw you down the stairs" and "Oh, he doesn't visit me because he ended up in prison" and "Oh, you are a Wiccan...well, I am going to try to get you committed to a mental ward for being a Satanist." Never mind that I never served a day of jail time, and that I successfully managed a restaurant for ten years, and completely ignore any kind act you have seen me do. Is it any wonder that I can see my darkness much better than my light?

Moving along to the rest of the cards...

The Spirit (Wisdom) card I pulled was the Seven of Pentacles, a man looking at a growing tree. In my head, I have all these perfect plot ideas...which I tend to give up on before I am even remotely done with a project. Pat Zalewski (or was it his wife, Chris) said of this card that it sometimes indicates "There is a strong need to be financially secure to offset a deep emotional need for security" and that is really part of my Stop and Go problem as a writer. I can quickly get off the rails, and start project hopping (finishing nothing) when monetary shortfalls crop up--all in the hope of finding that golden money making project.

The Fire (Will) card I pulled was the Ten of Pentacles, a couple sitting outside of a house in one of those historical "take my picture and see how much wealth I have" poses. Having studied the habits of successful writers, I know that it is possible to make a comfortable living writing provided that one works hard and finishes projects. But there is that little voice saying that I should be doing something else and to quit wasting my time as a writer. One of the esoteric teachings about this card is that in order to accomplish the pinnacle of success, one needs to have the upper and lower worlds working in harmony. Interestingly enough, one of my current project ideas involves a lot of expensive research, and I mean a lot of research--yet I think that it would be a mighty fun project to write which would end up with loyal fans. Now if I could only get the voices in my head to shut up long enough to actually finish the research and the writing...

The Water (Intuition) card I pulled was the Lightning Struck Tower. On one hand, I hope to be a successful writer; on the other hand, I fear becoming a successful writer. Basically, I have some fear of being successful. While my mom died two years ago, I still think that some of my family will blow a gasket if I actually do become successful. And let's be honest, all writers end up with a horde of haters. On top of that, I would have no idea what to do with actual money, if I somehow ended up being one of those writers. Fortunately, as the voices say, I am a little delusional and can ignore the possibility of becoming successful.

The Air (Mind) card I pulled was the King of Pentacles. This is an one day at a time card--just keeping moving forward. The writer in me knows that writing projects take time to complete--there is research, rough drafts, beta readers, editing, etc. to do. And the crazy voices say, "Just one more day--then tomorrow you will give up and go do something else with your life, and everyone will be happy that you finally woke up to your senses."

The Earth (Action) card I pulled was the Four of Wands. This card reminds me of my wife. And to be honest, it is her income that is allowing me to stay at the table and continue to write. She is also the person who described to my doctor in horrific details the way that I was acting as an untreated bipolar--without her description, I would not be on the meds that I am currently taking. In addition, there is a "take joy in life" aspect to this card--"nothing ventured, nothing gained" says the writer; "have fun while you can" says the voices of doom and despair.

And so we reach the end of a reading that I am quite sure makes me sound like a loser, who is just one prize away from a Cracker Jack box. I would like to think that my display of public insanity makes you feel much, much better about yourself--or at least grateful that you are not me. And if not, just smile and say, "Yin Yang Peppermint Patty" to the next ten people you meet because that always cheers me up.

Saturday, June 17, 2017

Father of Gump (what would my father think of me)

One of the things that I think about occasionally is what my father would have thought about how my life turned out.

For those who don't know: My father died in a semi-trailer accident in 1984, at the age of forty-two. He died while I was in Army boot camp. His death is the official reason that the US Army and I parted paths--because the Army thought that I was needed more back home (I am the oldest of eight kids). That idea did not pan out because my mom did not want me to return home (she was worried that I would affect her survivor benefits from Social Security)--which is probably a good thing considering how "evil" my life turned out to be (to her dying day, my mother would call me a Satanist...which I am not).

So basically, my father never saw any of my adult life.

Sometimes I believe that I would have been more successful if he would have lived longer. He was always the encouraging one. But I will admit that occasionally, he was ignorant of what direction I was headed. For instance, he was unaware of my desire to be a writer clear up to the end of my senior year in high school.

So I would like to believe that I would quit working food service sooner, that I would have went to college sooner, that I would have gotten treatment for my bipolar sooner, and that I would be more successful in my writing career--because of his encouragement.

Or maybe one of my sisters is right, and he would have completely disapproved of my life, and thought that I needed to taken down a peg or two.

Who f***ing knows.

What I do know is that he affected my politics, my approach to community service, my philosophy,  and how I tell stories.

I spent a lot of time with my father on various jobs. We remodeled houses together, worked on construction sites together (once spent the entire summer camping out on one job site out in the woods of Albert County), took me along to deliver produce to various customers (he actually was training me to take over the family produce company*), introduced me to farming and to the hobby of gardening. He also made sure that I was surrounded by books, and he tutored me and my sister to count change in our heads.

[*My sister likes to point out that the only reason that he was training me was that she wasn't old enough yet, and that he meant for her to take over the family business...which ironically, would have been totally acceptable to me--because I actually wanted to be a writer. This sister also points out that my writing totally s***s and that I will never be successful doing it as a career--she might have a point, but I am a crazy person and generally ignore her advice on that front.]

My father was the first comedian and story teller that I knew. In all fairness, many of his jokes were about Polish people....and I know that it is wrong that they still bring a smile to my face. And he told the same jokes over and over again--because each new job site or customer was a brand new audience. As a result of this, my first lessons in writing and revision came from my father.

We used to listen to talk show radio a lot. And he would argue back at the radio, "Well, that is not going to work out..." Plus him and Mom once campaigned for a candidate running for District Attorney here in Denver. So my getting up on a soapbox and sharing my political opinions would not have been foreign to him. And the rate I upset people, not a surprise at all--he often remarked that I would have been shot by the age of ten if I would have been born in Russia.

(He might have been surprised that I am still registered as a Republican--my mom insisted that all her kids had to be Republicans--hell, she would have demanded that I voted for Trump...except that her threat of disowning me for voting for the wrong person would have carried no weight because I was already disowned for being a Satanic witch.)

My interest in magic and the occult definitely would not have been a surprise--after all, he also sat at the table talking about Wicca and witchcraft with my aunt. He might have been surprised that I ended up in the pagan clergy category--or maybe not. After all, he had a touch of ESP (predicted the unification of Germany at a time that no one thought that it was possible).

I tend to think about him when I am gardening. Dad was the one who taught me how to compost, and stuff like that. He grew vegetables--which given that there was eight of his kids, and we were poor, made a lot of sense. I am not sure what he would have thought of my growing herbs, but I am sure that he would have understood my point that herbs are damn expensive at the store.

My deepest regret is that he never read any of my writing. When he was alive, I had to conceal my writing habit from my mom, who believed that writing was a sin. I was good at hiding what I was really up to. I especially regret that he did not live long enough to meet my wife, and read what I am currently working on--in fact, one of the characters in my Ancient Egyptian stories is partially based on him.

Still what can you do? Just fondly remember the man, and hope that he would have approved of where i am headed with my work. Happy Father's Day Dad--I miss you.

Happy Father's Day!

Wednesday, June 14, 2017

Violence is not the answer (lets not open up that Pandora box)

A periodical conversation that has been occurring since the election:

Other person: I think that someone is going to assassinate Trump, and that would solve the problem.

Me: No, no, no!

It may surprise some to hear that I don't want President Trump assassinated or shot. Nor do I want to see other politicians shot. The outcome of such tactics would be disastrous. Imagine the backlash from trying to solve this problem with violence--it would just open the door to rounding suspects up and possibly open the door to South African style politics.

