Monday, August 28, 2017

Tired of mass shootings (dammit I do not want to blog again on this subject)

I just got a news ping that another mass shooting happened. I was minding my own business (taking a  break, playing Angry Birds, and jotting down notes for my October "blog vacation" project), and PING! "Two dead, four wounded in library shooting..."

And the first thought though my mind was "Oh god, I don't want to blog about gun violence again, and the need for laws to keep guns out of the hands of crazy people."

The second thought was "My counterpart on the other side of the issue, 'gun make us less likely to be killed in a mass shooting,' probably does not want to have to talk about his position again either."

(Sorry David.)

Dammit people, quit shooting people in libraries, schools, theaters, malls, and other places where large number of innocent people gather! Leave that to the terrorists.

Honestly, I am not sure that I would care so much about guns and gun control laws, if we didn't have a mass shooting every day (it seems like it is every day) in a location that me and my wife might get caught in.

And I am not so sure that my counterpart would be so gungho about everyone needing to be armed, including my grandmother, if we were not awash in mass shootings.

(Sorry David.)

There is actually a chance that me and my counterpart could come to an agreement on guns and gun control, if mass shootings were removed from the problem.

So dammit, quit shooting people by the dozen!

We should really be talking about the suicides--not mass shootings.

Leave those statues alone! (Behold the curse of road rage)

The statue of the burning witch has sat in the center of octagonal St. Catherine Roundabout in Arkham, Massachusetts since before the Declaration of Independence. Cast in bronze, the statue shows the convicted witch, Hesper Payne burning in the exact same spot as her execution in 1692. The only time that it has not graced the roundabout was during the American Revolution War when it was hid away first from the revolutionaries, then the British, who both saw it as a ready source of war material.

Due to it predating the Constitution of the United States, it could not be affected by any federal laws that removed or modified other statues that caused outrage. So it outlasted the Thirteen Satanic Suggestions in Oklahoma, the statue of the god Chevron sitting on oil barrels while eating babies roasted on a pizza in Wyoming, the memorial commemorating Rudolf Hess at the site of the first pro-Nazi speech given in America, the neon-lighted statue of lusty Bacchus in Las Vegas, the Californian statue of Columbus beating to death his GPS with a sledge hammer, the statue of the tentacled time-traveling octopi in Washington D.C., the Statue of Liberty in New York City, and all the Confederate War statues.

In all three Prime Timelines, the statue of of Hesper Payne looks down on the boiling cauldron of road rage which is St. Catherine Roundabout. The curse of Hesper Payne upon the town fathers of Arkham radiates outward along the streets, onto the highways and freeways, infesting the whole United States--"You may have broke me on St. Catherine's wheel, but you too will be broken on thy wheels." 

While in Prime TL 3919117026, Reptilian controlled President Dolly May Ramses and her husband, Bubba "I have a nuclear weapon in my pants!" passed laws that caused all offensive statues and monuments to be torn down, and all offensive flags burned, along with all offensive literature, Hesper Payne looked down upon drivers trapped in rush-hour traffic.

While in Prime TL 52202725, Insectilian controlled President Daniel "Oh Danny!" Katz, the great Stalinian philosopher, insisted that you could have all the offensive flags, literature, statues and monuments as one desired, provided that they were all clearly apologetic, with Confederate flags being required by law to bear the words, "We apologize for slavery. Sorry for the inconvenience." on them in bright and cheerful lettering, Hesper Payne looked down upon the inconveniences caused by road construction.

While in Prime TL 666939, totally non-controlled President Earl Midas "the working man friend," arrested, convicted, jailed and deported anyone who found any righteous war statue, any righteous religious marker, any righteous working man monument, offensive and unbearable, Hesper Payne looked down upon the fully loaded military and police vehicles as their drivers tried to figure out exactly what circle of hell their GPS was sending them to.

Interestingly, in all three Prime Timelines, the family of Buddha Night would show up periodically at Arkham Town Hall, alongside lawyers and pitchfork wielding citizens, and demand that the brass inscription on the base of the statue of Hesper Payne be changed to reflect the sensibilities of the times. So one year, the inscription would be anti-witch, followed by a year of pro-witchness, rapidly followed by a time of pro-Bible sentiment, then a period of anti-Bible, then a period of pro-heresy, et cetera ad nauseous. These periodic protests and demands for righteous change wasted many hours of government time, and filled many of a slow news hour; the protests also resulted in millions of government dollars being wasted, much of which ended up in the bank accounts of the family of Buddha Night, who just happened to own the only plaque and trophy factory in an hundred miles of Arkham.    

Does an apology overcome the offense?

Sunday, August 27, 2017

My wife's Etsy shops (pottery and jewelry)

Some of the pottery and jewelry that my wife currently has available for purchase on Etsy:

Some of the stuff available on Khari's Wiccan Treasures.
Khari's Wiccan Treasures. 

Some of the stuff of the stuff available on Celtic Soul Jewelry and Pottery.
Celtic Soul Jewelry and Pottery.

Friday, August 25, 2017

Sister Seuss (Nothing like her mother & are we allowed to bind ax murderers)

Sister Seuss' mother had been a mild mannered children show's host. Her typical day consisted of putting up with a bunch of snot-nosed kids while holding her tongue about their odious personal habits and smiling at the constant watching eye of a television camera--"Are you excited about spelling? Let's spell something!" Her typical night consisted of swearing a lot at the television news while eating bacon sandwiches, smoking cigars, and drinking excessive amounts of rum. The only thing that kept Sister Seuss' mother sane was leaving flaming bags of dog poop on her neighbor's front porch.

