Sunday, May 8, 2011

My Mother

*warning personal issues* So today is Mother's Day, one of the dozen days every year that I wonder if I was too harsh on my mother. Then I remind myself of her opinions of me, and I attempt to get back to doing whatever it is that I am supposed to be accomplishing.

Let me state for the record that it is all my fault that her and me do not get along. Quite simply, I chose to be a witch (Wiccan), and then decided to add the additional insults of joining a quasi-secret society (Golden Dawn) and deciding to be very public about my religion. My choice of profession did not help any either.

But let's be clear---it is my attitude problem and religion that are the cause of the problems. My Order membership and profession were just part of the bonus round.

And at a certain point in time, I decided to completely walk away. Somedays, I wonder if I did the right thing. Of course, it does not really matter if I did or not.

Now, none of this really matters...unless you deal with me on a regular basis.

I am one of those examples of a screwed-up human being (not talking to my mother is just the tip of the iceberg), who unfortunately finds himself in a position of public representative of his religion and Order (BIOGD/BIORC). My only comfort is that I can point at a couple of other public figures, who seem to be a few more cards short of a full deck than I am.

Don't get me wrong. I would not be where I am at today if it wasn't for my mother. I am reminded of this every time a witch war or a flame war threatens to flares up. Instead of handing the people, who are tossing around the gasoline, a nice glass of water, I tend to encourage them to light a match. The politics and conflicts between the various factions of Golden Dawn and Wicca/paganism look downright tame compared to the stuff I saw growing up.

For instance, one of the big threats always is that flamers will go after one's reputation. My response is to smile---can you really spread any worse rumors about me than my mother did? And given the fact that I had to conceal my life for ages and ages (I still not sure how the truth was worse than what she was claiming), today I tend to wear my flaws in bold letters on my shirt.

Anyways, just wanted to note that I did think of my mother today. I still love her, but it is probably best that we no longer talk to one another anymore. And so it goes.


PhoenixAngel said...

You know it's funny you mention this... when you take a GD oath, you're asked to treat your fellow fraters and sorors as if they were your own blood, my response was, "Oh God, NO!!! My brothers and sisters absolutely hate each other!!!"

Robert said...

Morgan, the difference between you and some other public spokesman is you fully admit any self-perceived shortcomings and issues. When you do so, it isn't some sort of schtick to appear to be humble and reasonable.

I disagree with a healthy measure of your posts but I respect that you present yourself as a normal human being with flaws.

That saves so much disappointment from your students. For some reason, students have a tendency to project 'holiness' or some odd perfection unto their teachers. Admitting one's flaws tempers that unfortunate tendency.