Take it outside

There are days that I think that the following quote is a good summary of the interaction between various Golden Dawn students and groups.

"What's the point of havin' a rapier wit if I can't use it to stab people?"--- Jeph Jacques.

Yes, yes---I know that I am wrong. No one is being stabbed; and if they are stabbed, then they deserved to be stabbed because their wit and knowledge wasn't great enourgh to defend themselves. And if you say that something is not part of a flame war, then you are innocent of flaming even as your breath reeks of gasoline.

Let's just be honest for a second.

Every Golden Dawn leader thinks that they are right. And every Golden Dawn follower believes that their leader is right clear up to the second that they decide that they are wrong.

And everyone wants the most (if not all) the students of the tradition to follow them. It is all part of the business of having an ego.

And the way you get the most followers, and prove that your knowledge is the greater, is by stabbing others with your wit.

But there are some of us who do not want to watch this.

So just do us all a favor: There is an alley over there---use it, so the rest of us don't have to see you stab the other person.

[And if you are offended by this commentary, then ask yourself why you think that I am talking about you.]

When ego attacks differences of procedure

One of the more amusing parts of the modern Golden Dawn tradition is that it allows people to have ego explosions over differences in operating procedure (Ok, maybe I am the only one amused by such things...but if you do not laugh about it???). Or at least, that is how I am going to describe my latest email exchange. Unless I decide to use this particular exchange in my semi-annual campaign to try to NOT be elected to my current lodge office.

Today, I was accused of having an ego atttack. I have been exchanging a series of emails with a Zelator (an ex-member of another Order) who was interested in joining the lodge. When I received an inquiry about when the next Theoricus initiation was going to happen, I asked for some information because there was always a chance that I was misreading what I thought was going on. (For the record, I thought that they were of the opinion that if you can pass the exam, then you are automatically entitled to the next initiation.) After learning what they had to do in their previous Order, I replied:

You and I are going to have a long talk about lodge/Order culture because it is obvious that Bast Temple's culture and customs are different than the ones that you are accustomed to. For instance, we do not preschedule initiations---the next initiation into Theoricus will occur when the officers of the lodge decide that someone is ready for it (and that means the initiate in question has attended a certain amount of meetings---which is the primary method of learning in our lodge).

Now, my question is: Exactly where is my ego showing in this reply? I thought that it was a simple statement, illustrating the fact that there were differences in procedure between the two Orders. And by "long talk," I meant a cup of coffee as we discussed the differences and decided if this person could tolerate the procedures that Bast Temple uses.

I was wrong...this is the response that I got:

Hold on....you don't come into my email address and start saying stuff like this "you and I need to have a talk" forget you........you don't try to make this into a servent master kind of thing. No!!!!!!!! I will not bow before you to get the secrets of magic. There is enough information out there to get the secrets. It may take me longer and it may take more research to get the secrets...but I will never bow before your ego. You have lost the whole reason for magic....self-identity. Which, by the way, cannot be found by you. You are the enemy of self identity and freedom....because you want to dominate people......Yeah...I picked that up off of your email.....I'll find what I'm looking for without your order....and if I don't I will still be much more happier........I bow to no one.

Huh? What exactly in my statement signalled that I was looking for worshipful followers? And exactly how are the current lodge members servants? Gee, I am an elected officer...if I am playing Master, why haven't they gotten rid of me?

Maybe I am wrong, but I am not sure that it was my ego that was attacking. My closing email to this Zelator mentioned that there were at least two other Golden Dawn lodges in Denver, and that they had a choice in what Order they wanted to be a member of. After all, despite the fact that I do not think that my ego is out of control, the Zelator may be right.

Update: I did get an apology from the Zelator in question. There is a mutual agreement that he is not ready to be involved in an Order until he overcomes the boundary and control issues that he developed while in Christianity. Bast Temple wishes him luck as he continues his spiritual development on his own.

And then revised yet again

Earlier I revised the page about the disappearance of the Thelemic Golden Dawn webpage. Then I revised it yet again.

About the first revision, my opinion still stands; but I had friends in the Thelemic Golden Dawn (at least until I left), so I decided to revise it yet again. So if you read the second version during the couple of hours that it was up, I still think that not having a redirect page or making sure people knew that the site moved was a mistake.

As I said: Do not move your website without telling people that you moved it.

Of course, the most interesting thing about this revision cycle is that I checked my email after the first revision (which I wrote between classes today), and found a message from David Ch. about the first version of the page.

I am glad that he read it. At least that way, he knows that I, and many others, thought that the Order actually disappeared (like so many others have).

It was one of the reasons I considered the second revision. While David and me will never see eye to eye, I have the ego of a writer after all, I would like to think that we don't have any particular malice towards each other.

The other reason is that I realized that my ego was getting the better of me in the second version. Dislike it as much as I do, my ego is a mirror of my mother's which is a nasty piece of work. When I notice my ego acting up, I do try to rein it in. Not always successful...but David Ch. and most of my friends know that it is a big beast.

And after thinking it over, I decided to give TGD a courtesy link. I have found the information useful, and was more annoyed about the absence of the site and the lack of information about its apparent disappearance than the ego issues that made me leave the TGD.

I wish the TGD luck at rebuilding their google search rank.