Her daughter could not be more different. Sister Seuss was a mild mannered grunt in a computer support call center. Her typical day consisted of putting up with a bunch of snot-nosed Lusers (losing computer users) while holding her tongue about their odious personal habits and smiling at the constant watching eye of the remote supervisor--"Your call may be monitored, so that we can better serve you...and totally not just to deny our employees pay raises." Sister Seuss' typical night consisted of swearing at the numpties on the internet while eating bacon sandwiches, smoking cigars, and drinking excessive amounts of rum. The only thing that kept Sister Seuss sane was writing a series of cynical and totally honest children stories detailing the mental shortcomings of the more demented members of the occult community.

A typical Sister Seuss story reads something like this:

Mad Uncle Morgan might be an ax murderer...
Sister Seuss: Who are we allowed to bind? Let us count those we are allowed to bind.

Sister Seuss: Are we allowed to bind the ax murderer? Are we allowed to stop them from murdering people in a blind rage?

But let's do nothing about it because it is his Free Will whether he murders you or not.
Unicorn Hippy Witch: Oh no! Oh noes! The ax murderer is just exercising his Free Will. Free Will and Unicorns! By murdering people, the ax murderer is contrasting how sad our world is without Unicorn Love, and how wonderful it will be if we all became Unicorns! So don't bind that ax murderer! He needs no binding! He needs no self-control! Just leave that ax murderer alone!

Wednesday, August 23, 2017

Fundraiser for Morgan's cats (because they like to eat and poop)

While I hate to ask for help...because of the Rules of Being Poor that my mom beat into my head...I have set up a fundraiser on Facebook to raise some money to overcome a small and temporary budget problem.

(I could spend the entire month of September, blogging about the joys of the Rules of Being Poor...)

[Fundraiser on Facebook is now over, though you can still send donations though Paypal and buy my cats stuff (see later in this entry)...because my cats have no problem with accepting stuff from others.]

Exactly how many squirming cats can Morgan hold?
Basically, what has happened is that my wife is between jobs, due to leaving the job from hell, and having her job search be interrupted by her mother's death. While there will be money coming in the near future, it depends upon the timely processing of paperwork (something that is complicated by the fact that my mother-in-law choose to end her own life).

(My wife will start substitute teaching until she finds a full time teaching job, but that too creates some budget concerns in my head as you can very well imagine.) 

Naturally, this has set off the voices in my head--you know the ones that say that the cats are going to starve, as well as bringing up all my own issues surrounding the subject of suicide.

So when Facebook noted that it was approaching my birthday, and asked me if I wanted to set up a fundraiser, I clicked Yes.  

I am just trying to raise enough money to ensure that the cats have enough food and cat litter to get though until the first of the monies show up.

Ripley, my mother-in-law's my wife's.
One of the changes brought by my mother-in-law's death is that my wife inherited her cat, Ripley, who needs a grain-free diet. He has allergies! So there is that.

And my cats insist on using scent-free clumping cat litter...because they are picky like that.

We have also put out a call among the volunteers and care takers of feral colonies, so don't worry if you can't help---we completely understand being poor.

If you would like to help, my fundraiser runs though September 4th (my goal is a low two hundred dollars) on Facebook

[Fundraiser on Facebook is now over--thanks to everyone who donated--but as I noted, my cats have no problems accepting additional aid.]

Or if you would rather not give Facebook your bank information, and want to use Paypal instead, my Paypal address is morgandrake [at] msn [dot] com

Or if you would rather go to Amazon, and buy and send the cat supplies directly, our postage address is: Morgan Eckstein (and his many cats), 2727 N. Cook St., Denver, CO 80205.

And if you want to sponsor me on a monthly basis (aka sponsor me to rant, so I have a regular supply of cat food and cat litter for my furkids), there is always my Patreon page.  

I thank you. My cats thank you.

Monday, August 21, 2017

Solar eclipse safety tip (know when to use a solar filter)

I can't believe that I have to say this:

It is not a lizardmen enslaving black magician political propaganda ploy that you really should not look directly at the sun without using a filter. It is not a plot to prevent you from becoming enlightened instantaneously.

No, it is medical fact that you can injure your eyes if you look directly at the sun for too long without using a solar filter.

What is too long? A few seconds is more than enough. And you will not feel the damage happening because the part of the eyeball being damaged has no pain sensors. In other words, you will not feel the damage happening.

So is there anytime during the solar eclipse when you can safely look at it without a solar filter? Yes. When it is 100% eclipsed by the moon. And that is the only time. I repeat--the only time that you can look without a solar filter is when it is 100% eclipsed by the moon. 

Outside of that little window, do not look at the sun directly without using a solar filter.

(Why can you do it when the sun is 100% eclipsed by the moon? Because the moon is actually blocking out the parts of the sunlight that can fry your eyes. This is science, not magic.) 

Know when to use a filter!
Even Nazis would cringe if you decided to listen to people telling you that it is ok to look directly at the sun without a filter.

Just because it is happening in Trump country, it does not mean that normal safety rules are optional.

