Wednesday, September 18, 2013

International Talk Like A Pirate Day

Pirate Kitty would like some rum cooked shrimp for his dinner.
Hi everyone! Today be September 19, and that means that it be International Talk Like A Pirate Day.

And let's be honest, everyone in Golden Dawn be a pirate. It be a long and noble tradition we have.

Don't believe me? Well, consider this.

Sometime before 1888, a mesterious man wrote down t' treaayes o' a secret lodge tradition in a document that we now call t' Cipher Manuscript. This was probably Kenneth MacKenzie. Some claim that this system was stolen from a previous system o' lodge initiation. Maybe even from Freemasons or t' evil SRIA. Therefore, MacKenzie be a pirate.

MacKenzie went t' Davy Jones' locker. Leavin' his widow with a pile o' papers that she did not want. Enter William Westcott, a man o' knowledge, and a conjuror of dead men ghosts.

Westcott convinces MacKenzie's bonnie lass that she should give him t' papers, because he belongs t' t' SRIA. T' Cipher Manuscript was not t' booty o' t' SRIA (accordin' t' some). Sad Widow gives up t' papers t' Westcott, a crime o' petty copyrites infrin'ement. Therefore, Westcott be a bigger pirate than MacKenzie.

Westcott then ropes a nice young man by t' name o' Samuel Mathers t' help recruit members t' work this awesome system o' spiritual advancement. Westcott also creates a set o' letters from a person who does not exist to shore up his claim t' t' treaaye. Mathers knows that t' letters be fake. Therefore, Mathers be a pirate.

Later, Mathers fights Westcott. T' prize? Complete control o' t' good Order o' t' Ancient Golden Dawn. Mathers does this by twirlin' a cutlas around while shoutin' that Westcott be a liar. Mathers sails t' France, gets involved in politics and bebuckos t' sinister Aleister Crowley. Mathers be even bigger pirate than Westcott.

Mathers t' keep his crew obeyin' his orders, then created a set o' invisible buckos who told him how wonderful he was, and how his students were t' pay him their last bit of gold. Mathers not only be big pirate, but a delusional creator o' tall tales and creepy ghost stories too.

Crowley a kind young man who fancied everythin' that moved includin' both your grandmother and grandfather, thought that this was bad behavior on t' part o' Mathers. So Crowley fought Mathers. T' prize? T' hearts and minds o' young men and beauties everywhere. And maybe their sex too. And their goats. Crowley shot at Mathers usin' a self-published set o' books, a new system o' attainment, and a boatful o' lawyers. Crowley also had invisible buckos, who told him that he was t' Messiah and t' best thin' since white bread. Crowley liked t' feed his followers t' demons and sharks. He also like t' be in t' newspapers very much. He reveled in his wickedness by writin' prose and poetry for young scallywags. Crowley be even bigger pirate than Mathers, and more drunk than a skunk to boot, but was very sexy.

In t' meantime, several other people started t' run businesses based on t' rituals and lessons o' t' Golden Dawn. Some o' them were con-beauties, and some were scurvy dogs. They all claimed t' gold o' t' seekers o' t' Golden Dawn. They were all pirates.

Then along came a nice Jewish lad by t' name o' Israel Regardie. He saw all t' pirates as dubious crew who should be made t' walk t' plank. He stole their rituals and lectures, hence robbin' them o' their hard-earned gold. He published as did t' wicked Crowley. This made many people upset with him. They claimed that he was a bigger pirate than they were.

Many students and seekers found t' writin's o' Crowley and Mathers and searched for t' treaaye o' Golden Dawn. Some o' them had lawyers and tame sharks and claimed t' be t' sole heirs o' Westcott, Mathers and Crowley. Others just dug a lot o' holes. Obviously, all o' these men and beauties were pirates also.

T' recap, six men sat on a dead man's chest and refused to share the loot. Six pirates, seven--counting you!

Pass the rum, and give another shrimp to the cat.

Happy International Talk Like A Pirate Day!

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