Thursday, April 3, 2014

Hug a Satanist day

There has been a vast upswelling of religious intolerance and hatred towards the very best and most loving souls that the occult community can offer, according to the always correct and always awesome David Griffin. He reports that Satanists and Left Hand Path practioners, some of them actual pagans, are now fearing for their lives, religious freedom, in fact their very solar bodies, thanks to the evil that calls itself the Hermetic Golden Dawn. And we know that it must be true because David Griffin never lies.

The fear that the Left Hand Path people feel is all the result of news that one was attending to super fantastic con-fab being hosted by Griffin, and the Hot Tub Installer Association of Nevada. The news sparked off snide comments by several feared internet jokers and a major story on a news site read by both the President of the United States and the Queen of England. Such humor and outrage had never been seen before by Satanists and Left Hand Path people, and now they quiver under their beds, fearful that they might be pantsied by the evil followers of the Golden Dawn hate squad.

In light of this horrible and very startling development, the Feed the Demonic Cat Now Fund declares that today and everyday henceforth shall be Hug a Satanist day.

It is only with our hugs, and sweet wet kisses, that the Satanists and Left Hand Path people will feel free to spread the good news of their loving care and kindness. After all, as one famous Satanist instructed, Satan is the best friend that humanity ever had.

So go forth today and hug that lonely Satanist that you see at the Quickie-Mart. And the one that haunts the library. And if you can get an appointment, hug the Satanist career guru and motivational speaker who is now too scared to go forth and make a living selling the joys of Satanic business practices.

This brand new holiday is brought to you by the Feed the Demonic Cat Now Fund--a big thanks to David Griffin for teaching us that disliking and joking about Satanists is the most evil thing that a person can do. Thanks, David Griffin, we are all now better people now.

And what would Hug a Satanist day be without merchandise? Here is a T-shirt that you can buy that asks the most important question, "Have you hugged a Satanist today?" All proceeds from product sales go to the Feed the Demonic Cat Now Fund, keeping Denver safe from hungry demonic cats since 1999.

1 comment:

The ocelot said...

"Satanic business practices"

I now have an urge to re-do "Big Love" as a family of Satanists.