Saturday, August 19, 2017

You cannot protect President Donald Trump (is binging on cake antifa? how about a pie in his face?)

First the bad news: You cannot protect President Donald Trump from his worst enemy... (We will get back to this.)

Now, the good news: After the events of this week, you can summon anyone you like to protect him from the evil witches of America, including the mighty Neo-Nazi "death to all Jews" Super-Mega Confederate Prayer Warrior Squad, and you still cannot protect Trump from his worst enemy. You can label all of his enemies Antifa (as Super Enlightenment Solar Magician did last month), and it will not do a bit of good. You can line up all the Trump supporters in the country, give them Super Solar Eclipse Enlightenment powers, and Trump's worst enemy will still be doing damage to your fearless leader.

When you are a witch, they just let you do it. [The President Show--Steve Bannon, Donald Trump, and Mike Pence as the real witches of 'Merica!]
More bad news: The monthly binding ritual to bind Trump and all that abet him is kinda weak-powered compared to Trump's worst enemy. 

More good news: Trump's worst enemy keeps doing damage to President Donald Trump and his administration--and not just when the moon is in final crescent.

But before we talk about Trump's worst enemy, it is time for a "Is Morgan an evil violent Antifa?" update.

As many of my regular readers know, as well as a whole bunch of fans of Super Enlightenment Solar Magician (who I once called "racist"), last month someone decided to reveal a shocking secret: That I  was secretly an Antifa.

It was such a deep dark secret that I had to Google what the f*** an Antifa was.

So as far as I can tell, the basic motivation behind the Antifa is to punch Nazis in the face. I could be wrong about that--some have told me that they are the worst threat to humanity since reptiles flying UFOs invaded Earth (Super Evil Reptilian Extraterrestrial Enslaver Mythos Magicians)--others believe that they are evil sock puppets of the lovechild of Obama and Clinton. But whatever and whoever they are, they seem to really like punching Nazis in the face.

Based on that (the Nazi punching, that is), I can safely say that I am not an Anitfa.

I just simply don't have the ambition to physically punch a Nazi. It seems like a lot of work and horrific traveling to accomplish this goal. And I hate traveling. Like I really, really hate traveling. (Moving vehicles setting off one's migraines has that effect on your eagerness to travel.)

Now, if they delivered Nazis to one's front door, then I would consider punching them. But even then, I would probably just call the cops. Then blog about the strange day I was having.

Quite simply, I am more of a comedian and blogger than a Nazi puncher. And searching my blog, my past newsletter columns, and my social media posts, I can't find a single instance of me saying, "Damn, I want to punch some Nazis."

I will admit that there is one person (only one person) that I have wanted to punch in the face, and according to my math--he is 93.3% likely to be a Neo-Nazi; but that because the man irks me, not because he is a Nazi--he could be a Democrat, and I would still want to punch him in the face. It is not just his politics that make me want to punch him; it is his whole personality--I suspect that he might be a Vogon in disguise. But I have gone out of my way to avoid encountering him, so I don't think that should be held against me.

So what am I really? I am guessing that I am a Liberal, and not a very good one at that. I am basing this on how I binged on cookies all week. Read some news--eat a cookie. Read some more news--eat another cookie. Watch President Trump's worst enemy in action--finish off the package.

I am totally in tune with the Sheet Caking Grassroots Movement.
Of course, I could be wrong--after all, I am basing that conclusion on a Tina Fey SNL skit.

Now, what do I fantasy about? How do I dream of punishing those who I disagree with?

Boston Creme the face! And YouTube the event!

Seriously, I would like to slam a Boston Creme Pie into the face of a Nazi. And Trump, of course. And some Democrats, and a few Republicans, and there are some occult leaders, and that nasty book critic, and...well, let's just say I have a list.

Some have accused me of plotting assassinations...but it actually is all about the humiliation of a creme pie to the face. You just can't get the proper level of humiliation, if your target dies during the pie-ing (because half the fun is watching them lose their mind over the video). 

And now to answer the question: Who is President Donald J. Trump's worst enemy?

Drum-roll please...

What is the German for "There are some fine people who are Neo-Nazis; and I fear that if I badmouth them, I might not get re-elected"?
The worst enemy of President Donald J. Trump...

...quite simply...

...the Crazy God Emperor...

Donald J. Trump, himself.

And there is nothing that you can do to protect Trump from himself.

Nada. Zilch. Absence of possibility.

This week, there was one correct answer. Only one correct answer.

"Nazis are bad. It was wrong to run over a counter-protester. Or anyone else for that matter. Especially if you are a Nazi." 

That is all he needed to say within the first round of the news cycle.

Not only did he not say it quickly enough, he didn't say it even when he did speak up days later. Then he got upset because people were asking "WTF?!?" Finally, one of his advisors forced him on stage to say that Nazis, Neo-Nazis, and the Alt-Right might be bad. Then he got more upset because people noticed that he wasn't doing it willingly. And then he rebelled and said that some Neo-Nazis are fine people.

At which point, I had to eat a whole bag of medicated cookies.

Nothing that us evil witches are doing with our monthly spell is as bad as what he is doing to himself.

And there is nothing that you can do to protect him from himself.

On his way out of the White House, Steve Bannon said, "His natural tendency--and I think you saw it this week on Charlottesville--his default position is the position of his base, the position that got him elected."

