Think before you tweet (Didnt like that career anyways edition)

[Warning--the following was written by a dirty rotten hippie--if you believe that you need a White History month, you may not think that this entry is funny.]

As human beings, we have created rules to survive. 

Rules like: Do not stick pennies into electrical outlets, and Poking a lion with a stick cleans out the gene pool. We need to be told things like this because we are all just biological computers running amok. And in light of changes in society and technology, new rules are rolling off the assembly line everyday. 

For instance, there are now rules to survive on social media without waking up to discover that someone has written "Die witch die!" on your lawn with industrial strength weed killer. So what are the rules?

Rule number one of surviving in Twitter America: If you ain't Trump of the Great Gherkin, think before you tweet.

Why? Because a single tweet in our social media enriched environment can cause you to lose your entire career--past, present, and future--causing you to lose your entire source of income in an instant. 

Case in point: Roseanne Barr.

For those who have missed it, Roseanne Barr decided to tweet "Muslim brotherhood & planet of the apes had a baby=y." ["y" being former Barrack Obama adviser Valerie Jarrett.] 

Now, I am fairly sure that it does not take a degree in rocket science to see how this joke in today's America, with all our rich and varied social media outrage possibilities, could backfire and blow up the entire launch facility, along with oneself in the process. 

Surely, Roseanne knew that there would be a line of outrage; at the very least, some SJWs (social justice warriors) lined up around the block to talk about White Privilege and how jokes about monkeys are not funny. And we all know that is only the lowest setting on the bar, the mere floor of the possible outrage, with the ceiling ranging up into the outer reaches of the atmosphere. Oh, the outrage that this tweet could cause...

Social media is the thunder dome of our civilization--if you are dumb enough to walk into the dome, there is a good chance that you are going to get mangled by lions--people have been known to die at the hands of social media outrage. 

Or at least, people have lost careers to social media outrage.

For instance, take Bill Cosby, America's Dad, seller of frozen pudding, bigly successful, making tons of TV syndication money; his fellow actors on his show also making some good cash from reruns of the show--and with one attack of social media outrage, it was all gone in an instant. The court of public opinion crucified the man, and every television show he was ever in got yanked from reruns. Even if he was never found guilty of being that bastard in a court of law, in the court of public opinion, he was sentenced to never making another dime from his former acting career. Cosby, along with all those who worked with the man in the past, were fined with a penalty of a significant loss of income. 

In an earlier time, Cosby could have survived; but we live in a time when the dog faced demons have taken to the internet to shape public opinion. 

Don't believe me? Let me prove it by making a prediction: At three in the morning, some dog faced demon is going to go online and tweet that ABC made a great big mistake for canceling Roseanne's TV show and that all of the Trump supporters, over fifty percent of the population, or so we have been told, all of them are going to quit watching ABC. It was a bigly mistake, and it is so sad that ABC has joined the deep state liberal media conspiracy factory to censor what real Americans think and believe. If we had real justice in this country, Roseanne would get a Nobel Peace Prize for her willingness to tell you exactly what she thinks--especially considering it is all true. But no, liberals are shutting the conservatives down and totally ruining the best part of free speech which is being able to say whatever you want, as long as you are a good conservative, and not suffer any consequences. The only people that need to be censored are those dirty hippies who believe in a progressive government and that all men are born equal, who have forgotten the greatest truth of them all--white conservatives are the greatest thing since sliced bread, and poor people are why we can't balance the federal budget.

"Because our military is only spending a dollar a day to fight a godzillion wars. Poor people spend far more than that, using welfare that white people are paying for--far, far more, they spend everyday at Starbucks. Where is your outrage about welfare cheats who belong to the Democratic Party?!?"

The only real question is: Will the dog faced demon post this before our most honored, and bestest ever President does? And can the President tweet this out before the Great Gherkin does? The betting window is now open--please place your bets. 

This whole situation is a good example of how much power social media outrage has. 

The revival of Roseanne Barr's sit-com premiered to an audience, somewhere northward of eighteen million viewers. The revival was a shoe-in for instant renewal, and looked good for a long and happy run of new episodes. 

Let me remind you that this was only thirteen days ago. Yes, just thirteen days ago. Before the revival, Roseanne said that she was going to cut down on the political posts. But Roseanne Barr could not help herself, and decided to see if her career was now fire-proof. 

It wasn't.

Her career went up in a fireball. Whoosh!

There are only two people in the world who are immune to social media outrage--Donald Trump and the Great Gherkin. Both have long term contracts clearly saying that they cannot be fired, and that their followers are obligated to believe whatever they say, even when there is evidence that clearly proves that they are wrong. Furthermore, their followers are required by the Constitution itself--go on, read it, and you will see that this is right--their followers have to instantly circle the wagons and defend them from any and all social media outrage. And this is in addition to the fact, that their followers want them to be Leaders-for-Life. They can do no wrong--they are the uber brain for our society, and they will lead humanity into a glorious future without global warming, without green technology, without nuclear war, without dirty filthy hippies smoking dope, the border secure, with only America making money, and where white people living in trailer parks occupy their natural and righteous place on the top of the food chain, ruling the inferior races and political parties, and there is not a single non-Christian left. Glory to Trump and the Great Gherkin, for they have saved white people from the angry hordes of demon inspired mutt Heinz 57 hippies. 

But outside of these two people, everyone else needs to think before they tweet. 

For instance, I could not tweet that the President has giant monkey balls, larger than his hands, so big that he needs several porn stars to hold them for him--I could not tweet that, for his fans would set fire to my yard. 

Nor can I tweet out that the Great Gherkin is just a little pickle in a big jar--for his fans, which number in the millions of billions, would crucify me before burning me for being a traitorous and very dirty hippie, rotten to my core, and a total heretic for not believing that the Great Gherkin is the second greatest person on this planet, with only Donald Trump being a better and more sainted person. 

Outside of these two people, you really need to think before you tweet. And if you will not do it for yourself, think about your loved ones, your friends, and your coworkers.

"Did you know that you are working with a Nazi? How can you live with yourself, knowing that your coworker is a Nazi? If you do not quit your job, if you do not punch the Nazi on the way out, I will boycott your job, no longer doing business with you and your employer, and you will no longer make any money."

Yes, let's just ignore the fact that without a job, I will not make any money either. 

And let's be clear about something, Roseanne Barr did not just torch her own career and bank account--no, she took a flame thrower to everyone's bank account that was associated with her show. If you will not think about yourself, please consider thinking about your coworkers. Just because you think that you are fire-proof, it does not mean that your loved ones are. So for god's sake--think before you tweet. 

