A thousand five hundred blog posts later (what have I learned as a blogger)

Can you believe that this blog has produced 1500 blog posts since its birth on July 16, 2007?

And not all of them have been cat pictures...but maybe they should have been.

Accountant Kitty has crunched the numbers--you need more cat pictures!

Let's crunch some numbers...

First off, does occult blogging pay? Yes and no. Yes, in the fact that I have gotten money from Adsense, have sold at least one book, and moved a bunch of pottery. No, in the sense that I have made more money with less effort doing other stuff. So don't quit your day job to blog about the occult. Remember that I blog for three reasons...

One, I am a mealy mouthed poopy head.

Two, I like being the center of attention.

Three, I assume that you like my sense of humor.

Pie charts make everything more interesting...

My top ten blog posts account for seven percent of the views that this blog has gotten over the years.

So let's assume that we can learn something from them...

At number one is...

E. A. Koetting, the Living God, a single post about his arrest--which I honestly thought would get about a hundred views and no more--is responsible for a whole two percent of this blog's lifetime traffic. (And a third of my top ten traffic.) Not a month has gone by since it was written that I am not impressed by the traffic it gets.

[It should be noted that I have started to study his business practices--there are lots of "positive" things to learn from his set-up...therefore, more EAK posts are a-coming! Sure, they will not get the same amount of traffic, but I feel like I owe him a positive shout-out...that and he provides a good contrast when you talk about the business practices of other occult writers.]

My second most read post is about search engines and Google. This is also another surprise. After all, this blog is not about providing helpful advice to other bloggers.

For ease of writing, and making a pie chart--I had to make a pie chart...I like pie charts...I LOVE pie charts--I combined the numbers of the three posts about David F***ing Griffin. He shows up at slot six in my top ten, and takes up three slots...which account for less than one percent of my overall lifetime views for this blog.

Now, given the greatness of the man, I expected this number to be higher. Hell, to hear the man talk, all ten of my top ten should be Griffin. Sure he is twelve percent of my top ten, but I expected higher numbers.

[It was the fact that no post about Griffin has ever cracked the three thousand mark that made me guess that an EAK post would only get a hundred views. After all, at the time, this blog was about Golden Dawn...supposedly.]

{What this blog is about now is open to debate. If there was an air of doubt before the December re-branding, there is a positive fog of doubt now. But I am fairly sure that it has something to do with cats...}

And yes, I know that I should go though my entire list of blog posts to determine the actual value that Griffin has...but having seen that five other blog posts beat him in the top ten, I don't feel like doing it today. 

Besides, having watched my traffic on a regular basis, I have noted that Griffin only shows up lately in my keyword search data about three times a month. And no, he does not make it into my top ten search terms for this blog. I know--I am shocked too. 

[The number was never that high even when he was big-mouthing the entire Golden Dawn community--make of that what you will.]

My number three top ten is actually a poem--Lucky Penny--but it is actually the picture that drives the traffic to it. The traffic the picture gets is one of the reasons that I eventually decided that most of my blog posts need pictures.

Number four on the top ten hit parade is--drum roll please--Red Flag Magic Garden Creeper Award! Again, this was a surprise. Even more surprising is the number of "defenders" who showed up in the comment section telling me that I was completely wrong in awarding a Creeper Award...but realistically it may just be one defender using multiple accounts. And it really does not matter, you can read the screenshots for yourself. 

Of course, the most amusing part is that the Red Flag post cracked three thousand--and we all know why that amuses me.

Number five is a birthday wish to a Golden Dawn authority. Finally, something Golden Dawn shows up. But I am fairly sure that it has nothing to do with Golden Dawn, and has everything to do with the birthday cat picture used in the post.

[Is this the last time, we will see a cat picture? Stay tuned--anything can happen!]

So, we finally get to a post about Griffin--sixth slot--remember I added the numbers of three posts for the purposes of the pie chart. If you dare go look--this is my most popular David F***ing Griffin post. Try not to read anything into that fact.

Eight and ten are also Griffin.

Number seven is my favorite "Beware of bad behavior by occultists" post. It is not really a surprise that Thirteen Warning Signs That Your Guru is Rotten is in my top ten posts. As long as people insist in posting "Looking for someone to teach me!" messages in Facebook groups, I will continue to share the link to this one. This post is currently expected to fight its way into my top five by the next time, I write about my blog numbers.

We know that Griffin is eight and ten, so what is number nine? A bloody book review. How did a book review make its way into my top ten, and perform better than 1491 other posts? Simple, people Google-ing the subject of the book. Turns out that a subject with little information on it will result in long tail effects.

Speaking of Google...

...provided that you are a Virgo.

Turns out that my top ten keywords that drive traffic to my blog, eight of them are people looking for cat pictures.

Yes, it turns out that more people use Google to find cat pictures than they do to find out stuff about the Golden Dawn. Color me surprised. "Halloween Cat" easily outranked Golden Dawn.

For convenience's sake, I combined the misspellings with the proper spellings for the purposes of the pie chart. And it is easy to see that this blog needs more cat pictures.

Not only did cat pictures beat Golden Dawn, so did the term "Google."

Now, in all fairness, my top ten search keywords only counts for two percent of my lifetime page views on this blog, so there might be tons of stuff in the lower reaches that totally trumps the number of hits that cats and Google gets. On the day that I total up all the Griffin post numbers, I will also total up the views for the cats, and we will have proof who is more popular.

I am sad that Australia was not higher in the ranks.

In terms of traffic, ten countries account for eighty-one percent of my traffic. The United States accounts for fifty-seven percent, with number two Russia accounting for eight percent.

In my head, Australia is more important than it actually is. Australia, you need to step up your game. Two percent is a poor showing. Australia, you can do better.

[I have corrupted a couple of Australian Golden Dawn students--and I would like to corrupt more of them. Therefore, Australia needs to do better.]

{Do Australians like cat pictures? If so, I can provide.}

As for traffic from various platforms, Google accounts for thirteen percent of my traffic; Facebook accounts for four and a half percent. And a single blog has sent me a whole one percent of my traffic (which is not bad at all)--Head For the Red if you are curious.

So that is it for my first 1500 posts (eleven f***ing years). Here to the next 1500--of which a whole quarter must be about cats, if I am reading my data correctly.

Meow!

Nick Farrell is mean to the Alt-Right (and they are upset about it)

Yesterday, in a howl Nick Farrell wrote a Facebook group moderator post about the posts that would get you banned from one of the Golden Dawn Facebook groups that he moderates. One of the things on the list was posting Alt-Right stuff. And his howl was met with screams that he was being unfair to the Alt-Right; and that by not mentioning the Alt-Left, he must somehow be supporting the Alt-Left.

Personally, as a fellow moderator of that particular GD FB group, I thought that backlash was ridiculous. First off, it is the Alt-Right posts that people keep trying to make that are the issue. Second, I haven't been seeing any Alt-Left posts in the pending stack. Third, the Alt-Left is a myth of the Alt-Right, who just assume that those who hate them are somehow organized beyond the Punch the Nazi level. Fourth, if Alt-Left posts were found in the pending stack, I would reject them (as well as Nick) simply because that particular GD FB group tries to remain focused on magic, and not on bovine end-products.

[If you are an Alt-Right, there is a Golden Dawn Facebook group ran by David Griffin which will totally let you post Alt-Right stuff. I am not sure if Griffin is an Alt-Right supporter, but he sure seems to hold their political position. In fact, the quickest way to get banned from his GD FB group is to be a liberal, and to tell him that his Alt-Right views are full bovine end-product goodness. And his GD FB group seems to be 100% about politics and 0% about magic, so there is a place for you.]

In response to the outrage that he was being unfair, and is somehow a member of the Alt-Left, Nick Farrell wrote a blog post. He wrote: 

"Some people think that the issue is political and you should not be talking about politics on a Golden Dawn chat group anyway.  While there is some truth in this, for me the issue is NOT political at all. Alt-Right ideas are not political at all but are the antithesis of everything the Golden Dawn represents.

Stripping away “political” ideas of alt-right we are still left with the following fundamental beliefs which are alien to the core of the Golden Dawn:

• The superiority of white males.
• Hatred of Jews and Muslims and homosexuals.
• A misogynistic opposition to “feminism” which is a call for women to adopt traditional roles."

You can read the rest of his blog post on his blog: Sorry, you can't be Alt-Right and a member of the Golden Dawn.

If Alt-Right is banned, why not Alt-Left?

Correct political thought does not equal magical skill and ability (and vice versa)

On any given day, you can find some self-declared Big Name Occultist (or Magician, or Witch, or Shaman, or Mystic, or...I could go on for hours) loudly proclaiming that some respected or better known occultist said something that is politically wrong, and therefore is a Offender. This is followed by the BNO's own beloved supporters declaring that they will never buy another book by said Offender, will defriend them on Facebook, defollow them on other social media sites, and leave any forums moderated by such an evil Offender. And this is how it should be because the Offender cannot be a real occultist if they hold such erroneous political views.

How a numpty thinks Adeptship works vs the harsh reality.

Quite simply, there are some numpties that believe that Adeptship (or their tradition equivalent) means that one has the correct political views, is of the correct religion and virtue, and has a certain level of perceived magical skill (which can range from none at all to being able to raise the dead) that is always heavily advertised by those who have it.

In other words, as far as the Numpty is concerned, Adepts think exactly like they do. And that Adepts will give them cookies for being as brilliant as the Adepts are (if not fall over themselves bowing down to the Numpty's superior wisdom--for all numpties know that they are the most advanced magician and mystic in the world).

It is just too bad that it is easy to fake all three requirements if you are a sociopath. Just like voters fall for politicians who are not anything like they claim to be, numpties fall for and support occultists who are faking their political beliefs (or at least radically relabeling them for public consumption), would not know the mysteries of religion if they got bit in the butt by one, have vastly overstated their magical ability and knowledge, and have all the virtues of a Mars bar without all the tasty sugar.

Numpties prefer to have Adepts defined by these requirements, mainly because they themselves might be able to claim Adeptship someday if they only have to master their talking points, parroting the "correct" answers that their own future followers will go ape over.

Never mind the fact that there are some a**h***s who believe that Adeptship is rooted in actual initiationary experiences (such as actually undergoing the initiation rituals), arcane lore, and at least enough magical ability to hex one's way out of a wet paper bag. The opinions of a**h***s don't count, only the howling of the courageous wolves of occultism, who should never be mistaken for sheep, not alone the lemmings that the more dubious occult leaders treat them as.

Remember that real Adepts think exactly as you think they should.

Big Name Occultists would not be so upset about the Offenders, if they would only shut the f**k up and quit breathing. And the numpties would not be so upset if they did not desire one day to lead their own horde of lemmings. Because if there is one thing that an Offender is good at, it is not recognizing the true occult geniuses in their midst.

This lack of recognition is why Big Name Occultists have to tell you all the evil stuff that Offenders do, such as misreading the Bill of Rights, voting for the wrong politician, believing that sexual offenders have no place in the esoteric Orders (or politics for that matter) and deserve a good binding.

If the Big Name Occultists don't do this, the Numpty might accidentally start believing the other falsehoods that such Offenders spread, such as: pointing out that certain parties did not actually undergo the initiation rituals of their tradition, only know the mysteries of using a photocopier and bovine end-product generators, and quite frankly could not hex their way out of a wet paper bag if they had to.

If the Offenders were true occultists, they would totally agree with everything that the Big Name Occultist did. Sue your competition into extinction--fine. Rebel and claim that your teacher had no ethics (or rather the wrong ones)--excellent. Make up a totally bogus lineage and set of teachings--good god man, I must have some of that; take my money please!!!

Annoy someone important--buy this banned by BNO book.

The evil of Offenders is so dangerous that if the numpties don't scream bloody murder on their own, the Big Name Occultists would have to create lists of banned books, magazines, blogs, podcasts, videos, and websites that their followers are not allowed to read. And you can tell that the Big Name Occultist is protecting you because hey, if the Offender can't get their political ideas and religious beliefs in order, how could they possible know anything about the occult?

Or you could just presume that you already know everything.

And numpties are quite happy with this, for they know that they already know everything. There is nothing that an Offender can teach them. In fact, the only reason that the Numpty puts up with the Big Name Occultist is that they recognize the greatness of the the Numpty.

I am not saying this is why the occult world can't have nice things...

Now, I can hear you say, "Dear Uncle Morgan, you express political ideas all the time; surely you think people should agree with you."

Yeah, but they don't--that is why I have to keep repeating myself. Besides occasionally I am wrong about politics...because my magical skill and ability and evil magical lore gives me the exact level of knowledge about politics as it does about gasoline engines; in other words, none at all. Everything I know about politics came from watching my parents volunteer and canvas for political candidates and listening to my dad's comments about what we heard on talk show radio on long trips. That and watching Nixon announce that he was resigning (sad when your first memory of a President is of the forty-fourth worst President)...which made me believe that all politicians are corrupt in one fashion or another. And reading and watching stuff about politics. I had to work hard to know as little as I do about politics unlike Big Name Occultists who get a completely perfect and correct set of political and religious ideas in the same Cracker Jack box that they received their Grade of Most Advanced Occultist Ever from. 

Just like you should not judge my magical ability based on my politics, you should not judge my politics on how much I have suffered in the name of magic and the mysteries. I would still be a nasty evil witch even if I agreed with your political and religious opinions.

Besides I wanted to make a living as a newspaper columnist--but somehow ended up making jokes about occultists instead. (Honestly, I have no idea how it happened--one day, I realized that I had spent an hour comparing a Big Name Occultist to a novelty condom and was too lazy to hit Delete.) You wouldn't deny me my dreams, would you? If Emma Bombeck could make jokes about suburban life and raising a family and still have political opinions,  why can't I make jokes about the esoteric traditions and the strange people that I encounter while pursing the mysteries and still have political opinions? It is not like I am asking to be the Head of your esoteric tradition...that would be the job of your favorite Big Name Occultist--all I am asking is to do is to be allowed to tell funny stories, to convince you to care enough about politics to get involved and at least vote, and teach you to be suspicious of anyone who claims to be the True Head of All of the Mysteries and Esoteric Traditions.

Obligatory apology about how we are misjudging you for the Numpty that you ain't.

Of course, it should be noted that I am on a few Banned lists. Because of my politics? Because I think numpties can learn? Because I mock Big Name Occultists and their traditions? Who knows?

And as such, I should be apologizing for my Offending Ways. Not that I am good at apologizes. The last one I write read something like this:

"On the behalf of the group, I would like to apologize for not recognizing that you are the most important person in the world. You see, we are bitter old hags who had to work hard for the little bit of recognition that we have received. We were not allowed to walk in with a sweet a** story, and declare ourselves the most important person in the world. No, we had to kill someone, and help someone else hide a body or two. This makes us happy little cynics. So when you walk in with your special snowflakish, all we want to flush your various body parts down a toilet. It is nothing personal--it is just how the world works. As a sign of apology, let me buy you a drink of poison."

Now imagine that I am apologizing for my wrong political and religious ideas.

Do you feel better?

No.

Well, I guess you are going to have to agree with your Fearless Leader and fire me as an occult authority.

Remember that you have to think exactly like your Fearless Leader if you want to become an Adept.

Why I blog about politics and other distasteful stuff (why should those people have all the fun)

One of the questions I occasionally get asked is: "Why do you blog so much about politics and other distasteful things? Shouldn't you be focused on magic and whatnot? Or at least, satire and humor? After all, that is what you claim this blog is about."


And I would focus on humor and the occult if only certain other occult authorities would shut up about politics and whatnot, and focus solely on magic and the occult instead.


Unfortunately, these other occult authorities insist on preaching that everyone needs a gun, that Hillary Clinton should be shot as a traitor, that the news media needs to be put under government control, that Muslims should be put into concentration camps, that global warming is a Chinese hoax, that chem-trails are real, that free trade agreements are bad, that all immigrants are evil criminals, that you are not allowed to protest the actions taken by your government, that there are some nice people who just happen to also be Neo-Nazis, that there is an evil conspiracy of black magicians controlling the parts of the government that they disagree with, and that President Donald "Jesus" Trump is the greatest President ever.


If these dozen or so Big Name Occultists, all who claim that they speak for (and lead) the entire esoteric occult community, would shut up, I would be inclined to restrict my political commentary to my satires. But they won't, so either will I.


In fact, they believe that because they are the Heads of Great Traditions Going Back To The Stone Age And The Garden Of Eden, that not only are their opinions right, but that everyone who studies under them, and who comments on their pages, blogs, and groups, should be forced to think and believe exactly like they do.


If you think that I am wrong, just tell one of them in one of their forums that they are wrong--and see how quickly you get banned and expelled from their Holiest of Groups for disagreeing with their political opinions.


Quite honestly, I don't want you to think that they speak for all of us. Or at least, I don't want you to think that they speak for me.


So until they shut up about such matters, either will I.

I blog about politics because I disagree with the opinions of others.

Fundraiser follow-up (Kitties thank you for the support)

A couple of weeks ago, as many of my readers and friends know, I had to set up a fundraiser to get my cats over a rough patch in our finances. Basically, due to the death of my mother-in-law, my wife's job hunt was interrupted and we found ourselves having to wait on a check to come to get us though until she takes care of her mother's affairs and finds a full time teaching job.

(Technically, we are still waiting, but paperwork has been received and sent, and verified, and made into fire-lighters, so we should be ok...I think.)

And naturally, I worried about my cats not having enough food and cat litter...because I have my issues regarding money, and I like my cats better than I like most human beings. 

I  would like to thank S.O.D., A.S., N.H.B., A.W., L.H.T. (J.B.) and T.F. for their donations. (If you want me to spell out your name in full, message me).

I would also like to thank David Griffin for donating.

Yes, I said David Griffin.

I am as shocked as you are. Honestly, this is one of those times when he has surprised me. After all, there is no one on the planet that would ever think that we are friends--or capable of being friends--or even being nice to one another, for that matter. (After all, I am a satiric political and esoteric blogger, and he has done a few things that made him a....well, let's just say that many of my readers know that he is one of the stock characters in my commentaries.)

Honestly, I am still looking for the hidden insult to the donation. But that as my readers know, may just be because I had such a wonderful childhood, and have serious trust issues. It could be that simply that he was being nice...in which case, I have no idea what to think because it is not the David Griffin I know.

So anyways, thanks to everyone who donated to the cause of keeping my cats happy. I would offer to let you pet them, but you know how cats are--they decide who gets to pet them, and if you are not on their list, too bad. 