For those who have slept though basic logic, Steve Bannon believes that Trump is a Neo-Nazi...and I am also starting to believe it.

I am also starting to wonder what else Trump could do to hurt himself--but I won't have to wait too long to find out. Because he has the self-control of a third grader high on meth. Hell, he might decide to slam a creme pie into his own face while on national TV. And there is absolutely nothing you can do to prevent him from slamming a Boston Creme Pie into his own face, if he decides to. 

Nada. Zilch. Absence of possibility.

Friday, August 18, 2017

Missing Nostradamus prophecies rediscovered (humor--not to be taken seriously)

When the seventh Century (a collection of one hundred prophecies) of Michel de Nostredame, better known as Nostradamus, was published, only the first forty-two quatrains were published. The remaining fifty-two prophecies were lost. Exactly what happened to the missing fifty-two has been a question ever since. But like all things occult, eventually the world's greatest occultist, the Great Gherkin, revealed that he had them.

"Hidden for centuries, the deepest secrets of Nostradamus are finally revealed. Exclusively given to me by the guardians of humanity, the Secret Chiefs have authorized me to reveal the missing prophecies for the first time."

"Nostradamus was the greatest seer of all time, and I am humbled to reveal what he had predicted centuries ago about the history of the United States. For instance, the drama of the Civil War was predicted by Nostradamus, as well as the hardship that our beloved President Earl Midas has been suffering. The Deep State, Fake News, and Antifa beware! Nostradamus predicted that our courageous President will defeat his enemies with my help. Give up your black magic and join the winning side!"

Translated from the Old French:


Cylons cause righteous rebellion
Northern hordes, fields burning
Unshod soldiers cause horrible defeat
Silver House Prince assassinated.

"From this quatrain, we learn that the Confederate South was the righteous party in the American Civil War. Cylons in Greek history were slaves who wrongfully rebelled against their wiser Greek masters. In this quatrain, we read of the horrible tactic used by the criminal North, of burning fields to rob the South of their wealth. Furthermore, we read here of how the South was defeated when General Robert E. Lee, the great Southern humanitarian, tried to find shoes and boots for his men. The last line refers to the assassination to that traitor of humanity, Abraham Lincoln--may wild beasts piss on his grave."


Brother against brother unhealed
Cylons troublesome equality demanded
Marble knights remembrance confines
Secret judges pale robed and righteous

"Here we hear from Nostradamus about his vision for the defeated South, its wounds unhealed due to the interference of the North. Cylons demand equal rights under law, despite the fact that they are subhuman. In response to the North's imposing of evil laws on the South, secret judges organized and placed powerful magical protections around the South, to remind the former soldiers of their righteous, and to help confine the evil Cylons to their proper place in society."


Marble knights scattered and defaced
Cleo rewritten, blame wrongfully placed
Golden Prince salutes hooked cross
Armageddon unleashed, thoughts battling

"Here we read of the unlawful and unethical removal of Southern history, as well as the South's protections from the evil sorcerers who have controlled the North since before the Civil War. Removing the monuments to the great Southern fighting man rewrites history, and tries to claim that the North was the righteous party. Our beloved President-for-Life is seen by the great prophet saluting the righteous defenders of the flower of the South. Those who seek to rewrite history need to remember that we are willing to unleash Armageddon to remain free from the Thought Police."


Golden Prince besieghed mightily
Vulcan and Athena opposing, pawns
Bribes, spies, traitors, revolutionaries
Surrounding by thirteen armies

"Here we read of the evil forces trying to prevent our beloved President from accomplishing his will to make America in the image of his followers. There are two sides here, opposed to one another, one righteous, one evil--the honest working man represented by Vulcan, the factory worker of the gods, and the evil Thought Police represented by the whore demoness Athena, evil patron of academic sorcerers and Social Justice Warriors. The final line of thirteen armies sounds worse than the reality, for only thirteen weak covens oppose the grand plan that we voted our beloved President to enact. They will be crushed as another quatrain reveals."


False chroniclers arrested, mines exploded
Golden Prince victorious, alive forever
Renowned Adept at his right hand
Traitorous witches burned in Silver Garden 

"Here the mightiest and most accurate prophet in the history of humankind reveals the victory of President Earl Midas over his enemies. The Fake News, their puppets, the insipid journalists, who ride the short bus to work, and well as the Deep State, their puppet masters, are destroyed. President Midas, a great alchemist will drink of the elixir of life, the creation of which has been entrusted to me by the Secret Chiefs, and will live forever, bringing our country into a new Golden Age. And I will be the sword by his side, helping to destroy those who seek to bind him and prevent him from remaking the country, nay, the world, in the righteous image planned out by the secret guardians of humanity. Those evil witches who acted against him will be tried and convicted, then burned in the front garden of the White House. Come join our righteous cause, help us protect President Earl Midas, and restore humanity to its proper place in the universe."

Mugshots of llamas--victims of black magicians poisoning your minds and rewriting history.

Tuesday, August 15, 2017

Do not share this photo (is it wrong to shame Nazis by sharing their newsworthy pictures)

Whatever you do, have a heart and do not share this picture, no matter how tempting it is.
And do not place it above the fold while writing about it.
I do not know a lot about Peter Cvjetanovic, outside of the fact that he is upset that a photo of him at a white national rally has gone viral. The one thing that I do know for sure is that he is a dumbass. My proof that he is a dumbass? He got photographed at a white national rally!

The same can be said of everyone who was ever photographed at a white national rally on the side of the fence that seems to be a little pro-Nazi, you are a dumbass (outside of the leadership, who I assume are making money selling white national merchandise and therefore, want their photos to go viral).

Maybe Peter Cvetanovic did not have a father to teach him not to be photographed doing stuff you do not want connected with yourself. Maybe Peter Cvetanovic did not have teachers who would ask, "Do you really want that on your permanent record?" Maybe Peter Cvetanovic did not receive the memo that we are now living in the age of Twitter and Facebook, a world of retweets and shares, where your identity can be learned within an hour if you are dumbass enough to be photographed doing something that other people are going to be upset about. Maybe Peter Cvetanovic was asleep the day that the history class covered the wearing of masks when you are engaged in stuff that will make you look like a murderous bigoted f***head when historians get around to writing history.

Or maybe Peter Cvetanovic is proud that he is a f***ing Nazi, and forgot that most people are not. Or what we like to call--being a dumbass.

Personally, I love the whole "It is wrong to try to get Nazis fired from their burger-flipping jobs." You do realize that we live in a world where if a fast food employee spits in a customer's burger and tweets about it, they are DOOMED to be fired. Do you really want a Nazi touching your food?

(As an experiment, I encourage pro-Nazi restaurant owners to openly admit that they are white nationalists--let's see if your customers want Nazis to have businesses in their neighborhoods.)

In the fifties, it was ok to get people fired for being communists. In the thirties and forties, in one country (Nazi Germany), it was ok to kill Jews and other minorities, as well as political rivals. Oh wait, two countries did that (let's not forgot Communist Russia). In the Reconstruction, some felt it was ok to enact laws to keep minorities in their proper places, and remind them that former slave owners were still controlling the local government (why do you think there are all those glorious Confederation war memorials? They serve a purpose to remind minorities that they are living in a world where they were considered property and not human beings). And let's not forget the torture and conviction of heretics during the long dark history of Christianity.

History shows us time and again that bad things happen when you are a member of a group that other people do not like.

And the ultimate goal of white nationalists? Oh yeah, to be able to persecute people that they don't like!

Oh, they claim to be patriots. I imagine that if Tweeter and Facebook existed in the days of the Founding Fathers that the British would have been tweeting, "Does anyone know this person standing beneath the Liberty Tree?" and that the Americans would have been on Facebook saying, "Does anyone know this person giving aid and comfort to the British?"

And what does the study of the American Revolution tell us? Oh yes, cover up your face and identity when doing things that can turn around and bite you in the ass. Proof that the Founding Fathers were not dumbasses? Oh yeah, there is a high number of pen-names being used in the Federalist Papers. And no one asked for the evidence of their political beliefs not to be shared.

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Sunday, August 13, 2017

Number One with a bullet

It was the greatest day of his entire life, Minotaur Jones thought as he watched the news. His views was going though the roof; merchandise was flying off the shelves of his online store; and his predictions were coming true--the Crusade to Wash Evil Out of America had begin.

Or at least, it would begin as soon as the Presidential Official Real News Network confirmed what he already knew--that evil Black Mexican Muslim Socialist Liberal Lizards had enlisted evil Jewish Witches to destroy America--let the cleansing of America begin. Given the number of deaths, President Earl Midas would finally have no choice, but to utter those long awaited words, "We must purge all non-whites and non-Christians from the United States of America."

It was quite simply glorious.

Minotaur wondered if it was too early to summon up his militia, the Bullet-Proof Wizards of the Pure Bloods. Surely, the President was going to need all able bodied men and women to pick up arms and drive the impure out of the country. Looking at the most recent comments, Minotaur smiled--there was no need to issue a summons; his viewers, his noble and pure followers, were already talking about assembling.

It was quite simply glorious.

Minotaur imagined the President pinning the medal of Greatest American Ever on his chest, after a successful campaign to drive the unbelievers and corrupt from their fair lands. And his militia would suffer no losses; after all, they had the bestest magicks and were bullet-proof. Everyone would have to acknowledge that he was the greatest Adept that the world had ever seen, greater than even the son of God (who could not be the greatest simply because his mother had been Jewish). It was going to be glorious.

Sure, it was a shame that people lost their lives. Well, it was a shame that true believers and those of pure blood had lost their lives. It was always a shame to lose those who supported his ideas and who represented the ideal humanity, humanity as God intended it to be before the reptilian aliens descended on the Garden of Eden and tempted Eve with their impure dark flesh.

But as for any non-white, non-Christian lives lost, well, they were all going to have to be purged from the human race anyways. The sooner they were eliminated, the sooner that almighty God could descend on consecrate humanity to embark on their next great adventure.

First, the United States of America needed to be restored to the original holy vision that the Founding Fathers had for it--an all white, all Christian nation. Then the United States would have to liberate the other countries of the world from their non-white, non-Christian alien lizard supported governments, and would have to purify all the alien influences lurking in the colored skins and false religions of the world. Then God would descend, bless humanity, and humanity would raise up into the stars carrying the crusade to the home worlds of the corrupting lizards, liberating the universe from their evil influence.