If not evil, what do dog faced demons do on the internet? 

You keep telling lies and tall tales (dont you worry about losing readers)

Every once in awhile, I will be asked the question, "Ain't you afraid that you are going to lose readers (followers, friends, fans, etc.), if you continue to write things that offend?"

Or one of it many variations, such as "If you don't quit telling lies about the Great Gherkin, I am never going to read another word that you write," and the ever famous, "Sister Seuss is on our Order's banned reading list."

[For those who are curious, why I list fictional characters that have yet to get a full novel to themselves, just bear in mind that November is NaNoWriMo {National Novel Writing Month}, so someone is sure to complain by the end of the month that I have accidentally based characters on themselves, or someone that they worship as a Master Incarnate, or someone who should die a fiery death by being burned at the stake for disrespecting the most powerful wizard in the land...in other words, some people don't think that you can tell the difference between fiction and non-fiction.]

Honest answer is that I used to have some concern over losing readers; but a couple decades worth of writing and social media experience tell me that such concerns, if paid attention to, merely shackles oneself and serves no useful purpose.

This is especially true in the current political and magical environment. At the moment, if one expresses the wrong opinion about someone's favorite politician, one loses "friends" and followers on all social media platforms. Plus one gets labelled as a member of the enemy party even if one has no idea what they are (I kid you not--I had to look up Antifa). There is not a day that goes by that the slow tickle of defriending and defollowing does not drop my friend count down another notch.

Please note that this slow drain will eventually bottom out, simply because there are people who are my friends and followers because they agree with my opinions, value my writing, and enjoy the many cat pictures that I share. It is these people that my core audience comes from, not the many people who disagree with me so much that they put me on banned writer lists.

I have a vivid memory of the first time that someone decided to quit reading my stuff. The reason that they loudly declared that they were no longer going to read my stuff? Oh, because I decided to put ads up on this blog...because a real occultist never advertises, nor needs to pay bills, nor desires to make a living doing anything other than flipping burgers.

Quite honestly, that incident led me to the conclusion that the pro-bloggers were right, and that there was no way to make everyone happy--and therefore, I don't bother to try. Either you are one of my readers or you are not. My job as a writer is to get people to respond to my writing, and sometimes that response is getting someone to hit the defollow button.

Controversial Cat is controversial.

Nick Farrell is mean to the Alt-Right (and they are upset about it)

Yesterday, in a howl Nick Farrell wrote a Facebook group moderator post about the posts that would get you banned from one of the Golden Dawn Facebook groups that he moderates. One of the things on the list was posting Alt-Right stuff. And his howl was met with screams that he was being unfair to the Alt-Right; and that by not mentioning the Alt-Left, he must somehow be supporting the Alt-Left.

Personally, as a fellow moderator of that particular GD FB group, I thought that backlash was ridiculous. First off, it is the Alt-Right posts that people keep trying to make that are the issue. Second, I haven't been seeing any Alt-Left posts in the pending stack. Third, the Alt-Left is a myth of the Alt-Right, who just assume that those who hate them are somehow organized beyond the Punch the Nazi level. Fourth, if Alt-Left posts were found in the pending stack, I would reject them (as well as Nick) simply because that particular GD FB group tries to remain focused on magic, and not on bovine end-products.

[If you are an Alt-Right, there is a Golden Dawn Facebook group ran by David Griffin which will totally let you post Alt-Right stuff. I am not sure if Griffin is an Alt-Right supporter, but he sure seems to hold their political position. In fact, the quickest way to get banned from his GD FB group is to be a liberal, and to tell him that his Alt-Right views are full bovine end-product goodness. And his GD FB group seems to be 100% about politics and 0% about magic, so there is a place for you.]

In response to the outrage that he was being unfair, and is somehow a member of the Alt-Left, Nick Farrell wrote a blog post. He wrote: 

"Some people think that the issue is political and you should not be talking about politics on a Golden Dawn chat group anyway.  While there is some truth in this, for me the issue is NOT political at all. Alt-Right ideas are not political at all but are the antithesis of everything the Golden Dawn represents.

Stripping away “political” ideas of alt-right we are still left with the following fundamental beliefs which are alien to the core of the Golden Dawn:

• The superiority of white males.
• Hatred of Jews and Muslims and homosexuals.
• A misogynistic opposition to “feminism” which is a call for women to adopt traditional roles."

You can read the rest of his blog post on his blog: Sorry, you can't be Alt-Right and a member of the Golden Dawn.

If Alt-Right is banned, why not Alt-Left?

Sounds like Harry Potter (RAEBNC Halloween Kitty)

An useful RAEBNC substitute is "Sounds like Harry Potter." And a lot of people use it on Facebook.

For some reason, people are not happy just recounting the magic as it actually happened.

"I lit the candle using a lighter that took me thirty minutes to find (maybe I should put lighters on the grocery list), did the Lesser Ritual of the Pentagram, screamed the divine names at the top of my lungs, set fire to the poppet, broke circle to shut off the damn smoke detector. Two days later, the Great Gherkin told a story about how someone hexed a tire off the back of a truck, almost smashing his car. Ritual must be marked down as a failure--I was trying to conjure up a new calligraphy set."

Instead they must say, "And the Archangels formed out of the mist as I dis-consecrated the graves of Doctor Dee and Kelly, their eyes tearing up as I chanted perfectly the forty-nine names of God, before sacrificing a baby to make a Horocrux. The ritual was a total success and just proves once again that I am the greatest Rosicrucian Imperator to ever live."

In all such instances, you are allowed, perhaps even required to say that the story teller's tale sounds just like something out of Harry Potter.

Harry Potter is off to quidditch practice on his Nimbus Two Thousand broom.

Roll 2d20 (RAEBNC Halloween Kitty)

Continuing our month of random stuff to say to make people think that you care, we present Dungeons and Dragons Kitty, Cardboard Edition.

If you are anything like me, you know a lot of people online (and in real life) who had played some form of role-playing game in their life--the type with the paper maps and funny looking dice that is. Therefore, the comment "Roll 2d20" or any of its variations ("Roll 3d6") means something, even if you are just pretending to read the discussion.

For instance, earlier today, someone posted a picture of items that they dug up from the graves of children while asking whether the spirits would be upset. I think that you will agree that telling them to Roll 2d20 makes a lot of sense because they are about to take some damage.