I don't want to see anything that might lead to Trump's (or Pence's) political power being enhanced by the use of police forces. I don't want to see Trump supporters screaming that liberals are violent traitors and need to be arrested, locked up, and even shot dead in the head. And I definitely do not want Trump to have an excuse to start jailing his political enemies, nor do I want his supporters to have an excuse to start killing those people who oppose Trump's (and their) political agenda.

Let me be clear: Once you start down that path--the American experiment of free and open elections ceases to exist.

No, the proper cause of action is to let Trump actually do some of the stuff he wants to do. People voted for him for a reason. And they need to see that his set of solutions will not make them safer, will not get them better healthcare, and will not bring back their old jobs. Maybe then they will be willing to elect a government that can actually fix these problems.

Trump dying prematurely will just turn him into a Republican saint. And we already have one of those--Ronald Reagan--who is invoked every time that the Republicans decide that only the rich count in this country. We do not need a Republican saint that can be invoked every time a Christian decides that shooting a journalist, a liberal, or a minority is what should happen.

No, let this man do his job the way he thinks that it should be done.

And let's watch his own party slowly come to terms with the fact that it is political suicide to let him get his way. And the Democrats realize why they actually lost (because they refused to talk about the lack of jobs in certain parts of the country).

(Please note that I do not believe that his hardcore supporters will ever change their minds. My mom is one of these people. I have spent thirty-five years trying to convince her that I am not a Satanist, that writing is not a sin, and that minorities are not the spawn of the devil. I don't expect his most loyal supporters to be anymore capable of seeing the light than she is.)

Let's us hope and pray that Trump is slowed down enough to keep the worst of his ideas from becoming law, and that if he is guilty of some high crime that he is impeached--furthermore, let's hope that the Republicans (especially Mike Pence) have realized that their ideas are placing their party's future on thin ice.

Let the system work the way it is supposed to.

And yes, I am still evil, and think that magic can help this along. But I do know that there will be those screaming that witchcraft is even worse--and what else is new?

Are you an evil witch or magician who thinks that Trump should be impeached--or at least, slowed down? Consider taking part in the global monthly waning crescent moon ritual to bind the actions of President Donald J. Trump.

For full text of Global Binding Ritual of Trump, click here. 

Dates for future Global Bind Donald J. Trump rituals 

[Asterisked * dates are slightly moved from the last quarter crescent moon to occur on significant dates.]


February 24; March 26; April 24; May 23; *June 21* (*Summer Solstice*); July 21; August 19; September 18; October 17; November 16; December 16

For a full list of future Bind Trump dates, click here.

A magical sigil being used by some to bind Trump.

Wednesday, June 7, 2017

What is High Magic?

Recently someone asked me to clarify what High Magic was. After some muttering, and lots of talking to my cat, I wrote an answer--here is the best, non-snarky part of my answer. And yes, this is why I am not allowed to have students.

“High Magic” is a fancy term for the magic developed by medieval magicians who could read and write. Likewise, “Low Magic” is the magic that those who could not read used. The “High” and “Low” labels are based on…something. One theory is that Low Magic was developed in the low lands where the farmers lived, and High Magic was developed on higher ground. Another theory is that High Magic deals with achieving union with the divine, and Low Magic deals with lowly things like money. High Magic tends to be ceremonial and can takes hours or days, and Low Magic tends to be more spur-of-the-moment freeform “What do I have on hand, and can I do this spell under a half hour?”

I resisted the urge to make a Colorado magic joke...but for just for you, I will.

Sunday, June 4, 2017

Keep calm and carry a beer (Saluting the British)

You can tell a lot about a country's psyche by how they react in a crisis.

And I have to admit that I love the British. (And the Aussies--I also love the Aussies.)

One of the iconic images out of yesterday's terrorism attack on London Bridge was a guy carrying a beer as he walked to safety. Brits--I salute you.

