Thursday, October 1, 2015

Why Facebook was down so long

A couple of days ago, Facebook went down for an eternity hour. And what did all most some people do? Oh yeah, jump on other social media sites, such as Twitter, to panic gripe about Facebook being down.

Now some two people did something useful. One spent some time with her mother. And another found a virgin to sacrifice. I presume that one of these people is lying. I mean who actually spends time with their mother?

I, myself, stepped away from the computer to do some dishes and laundry. And by that I mean that I kept coming back to the computer every half hour ten minutes to see if Facebook was back online. No, I do not think that I have a Facebook addiction. If I had an Facebook addiction, I would have remained sitting at the computer, refreshing the browser every thirty seconds.

Facebook's explanation was that there was a problem with Mercury retrograde configuration issue. I am quite sure that this means that someone tripped over a cord. Isn't that the only possible explanation? After all, not only does Facebook have brilliant slightly above average moronic computer programmers, they also have the stellar lackluster programmers from the NSA, CIA, FBI, DEA, and several so-secret you have never heard of them alphabetic agencies, such as the [redacted], to help them.

Think about it. We all know that Facebook is giving the United States New World Order government copies of everything that you post. Those pictures of your tramp stamp--the NSA has them. Those pictures of your dog drinking out of the toliet---that is a Homeland Security issue. That complaint about the lousy service you got at McDonalds---that is now the property of Burger King.

Of course, you don't have to put up with the government getting their nose up in your business. After all, it only takes an one-time status update saying that the government does not have permission to read your statuses, and you are good to go. Those bank robbers the other day made only one mistake; they forgot to post that status before posing with those bags emblazoned with giant dollar signs. If they would have thought ahead, the robbers would not have been caught.

And the fact that not everyone has done this simple method just shows you that some people should not be allowed to see the wisdom of Facebook. There are powerful spells being exchanged on Facebook. Are your breasts too small? Smudge them with sage. Butt too big? Smudge that too. Broken arm? Sage will fix that right on up. Facebook knows that everything can be fixed with sage. It is probably why Facebook was down for so long; intern Jimmy had to go to the local pot shop occult store to get some more smoke---because some sweet smoke fixes everything, including Facebook being down.

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