(Information for the one poor soul that has never played any form of tabletop gaming, "2d20" means "two dice with twenty sides." And dice are rolled for anything that the Dungeon Master "DM" [or Game Master "GM"] {or any one of a hundred different titles} needs to have a random number for--the amount of damage you take, the amount of money that the Great Gherkin cons you out of, the chance of the lovely elf falling in love with your character, etc.)

When your new armor kills your Dex.

October 2017 Blogcation (RAEBNC Halloween Kitties)

It is October, and that means that there is a fifty percent chance that this blog is going to suffer a Blogcation. And the theme of this year's Halloween Kitties is RAEBNC.

What is RAEBNC? Glad you asked.

RAEBNC is a short way of saying, "Read And Enjoyed, But No Comment."

It is something that one would often read in Amateur Press Associations zines. It was used for those times where you read something, enjoyed it, but really could not be bothered to come up with a thoughtful comment.

Kinda like the reaction buttons on Facebook. Or the Love button on Facebook (but with less get-up-and-go).

And there are days when I so want to use RAEBNC on Facebook. But that would involve actually explaining the term...which would be more effort than I would like to make. Still it could be a fun thing to do, especially if I did not have to explain it. Just drop it in multiple discussions.

For instance...

"I am the most powerful magician in the world, chosen by the Secret Chiefs to lead the world into a new age of spiritual freedom!!!" [Pretend that this goes on for another thousand words.]

Just drop RAEBNC in the comment/reply section and move on with your day. What is the worst that can happen? They defriend you? They ban and block you? Sounds like a winning day to me.

So this entire month is going to be devoted to cats in costumes (or not) and strange replies you could just drop into comment sections to amuse yourself. Or me. Or both of us. Long live chaos!

I would comment, but I am too busy cosplaying in this bucket.

Correct political thought does not equal magical skill and ability (and vice versa)

On any given day, you can find some self-declared Big Name Occultist (or Magician, or Witch, or Shaman, or Mystic, or...I could go on for hours) loudly proclaiming that some respected or better known occultist said something that is politically wrong, and therefore is a Offender. This is followed by the BNO's own beloved supporters declaring that they will never buy another book by said Offender, will defriend them on Facebook, defollow them on other social media sites, and leave any forums moderated by such an evil Offender. And this is how it should be because the Offender cannot be a real occultist if they hold such erroneous political views.

How a numpty thinks Adeptship works vs the harsh reality.

Quite simply, there are some numpties that believe that Adeptship (or their tradition equivalent) means that one has the correct political views, is of the correct religion and virtue, and has a certain level of perceived magical skill (which can range from none at all to being able to raise the dead) that is always heavily advertised by those who have it.

In other words, as far as the Numpty is concerned, Adepts think exactly like they do. And that Adepts will give them cookies for being as brilliant as the Adepts are (if not fall over themselves bowing down to the Numpty's superior wisdom--for all numpties know that they are the most advanced magician and mystic in the world).

It is just too bad that it is easy to fake all three requirements if you are a sociopath. Just like voters fall for politicians who are not anything like they claim to be, numpties fall for and support occultists who are faking their political beliefs (or at least radically relabeling them for public consumption), would not know the mysteries of religion if they got bit in the butt by one, have vastly overstated their magical ability and knowledge, and have all the virtues of a Mars bar without all the tasty sugar.

Numpties prefer to have Adepts defined by these requirements, mainly because they themselves might be able to claim Adeptship someday if they only have to master their talking points, parroting the "correct" answers that their own future followers will go ape over.

Never mind the fact that there are some a**h***s who believe that Adeptship is rooted in actual initiationary experiences (such as actually undergoing the initiation rituals), arcane lore, and at least enough magical ability to hex one's way out of a wet paper bag. The opinions of a**h***s don't count, only the howling of the courageous wolves of occultism, who should never be mistaken for sheep, not alone the lemmings that the more dubious occult leaders treat them as.

Remember that real Adepts think exactly as you think they should.

Big Name Occultists would not be so upset about the Offenders, if they would only shut the f**k up and quit breathing. And the numpties would not be so upset if they did not desire one day to lead their own horde of lemmings. Because if there is one thing that an Offender is good at, it is not recognizing the true occult geniuses in their midst.

This lack of recognition is why Big Name Occultists have to tell you all the evil stuff that Offenders do, such as misreading the Bill of Rights, voting for the wrong politician, believing that sexual offenders have no place in the esoteric Orders (or politics for that matter) and deserve a good binding.

If the Big Name Occultists don't do this, the Numpty might accidentally start believing the other falsehoods that such Offenders spread, such as: pointing out that certain parties did not actually undergo the initiation rituals of their tradition, only know the mysteries of using a photocopier and bovine end-product generators, and quite frankly could not hex their way out of a wet paper bag if they had to.

If the Offenders were true occultists, they would totally agree with everything that the Big Name Occultist did. Sue your competition into extinction--fine. Rebel and claim that your teacher had no ethics (or rather the wrong ones)--excellent. Make up a totally bogus lineage and set of teachings--good god man, I must have some of that; take my money please!!!

Annoy someone important--buy this banned by BNO book.

The evil of Offenders is so dangerous that if the numpties don't scream bloody murder on their own, the Big Name Occultists would have to create lists of banned books, magazines, blogs, podcasts, videos, and websites that their followers are not allowed to read. And you can tell that the Big Name Occultist is protecting you because hey, if the Offender can't get their political ideas and religious beliefs in order, how could they possible know anything about the occult?

Or you could just presume that you already know everything.

And numpties are quite happy with this, for they know that they already know everything. There is nothing that an Offender can teach them. In fact, the only reason that the Numpty puts up with the Big Name Occultist is that they recognize the greatness of the the Numpty.

I am not saying this is why the occult world can't have nice things...

Now, I can hear you say, "Dear Uncle Morgan, you express political ideas all the time; surely you think people should agree with you."

Yeah, but they don't--that is why I have to keep repeating myself. Besides occasionally I am wrong about politics...because my magical skill and ability and evil magical lore gives me the exact level of knowledge about politics as it does about gasoline engines; in other words, none at all. Everything I know about politics came from watching my parents volunteer and canvas for political candidates and listening to my dad's comments about what we heard on talk show radio on long trips. That and watching Nixon announce that he was resigning (sad when your first memory of a President is of the forty-fourth worst President)...which made me believe that all politicians are corrupt in one fashion or another. And reading and watching stuff about politics. I had to work hard to know as little as I do about politics unlike Big Name Occultists who get a completely perfect and correct set of political and religious ideas in the same Cracker Jack box that they received their Grade of Most Advanced Occultist Ever from. 

Just like you should not judge my magical ability based on my politics, you should not judge my politics on how much I have suffered in the name of magic and the mysteries. I would still be a nasty evil witch even if I agreed with your political and religious opinions.

Besides I wanted to make a living as a newspaper columnist--but somehow ended up making jokes about occultists instead. (Honestly, I have no idea how it happened--one day, I realized that I had spent an hour comparing a Big Name Occultist to a novelty condom and was too lazy to hit Delete.) You wouldn't deny me my dreams, would you? If Emma Bombeck could make jokes about suburban life and raising a family and still have political opinions,  why can't I make jokes about the esoteric traditions and the strange people that I encounter while pursing the mysteries and still have political opinions? It is not like I am asking to be the Head of your esoteric tradition...that would be the job of your favorite Big Name Occultist--all I am asking is to do is to be allowed to tell funny stories, to convince you to care enough about politics to get involved and at least vote, and teach you to be suspicious of anyone who claims to be the True Head of All of the Mysteries and Esoteric Traditions.

Obligatory apology about how we are misjudging you for the Numpty that you ain't.

Of course, it should be noted that I am on a few Banned lists. Because of my politics? Because I think numpties can learn? Because I mock Big Name Occultists and their traditions? Who knows?

And as such, I should be apologizing for my Offending Ways. Not that I am good at apologizes. The last one I write read something like this:

"On the behalf of the group, I would like to apologize for not recognizing that you are the most important person in the world. You see, we are bitter old hags who had to work hard for the little bit of recognition that we have received. We were not allowed to walk in with a sweet a** story, and declare ourselves the most important person in the world. No, we had to kill someone, and help someone else hide a body or two. This makes us happy little cynics. So when you walk in with your special snowflakish, all we want to flush your various body parts down a toilet. It is nothing personal--it is just how the world works. As a sign of apology, let me buy you a drink of poison."

Now imagine that I am apologizing for my wrong political and religious ideas.

Do you feel better?

No.

Well, I guess you are going to have to agree with your Fearless Leader and fire me as an occult authority.

Remember that you have to think exactly like your Fearless Leader if you want to become an Adept.

Do not share this photo (is it wrong to shame Nazis by sharing their newsworthy pictures)

Whatever you do, have a heart and do not share this picture, no matter how tempting it is.

And do not place it above the fold while writing about it.

I do not know a lot about Peter Cvjetanovic, outside of the fact that he is upset that a photo of him at a white national rally has gone viral. The one thing that I do know for sure is that he is a dumbass. My proof that he is a dumbass? He got photographed at a white national rally!

The same can be said of everyone who was ever photographed at a white national rally on the side of the fence that seems to be a little pro-Nazi, you are a dumbass (outside of the leadership, who I assume are making money selling white national merchandise and therefore, want their photos to go viral).

Maybe Peter Cvetanovic did not have a father to teach him not to be photographed doing stuff you do not want connected with yourself. Maybe Peter Cvetanovic did not have teachers who would ask, "Do you really want that on your permanent record?" Maybe Peter Cvetanovic did not receive the memo that we are now living in the age of Twitter and Facebook, a world of retweets and shares, where your identity can be learned within an hour if you are dumbass enough to be photographed doing something that other people are going to be upset about. Maybe Peter Cvetanovic was asleep the day that the history class covered the wearing of masks when you are engaged in stuff that will make you look like a murderous bigoted f***head when historians get around to writing history.

Or maybe Peter Cvetanovic is proud that he is a f***ing Nazi, and forgot that most people are not. Or what we like to call--being a dumbass.

Personally, I love the whole "It is wrong to try to get Nazis fired from their burger-flipping jobs." You do realize that we live in a world where if a fast food employee spits in a customer's burger and tweets about it, they are DOOMED to be fired. Do you really want a Nazi touching your food?

(As an experiment, I encourage pro-Nazi restaurant owners to openly admit that they are white nationalists--let's see if your customers want Nazis to have businesses in their neighborhoods.)

In the fifties, it was ok to get people fired for being communists. In the thirties and forties, in one country (Nazi Germany), it was ok to kill Jews and other minorities, as well as political rivals. Oh wait, two countries did that (let's not forgot Communist Russia). In the Reconstruction, some felt it was ok to enact laws to keep minorities in their proper places, and remind them that former slave owners were still controlling the local government (why do you think there are all those glorious Confederation war memorials? They serve a purpose to remind minorities that they are living in a world where they were considered property and not human beings). And let's not forget the torture and conviction of heretics during the long dark history of Christianity.

History shows us time and again that bad things happen when you are a member of a group that other people do not like.

And the ultimate goal of white nationalists? Oh yeah, to be able to persecute people that they don't like!

Oh, they claim to be patriots. I imagine that if Tweeter and Facebook existed in the days of the Founding Fathers that the British would have been tweeting, "Does anyone know this person standing beneath the Liberty Tree?" and that the Americans would have been on Facebook saying, "Does anyone know this person giving aid and comfort to the British?"

And what does the study of the American Revolution tell us? Oh yes, cover up your face and identity when doing things that can turn around and bite you in the ass. Proof that the Founding Fathers were not dumbasses? Oh yeah, there is a high number of pen-names being used in the Federalist Papers. And no one asked for the evidence of their political beliefs not to be shared.

Love fresh off the street experts (yes I said that)

In response to someone telling people how wonderful BOTA is (so clear, so precise) and how Golden Dawn is second fiddle, and then revealed that they did not know what the Kabbalistic Cross was, never performed the Lesser Ritual of the Pentagram (earlier in the month we learned that they thought they knew the modern Big Name Experts and the modern history of Golden Dawn---but only based on the last three years), I said the following:


I always love those people who are GD experts who have not done a single ritual, a single spell, undergone a single GD initiation, nor read a single book on GD. I especially love it when people listen to them, and ignore totally what people with twenty-five years of GD experience say. The only way it gets better is when people start complaining that GD initiates don't answer questions. Why should we respond to questions when we get told over and over again that we do not understand the system that we have been working with for years and years? If anyone can walk off the street without even knowing the basics of the Golden Dawn system and expound upon it, why should us more experienced folks even bother attempting to answer questions.

Why the discussion ban on certain occultists (yes I said that on Facebook)

Yes, I said the following on Facebook (about why we don't spend more time warning people about certain dubious occult leaders):

*puts on his "responsible adult hat*

Mod speaking here: The question of why we don't spend more time warning people about certain occultists has came up.

