Friday, January 20, 2017

Hail to President Trump (Hail to the future President-for-life the holy Emperor of America)

Today, the greatest American President ever takes the oath of office.

I have been told that he is the greatest President ever.

That he is so great that he is the greatest President ever even before he takes the oath of office.

One that truly understands poor people.

Understands them so much that he knows that they need to pay 100% of the taxes in this country.

That they don't need healthcare.

That they don't need social security.

That they don't need freedom of the press.

That they don't need education.

That they don't need laws restricting bankers and corporations.

That they don't deserve veteran benefits. Because only losers who didn't have the decency die in battle or are weak want VA benefits.

That they don't need clean water and air. Or icebergs. Or polar bears. Because--fucking polar bears!

That they deserve to be kicked out of the country if they are not Christian, not white, and not rich.

That they need to enrich his family and his business. And all of his appointees.

That they will be willing to vote him in for a second term, and a third term (and will take up arms to overturn the Constitution to give him a third term because he is that great, and onwards to his lifetime appointment, and then onward to his appointed heir--because poor people need rich people to rule over them and he is the greatest rich person of all).

That the only thing that America really needs is Russian hugs, more nuclear weapons, and a really great wall.

And that Hollywood really needs to be nuked off the face of the Earth, along with the rest of his critics and China. Because fucking Hollywood! And fucking China!

A President who truly understands that all liberals need to be placed against a wall and shot in the head like the traitors they are. Because fucking liberals!

Because hey, it will entertain the poor people and distract them from the fact that the only people who will benefit from his Presidency are rich people who can afford their own personal fallout bunkers.

Because after all, the only thing that poor people really need is entertainment and midnight rage tweets. 

And yes, I don't like him--therefore, I am a traitor.

I didn't vote for him--therefore, I am a traitor.

I am married to an ESL teacher--therefore, I am a traitor.

I am not a Christian--therefore, I am a traitor.

I dared to write this post--therefore, I am a traitor.

But never fear--the greatest American President will totally approve of you burning me at the stake.

After all, I am a poor person, and I totally deserve to die in a cloud of radioactive Cheeto dust, but failing that a good old fashioned witchhunt is just as good.

All hail President Trump! The man of gold who totally understands that poor people exist only to enrich the wealthy. And knows that now that he is in office, he doesn't have to keep a single promise that he made to you.

Because hey, poor people totally are losers and deserve to be screwed. And if they didn't want to be screwed, they wouldn't have voted for him in the first place.

And he is the greatest American President. Because you are about to be screwed in a manner that you have never been screwed before. It will the greatest screwing that America has ever had. It will be an awesome screwing. You will be screwed so much that you will get tired of screwing.

Oh, have I mentioned that "winning" is his code for "screwing poor people"?

You might have missed that fact, especially if you were poor and actually voted for him.

But you did know that he was lying about caring about you all along, right?


Or are you still delusional that he actually cares about you?

As always, feel free to leave your death threats in the comment section--because hey, if you don't like Trump, you deserve death, right?

How I feel about America at the moment. 

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