Saturday, August 29, 2015

How dare you support occult watchdogs!

This is what I am supposed to be--a nice miltant fluff bunny who accepts that everyone is perfect just the way that they are. 
Occasionally, I get emails and instant messages from people who say, "How dare you support the occult watchdog community! It is none of their business that I am misleading occult students while stuffing my wallet with overpriced dues and class fees."

My response tends to be, "Bite me! You are a crook and a danger to the occult community. It is only a matter of time before you make the papers and give the entire community a black eye, so why should we wait for the Christmas rush? Let's just air the fact that you are a human speed bump, and get it over with."

Sometimes, the next message will be a threat that a lawyer is coming to take away my first-born child; sometimes, it is silence; and every so often it is "Just wait until the watchdog community decides to air your dirty laundry! I can't wait until the shoe is on the other foot. They are coming for you because you are a bigger crook and menace than I am."

At this point in time, I tend to disturb at least one of my cats with my howls of uncontrollable laughter.

Then I write back, "Exactly what would the occult watchdogs reveal that is not public knowledge already?"

Typically, I get silence back.

But seriously, what could the occult watchdog community reveal that would make them the enemy?

The worst thing I believe is the fact that I write dubious erotica, something that I have admitted to numerous times. Dubious erotica is where the dirty, filthy money is at. Yes, I am one of those writers that believes that you should never write anything for free. After all, I have a monthly Petsmart bill to pay. Ok, maybe they could reveal the exact types of dubious erotica, my list of pen-names, and the titles of my stuff.....and I imagine that no one will actually care. And let's be honest, I would just turn such a situation into a fire sale--"Come one, come all! Read the horrible stuff that I have written, so that I do not need to live off of dues collected from gullible occult students. Because ripping off occult students is so much better than writing dubious erotica." (And no, I am not going to give you the list---just because I am a "sex-worker," it doesn't mean that I have to give you my number---after all, I prefer not knowing who actually reads that rubbish.)

Of course, they might also reveal that my non-erotic stuff on Amazon is over-priced, and not true to some standard of "being stuff that is thousands of years old and sounds like pure fluff." Yes, a lot of my stuff was written and created last Thursday. Oh, the horrors of them seeing my Amazon author page.

Or they might reveal that I am working on some humorous occult community satire (under another pen-name that is none of your business...but which I have made absolutely no effort to distance myself from; so once I publish, everyone will know that it is me within...a week, maybe two weeks, not longer than a month).

Or the horrors of my Deviant Art page.

Or my Gamecrafter page (over-priced fugly Tarot deck coming soon some time in the future).

Or my Etsy page (over-priced occult themed audios coming soon some century).

What else could the occult watchdogs reveal?

Well, I have a shaky lineage in both Wicca and Golden Dawn. And I don't have a giant stack of unpublished material written by a dead white guy pretending to be a caveman.

And I dropped out of Pat Zalewski's Inner Order course during the Adept Major section---that has to be proof that I am ripping someone off.

There is also the fact that I only have a Bachelors degree. Well, two actually (literature and history). But I have not finished a Masters program...and that somehow must be an occult crime--because you know that I have to have some dirt that the watchdog community can use against me.

Oh, the watchdog community might reveal that I have dabbled with Satanism, Thelema, Daemonaltry, and Chaos magic....and who hasn't?!

Maybe they will mention that I have been unemployed forever...because being a writer and artist and self-employed is not being true to the American way of slaving away for fat cats at the top of the economic totem pole. (And as a writer, I always accept donations of food and money...because artists be straving.)

Speaking of cats, the watchdog community might publish mugshots of all my cats....because cats are not dogs, and must be evil.

I once had a black girlfriend, a gay roommate, a couple of failed business ventures, was in the military a whole eight weeks---damn it! There has to be something that I have hidden that the occult watchdogs are going to go berserk over.

Oh I know---I was elected to lodge office by a group of not-yet-Neophytes; that is wrong. No one should actually be elected by students to teach. Everyone knows that the proper way to do things is to declare yourself Grand Poobah and give no one an ounce of control.

And there is the little fact that my lodge split into two. That is worrisome because there is absolutely no way that the Freemasons in the group could have been upset with Morgan's sense of humor and unwillingness to advance people before he felt that they were ready. No, the lodge split had to be because Morgan was collecting excessive annual dues. (Yes, they were excessive at sixty dollars a year---after all, the leader of a group is supposed to pay for all the materials consumed during ritual and lessons.)

Oh. Oh. Oh. I know the worst that the occult watchdogs could reveal.

I believe in gun-control and the legalization of marijuana. That means that I am some type of hippy. And not only do I believe in legal weed, I am guilty of smoking pot. And yes, the occult watchdogs are going to be all over that fact, ain't they?

Did I miss anything? Oh yeah, I don't accept every student that applies--that is suspicious. And I don't teach things that I do not know...that is not how it is supposed to be done.

Oh wait, I do teach some dubious occult lore---I am a Sun Sigh astrologer. Yes, we finally found something that the occult watchdogs will actually care soon as others quit trying to poison people, and hexing people, and generally helping themselves to all the money in other people's wallets.

Yes, the occult watchdogs are coming for me, but I think that I am on the end of a very long list of crooks and false prophets. So no, I am not really concerned that they are going to come after me.

And that is why I can support the occult watchdog community. Because quite honestly, I am not doing anything wrong that they actually care about.


Nelson said...

I am kind of impressed now.

Lianna Costantino said...

LMAO! Morgan, I think you are fabulous! (And that right there ought to set some of them on your trail, lol.)

Lianna Costantino said...

LMAO! Morgan, I think you are fabulous! (And that right there ought to set some of them on your trail, lol.)

Catt33 said...

"Why wait for the Christmas rush?" Awesome!

Yeah, right around the time you start preying upon or trying to profit from the naivety of those with less knowledge or chutzpah, those crazy people will start sniffing out your nefarious deeds. So watch out there, you. ;-)

Oh, maybe pointing fingers at the good guys is a new tactic for this round of rapscallions to try and confuse the watchdogs. Nice try pals, nice try.

neognostica said...

Great read !

Joseph Max said...

I call that a list of positive references.

Of course, I'm a git'ard muthafukka Chaos BDSM sex magician, so I guess someone could "out" me too. Whoops, I just told them everything!