(The black cat in this picture is Anubis, one half of last year's addition to the pride; and other cat is Ripley, my mother-in-law's cat, who is now letting me pet him.)

I am so proud of Anubis and Ripley getting along with one another.

Sympathy for Super Magician (death threats aplenty)

Every once in awhile, someone tells me that I should not be making jokes about the world's greatest living Adept and all-around-knows-everything-about-all-things-occult-sign-up-for-my-course-today and the bestest magical hero in the entire history of the world, the one and only David Griffin, proud Rosicrucian Imperator of HOGDOOROAO (or something like that--it is a really long name for an esoteric Order).

Often when I ask why, I get told:

"He gets death threats, and people are trying to kill him constantly, and you know that he must be working on the side of Light and good and evolving the human race because otherwise he won't be getting these threats, and people would not be trying to kill him!!!"

And my response tends to be--have you actually seen the death threats, or merely heard him claim that he is getting them? Have you actually been present during an assassination attempt, or merely heard him tell those tales?

Now if this cat was involved, I might believe it.

Let me be clear--this man claims to have gotten more death threats than the number of cats I own--and that is just one day's worth. And this has been going on for a decade at least--or so, he claims.

And while I understand how one might hate him, because he is such a charming man, so worthy of respect, so decent, so pure...

And I think that he is a proud fascist...

...who eagerly looks forward to killing those who disagree with him.

...I am not so sure that he is getting actual death threats.

In fact, I think that he might be the greatest writer of occult fiction alive today.

Or to be blunt, I think that he is making it all up.

For instance, look at the buildup to the latest death threat. In an act of principle, the man who encouraged talk of armed militias marching on Washington if Hillary Clinton won, has decided to protect a President who might have been put in office by Russian hackers poisoning the minds of voters, and who seems to be as unstable as my mother without meds---because a strong arm President is a good thing because of evil people trying to destroy the country, and because binding spells are black magic! And he did this by turning himself and his wife into lightning rod poppets.

And to endear himself to the magicians and witches doing the binding, he has told them that their political opinions do not matter (because Trump won...even if the Russians did poison the voter pool); and that anyone who disagrees with his political opinions that all Muslims and non-white immigrants should be arrested, jailed, and deported (even those who are citizens of the USA), that global warming is a hoax, and that America should not ever enter any treaties with any foreign governments, that Hillary Clinton and Obama should be arrested and shot, is a traitor to the United States.

Let me repeat that--if you disagree with his political views, then he considers you a traitor to the United States. 

And he looks forward to the "fascist death squads" who are going to kill the evil black magic using magicians and witches. He also looks forward to hanging these people like the traitors they are.

Welcome to Banana Republic South American Africa Stalin Era politics where speaking out against a politician makes you a traitor who is going to get shot by a death squad.

And the magical hero of the hour is the great and mighty David Griffin, proud fascist.

We know that he is a proud fascist because my latest crime is that I am an Antifa (which I had to look up to figure out what he was accusing me of)--something that sounds remarkably like saying someone is an enemy because they are against Nazis and Neo-Nazis, and other forms of strong arm governments.

And this great battle is happening on the astral plane with him guarding the Liberty Tree from those who might be using a binding spell as a way to get out a political message...because if you don't believe in the same wacky policies as he does, you are a traitor who does not deserve freedom of speech, or for that matter--life itself.

So watch: Magical Hero, Astral Liberty Tree, and Antifas.....and you get a death threat today from Astral Antifas--the strangest thing about is that the initials of which is A.A.....the same as an organization formed by a person that David Griffin considers the biggest traitor in the history of the occult.

I am sorry, but I think I see the fingerprints of a creative writer here.

If he is not outright lying and making up the death threat, then he at the very least was begging for an Astral Antifa to say, "Screw you!"

And this is a man who called a tire falling off the back of a truck an assassination attempt, despite the fact that anyone who worked near the shipping and construction industries could tell you that stuff falling off trucks driving down the road is a daily f**king occurrence.

He is also the man who insists that anyone who dares disagrees with him online is a paid troll working for the intelligence services involved in conspiracy...to destroy his Order.

Plus he purposely misread a joke a few years ago--a list of occultists-who-no-one-will-weep-over-when-they-die--as proof that the creators of the list were actually hiring assassins to bump him off.

So you think I should believe someone who keeps telling the same story over and over and over again that his life is in danger because he is the greatest occultist ever?

Well, let me buy you a hint. If someone really wanted him dead, there would be no threats; it would not be rigged to look like an accident; and it would not be done with magic. No, it was be a bomb or a rifle shot, and it would be over before he could blink.

No, what you are watching is nothing more than a string of fictitious conspiracy theories, peppered with evil black magic using traitorous liberals (oh, the horrors of liberals!!), and fake death threats from his imaginary enemies. And it is all about you giving him sympathy and applause for being such a great magician that the enemies of humanity must destroy him at all costs. Now go join his Order, and buy his course, and join his astral militia, and rub yourself all over as you get hot and steamy over being a foot solider in his great crusade to liberate you from the opinions of people who disagree with him.

Evil Antifa I am (Super magician might be a Fascist)

Let me see if I understand this correctly--I am an enemy because I am against Fascism. Why is Fascism a good thing?!? And why does this make me a worse person than the person who just implied that they are a Fascist (or at least, has no problem with their leaders being Fascists)? This sounds an awful lot like saying that someone is an enemy because they do not support Nazis and Neo-Nazis, and Stalin-era style Communism. And how the f**k is this person considered a better Rosicrucian than I am?

Seriously, he says that I am an Antifa...wait, what the hell is an Antifa?

I will admit that I had to look up the word--Antifa. Yes, that is right--I had no clue what he was saying about me...which is most of the time. Honestly, I avoid reading his stuff because it tends to make me wonder how this person has been elevated to the highest position in the Golden Dawn and the Western Mystery Traditions, including witchcraft and Wicca.

The short answer to that question is that he conned or self-appointed himself into high positions, misrepresented his contacts (puffing them up to be uber-secret-special-contacts), and used a free lawyer to try to destroy his competition. What he did--anyone could do--it just requires one to be a little bit of d**k***d.

And he claims to be able to speak for all of the Western Mystery Tradition. So just remember that He. Speaks. For. You. 

The insult of the week is Antifa.

