Greatest action figure ever (what the Great Gherkin wants for Xmas)

"....with four million resurrected zombies voting for her evil Queenship, I will control the fate of the United States of America. Bwahahaha!"

"And now a word from our sponsor, Mega-Fun Toys, the bestest toys in 'Murica..."

Hey kids, what do you want for Christmas?

We want President Earl Midas action figures!!!

Earl Midas comes with special trademarked Executive Power Bill Signing Grip and Super Immigrant Kicking Power!

And don't forget his Golden Chirper Throne (sold separately) and his trademarked Golden Power Suit.

Anything else kids?

Hell, yeah, we want some action figures of his enemies, so that he can kick their ass!

"The most evil enemies of any action hero..."

There is Marijuana Smoking Black Radical Muslim Mexican Ax Murderer Terrorist with real ax hacking power--oh Lucy! I am home!

And don't forget Morgana Hare, who is quick to sabotage righteous legislation--she believes that poor people deserve healthcare, even if they can't afford health insurance--she is a total evil bitch!

Now, Sissy, watch your language.

Sorry Dad--she is a total evil Commie Socialist beholden to Wall Street Bankers! 

And there is Heidi McNews, fake Media News Traitor--real blood comes out of her eyes!

Don't forget Angry Lesbian Welfare Queen with Real Social Justice Warrior Action...

...she comes with a six pack of kids!

And don't forget Captain Charlie Transgender Gold Bricker Soldier Layabout with his-her-its...whatever their preferred gender possessive is...devastating medical bills that can cost the military whole aircraft carriers, stockpiles of nuclear weapons, and deprive the United States of America...

"The Bestest Damn Country in the World, and the only one that matters..."

...of its protective wall.

"Which we really need to stop the greatest evil ever--Immigrant Families!"

What about you Timmy, do you want Bunny Silver-Unicorn, the Evil Wiccan Witch with her totally evil Presidential Binding Power? Or perhaps Aaron Lettuce the Evil Necromancer Conspirator with his Zombie Voter Resurrection Power?

No, Dad, I want some of the good guys and True Loyal Friends of President Earl Midas.

"...the most loyal allies of any action hero."

There is Johnny Bricklayer, a real American Hero who builds the very bestest bigly beautiful walls to protect 'Murica!

Don't forget Trusted Merlin Tortoise, slow and steady, a true winner, always ready to look out for the citizens of 'Murica by enacting tax cuts for the rich.

And Arthur Trustworthy, Presidential Official Real News Network Journalistic Hero, always ready to tell things as they really are...

...he comes with his own little bottle of blue pills. 

Oh dear, this sounds so expensive. Wouldn't you rather have a pony instead?

Oh no, Mom--everyone can afford the complete set for an easy set of thirteen payments of six hundred and sixty-six dollars.

You are right kids, let's go to Toys Are You right now!

"And now back to everyone's favorite Saturday morning cartoon, President Midas and the Super Legion of True American Voters!"

Oh my god--the heresy of making a Donald Trump action figure.