And he, Minotaur Jones would be on the front lines of the whole glorious crusade. He would be a six star Admiral-General, the leader of righteous humanity, leading his army of star marines (his militia would be officially made part of Earth Defense by the immortal President of Earth, Earl Midas); he would lead the charge as his bullet-proof wizards across the universe making it into the perfected image that God originally intended. It was going to be glorious.

"Oh goody," Minotaur Jones exclaimed as the announcer of the Presidential Official Real News Network announced that they were about to replay the most glorious moment in human history. He better hurry and microwave his popcorn, and pour himself a tall glass of American whiskey before the replay started--he wanted to commit this glorious moment in all its splendor to memory.

This NovelRama project is not funny at all--I thought that it was supposed to be a satire.

Thursday, August 10, 2017

Some would totally delay 2020 election if Trump wanted to (because illegal voters have wrecked the system)

In a new poll, half of Republicans say they would support postponing the 2020 election if Trump proposed it---and here is my response to that idea...

As many people know, I make jokes about Trump followers being willing to make Trump President-for-Life. Please note that I consider such comments by me as jokes, not predictions.

But consider the following, the willingness to delay an election until Trump can fix the voting system...something that can't be done--because it is a non-existent problem (the number of illegal voters is too low to have made a difference--proof? Trump still won the election though the college system).

Such a move, if made, would make him President-for-Life, because well, if you think the problem would be fixed--ever--ever--then you don't know Trump and what strong arm governments do.

There is a good reason to have a Presidential election every four years--the instance you are willing to throw that out, well, you have missed something important about how the Constitution was set up to try to avoid having a tyrant elected and enthroned for life. Not that I am saying that Trump is a tyrant....but once you open that door, it is a slippery slope, and only a matter of time before you get someone willing to use strong arm politics to become President-for-Life.

On an unrelated note--I love this chicken!!!

Tuesday, August 8, 2017

President Midas greatest moment

It was the absolute worst day of his presidency, President Earl Midas thought to himself as he watched the unfolding drama playing on the news. Everyday was the worst. While he could not imagine how tomorrow could be worse, he knew it would be. It was the story of his entire presidency--each day worse than the day before.

He was getting far too old for this. For god's sake, he was an hundred and nineteen. Or was he seventy? Or thirty? He was so old that he could not remember how old he was.

And there was no end in sight for his presidency. He was the most popular President in the history of the United States of America. His supporters were the most loyal, and their numbers increased all the time. At the beginning of his presidency, there was hope that it would end. But then he got re-elected to a second term. There was still hope for him--then his followers repealed the twentieth-second amendment, the quickest change to the Constitution in the history of America, and he was elected for a third term, and then another...and now, it felt like he had been in office forever. Quite simply, he was now President-for-life. Sure, every four years, someone ran to oppose him, but his supporters constantly reelected him--his opposition never got enough votes to weaken his hold on the presidency.

His hold, he thought, more like his supporter's hold. He hadn't even been sworn into office when he realized that the office was the worst possible job in the entire world. But his supporters did not care, all they cared about was remaking the country in their own image, and he was their tool for doing exactly that. True Americans, they called themselves. More like true nagging citizens, he thought.

True nagging citizens--not to be confused with devoted nagging citizens or real nagging citizens. And nothing like independent nagging citizens, or caring nagging citizens. And completely different from the never zealous nagging citizens or the beautiful powerful nagging citizens. And nothing in common with the liberating nagging citizens or the galactic nagging citizens, or even the sympathetic nagging citizens. And definitely not at all like the never voting nagging citizen, who still thought that their opinions and desires should be addressed by the government, and the undeserving nagging citizens who sucked up government resources, and the undefined nagging citizens who made every freaking decision into a randomized outrage. And absolutely definitely not anything at all like the illegal and undocumented non-citizens, who not only nagged but also somehow managed to vote every freaking election, no matter how many of them were deported from the country.

To keep things straight, President Earl Midas often thought of them as the animals that the illegal political cartoonists drew them as. His true Americans with their symbol of the majestic lemming against the horde of unholy unicorns, cowardly lions, flying monkeys, groping octopuses, colorful and deadly poisonous jellyfish, brave panthers, Frankenstein monsters, angry bowls of petunias, slimy hydras, Cheshire cats, vampiric mosquitoes, insidious ink-blobs, carpenter ants, and electrifying will-o-wisps. He wasn't quite sure how his supporters overcame all the assembled opposition every freaking election, but they did.

And the true nagging citizens were all waiting for him to chirp about the horror unfolding on the television. He could not remain silent; he could not wait to find out what was really going on. No, he had to condemn someone, setting the angry mob against some villain, because his supporters demanded this from their President. He looked at the cell phone in his hand, and thought about flushing it down the toilet before going to his desk and signing the letter saying that he had enough and just wanted to go home to the trailer park that he grew up in. But no, his supporters would not let him do that.

So he started to punch in a condemnation of the horror on the screen...

NovelRama gets cheesy.

Monday, August 7, 2017

Why occult magazines fail (or Why are there not more occult magazines published)

Here is a short laundry list of problems that all occult themed magazines and journals face:  

1) Lack of sales
2) Lack of contributors
3) Baseline operating costs
4) Lack of advertisers
5) Piracy

Basically, an occult themed magazine is a deep money and labor pit which, more times than not, end up costing the publisher far more than what they are getting back. And these problems have been around since at least the 80s small press market. I can't tell you the number of times I had conversations with local zine publishers during my time as an interested observer that boiled down to this laundry list.