And he says that I am an enemy of you and the entire world because I am an Antifa.

So basically, he believes that nations (and esoteric Orders and traditions, for that matter) should be ruled by ruthless people who crush their competition, can do whatever they want, and are in constant competition to destroy one another (in other words, he is all about the "winning" and does not care how much damage is done to other people and communities as long as his community is the Best and Greatest).

(No wonder he hates binding spells--how can people do whatever they like to, including all the nasty bad things, if they have restrictions imposed upon them?) 

Free trade agreements are bad. Efforts to stop global warming are bad. He was literally throwing his hands in the air, thanking Trump for making America great again. He believes that the United States is the greatest country in the world, and the rest of the world can go f**k itself.

I, on the other hand, am a global Rosicrucian--a lot of the problems I am seeing, in my opinion, require a global solution. And yes, that makes me your enemy.

Worried about other countries manufacturing your goods--encourage fair wages and working conditions in those foreign countries. Worried about refugees coming into your country--encourage better living conditions in those countries, and consider removing "strong arm" governments from having power there. Worried about climate change--well, it is going to require a global solution.

He will have none of this because all that matters is the short term Winning of the greatest country in the world, the United States of America. He does not care about the long term results and problems facing this world--because he is going to ascend into a glorious solar body while the rest of us drown in sorrows. He is checking out; he is not sticking around.

I, on the other hand, am coming back to this world. This world is my heaven and my underworld. I reincarnate. So the problems of today just grow into the problems of my future lives. Yes, you can embrace Heaven and skip away, or ascend in your glorious solar body with him, or make things so bad that the Messiah has to come to fix things. I don't have that option. Nor do I want it. I am a Wiccan, and my reward and punishment is to come back, to reincarnate in this world.

And because of that, I want things to improve here, on this world.

(I would also like to see mankind travel to and colonize other planets and solar systems, but that is a topic for another time.)

But that is wrong because...he says that it is wrong. And who are you to disobey your glorious leader? Go on goose-step with him into your glorious solar body evolution where you can watch and laugh as this planet drowns and humanity burns.

Remember that you have to hate Antifa because he might be a fascist.

(And even if I don't reincarnate--what type of person wants to keep the world in its current sad state of affairs? Or worse, is perfectly ok with making things worse? I believe that the term rhymes with E**l B*****d.)  

Super magician issues magical call to arms (lets hang those traitors)

David Griffin and his Witch Queen wife have issued a call for a magical militia to protect the freedoms that we enjoy in the United States.

Yes, that's right--you can join them and protect America freedom by meeting them at the astral Liberty Tree at midnight on July 25th.

Protect liberty for all unless...

You are a journalist--f**k you, you don't deserve freedom.

A Satanist--remember that Freedom of Religion bit in the Constitution? F**k you, you don't deserve freedom.

A witch who does not believe that the Threefold Law actually applies to you. F**k you for noticing that it is not a real karmic universal law and that you can do whatever you want to. Why are you not a slave to the rules that your witchy leaders put into the system to control you. F**k you for thinking that "harm none" applied to protecting people from a politician gone mad (and don't you dare read what the story actually says--because all witches forever and ever have honored the political rulers of the lands they live in--f**k you if you remember the teachings of Wicca and witchcraft differently than we do).

A daemonolator--f**k you for using demons for anything--and pay no attention to the lore of countless magicians and witches before you that said that demons could be used for something other than evil. (And f**k you if you seem to think that I once said that the qlippoth is the root of the Tree of Life, and that a magician had to learn to use those forces.) And f**k you if you remember that Christians turned your gods and goddesses into demons to destroy your freedom to worship the Old Gods.

Banks--f**k you for making us all wage slaves--we will get you m*****f***ers. 

Dislike Trump and what he is doing. F**k you, he is properly elected, and you don't deserve the freedom to express your dislike of him, especially if it takes the form of a binding ritual that those traitorous journalists are amused by.

Liberty for all, except these bad people!!!!

(And please ignore how we totally agreed that gun owners should march on Washington if Hillary Clinton won...because guns!! and militias!! and we are great leaders!!! Hillary deserved to be hanged because she was a liberal traitor just like you are. And we consider it act of treason if you voted for her, so f**k you.)

Yes, we will hang you someday like the traitors you are...because you are exercising freedoms that we believe you are using for evil purposes of enslaving humanity. Forget that you live in America and the Constitution says that you have a right to do these things. And don't you dare comment that once the government makes it illegal to perform black magic, that we will be burning on the stake right next to you--because we are patriots and you are traitors. How dare you exercise your freedoms without the express permission of the greatest Rosicrucian Imperator and Witch Queen to ever live.

Did we say f**k you? F**k you for pointing out our double standard on the issue of freedom. Just f**k you and your misuse of your freedoms!!!

Nice going--you scared my cat.

Why the discussion ban on certain occultists (yes I said that on Facebook)

Yes, I said the following on Facebook (about why we don't spend more time warning people about certain dubious occult leaders):

*puts on his "responsible adult hat*

Mod speaking here: The question of why we don't spend more time warning people about certain occultists has came up.

Honestly, the mods hate discussing certain occultists. So do our more advanced experts.

Discussions about them sucks all the oxygen out of the room.

And their defenders (including their current group members) are not going to believe any warning that we issue in the first place. Warning a believer is like talking to a brick wall.

Basically, you have to be stung by the wasp, in order to know not to trust it. In other words, only a metric ton of bad experiences will convince an admirer of theirs that perhaps they should not be leading the parade. 

There is also the issue that certain occultists always demand their right to defend themselves--saying that we should lift the ban on them--and quite honestly they defend themselves by calling all of the rest of us names, and accusing us of belonging to vast non-existent occult conspiracies meant to destroy them and to enslave humanity.

Furthermore, certain occultists' idea of fairness is that no one is allowed to criticize them on any level while they are free to badmouth and insult anyone that they want. Plus, they will insist that we ban everyone that disagrees with any of their ideas or statements. In addition, they insist on posting various conspiracy theories that make us all look insane. Quite frankly, they have their own Facebook groups to do that type of stuff in--we do not need to add to the pollution level of this group.

All this adds up to a big ball of flaming wax that the mods, and the more knowledgeable members of the Golden Dawn community, want nothing to do with.

And that is why the mods only allow the very rare post about certain occultists. Yes, we would like to warn you about them, but we trust that you know how to use Google and can find our public warnings that litter the internet.

Thank you for understanding.

The more you know, the more you think that For-Profit Orders are bad.

This was posted on the following Facebook groups:

Hermetic Order of the Golden Dawn (not to be confused with DG's trademarked to Sunday group)

Golden Dawn members (group and self-initiates)

Sanctuary of Mau (self-initiation into the Golden Dawn tradition)

Chaos magicians say VERB Trump and his magical defender

This has been a "I know better than read anything about the bestest ever Golden Dawn leader, ascension coach, and super sexy David Griffin" type of week--and yes, the writing has suffered for it. Yes, I wasted more hours than I am willing to admit to, watching the flaming dumpster fire that erupted after a bit of fair and balanced news reporting on how the valiant and most pure patriotic defender of American freedom, David Griffin, was laying down his life to protect the 45th and final President of the United States, Donald J. Trump.

(I know that it was fair reporting because Griffin, himself, said it was fair and balanced.)

This blog proudly supported by MasterWitch--apply today.

I am not sure exactly where the dumpster fire started. Maybe it was on Watchers of the Dawn. Or maybe it was in Griffin's own comment section. Or maybe it was when people on Facebook said, "Your wife did what? Are both of you sociopaths? Why would you think that it was a good idea to tell us that your [fruit] [verb+ed] your [vegetable]?!?"

Whenever it started, there was plenty of angry commenters.

On one side was those who admire--like--nay, love, that sexy man that lost the popular vote by three and a half million, President Donald J. Trump. Included in this group were those people who think that David Griffin is the greatest occult teacher and leader of all time--because Griffin told them that if you love America, you have to side with his political opinions. 

On the other side were the animal lovers who would sacrifice their own lives for their pets, those who think that President Trump cares about nothing except his ego and funneling millions of government dollars into his family business, and those who think that Griffin might be mentally ill.

So we tossing out the Constitution, so that you and buddies can burn witches...

Ok, maybe Griffin is not mentally ill, but he is still the same [relative] of [canine] that we all learned to know and love during the twenty years of "If I, David Griffin, cannot turn the Golden Dawn into my exclusive cash cow, then I will burn its reputation to the ground, so that no one can have it after I die" tactics.

The first sign I saw that Griffin was going to use this situation to bludgeon his enemies was when he made the following comment to the witches and magicians who seek to BIND (not kill) President Trump, so that Trump does the least amount of harm possible to...well, everyone he considers a loser (basically everyone who makes less than a hundred million a year--which includes 99.99% of the people who voted for him):

"It is really astonishing to me how those out of work, overweight, bottom feeders cowering behind their computers in their daddy's basements, really thought that they could magically attack the American people, depose a President, and destroy democracy in America unopposed.

"Really?!?!

"And you didn't think that there were any Magicians better than your sorry asses who love and defend this country? Think again scumbags!

"If this little Civil War YOU IDIOTS have been magically starting for months actually does go HOT--well--let's just say that there will be nowhere left for you to hide."

[And brace yourself, here's the most disturbing part...]

"We will find you no matter what pit you try to crawl into. We will drag you out of your daddy's basement and into a court of law to be tried by a jury of your peers to be hanged by the neck until dead as the traitors you are."

Ever look at someone and think, "Why has no one hit you with a shovel yet?"

At this point, I realized a horrible truth--David Griffin wants to kill witches and magicians who disagree with his political positions.

Forget Freedom of the Press, Freedom of Speech, and Freedom of Religion--if you disagree with Griffin's position of "Trump can do whatever he wants because he is the bloody President," then you are a traitor, and deserve to die.

Please note that the real crime here is that you are a LIBERAL. This is the same man that talked about how gun owners were going to descend upon Washington D.C. and forcibly remove Hillary Clinton from office--and he APPROVED of deposing a President if it turned out to be Hillary Clinton.

He can try to clothe it all he wants as PRINCIPLE--the truth of the matter is that he believes that liberals are all traitors--and he wants to see liberals removed from having the political franchise (no more liberals voting, no more liberals in journalism, no more liberals holding political office).

It is hard to respect a man who has double standards like this.

(It should be noted that I don't see the Magical Resistance trying to start a civil war--for pete's sake--it is a BINDING spell to LIMIT HARM!)

Let me tell you a joke--David Griffin walks into an Order...

Turns out that wasn't the best part.

After watching angry and cynic comments pile up against him, Griffin declared that Nick Farrell, current owner of Watcher of the Dawn, had to be an intelligence agent (a f***ing spy!) because he wasn't censoring the negative comments that people were making about Griffin.

And he went on and on about this for over fifty comments--it was like the good old days of the Golden Dawn flame wars.

For those who did not experience the wonderfulness of Griffin during the flame wars, the game was played like this.

First, Griffin claims to be the most wonderful and understanding person in the world. Plus as an added bonus, he is the most advanced magician and witch to ever walk the face of the Earth. You should be so lucky to have Griffin as your friend and teacher.

Then he plays nice with one of his critics (or business rivals---because like it or not, Griffin wants to make money doing Golden Dawn). When the critic is dumb enough to say, "Nice day, isn't it?" or something else equally non-offensive, Griffin then proceeds to insult and accuse them of selling people into slavery on the behalf of a plot by black magicians hellbent on enslaving humanity, and attacking him--humanity's best hope for spiritual ascension and enlightenment.

To prove that you are not a servant of evil, you must do him a small favor, like admitting that you are the servant of an evil conspiracy to destroy both Griffin and humanity, or giving him complete control of something that you own (like an entire website). Oh, you will still own it, but he will decide what you can do with it. Basically, you have to undermine his critics, crush all negative comments about him, acknowledge him as your superior, and generally kiss his a**.

Having seen this power play more than once, I have drawn some conclusions:

1) Griffin might be delusional, either though mental illness or a drug induced sanity blowout.
2) Griffin has no clue how non-brainwashed people act and respond.
3) Griffin only cares about his wallet and feeding his ego.
4) If I wanted to put up with nonsense like this, I would go visit my mother.

Oh man! Someone thought of the same nasty trick that I did.

But it gets better.

When I read the original post that Farrell reported on, I noticed that amidst the patriotic "I was born before the Vietnam war ended" good solider laying down his life to protect the only chance that 'Murica has to be great again, was the revelation that Griffin and his wife turned themselves into lightning rods, so that the First Family could live free of any restriction and continue to abuse America for their own monetary and egotistical gain.

And the first thought though my mind was: "Hey, that means that I could target both Trump and Griffin at the same time."

Yes, I know--that was an evil thought. After all, they are both so well loved. It is not like anyone would think that they are both rude and self-serving.

Unless they are evil chaos magicians, that is.

Lo and behold, some chaos magicians actually (all on their own, no prompting) came up with the same idea. So this month, around the date of the next Trump Global Binding Ritual (July 21st), you will see pictures not only of Trump being struck by a Blasted Tower sigil, you will also see pictures of Griffin being sigiled up as a lightning rod. These pictures are sure to be obscene because of how chaos magicians typically choose to charge their sigils (if you don't know--don't google it--remain an innocent virgin, unviolated by chaos magic). 

And for me, it is not that I have anything against Griffin and Trump, outside of their need to have no one challenge their fragile egos and atomic vacuum powered wallets--it is more of the principle that if you don't play nice with others, if you are ok with harming others (because they are not good conservatives, or they not "winners!"), that if you look forward tossing out parts of the Constitution, and then killing witches and magicians because they do not believe in the same stuff you do, then you need to be bound so that you can't do any more harm.    

Let the lightning rods do their work to protect someone who might be even worse than Nixon.

Are you an evil witch or magician who thinks that Trump, and his loyal magical defender, like hurting people in the name of puffing up their egos and bank accounts? Consider taking part in the global monthly waning crescent moon ritual to bind the actions of President Donald J. Trump.

For full text of Global Binding Ritual of Trump, click here. 

Dates for future Global Bind Donald J. Trump rituals 

[Asterisked * dates are slightly moved from the last quarter crescent moon to occur on significant dates.]

2017

July 21; August 19; September 18; October 17; November 16; December 16

For a full list of future Bind Trump dates, click here.

A magical sigil being used by some to bind Trump.

Double standard on binding spells (yes, I said that)

A comment I made about Griffin deciding to become a lightning rod to protect President Trump, and the loss of a dog by someone who should have known better than venture out in hundred plus weather for a nature hike:

This so-called “communist leaning” magician and witch can’t help but notice that all the global binding and liberation rituals that Griffin has done over the years have been perfectly ok, but once we started picking on his choice for President, global binding rituals became the tool of assassination and black enslaver magic. I do feel sorry for the dog–if it would have been me, I would have died out in the desert along with my dog–but then again, I am an evil tree-hugging communist witch. By the way, more people voted for Hillary, so I am not so sure that the will of the American people is to be abused by Trump, who only cares about his ego and funneling government money into his businesses. If we actually go by the standard that the President can do whatever he wants, then no one should have gotten upset by what Bill Clinton and Richard Nixon did–but we did–and we all know how Griffin feels about the Clintons. In some weird alternate timeline, the greatest Golden Dawn leader ever is busy running a monthly binding spell to prevent Hillary Clinton from doing more damage to the American people.

[Curious about brought this comment on? You can read the article on Watchers of the Dawn that reported on this incident. And you can read the script to this totally evil spell that the greatest Golden Dawn wizard and his Witch Queen wife consider the greatest act of black magic since Dion Fortune's Order protected Britain from the Nazis.] 

Watcher of the Dawn is back!

The occult watchdog, Watcher of the Dawn is back up and running. This makes me happy because someone needs to keep an eye out on the occult scene...and I wander off for days and days, so I can't do it myself.

Watcher of the Dawn

Oh look, Griffin is playing nice with people, all in the name of making money.

Apology to the entire Golden Dawn community

Important Breaking News! The reputation of the Most Honored and Beloved Golden Dawn leader is besmirched by nasty extreme leftist with an implication that David Griffin, the world's greatest occultist, might be a racist. And worse, the reputation of his entire Order, the world's largest, was called into question. Now watch that lowly worm explain that under no condition could anyone say that David Griffin is a racist because he is just so awesome. It is about time that this weasel apologized to the whole Hermetic Golden Dawn community.


 


[For those who are curious about why I needed to apologize to the entire Golden Dawn community, it is rather simple. Basically, I implied that Griffin and his group was the only racist GD that I could think of...well, with a Facebook group that is. Of course, as the leader of the largest Golden Dawn group, which has members than all the other groups combined, and with a million-plus loyal readers...that was literally insulting the whole GD community. What follows are the important screenshots that prove that I am wrong, and he is right. Sorry Golden Dawn community, I sometimes forgot that he is really in charge of the entire tradition, and that I should not insult your fearless leader because you can't separate Golden Dawn from its true leader.]

See Morgan attack the entire Golden Dawn community.

See Griffin defend the entire Golden Dawn community. 

The announcement that Morgan had destoryed the Aurora Pax, and all the proof you need that he is a dirty rotten Communist bent on violent recolution for his Russian masters. 

And the citizens of Golden Dawn eagerly agree that Morgan is the worst person in Golden Dawn. 

Now you really should go thank David Griffin for defending your honor and petition him to hex me to death in revenge for...somehow...implying...that you too are racist when it is really only Morgan that desires to be called one.

The only way Hillary Clinton can win is (fill-in-the-blank)

I am always amazed at the things that I learn reading certain blogs and Facebook pages. Tonight, I learned that there is a covert civil war going on, that Hillary Clinton has already stolen the election, and that Black Magick Slavers are the power behind Hillary Clinton. Next up will be an armed rebellion with a mighty white magician leading the charge to overthrow Hillary Clinton, to jail both the Clintons and the Obamas, and put the rightful ruler of the United States, Donald Jesus-Christ-he-is-the-second-coming Trump in charge.

Because there is absolutely no way that Trump could actually lose this election on his own.

This is the type of stuff that I would expect to see in one of my little satires, either tentacle and/or Necronomicon related. But no, it is real--there is a mighty occult leader who believes this. And he has lots of friends.

So Wednesday, either Trump has won, or we get to see an open civil war with real fireballs being used. And here I thought it was going to be boring after the election was over. Turns out it is just the start of an interesting time...one that results in me getting shot in the face for not supporting Trump...because only black magicians support anyone other than Trump.

Black Magick Slavers?!

The reviews are in for this mighty fine book that does not exist. 

Everything you need to know about the history of the Golden Dawn flame war

[This blog post was written February 13, 2015, and was never published because everyone said that the days of the Flame Wars! were over---I am publishing it today because someone just started screaming that someone was trying to start a new flame war against them.]

The history of the twenty year plus long Golden Dawn flame war is (more or less) as follows:

In the late 1990s, two different Orders trademarked the name "Hermetic Order of the Golden Dawn." One was based in Europe, and the other one was based in the United States. The trademark was fought over in a lengthy court battle, a battle that also spilled over onto the internet.

In addition to this, two GD gurus decided that they wanted to turn Golden Dawn into a business, one where they had the monopoly over the entire Golden Dawn system. To help accomplish this, both parties also fought it out on the internet by defaming the other party, and anyone who supported them.

Both of these battles resulted in at least one party using sock puppets and their human followers to post the most vicious and nasty lies that they could think of to describe the other parties and people that they wanted out of the Golden Dawn business.

During the course of all this, sooner or later, everyone got called a Neo-Nazi, Satanist, and a criminal. Needless to say, there is a lot of hurt feelings.

Who is guilty? Well, each party involved blames someone(s) else for the whole nine yards.

So basically, some parties decided that it made good business sense to call other people names, in order to convince students of the Golden Dawn system that they were the only logical choice to teach and lead Golden Dawn, given the fact that all of the other Golden Dawn leaders and teachers were complete and utter dogs intent on ripping people off and using them for their own evil pleasure.

As always, remember "Buyer Beware!" for some people are very good at appearing to be other than what they really are.

Duck Greasy on Deviled Islamic Eggs Kegger List (Breaking Eggs!)

Breaking eggs! Hold the garlic press!

World’s greatest lover and most interesting dish, Duck Greasy, revealed today the scorching news that he, the most excellent Duck Greasy, and his missus Lettuce Mac&Cheese, were on the Deviled Islamic Eggs kegger list.

That’s right, Deviled Eggs went to party down with Duck Greasy by buying him a Tombstone pizza and a Coors Light.

The amazing creamy source of this news is Amorous HoneyGlazed, Duck Greasy’s own right hand ham.

Duck Greasy has long been the envy of curries.

After a cooking time of two decades, Duck Greasy came out of the oven recently. During that long cooking time, Duck Greasy was basted by and basted many culinary delights, including Sugar and Spice Cream Lattes, and was judged by a jury of his pears to be the biggest crab apple of them all. 

And only two years ago, Melon Glazer, bacon freak extraordinaire, put Duck Greasy on her personal chopping list, saying that he reminded her of an overcooked purple eggplant. 

This was shortly accompanied by the falling of Greasy’s own best friend Free Samples, the pineapple upside down cake, when someone fell down the stairs—an act that required Greasy to accept Pax grocery store coupons.

Duck Greasy, the owner of Mashing 101, and the forgotten order of Apples and Oranges, has long been burnt by his saturated fire whiskey. Only today, he caught a Papaya in the bushes, a remarkable feat considering that the Papaya was in a warehouse hundreds of miles away. And only yesterday, Roast Onions insisted that his point of sales photo was actually a bowl of chunky soup filled with marbles. 

When asked why he was on the Deviled Islamic Eggs kegger list, Duck Greasy answered that it was because he boiled the Eggs during a Sunday School breakfast, and that he was proud to be a source of flatulence and the enemy of scallions. Free chickens and grilled snake meat for everyone, he screamed, as he posted recipes on Fresh Box, the social media choice of turnips.

It should also be noted that as a proud National Radish Association supporter and black bacon hater, Duck Greasy has long been on the Fresh Bear Intestines’ and National Salmon Association’s rot lists. But it should be noted that most omelets end up on the rot lists, so it is not a really a big tart to have accomplished that level of interest in the culinary world.

Remember to follow Duck Greasy on Fresh Box, for his latest setting off of the fire alarms---honey, dinner is ready! Hand me the fire extinguisher, peas. And be sure to request his Ten Recipes Guaranteed to Give Your Relatives Food Poisoning, all of which involve green eggs and ham with a fox in a box. 

This report has been the product of LSD laced pot brownies.

Ritual Magic Manual super cheap price! (Griffin has a fire sale!)

[As many of you know, I am currently writing on a small Necronomicon satire. The other day, I wrote a section that is going to end up on the editing room floor where I had my super-Adept selling his masterpiece of an occult book for the low, low price of $666. And then this happens in real life...]

[From the desk of David Griffin...]

Dear Magician,

 

Since I released the Ritual Magic Manual eBook last week, I've been swamped with people looking for a hardbound copy of the RMM

 

All the buzz of the past week reminded me I still have a couple of copies laid away.

 

Guess what. It turns out I have precisely 7 brand new copies of the RMM for sale...

[Yadda, yadda, super magical number, super secret talisman aspect of his masterpiece...]

...Thus we see that the number of pages in my Ritual Magick Manual, 666, corresponds directly to the Planetary Seal of the Sun, the first of the Seven Seals of Golden Dawn Planetary Magick.

 

So you see, the Ritual Magic Manual is not just a book. The book itself a talisman, consecrated by me to both Venus and the Sun, which is why the numbers 7 and 666 are important to the magic of the book.

 

Are you surprised that this book has been offered to collectors in Amazon for $1,000 for over a decade now?

 

Remember, you no longer have to pay such an outrageous price to learn the Golden Dawn magic of the RMM. The ebook remains available for $49 on the Magick 101 website.

 

But for a select few collectors, I have seven copies of the deluxe hardbound first edition, available only directly from me.

[So how much are you asking for them?]

These seven unique collectors’ items are numbered 1 of 7, 2 of 7, etc. and signed by me, together with the price of this unique offer at $666 per copy.

 

Whether you are a beginner ready for the Ritual Magic Manual eBook ($49) or a collector who wants to be one of the owners of the 7 final collector’s copies of the Deluxe first edition ($666) of the RMM, you will find what you want on the Magick 101 website HERE.

 

In abundance, power, and truth,

David Griffin

[And this is the person who declared that I only advertise my wife's pottery because we need to pay the power bill. Hmmm, I wonder what bill collector he is trying to pay off.]

Shut up and take my money!