Keep calm and carry a beer.
And in the meantime, there are those in the United States screaming that this is why we need a Muslim ban, more guns, and to kick all the immigrants and colored people out of the country. Plus we have a Cheeto screaming that the mayor of London was far too calm when he pointed out that citizens were going to see more police on the street. Obviously, the soul of America is actually quite insecure and paranoid, and has a major fetish for guns.

(By the way, the reason that the Islamic State [aka ISIS, aka ISIL, aka the bastards that want to see all the "Crusaders" dead] asked for their agents to use trucks and knives was that there are a shortage of guns in Britain. If more guns were available, the terrorists would have used them...and the number of dead would have been in the double digits. Maybe, there is something to be said about not having every Tom, Dick and Harry armed with assault rifles.)

Of course, the British attitude towards all this is totally unacceptable. Just like the statement that London Mayor Sadiq Khan (oh my God, how could you elect a Muslim?!? screams the American patriot) made awhile back:

"Part and parcel of living in a great global city [like London] is you've got to be vigilant, you've got to support the police doing an incredibly hard job. That means being vigilant, having a police force that is in touch with communities, it means security services being ready, but it also means exchanging ideas and best practice."

Oh my god, not once did he mention the average Betty and Barney carrying a gun. Not once did he ask for a Muslim ban. Not once did he asked for a yugly big fence. And your average American patriot is going to claim this is why they suffer much more terrorism than we do in the United States.

And remember that only Radical Islamic Terrorism counts as terrorism--just ignore every wacked out White American Christian that shots a lot of people in public.

(Oh, the only thing I dislike so far about the English reaction is that their Prime Minister is now calling for the internet to be policed, so that terrorists are not able to put out action calls. This, at least, will be embraced by every gun nut in the United States who believe that liberals and bloggers like myself are terrorists and should be allowed to post our opinions. The Cheeto-in-Chief is totally going to call for a yugly big wall around the internet as soon as he hears about that idea.)

Friday, June 2, 2017

Trump says coal mining more important than golf courses

The last American President, Donald "Jesus is coming to save us!" Trump today declared that coal mining jobs were more important than golf courses.

Or at least that is what I imagine future historians are going to say about his decision to end American involvement in combating global warming.

After all, his justification is that the coal miners in Pittsburgh need jobs and that the Paris Agreement forbid such jobs.

Seriously, I have no idea why Trump said that he represented the voters of Pittsburgh while talking about coal mining jobs--maybe he thinks that Pittsburgh factories created coal--or something. Or that the factories in Pittsburgh pollute as badly as burning coal. Or use tons of coal. Or some logic beyond me.

Or maybe Trump is just an idiot who believes that global warming is a Chinese hoax designed to cripple American industry--kind of like minimum wage laws and occupational safety rules and all those other regulations that prevent lard being sold as pure butter.

Trump does not care about the environment; he only cares about making himself richer...and somehow environmental regulations are preventing this from happening. It is not like Trump has any property that is going to be underwater if all the ice melts.

Oh, look at all the places that go underwater in an ice free world.
Uh--if I go by this map, Trump really hates owning property that is not underwater.
But never mind what these maps seem to say because Trump is a genius guided by the Secret Chiefs of the greatest esoteric Order ever, protected by Adepts who love him more than they love money. If you don't believe me, watch who runs to defend his decision and who loudly expounds upon the fact that Alex Jones totally supports Trump's idea that global warming is a hoax.

And it will probably happen in my comment section.

Are you an evil witch or magician who thinks that Trump is trying to drown us all? Consider taking part in the global monthly waning crescent moon ritual to bind the actions of President Donald J. Trump.

For full text of Global Binding Ritual of Trump, click here. 

Dates for future Global Bind Donald J. Trump rituals 

[Asterisked * dates are slightly moved from the last quarter crescent moon to occur on significant dates.]


February 24; March 26; April 24; May 23; *June 21* (*Summer Solstice*); July 21; August 19; September 18; October 17; November 16; December 16

For a full list of future Bind Trump dates, click here.

A magical sigil being used by some to bind Trump.