Sister Seuss (Nothing like her mother & are we allowed to bind ax murderers)

Sister Seuss' mother had been a mild mannered children show's host. Her typical day consisted of putting up with a bunch of snot-nosed kids while holding her tongue about their odious personal habits and smiling at the constant watching eye of a television camera--"Are you excited about spelling? Let's spell something!" Her typical night consisted of swearing a lot at the television news while eating bacon sandwiches, smoking cigars, and drinking excessive amounts of rum. The only thing that kept Sister Seuss' mother sane was leaving flaming bags of dog poop on her neighbor's front porch.

Her daughter could not be more different. Sister Seuss was a mild mannered grunt in a computer support call center. Her typical day consisted of putting up with a bunch of snot-nosed Lusers (losing computer users) while holding her tongue about their odious personal habits and smiling at the constant watching eye of the remote supervisor--"Your call may be monitored, so that we can better serve you...and totally not just to deny our employees pay raises." Sister Seuss' typical night consisted of swearing at the numpties on the internet while eating bacon sandwiches, smoking cigars, and drinking excessive amounts of rum. The only thing that kept Sister Seuss sane was writing a series of cynical and totally honest children stories detailing the mental shortcomings of the more demented members of the occult community.

A typical Sister Seuss story reads something like this:

Mad Uncle Morgan might be an ax murderer...

Sister Seuss: Who are we allowed to bind? Let us count those we are allowed to bind.

Sister Seuss: Are we allowed to bind the ax murderer? Are we allowed to stop them from murdering people in a blind rage?

But let's do nothing about it because it is his Free Will whether he murders you or not.

Unicorn Hippy Witch: Oh no! Oh noes! The ax murderer is just exercising his Free Will. Free Will and Unicorns! By murdering people, the ax murderer is contrasting how sad our world is without Unicorn Love, and how wonderful it will be if we all became Unicorns! So don't bind that ax murderer! He needs no binding! He needs no self-control! Just leave that ax murderer alone!