Wednesday, January 11, 2012

Mocking Ancient Aliens

Didn't Stargate tell us this fact about Ancient Aliens?!
Today over on Smosh, there is an article called The Six Things I Learned from Watching Ancient Aliens. The really funny part is how the History Channel is defining the terms "expert," "proof' and "science." Of course, their idea of "history" has became a little fuzzy is sad when occultists have a more realistic defintion of the the term.

Now, I know that some occultists believe in the Ancient Alien Astronaut theory, and that humans are the result of their DNA research and that aliens jump-started human civilization. Heck, for many years I did a lot of reading in that field...for some reason, the Brush High School library had a complete set of Erich von Daniken's Chariot of the Gods series. But if you are exposed to enourgh mysteries, after awhile the whole Ancient Alien Astronaut theory starts to look a little cracked.

The day I realized this was a few years ago, after long amounts of Stargate SG1 and entry into an Inner Order pretending to be the RR et AC, when I picked up one of Daniken's books (I forget which one) and he asks the question, "What is the secret of the magician's wand?" I must admit that I laugh every time I think about it.

The field has not changed that much since Daniken's day. The idea is to assume that human beings are incapable of stacking rocks onto other rocks and that no ancient human being ever took any drugs; if you can make those two assumptions and ignore all the six year-olds that you ever meet, then you too can buy into the Ancient Alien Astronaut theory.

The following are the assumptions made by Ancient Alien Astronaut theory:

All buildings are alien landing pads. Humans were incapable of coming up with the idea of roofs, temples or pyramids on their own.

Human beings were the result of alien DNA research. We would never consider screwing mutants on our own---no matter how cute they are.

Humans beings were incapable of taming animals, inventing farming, and using tools on thier own. Obviously, ants, monkeys and crows are more intelligent than humans.

All gods and goddesses are badly drawn pictures of alien spacesuits and rockets. All mythology, including the Bible, are just badly garbled accounts of what aliens did to humans.

Humans were incapable of inventing math and writing on their own. Please ignore Einstein and Hawkings.

And most importantly, ancient alien astronauts preferred using human labor and native materials (rocks and stone chisels), and did not use automated factories and plastics. Aliens invented the concept of "going green."

All these statements are also true of the ancient Atlantians, time-traveling reptiles, and the Babylonian Secret Chiefs. And the lack of evidence of Ancient Alien Astronauts, Atlantians, time-traveling reptiles and Babylonian Secret Chiefs is actually evidence that they did exist.


Frater.Barrabbas said...

"And the lack of evidence of Ancient Alien Astronauts, Atlantians, time-traveling reptiles and Babylonian Secret Chiefs is actually evidence that they did exist."

Actually, it is proof that there is a world conspiracy to suppress such evidence. Of course, that leads us to phase 2 of the Ancient Aliens discourse, the world conspiracy theories. Yeah!

(Nice article, BTW)

Scott Stenwick said...

I love the ancient aliens nonsense even though I think the overall hypothesis is essentially crap. I was kind of surprised to see that the History Channel has a whole series devoted to it. I'd think they would run through everything in Chariots of the Gods in a lot less time.

Interesting tidbit about that book - the original title was Chariots of the Gods? with a question mark, but as soon as it was clear how popular the idea was becoming the publisher issued later editions without the question mark to give the impression that the book's thesis had greater scientific validity.

Another writer I enjoy for similar reasons is Graham Hancock. He doesn't necessarily believe in ancient aliens, but rather that the continent that is now Antarctica was once home to a technological civilization more advanced than our own. Of course, there's no ancient plastic or ancient styrofoam floating around out there, but that doesn't deter Hancock one bit.