Honestly, the mods hate discussing certain occultists. So do our more advanced experts.

Discussions about them sucks all the oxygen out of the room.

And their defenders (including their current group members) are not going to believe any warning that we issue in the first place. Warning a believer is like talking to a brick wall.

Basically, you have to be stung by the wasp, in order to know not to trust it. In other words, only a metric ton of bad experiences will convince an admirer of theirs that perhaps they should not be leading the parade. 

There is also the issue that certain occultists always demand their right to defend themselves--saying that we should lift the ban on them--and quite honestly they defend themselves by calling all of the rest of us names, and accusing us of belonging to vast non-existent occult conspiracies meant to destroy them and to enslave humanity.

Furthermore, certain occultists' idea of fairness is that no one is allowed to criticize them on any level while they are free to badmouth and insult anyone that they want. Plus, they will insist that we ban everyone that disagrees with any of their ideas or statements. In addition, they insist on posting various conspiracy theories that make us all look insane. Quite frankly, they have their own Facebook groups to do that type of stuff in--we do not need to add to the pollution level of this group.

All this adds up to a big ball of flaming wax that the mods, and the more knowledgeable members of the Golden Dawn community, want nothing to do with.

And that is why the mods only allow the very rare post about certain occultists. Yes, we would like to warn you about them, but we trust that you know how to use Google and can find our public warnings that litter the internet.

Thank you for understanding.

The more you know, the more you think that For-Profit Orders are bad.

This was posted on the following Facebook groups:

Hermetic Order of the Golden Dawn (not to be confused with DG's trademarked to Sunday group)

Golden Dawn members (group and self-initiates)

Sanctuary of Mau (self-initiation into the Golden Dawn tradition)

Happy people with lots of money (why use that picture)

[If you are lazy, just skip to the end of the post and read the punchline.]


I get a lot of friend requests on Facebook--because I am on Facebook. Some I accept. Some I delete. And some I mock.


This is the mocking type.


One of my latest friend requests comes from someone who seems to be trying to convince people that she is a mover and shaker at the International Finance Corporation Grant which is part of an United Nations grant program. I base this conclusion on a status update and the pictures posted on this person's wall.

I must be big stuff--look at all the happy people.

"Look especially at all the happy people who are receiving oversized checks and FedEx deliveries. Plus I posted pictures of Bill Gates and Mark Zuckerberg, so you totally know that they are close personal friends. And you should totally accept my friend request because you are special; and by being friends with me, you are totally going to get fat stacks of cash."

Totally real photos with real happy people--believe what you see!

Maybe this person is for real--despite the general cynicism that a couple decades of dealing with dubious occult leaders has installed in me--I mean they can't all be photos grabbed from stock photo sites and the internet--some of the photos must be real.


But on that note...

Why is this guy wearing latex gloves and sporting a badge logo? And is that fingerprint sheet on the desk?

If you are trying to convince me that you are real and that you are going to make me rich, you might not want to post a picture of a cop counting money from a drug bust on your wall. Just saying.

Things that you might get expelled from an Order for (or Petition your fearless leader to get rid of these evil people)

This post was inspired by an exchange on Facebook which lead me to think of all the silly things that I have seen (or heard) that got members (initiates) expelled from lodges, Orders, covens, and traditions over the years.

There are some things that should get one banned from an occult group, such as being a serial ax murderer or being a sexual creeper or being the seller of pyramid schemes, things that no one in their right mind would agree is acceptable behavior--yet often are allowed by the leaders of occultism when it is done by themselves or their favorite students.

To balance off the lack of expulsion of the expel-worthy, what the occult community actually gets is expulsions over stuff that probably shouldn't be expel-worthy offenses, but totally are if the leadership takes a dislike to you...which tends to make one believe that certain occult leaders are only interested in their own egos, money! money! money! and sexual conquests.

But never fear, expulsions are always done for the "good of the tradition" and the "lesson that they will provide to the former member." Remember believing otherwise is an expel-worthy offense. Remember that the fearless leader does not want to do this, but the Secret Chiefs of the tradition have spoken.

In no particular order, you might get expelled from an occult group if you...

...disagree with the leader's politics.

[Therefore, my socialist tendencies (called communism by those who are enlightened) should get me kicked out of the Golden Dawn tradition by those noble leaders who embrace the true political faith of the Freedom Initiative Republicans (formerly known as Teaparty Republicans).]

...are a writer.

[True story, I was a member of a "Golden Dawn" Order, and was good to go for the next initiation three months before, two months before, one month before...and then totally unacceptable for the next initiation two weeks before. I was told that I had developed "ego issues" and was told not to come back until I fixed them. So what were the ego issues? Oh, the leader had learned that I was a writer who eventually wanted to write about the occult.]

...complain about the antics of "trusted officers."

[True story, an whole bunch of European initiates got expelled from one group when they complained that they did not want a convicted sex offender to be one of their officers. Guess who was kept as a member.]

...being a "black magician."

[Which much means that you can be thrown out for any magic that you do, including healing puppies.]

...refusing to expel someone.

[Oh yes, Order officers can be expelled if they do not expel the people that the Chief of an Order tells them to.]

...turn down an sexual advancement.

[Sorry, if you want to remain a member, you have to have sex with Supreme Imperator Pussy Grabber Midas--it was why we taught you about blindfolds in Neophyte.]

...get asked questions about occult matters in front of the group's leader.

[Because the Secret Chiefs say that your fearless leader is to be the membership's sole source of occult wisdom and knowledge. It is one thing to assign work to their aides, who are 100% loyal to them and the Secret Chiefs, but to allow an ordinary member to expound upon mysteries is simply evil.]

...fermenting rebellion.

[I told you not to criticize the leadership, or let them know that you can hex your way out of a wet paper bag, or know more than they do. Never insist that their vices outweigh their virtues. And never show any sign of leadership or organization talent.]

...refusing to shell out for additional contributions.

[By keeping your money in your wallet, you prove that you are evil and do not care about the welfare of the planet and its people who are being served by the greatest of servants, your noble and highly graded fearless leader.]

...talking to former members of the tradition.

[After all, expelled members always lie about why they were expelled.]

 ...learn the true lineage of your fearless leader. especially if you dirty your tongue telling other people about it.

[Remember that claims that some people conjured a Goetia spirit who told them that they were a Magus (9=2), or other people never underwent a single Outer Order initiation before conning their way into Adeptus Minor, or who have made up invisible people, or simply photocopied the material of other authorities and tradition, are completely and utterly false lies spread by those who envy their brilliance. Your fearless leader really did make contact with the one true tradition and its guardians who promptly decided that they were the greatest occultist ever and the only person that they would ever speak to.]

...disagree with your fearless leader's favorite conspiracy theory.

[Even if you were at the event, and remember it completely differently, you are wrong--or worse, a paid troll and traitor to humanity.]

...taking medication.

[Taking medication for physical ailments proves that you are unworthy of the hidden wisdom of the tradition. Taking medication for mental issues just proves that you are a dangerous psychopath that is going to kill everyone.]

...ask too many questions.

[Remember that your leader can only give you information by the spoonful because if you saw the whole system all at once, your head would explode.]

...being a spy.

[Of course, a spy will say that they are not a spy.]

...belonging to a forbidden society, political party, church, or religion. 

[This is sure proof that the darkness and evil of the world is out to destroy their group--after all, they sent you to wreck havoc with your trollish ways.]

...speaking positively about their rivals.

[You forgot that their rivals have never done anything worthy of compliment. The only occult leader who ever done anything positive is your own fearless leader.]

...laughed at this blog post.

[Because this post was nothing but pure vicious lies told by a paid CIA troll to help destory their group once and for all.]

Satire--making jokes about things that actually happened, but not quite in the manner that you told the story...because if you actually told the story exactly the way it really occurred, no one would actually believe that it was the truth.

So what inspired this post? A joke that my commie political opinions would be enough to get me tossed out of the Golden Dawn tradition if certain GD leaders could actually expel me from the tradition (they can't because I am not a member of their downline). 

First, I painted all Republicans as evil.

Tax the rich, and give poor people free healthcare.

And that means that I am a communist and should be banned from GD, right?

And people took this seriously, believing that certain parties were going to expel for my political positions....which tell you that this type of behavior is actually occurring in some occult groups.

Apology to the entire Golden Dawn community

Important Breaking News! The reputation of the Most Honored and Beloved Golden Dawn leader is besmirched by nasty extreme leftist with an implication that David Griffin, the world's greatest occultist, might be a racist. And worse, the reputation of his entire Order, the world's largest, was called into question. Now watch that lowly worm explain that under no condition could anyone say that David Griffin is a racist because he is just so awesome. It is about time that this weasel apologized to the whole Hermetic Golden Dawn community.


 


[For those who are curious about why I needed to apologize to the entire Golden Dawn community, it is rather simple. Basically, I implied that Griffin and his group was the only racist GD that I could think of...well, with a Facebook group that is. Of course, as the leader of the largest Golden Dawn group, which has members than all the other groups combined, and with a million-plus loyal readers...that was literally insulting the whole GD community. What follows are the important screenshots that prove that I am wrong, and he is right. Sorry Golden Dawn community, I sometimes forgot that he is really in charge of the entire tradition, and that I should not insult your fearless leader because you can't separate Golden Dawn from its true leader.]

See Morgan attack the entire Golden Dawn community.

See Griffin defend the entire Golden Dawn community. 

The announcement that Morgan had destoryed the Aurora Pax, and all the proof you need that he is a dirty rotten Communist bent on violent recolution for his Russian masters. 

And the citizens of Golden Dawn eagerly agree that Morgan is the worst person in Golden Dawn. 

Now you really should go thank David Griffin for defending your honor and petition him to hex me to death in revenge for...somehow...implying...that you too are racist when it is really only Morgan that desires to be called one.

The only way Hillary Clinton can win is (fill-in-the-blank)

I am always amazed at the things that I learn reading certain blogs and Facebook pages. Tonight, I learned that there is a covert civil war going on, that Hillary Clinton has already stolen the election, and that Black Magick Slavers are the power behind Hillary Clinton. Next up will be an armed rebellion with a mighty white magician leading the charge to overthrow Hillary Clinton, to jail both the Clintons and the Obamas, and put the rightful ruler of the United States, Donald Jesus-Christ-he-is-the-second-coming Trump in charge.

Because there is absolutely no way that Trump could actually lose this election on his own.

This is the type of stuff that I would expect to see in one of my little satires, either tentacle and/or Necronomicon related. But no, it is real--there is a mighty occult leader who believes this. And he has lots of friends.

So Wednesday, either Trump has won, or we get to see an open civil war with real fireballs being used. And here I thought it was going to be boring after the election was over. Turns out it is just the start of an interesting time...one that results in me getting shot in the face for not supporting Trump...because only black magicians support anyone other than Trump.

Black Magick Slavers?!

The reviews are in for this mighty fine book that does not exist. 

Failing to be inspirational (reaction to recent shootings including Boston)

As anyone who has watched the news lately, or has browsed the internet, can tell you, there has been a lot of violence and tragedy lately. It seems like not a day goes by without some storm destroying homes, or people running amok with guns, or someone suffering unbearable economic misfortune. And one is given a choice between sharing the misery, or trying to remain positive. The correct answer I have been told is to remain positive.

Being part of the clergy, well sort of, and being an esoteric teacher, well sort of, I feel that not only do I have to remain positive, I have to say inspirational, enlightening, and quite possibly instructional things about the tragedies that are happening. It is my duty to point out how we can use tragic events to evolve the human species, and ourselves, into a better and gentler race. Or at least, this is what social programming tells me that I should be doing, given those pieces of paper that I keep buried deep in a drawer.

Honestly, I fail miserably when it comes to saying inspirational stuff. There is a part of me, the same part that understands those chaotic gods of evil that color most of the world’s mythology, that screams “Poppycock!” and other less printable obscenities whenever I watch someone saying how tragedy makes us stronger, and how humanity will grow out of our barbarism and weakness, evolving into a more angelic species, fit to be the crown jewel of creation.

To say that I have a low opinion of human potential and an inherent distrust of the universe would be a slight understatement. I naturally assume that humans are generally selfish evil wild animals who have learned to use tools, and that the universe could end our species in a heartbeat if the dice fall wrong on any given day. Let’s be honest; my world view is not the most pleasant one around; in fact, a serial ax murderer would probably have a more positive outlook than I do.

Still I try to keep in good spirits, seeing the humorous side of life. After all, just because the universe is a dangerous place, fraught with peril, and one belongs to a species that make the need to populate the universe with demons rather redundant, there is no reason to walk around constantly depressed. I may be a cynic, but I am a happy cynic.

And while I may not have anything particularly positive or inspirational to say, I can keep my corner of the internet reasonably nice to wander into. For on those really depressing days, I can promise myself that I will share two cute cat memes for every bad piece of news that I share. Three or four cat memes to every piece of bad news if I find that even I cannot bear the darkness and gloominess of the news. After all, it is the least I can do to amuse myself. I may not be able to inspire others; but at least, I can amuse myself.

The original #nolivesmatter crowd.

Catnip is expensive---say thank you if a stranger offers you some.

Opinions about the latest tragedy? Denver Witch Quarterly is looking for editorials for the next issue. 

Crowley is Day and EAK (yes, I said that)

Today, in a Facebook discussion, I said that Aleister Crowley was the Christian Day and E.A. Koetting of his day (lawsuit happy, insulting, drug-using glory hound who insisted that the world rotated around his revelations and teachings). Now, I realize that this was an unfair comparison; but damn it, I could not come up with a better one to illustrate how Crowley acted in his lifetime.

And now for some memes...

Would Crowley do Miley? Maybe if she sounded like a goat.

Mandatory Koetting joke with that age old question. 

Sorry, this Christian Day meme always makes me laugh. 

Now to be fair, I do think that two of these three would be interesting to have a drink with. The third one, well, I am fortunate that I never have to worry about running into him.

And speaking of people I won't drink with: Why did I not include [name redacted]? Because no one knows who the fuck he is! I was trying to illustrate why Crowley was so scandalous in his lifetime--not make him roll over in his grave--and a complete unknown (outside of those circles) does not serve the purpose of the joke, even if he does like to claim that he is more famous than Crowley. Remember any joke you have to explain does not work (with the exceptation of Eddie Izzard, who is great at making jokes that need explaination work).

And this concludes today's edition of "Yes, I fucking said that." Tune in tomorrow when I go on to makes jokes about how Cthulhu would make a better President than anyone currently running.

Gender-neutral pronouns (because the SJW insist that we need them)

The other day on Facebook, one of my friends (well, a FB friend--some of them count as friends, right?) posted a link about an article talking about how SJW (social justice warriors, or social justice fanatics, or social justice zealots, or social justice m*****f***ers) were upset with a Bernie Sander's loss, and were blaming it on Elizabeth Warren, claiming that the loss was caused by her not being progressive enough.

And the lot of us was talking about how political movements keep getting highjacked by SJW. And it does happen. And sometimes in the strangest places. I once saw an artists co-op be hijacked by the SJW.

(True fucking story: Business meeting, planning for an event, and suddenly we have three hours burned up by SJW trying to figure out how not to offend people. And all the while, me and one of my artist friends are sitting there rolling our eyes--because the quickest way to become famous as an artist in the good ol' USA is to offend people. And someday, I plan on doing exactly that.)

Anyways, so the lot of us on Facebook are exchanging stories. Including stories about how the Occupy movement short-circuited because everyone and their mother insisted on including their pet issue, instead of focusing on a single issue.

Then (true to form) some SJW starts to chew various people out in the thread for not caring enough about one of their pet issues. In this case, it was all about trans-gender issues, including bitching about why no occult Order has ever decided to use gender-neutral pronouns.

Any occult authority when faced with hordes of SJW. 

I will admit that I gave a tiny little scream. After a couple of witty comments about how burning people at the stake was probably wrong, I remarked that I was off to write this blog post, and the SJW said, "Go on, have the last word. It is obvious that it is important to you." And then the SJW continued to harass else everyone in the thread.

(For the record, I got side-tracked--obviously I care, but not enough to write this post in a timely manner.)

Now, exactly what the fuck is a gender-neutral pronoun? It is a way to refer to someone without assigning gender to them. And it is only a problem for languages like English that has gendered pronouns (ex. he, she); there are many languages where all the pronouns are gender-neutral already....presumably SJW has other things to complain about these languages (because SJW are always raging about something).

As many of you know, one of my damn bachelor degrees is in Literature (because...because I am a complete idiot as the SJW crowd will point out). Up until 1960s, style books were listed "he" (and its siblings) as a non-gendered pronoun. Yes, that's right; "he" is non-gendered. (That's chanting you hear is the SJW crowd getting out torches and pitchforks.)

I am aware of non-gendered pronouns. Left to my own devices....well, honestly, I would just continue writing the same damn way that I have been writing---using those damn gendered pronouns. If I was forced to use non-gendered pronouns, I would use "one" and "they"---and "it" if I was in a mood.

By the way, according to the SJW crowd, this is not good enough.

There is also the little fact that I think using "Lord" in a non-gendered way to refer to various entities that rule over various types of operations is completely all right (while completely ignoring the fact that some of these entities have gender [bad Morgan], and some are even beyond gender [bad, bad Morgan].

No, no no. According to the SJW magicians, using "Lord" is wrong. Period. End of discussion. And refering to the general population of magicians and witches, using either "he" or "she" or even "they" is also wrong...because some humans are beyond gender, or trans-gender, or.... [Let me be honest, I get confused by the terms "cis" and "trans"---which makes me a very bad Morgan.]

And yes, I am aware of "ze" and "zhe" and other terms....but I really can't tell you which of them are actually trans-gender, and which are non-gendered, and all that jazz.

More fucking pronouns than I actually need. 

And not for the lack of people in college telling me that these terms are better. Of course, I might have been one of those people who thought that the idea of re-writing Shakespeare for a non-gender/trans-gender audience was just plain silly (I mean gender is part of those stories in their original historical context, right?). [Honestly, this argument is put forth by some Literature students--all of which I believe are pricks and/or cunts.]

At this point, those SJW, who are all about fixing the way society looks at gender, want to take away my Writer Union card (though being an erotic writer is grounds enough for the SJW to want me to quit writing the way that I write), my Adeptship (because if I can't figure a politically correct and gender-less way to say "Lord", it means that I am not really an Adept), and my university degrees (because I am not liberal and progressive enough to have actually earned two bachelor degrees).

And damn it, NO, NO, NO, I am not going to learn to write stuff in a gender-less SJW way. First, it feels damn artificial to me. Second, that is not my voice or viewpoint. Third, some of the mysteries are about polarity and gender. Fourth, not only do I have to learn to write that way, but the readers would have to learn to be able to read that stuff (have you tried to train readers to read odd stuff---it is harder than it looks). Fifth, fuck you SJW!!!

Let's be honest, no Order is going to work that hard. AMORC at one point promoted Esperanto as an universal and preferred language for initiates. And how well did that project go? Well, do you know anyone who speaks Esperanto? Anyone? Me neither.

