*warning personal issues* So today is Mother's Day, one of the dozen days every year that I wonder if I was too harsh on my mother. Then I remind myself of her opinions of me, and I attempt to get back to doing whatever it is that I am supposed to be accomplishing.
Let me state for the record that it is all my fault that her and me do not get along. Quite simply, I chose to be a witch (Wiccan), and then decided to add the additional insults of joining a quasi-secret society (Golden Dawn) and deciding to be very public about my religion. My choice of profession did not help any either.
But let's be clear---it is my attitude problem and religion that are the cause of the problems. My Order membership and profession were just part of the bonus round.
And at a certain point in time, I decided to completely walk away. Somedays, I wonder if I did the right thing. Of course, it does not really matter if I did or not.
Now, none of this really matters...unless you deal with me on a regular basis.
I am one of those examples of a screwed-up human being (not talking to my mother is just the tip of the iceberg), who unfortunately finds himself in a position of public representative of his religion and Order (BIOGD/BIORC). My only comfort is that I can point at a couple of other public figures, who seem to be a few more cards short of a full deck than I am.
Don't get me wrong. I would not be where I am at today if it wasn't for my mother. I am reminded of this every time a witch war or a flame war threatens to flares up. Instead of handing the people, who are tossing around the gasoline, a nice glass of water, I tend to encourage them to light a match. The politics and conflicts between the various factions of Golden Dawn and Wicca/paganism look downright tame compared to the stuff I saw growing up.
For instance, one of the big threats always is that flamers will go after one's reputation. My response is to smile---can you really spread any worse rumors about me than my mother did? And given the fact that I had to conceal my life for ages and ages (I still not sure how the truth was worse than what she was claiming), today I tend to wear my flaws in bold letters on my shirt.
Anyways, just wanted to note that I did think of my mother today. I still love her, but it is probably best that we no longer talk to one another anymore. And so it goes.