Some occult themed small press magazines from the 90s.
Over half of these were published from someone's dining room table.
[Please note that number five only showed up in the last decade, but would have totally existed earlier if the internet would have been a bigger presence in the 80s and 90s.]

Thursday, August 3, 2017

Satirist calls someone a bastard for stealing the title of his novel

A lot of people think that the life of a satirist is easy. After all, you just sit around, observing life, and then you make jokes about the events you are observing until the events are no longer recognizable and your stories could not possibly be true.

Well, it is not that easy...for some people insist on living a life of satire, walking though life being nothing more than stereotypes, and generally making the work of the satirist harder than it should be.

The satirist had a devil of a time trying to make this satire be stranger than the events that he was commenting on.

First, there was the state of politics as he was writing it. No matter how strange and bizarre the previous day was, the next day was even more stranger and bizarre than the day before. The universe was rapidly headed to hell in a hand-basket one hundred and forty characters at a time. It is a sad state of affairs when you know that your best jokes are going to be topped by a five in the morning, straight from the bathroom chirp.

[Author's additional note: I have been informed by Chirper that if they knew that the President of 'Murica was going to govern though their platform that they would have never invented it. PoofPhoto and HeadScroll also like to point out that their platforms were designed for fun and cat photos, and not for destroying the world either. Well, technically, HeadScroll was meant for coordinating projects among college students--they were as surprised as the rest of us about how many college projects involve cats sitting in boxes.]

Second, there was the ongoing mental health crisis among occultists of all stripes. If you do not believe that this is true, the author dares you to follow the occult scene on any of the aforementioned social media sites. Within an hour you will see more madness and bloated Napoleon-like egos than the doctors of Bedlam, Arkham, and Belliview see in an year. For real fun, suggest that all occultists should be on meds, though one might want to leave early to avoid the inevitable rabble armed with flaming torches and pitchforks that follows such a comment.

Third, there seemed to be an unlicensed time machine (or maybe a couple of dozen) involved in the events that the satirist was faithfully documenting. We will see evidence of this periodically throughout this fantastic tale of magic and wonder. For now, let's observe what just happened to the satirist.

"Yeah, I have the perfect name picked out for my satire. It is M--k W--s. What? When? Where? Hang on, what was the website again? Oh sweet baby Jesus! The f**ing bastard has gone and trademarked the name of the title I was going to use."

The author sighs, "Bloody hell, I am now going to have to come up with an even stranger sounding title. How the hell did he pick the exact same title that I was going to use?"

"Magic? Divination?" The author strokes his manly Viking sorcerer beard. "No, it is that damn bloody time machine. Maybe if I am lucky, the Great Gherkin will use it to travel back in time and kill off his grandfather before his mother was conceived, and I can have my title back."

Can I interest you in some...DRAMA?!

What is NovelRama

Welcome to NovelRama month on my blog.

What is NovelRama?

It is a virtual writing event where novelists attempt to hack out twenty-five thousand words in the space of four days.

Over the space of the month I am going to post my rough draft from my latest NovelRama attempt (July 28, 29, 30, and 31).


Because it is more entertaining than the nonsense I ended up talking about last month.

Well, maybe not for you.

But it amuses me to do so--and it is my blog--therefore, welcome to NovelRama month!

NovelRama--because sometimes it is all about the word count.

Tuesday, August 1, 2017

When the Tarot starts reading you (Tarot Blog Hop)

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Welcome to the August edition of the Tarot Blog Hop.

The theme for this particular Hop is Respecting the Divinationary Arts.

When I was a kid, my Wiccan aunt gave my mother a Magic Eight Ball. Now for most people, a Magic Eight Ball is just a novelty item, a joke if you will. Not to my aunt, she could get accuracy out of a Magic Eight Ball. Her secret? "Respect the Magic Eight Ball." In other words, it was not to be treated as a toy, but as an actual sacred object. This was one of my first lessons in divination (if not the first).

The essence of this lesson has influenced how I deal with other divination systems, including Tarot.

If you look back towards the beginnings of the history of Tarot, you encounter a lot of stuff that makes it look like Tarot was more of a game than a legitimate divination device. And there is nothing wrong with that...says the man who has been known to use dice from a Dungeons and Dragons game in place of the Golden Dawn ring and disc (think: Ouija board with a pendulum).

And yes, I have been known to treat Tarot as a game. But in all fairness, I treat most things like they are a game. It is one of the things I learned to do to survive a childhood full of child abuse. And it probably does not help that I am a writer either. But then again, due to my aunt's rule, I tend to treat games as serious divination systems.

Tarot is a story telling game...which a level of scary quantum entanglement built in.

And there is where my respect for the Tarot comes in. I do not know how or why (beyond some half-digested quantum physics analogies) Tarot works to predict (or in the case of active magic and initiation--bends) the future, but it does. The universe seems to be ran by a storyteller, and we are all characters in his/her/its tale.

And the universal storyteller seems to like the symbolism of the Tarot. Once you start to dive into the symbolism of the Tarot, you start to see the symbolism bleed into your daily life. See three bums drinking out of a brown paper bag--see the Three of Cups. Wrestle with your cat--be the Strength card. Work in a restaurant--live the Eight of Pentacles.

