Tuesday, September 10, 2013

Great Book of Shadows Hunt 2013

The books work much better after sitting on a Secret Chief (aka my dear cat and familiar--the evil Barti).
*sound of howling bagpipes*

Hear ye! Hear ye!

Today, we announce the start of the Great Book of Shadows Hunt of 2013. Ye shall go forth and search your lodge's attic and the basement of your High Priestess and her freezer and all the other places that a Third Order member might hide something until thee finds the most secret book of magic--the grimoire and Book of Shadows that J.K. Rowling borrowed her material from.

The prize if you find it? All the powerful magics of the Harry Potter universe. Including the ability to create a flying broom. So go ye forth and find that book because I need to borrow a flying broom from someone by tomorrow.

*more delightful music from bagpipes*

What you are still sitting there?! You think that this is a joke?! It is not--no, this is the big news of the day--Harry Potter style magic is real!

Or so claims the grand-daughter of Bob Larson and her two super-friends.

Yes, the grand-daughter of Bob Larson and her two super-friends are headed to England to save the world from the evil of Harry Potter, which has caused an increase in number of people joining the ranks of Satanism.

Not only is all magic evil because it comes from the power of Satan despite what Potter and company would like you to believe, claims the most reliable of sources, eighteen year-old granddaughter of Bob Larson, Brynne Larson, but you can also learn Harry Potter style magic from a book kept by a real witch.

"The spells and things that you're reading in the Harry Potter books, those aren't just something that are made up," friend of Brynne Larson, eighteen year-old Tess Scherbenback, revealed in a shocking video that threatens the security of all the secretive Third Order and High Coven members. "Those are actual spells. Those are things that came from witchcraft books."

And we all know that we can trust this information, right? After all, the Larson clan would not lie to us to get us to shell out for their own personal brand of snake-oil, would they?

No comments: