Wednesday, May 14, 2014

Top thirteen signs that you are a poor magician or witch

The top thirteen signs that you might be a poor magician or witch.

You might be a poor magician or witch if...

13. You have colored talismans using crayons.

12. Your pillars and other temple furniture are made from found materials.

11. You know the names of the spirits that rule the local public transportation district.

10. You have grilled, baked, and eaten the spirit offering.

9. You have resorted to weather magic rather than fiddle with the thermostat.

8. Your familiar earns their keep by catching mice and bugs.

7. Your Book of Shadows consists of pages photocopied from public library books.

6. Your ritual room doubles as a family room, office, bedroom, or kitchen.

5. You restrict your herb use to what you can grow.

4. Your ritual knife doubles as a carving tool.

3. You have used your chalice to catch rain water from the leaky roof.

2. The spirits receive discounted wine as an offering.

1. You have accepted government surplus cheese as payment for a Tarot reading or spell working.

(And before you get upset with me, remember that I am speaking from experience.)


Unknown said...

The pawn shop guys have watched your TV more than you have...

Dora Mage said...

Why don't you post the Top ten practices of good witches and good magicians? It seems to me it would be far better to teach good rather than evil habits, or is that not in your book of experiences?

SeekInfinity-ICTX said...

You've gone into an alley and picked up rocks for your magical tools.

Your wealth spells tend to manifest in welfare programs.

You wonder why "crisis magicians" are a separate category because so far as your experience goes life is one crisis after another.

Your desire to cast instant glamours and protection spells comes partially from personal knowledge that the police are not your friends nor the friends of anyone like you.

When thelemites talk about trials and ordeals, you immediately think of the months where you went hungry most days.

You've come to the conclusion
that your wards protect you
against black mold since despite living in a place where it
grew fairly openly for years you
don't seem to have suffered any obvious damage... and you actually
resent the fact it was condemned for health reasons.

You have considered contacting
the tutelary spirits of the local gangs.

Dora Mage: You'd think it ewould be relatively obvious nthat "poor" in this case means "less wealthy" rather than "not very good". Unless you think they're equivalent in which case I really don't see the need to say anything to you, or at least nothing civil.