In the urban fantasy novel, Last Call, Tim Powers has one of his characters taught by his dad not to ask questions in front of the cards. In this case, the character was referring to poker cards, descendants (or cousins) to our Tarot cards. I have learned to apply that same rule to my own life--there is nothing like playing Uno and find oneself reading the cards in play to remind yourself that the symbolism of Tarot can bleed over into other card games.

(It should be noted that the first fortune telling I did was in high school using a poker deck and instructions by Witch Queen Sybil Leek.) 

But I can't stop just at not asking questions in front of "cards." I got to be careful about asking questions in general, for the entire universe sometimes acts as a giant Tarot deck for me. And when it does, I cannot help but to read the universe as a deck of cards.

Or maybe it is the universe reading me. One can never be sure about things like this when one is a character in a story.

"I see a Tarot card showing a Magic Eight Ball on a Ouija board. We could be here a while."
 Thanks for reading. See you next Tarot Blog Hop.

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Tarot Blog Hop Master List (Respecting the divinationary arts)

Welcome to the Lughnasad (Lammas) edition of the Tarot Blog Hop. This is the Master List listing all the bloggers taking part in the August 1st 2017 Tarot Blog Hop.

The theme of this hop is: Respecting the Divinationary Arts.

1.Morgan Drake Eckstein: Gleamings from the [Golden] Dawn

2.Joy Vernon: Completely Joyous

3.Karen Sealey: Pure Blessed Tarot/ Pure and Blessed Way

4.James Bulls: Left Hand Tarot

5.Aisling the Bard: Tarot Witchery

6.Sarah K-L: The Divine Path

7.Ania M: Ania M

8.M.Juniper: Lost Star Tarot

9.Meniscus Tarot (by Ania M): Meniscus Tarot

10.Joanne Sprott: Cosmic Whispers Tarot

11.Jay Cassels: Metaphysical Angels

12.Katalin Patnaik: Katalin Patnaik

13.Arwen Lynch Poe: Professional Joy Seeker

14.Jack of Wands: Jack of Wands

My favorite Tarot deck (The Secret Tarots--Marco Nizzoli)

Question: What is my favorite Tarot deck?

Answer: The Secret Tarot--Marco Nizzoli (1998), published by Lo Scarabeo

The Secret Tarot is my most used Tarot deck, something that surprises some people because they assume that my most used deck would be a Golden Dawn deck. Honestly, I find Golden Dawn Tarot decks harder to read, in part because the Minors do not have human figures and actions in them. While the Golden Dawn structure serves as a scaffolding for me, it is more of a back-of-the-mind thing; I really enjoy the individual touches that non-GD decks have--it might be an artist thing.

There is also that little fact that outside of Golden Dawn, AA, OTO, and BOTA influenced people, most need a clearer (and perhaps simpler) Tarot deck. I definitely would not use a Golden Dawn styled Tarot deck while reading for non-initiates--the cards simply do not resonate enough with your average non-initiate to be much use while doing public readings.

Major Arcanum

The Major Arcana of the Secret Tarots.
I could spend a lot of time talking about various cards of this deck and what I find interesting about them, but I am going to confine myself to just talking about a few of them.

The Lover: This card shows a young man presented with a choice of two women, one refined, and the other a little saucy showing him her underwear. I find this a nice illustration between the choice between virtue and vice, proper appearances, and just having a sinfully good time.

The Wheel [of Fortune]: This card is a throwback to earlier versions of this Major Arcana. On the top of the wheel, there is a winged monkey king with a sword (flying monkey!), descending the wheel  is another monkey in a skirt (kilt), and there is a dog in a clownish costume ascending the wheel.

Justice: The thing I like most about this card is that Lady Justice is dressed in two colors, a green dress and a red cape, combining the two colors (exoteric and esoteric) associated with this card.

Death: In the background, there are two coffins being bore by monks--this reminds me of some of the explanations of Odin's eight legged horse, Sleipnir.


The Wand Suit of the Secret Tarots.
I love the fact that there is a rabbit in the imagery of the Ace of Wands.

The Suit of Cups of the Secret Tarots.
In the background of the ten of cups, there is a girl poking at a turtle with a stick.

The Suit of Swords of the Secret Tarots.
The version of the two of swords in this Tarot deck is one of my favorites.

The Pentacle Suit of the Secret Tarots.
The five of pentacles has a fashion model (celebrity) being photographed by a camera man.

Little White Book: The little white book for this Tarot deck is interesting and definitely worth a read. It essentially consists of five mini-stories: The Land of Secrets (Major Arcana), The Kingdom of Pleasure (Chalices), The Kingdom of Riches (Pentacles), The Kingdom of Sorrow (Swords), and The Kingdom of Human Work (Wands). It is definitely a LWB that one should hang onto.

Front of the box, and the back of the cards of the Secret Tarots deck.
 A Caution: There is a higher percentage of "naked people" cards in this Tarot deck which may offend some people. I once had someone flip out over the fact that there are two naked young boys on the Sun card. I assume that it was a personal matter. Most people are ok with this aspect of this Tarot deck, but occasionally there is that odd one who is more concerned about nakedness than the underlying symbolism.

Summary: As I already mentioned this is my favorite, and most used Tarot deck. I personally find it a charming Tarot deck with a lot of hidden Easter Eggs for those who want to spend some time admiring the artwork of the cards.