And if I was to write in a trans-universal language style, it would end up sounding something like Cityspeak from Blade Runner (Cityspeak was a wide mixture of Spanish, French, German, Hungarian, Chinese, and Japanese)---though my version would probably have a little Yiddish, Hebrew, and Ancient Egyptian tossed in. But the SJW would declare that not good enough because...because, damn it, I am not trying hard enough to jump though the Social Justice Warrior hoops, and I am a white guy living in reasonable safe neighborhood.

Just screw you SJW, I am not writing that way. And yes, I know, I will be one of the first ones against the wall when the SJW revolution comes because I am evil for using gendered pronouns. Then again, I assume that everyone is going to placed against the wall at some point because as far as the SJW is concerned, we are all social justice sinners, heretics, and traitors.

Trolling the real witches (or How dare I say that you about to poison yourself?)

As my regular readers know, I spend far too much time on social media, watching train wrecks and avoiding working on my novel. And lately, what I have seen makes me think that the next generation of witches will not be able to hex their way out of a wet paper bag.

(I should note that I am talking about a segment of the next generation, not the entire generation. But having to say, “those damn numpties who seem to suck all the oxygen out of the room every time they take part in a discussion while declaring that they are the most enlightened and knowledgeable magicians of all time, and who think that everyone who disagrees with them is a government sponsored troll hell-bent on keeping them ignorant and enslaved to big corporations” would make this little essay impossible to read. Just assume that I am not talking about you; for my readers are some of the most intelligent witches on the planet today. And now into the breech, we go.)

Let’s be honest: Every generation looks at the following generation, and thinks that it is getting dumber and softer because of some trend or technology. My generation had first television, then video games making us dumber, and our preferred music was pure brain rot—or at least, that is what my mother thought. I suspect that the idea is as old as mankind; while we do not have records of a cave man complaining that the local cave art was rotting his children’s brains, we do have records of an Ancient Greek bemoaning that his civilization was getter softer with each passing generation.

But I swear on a stack of cats that social media, in particular Facebook groups, is turning the next generation into a herd of drooling goobers. And that includes magicians and witches.

However, blaming social media might be going too far—it is more of how the next generation of witches is using Facebook that is the problem, rather than the actual technology itself.

First, there is the tendency of the next generation to communicate with memes. For those who have never tried to create a meme; first you need a picture (either of a cute animal, or something that makes you ask how stupid someone can get), to which one adds a factoid or snappy quote—a meme is instant information and truth; it is the cup of noodles of the internet—all you need to add is a bunch of likes and shares—and Boom! It is true. Please note that it’s believability and truth rests on its sound bite nature, and how many people share it—not its actual information content.

And while the entire scope of information that the older generation had is still available, unless it is in meme form, it is too long for the next generation to bother with. (Please remember to cross out “next generation” and insert “those damn numpties…”) For instance, we still have videos—unfortunately, any video longer than thirty seconds is too damn long. The same goes for books, who have time to read a book—just give us the meme that sums it up.

Now this would not be so bad if the next generation (those damn numpties) would bother to fact-check stuff. If I had a dollar for every time this week, I saw someone of my generation ask a numpty, “There is this thing called Google—did you bother to use it?” I would be able to buy a dozen pizzas. By the way, the answer to the Google question is always, “No” which is often followed by “Why would someone share a meme if it wasn’t true?!” It hurts my brain to reconcile the fact that these numpties believe that the government and corporations only share mistruths while also believing that no one in their generation would actually spread lies and false information.

Now somewhere along the line, the next generation has gotten a rather warped view of magic. They seem to honestly believe that all it takes to do magic is to wave a wand encrusted with the correct gemstones (often in neon unicorn colors) while loudly saying some secret magic words, and Boom!—magic is done! Boyfriend problems? Wave, chant—boom! Not enough rent money? Boom! Mental and health problems? Boom! Boom!

Trust me—magic does not work that way. “Oxycleantrius! Laundrus Dunnem!” Nope, laundry still dirty.

As a result of this belief, there are a metric ton of numpties on the internet asking others for spells, shiny magical bullets, to clean up and improve their lives. And anyone who dares mutter, “It doesn’t work that way,” is labeled a negativity troll. The solutions that are typically trotted out by “real witches” tend to consist of thinking good thoughts while asking Hecate and Morrigan, the nicest of the witch goddesses, to intervene. In the meantime, those nasty fake witches of the last generation are in the corner wondering if people have ever heard of a concept called “getting up off the couch.”

And heaven forbid that you do not feel like sharing your super-magic bullets with the internet, for all witches and magicians are brothers and sisters, obligated to help one another. The older generation is wrong when we think that our obligation ends at the limits of our coven, friends and family. No, we are actually obligated to help anyone who says that they are a witch.

Furthermore, we are obligated to help anyone who decides to set up a coven. And forget that nonsense we have that covens are groups that actually meet in person—today’s witch knows that one merely needs to say hello on Facebook, and voila—instant coven! Us older witches are being pure trolls when we mutter that we do not need to share our Book of Shadows with whining puppies; we should join up with the real witches. Plus, if others can’t hex their way out of a wet paper bag, we should roll up our sleeves and do the magic for them—that is what real witches do.

And we should do all this while remembering the Golden Rule of the true and current generation, do not brag about being in witchcraft longer and knowing more, and do not (under any condition) try to teach the current generation our old and outdated ways. For the only people who are qualified to teach beginners are other beginners.

I was reminded of this fact the other day while reading the posts on a Facebook group that is advertised as “a valuable resource for beginners.” The group owner declared that only beginners should be in the group, and that anyone who was more advanced needed to leave the group. This declaration might have something to do with the fact that several of the older nastier false witches said that he couldn’t find both ass cheeks when the lights were off. I would say that it was just one bad apple, but I know of two dozen group owners who kick out anyone who dares to say things like, “Drinking hemlock is a good way to die” and “GMO conspiracies and chem-trails have nothing to do with magic.”

But what do I know? I am a bitter nasty troll witch who believes in actual books with hundreds of damn pages, that I am allowed to poke anyone in the eye who calls me “brother” without my permission, that my Book of Shadows is private and secret information confined to my coven, that magic takes hard work and practice, and that the quickest way to make money is to create an actual product that people would gladly buy; I do not believe in instant covens, nor that the gods are nice, and horror of horrors, I believe in telling people that they are wrong when I see them about to seriously injure themselves and others with memes that have the information content of a booby trap.

[This article originally appeared in the Hearthstone Community Church's February newsletter which repeatedly says that my column represents the raving of a diseased mind, and in no way represents the opinions of anyone else on the church's board.]