Thursday, August 9, 2012

Breaking News: The Startling Truth about Internet Cat Pictures

Revealed at last--the reason the internet has so many cat photos on it.
Breaking News! This just in. The Amazing Golden Dawn Newshound, Morgan Drake Eckstein, has uncovered a conspiracy that affects all of you. Please sit down as he reveals the shocking truth about why there are so many cat photos on the internet.

This story is being told by a digitual journalist (blogger), erotica writer, and leader of the smallest Golden Dawn lodge in Denver, therefore you know that it is the absolute truth.

"I left the house for awhile. I leave the house often during the day to do other things. And like always I left the cats at home. It is just something that you do. And yes, the computer was on. Sort-of. It was in sleep mode."

"Then I come home to discover that one of the cats is on the computer. And on Facebook. The cat was sharing cat pictures on Facebook using my account. Pretending to be me. The traitor! I wonder what else he does on the internet while I am away. Does he run a Nigerian scam? Does he belong to dog-hate groups? He must be doing other things that I disapprove of when I am gone. Sharing cat pictures on the internet must be only the tip of the iceberg. Here I am, wondering why people keep telling me that I share too many cat photos. And I am like, I don't share that many. And now, I learn that my cat is on Facebook, pretending to be me, sharing cat photos as if he was me. It is wrong, I tell you, completely wrong."

Now, being the fair minded journalist that I am, I asked my cat for a response. And you know it is the truth, because as a digitual journalist, erotica writer, and leader of the smallest Golden Dawn lodge here in Denver, I would never lie and just make something up to make someone look bad--would I?

The cat replied, "You dirty rat! Liar! I was just leaning on the computer key board. You were right there. So was your wife. Quit twisting around what happened to make yourself look good. You know that you spend hours on the internet, cruising Facebook, looking at cat pictures. Don't try to blame me for your cat fetish. And quit twisting my words around. I bet that you kiss dogs with that mouth."

After that I asked the cat if he could forgive me and live in peace under the same roof.

To this, he replied, "Maybe if you buy me fresh shrimp every night, I can. But I don't know--I still think that you might secretly love dogs."

So now, you my loyal readers know the truth. Cats are the ones who are sharing too many cat photos on the internet. Not I. Because I would never think of blaming the type of behavior I do on someone else. And you know that you can trust me because I have a blog.

"You are a dog-kissing liar!" replied the cat.


Tabatha said...

There is no such thing as too many cat photos!

Zanna Starr said...

LOL! I love this. And believe every word. Because my cats told me to. Thanks for the laugh!

Frater N said...

Hidden away within Google's X laboratory, where all kinds of secret projects are underway, its engineers have been working on creating an artificial brain. With 16,000 computer processors and freedom to learn whatever it chooses from the internet, though, it turns out that the brain does just what you do online: watch cat videos.

Frater N said...

The project has produced one of the largest neural networks ever created. The idea is that such technology can take data sets and notice patterns and trends with them, all by itself. But when presented with a data set of 10 million digital images found in YouTube videos, it decided to, umm, learn how to identify cats.

Frater N said...

Now there is even an interwebs Cat Video Film Fest: